word to the weird

word to the weird

:: 2003 4 May :: 11.19am

I'm at my house with Jess right now.
I think yesterday was full of misunderstandings and a lot of bad things.
And frankly I am sick of this whole Jeff deal.
But I am ready to be hurt like always. I told him that too. Oh well. I guess the things he told me don't matter...? Jess and I stayed out till late then sat outside on a sleeping bag looking at the stars and screaming lyrics and wishing people wouldn't be so ignorant.
But I'm thinking, I can't help how I feel but I also feel like I can help not put myself in these positions where I feel like I don't even matter.
Because feeling like that sucks.
I'm so glad I have Jess.
:-)

4 bonus cups | will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 1 May :: 5.45pm
:: Music: brandnew

Yeah...so...
I have a lot to be upset about on my plate right now. And I feel like nothing. And I feel like my feelings really shouldn't matter anymore. But on the other hand...
Life is still good.
Yesterday was incredibly fun after school.
Today was a horrible day after lunch.
And then...
yep. Life goes on.
Everything I have to say I've already said.

2 bonus cups | will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 29 April :: 10.23pm
:: Music: brandnew

Call 911, I'm already dead but
someone should be caught and held responsible
for this bloody mess...

I'm sick of this routine.
But things have been shaken up quite nicely lately. I guess I'm kind of in control right now.
I finished my song.
I had a match today. I lost. Not a surprise actually.
See, the thing about it is, I accept losing, and set my hopes quite low...that way, my hopes are never hanging way up in the air.
No, don't look up, they aren't up there...
Look down...way down. Yep. There they are. Hi hopes. haha.
Wow. I'm so tired.

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 28 April :: 10.01pm
:: Music: brandnew

so here's a present to let you know i still exist
And i got the greatest surprise ever tonight.
It brought my mood up a great level.
I felt like crap during the day and practice. And jess and i managed to get out of 6th hour again. That was nice because i wasn't in the mood to do anything.
5th hour i just wanted to sign out a pass, so i did. but i didn't cry because that'd be stupid.
I feel like crap. My throat hurts everytime i breath and swallow.
I don't know what...to do...about all this stuff.
Mom made me go out to dinner with her and my grandparents. Which was fun except the whole thing about feeling awful. I don't see where food plays in nicely there.
Yeah. So. I'm tired.
Stupid meaps tomorrow and i have stupid match.
I feel exhausted for some reason...
g'night. i hope tomorrow goes well...just...something, anything.

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 27 April :: 10.55pm
:: Music: Piebald-The Stalker

this song rocks
i hope tomorrow goes well.
i am extremely tired.
and my throat hurts.
i think i'm sick.
gah.
cous faba. retard your anger.
hahaha
g'night

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 27 April :: 8.00pm

Hola

I...am...in a...contemplative/content/anxious mood. Very. I don't know why. Actually I do.
Yesterday was a bunch of...fun. I went over to becca's at 10pm. haha.
Today was a ton of fun too. I painted her a really neat picture. I hope she liked it. Today was great.

I don't understand why I keep asking everyone's advice. I know what I want. I just...don't know. I'm insecure about it? Yet excited. I just...don't know.

I got a pretty good cd for a very good deal today.
I'm listening to it right now when i should be working on my homework...but i don't want to.
I want to go for a walk i think i will...
okay.
pft. i'm talking to myself now. don't i always.
alright.

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 25 April :: 7.13pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Violent Femmes

I am burned.
Not badly, just slightly. Didn't have to go to any classes today!!! Yay!
Went to GR with the group and played 18. I think i did ok...I got a 60 on the red holes, and a 54 on the blue. I was happy. AND, even more, we didn't come in last this time! hahaha.
I went to school early this morning and just sat by the pop machines. Maybe it's just me, but frankly, i get annoyed when people ask obvious questions, over and over again.
Imagine it about, oh, 7:10 or so, me sitting down against the wall next to my clubs trying to relax before the match...so one person walks by, "Oh, you play golf huh."
"Yeah."
(no, those clubs are just sitting there because i like to carry them around.)
hahaha.
Ah, i don't mind it that much. It was kind of funny. By the 5th person, i was actually laughing to myself about it.
I can feel myself burning. My lips are even burnt a little. Or just really kind of red.
Ah so. Today was interesting. Quite fun actually, yet long...
So yeah.
And I'm sort of happy about how things went.
And I wrote a song that's actually pretty decent. It sounds really nice. I can't wait to show Jess and Becca.
Oh, and today is Becca's 16th! So Happy Birthday!!!

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 24 April :: 10.34pm

Yes, aggravating day. My whole entire entry just deleted. They shouldn't have ever made a backspace. For my sake anyway.
Had a match that I did horrible on. Going to be gone all day tomorrow.
Dad left again tonight. Grandpa is going to the hospital tomorrow to get checked out. Hopefully everything will be fine, soon.
Gosh tomorrow is going to be a long day indeed.

I am anticipating the day. I want it to come already so i don't have to worry about my hopes. I hope? My friends say everything will turn out right. They say things will work. But are they saying it for me? Is it real?
Who knows...
I just hope...
Yeah. And on that note, i have to get to bed. 18 holes tomorrow and my legs are killing me. G'night. :-D

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 23 April :: 10.41pm

Do you ever get the feeling where you could never talk again ever and be just fine?
I don't want to talk at all right now.

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 23 April :: 10.33pm
:: Music: Pixies-Broken Face

I got a broken face.
Yeah. So. I really want to watch Fight Club again. Now. I have no immediate urge to wake up in the morning. I used to. Eh. I don't care. Dad is leaving again tomorrow night. I won't see him at all. Till another week is over. He'll be gone again. And I'm worried about my grandpa. It's a long story, but he's worried too. It's upsetting me. They always joke about death, like it's supposed to be funny. I think they're trying to make light of the situation. I think they're just uneasy. Death is way too final. I can feel something and it isn't good.
I just hope everything turns out okay.
I can't stand this.

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 23 April :: 10.31pm
:: Music: Pixies

The questions...
The question, to be more specific...-"What's wrong?"
I think i ask it to much.
I think i ask it so much at any chance of ever getting an actual answer other than, "Nothing." or "I'm just tired."
I think that in getting that answer almost every time and still constantly asking, it goes unnoticed. Therefore I may be confronted about not caring enough. When I care a lot.
An awful lot.
*insert spurt of sadness right...(here)*
:-\

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 23 April :: 7.11pm
:: Music: The Rocket Summer-This Is Me

I love this band.
The things I do maybe need to be thought through,
but just remember what's right for me, might be not right for you.

~

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 23 April :: 6.55pm

hmmmmmmmm
I don't know why i'm thinking about this. They'd said it'd be great and cool and all these things I want so badly... But I just know that all those things are going to be lost when I finally realize my hopes have reached their height and that there's no other way but downhill. I am just hoping that one day...soon...it will find me. And I won't have to work on searching for it constantly. I'm just going to have to wait. But patience never has been particularly one of my traits.

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 23 April :: 6.32pm
:: Music: Clearly Blind

I think I'll start on yesterday...
Hm...Yesterday...
Yesterday was...nice?
Yeah. I had to get Jess and I out of 6th hour and it worked, successfully. And I had a golf match. And I got a 55! I was quite happy, but tired. Around 9 or so Becca and Jess showed up. We went for a walk around 10:30...hehehe. Let's see. It was quite an interesting walk. But yeah, after that we were really tired and just stayed up talking a lot.
I've figured something out quite well I'm really excited to go to school tomorrow too. :-)
Today we woke up around 9 and we went for another walk. A 2-mile walk. haha. Right early in the morning. We walked to Jenna's because she was supposed to stay home today. So we waited, and waited, and waited...but she ended up not being home. So we just sat on her front porch bench and just talked some more. Then we made our venture home and found a dead animal hand. So Becca picked it up with a couple sticks and we're bringing it to one of our lucky friends tomorrow. haha. :-) Only she forgot to get it and bring it with her today, so now i have to bring it. ahhh. And when we got back we just layed on the deck. And then we watched the classic Salem's Lot. It was scary.
My dad came home today, and he ended up getting a 10" beard. On the turkey!
hahahaha. Bah. But he's leaving again on Friday. Let's see...I saw Becca's puppies today, they are truly adorable. :-D And I suppose I just am going to go now. Read. Yep. I don't know. Wow. Today was fun. No school for sure. :-)
later

will that be ALL?

holiday

:: 2003 21 April :: 11.20pm

HAHAHA

FAIRY TALE

nce upon a time there has a young BLIND-HOOKER named RYAN. He was DUMB FUCKING in the HOT forest when he met SWEATY JOSH, a run-away BLIND-STRIPPER from the ICKY Queen HILARY.

RYAN could see that SWEATY JOSH was hungry so he reached into his URINE-CUP and give him his STUPID PLATYPUS. SWEATY JOSH was thankful for RYAN's PLATYPUS, so he told RYAN a very SMELLY story about Queen HILARY's daughter JESSI. How her mother, the ICKY Queen HILARY, kept her locked away in a CRACKHOUSE protected by a gigantic PLATYPUS, because JESSI was so SMELLY.

RYAN HOPPED. He vowed to SWEATY JOSH the BLIND-STRIPPER that he would save the SMELLY JESSI. He would JERK-OFF the PLATYPUS, and take JESSI far away from her eveil mother, the ICKY Queen HILARY, and HOP her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a STALE FUCKING and SWEATY JOSH the BLIND-STRIPPER began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic PLATYPUS from his story. ICKY Queen HILARY THONKED out from behind a UNDERWEAR and struck RYAN dead. In the far off CRACKHOUSE you could hear a OUCHIEEEEE.

THE END.

Make your own fairy tale at fuali.com

okay, just a couple questions here...why am I always the icky one!!!! and why do i always kill ryan!!! hahaha :-P

will that be ALL?