m&ms487

Today has been one of those days that float by without much thought or interest. At least in classes. I left my flute in one of my English classes, and I didn't realize it until I was getting my stuff to leave the class afterward. Luckily, someone turned it in to the English Department office, and all was well.

I have so many papers to write and assignments to do, but I'm lagging a bit behind. I like the feeling when I'm finished, but I just can't seem to get up the motivation to do it. I have all the ideas in my head, and I actually do enjoy writing them, I just have to make myself sit down and do it. I know, it's a common problem for many people.

I'm coming home next weekend for Easter, so that should be fun, except my family doesn't really celebrate Easter any more. I also get to hang out with pips and just have a weekend away from the dorm (yes!).

I haven't had much to say lately, I'm in a state of paralysis, emotionally and intellectually. I don't know how to describe it much more than that. It's nice, I don't really worry about much, or think about things, and it's less stressful, but it makes me feel like a bad person, a waste, merely floating by watching the scenery. Inactive. I think most of my [our] generation is in this paralysis, but they don't realize it. It seems much better to sit back and watch life go by, filling the hours with jokes and friends, and avoiding any real intellectual stimulation for the simple reason that it hurts. It hurts to realize that you could be wasting your life. It hurts to question your faith and your ideals and your direction in life. It's much more gratifying to sit back and enjoy life, accept, assume, do nothing.

3 ::watch me bleed:: | ::cut me open...::