::
2005 29 March :: 10.22 pm
:: Mood: ditzy
:: Music: [I wanna kill you... now I'm insane]
well see... I haven't been updating because I guess that's just what love and work do to you. Love. Work. Love. Work. LOVE...
Something with such distances never seemed as though things could work. To me, it was all so fake... so unreal. I know my mom and stepdad did it, but I never thought it could be true... and sincere. I never thought I could love like that. I never thought my first true love would be like this. But it is... and I'm not going to take it for granted. Not a single part of me feels foolish for saying I'm in love with him. Not a single part of me. ...because I'm being so sincere.. I've never been this true in my life. Do you have any idea how sucky the feeling is... wanting to be there kissing him and touching him and... ugh. It's unreal. And overpowering. I can't stand it .. I'd do anything to be in his arms right now. heh... and he's got the cutest fucking voice and the cutest everything and ugh. *rests head*
I just want to be with him.
Enough of the soppy stuff.
I love you sweetheart! ;D
::
2005 28 March :: 6.51 pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: [Queens of the Stone Age]
THE STARTING LINE
FALL OUT BOY
FURTHER SEEMS FOREVER
(Featuring CHRIS CARRABBA)
SENSESFAIL
MIDTOWN
RELIENT K
RUFIO
SILVERSTEIN
HIDDEN IN PLAIN VIEW
MONEEN THE ACADEMY IS...
MELEE
THIS DAY AND AGE
CAFFEINE
NUMBER ONE FAN
VAL EMMICH
CRIME IN STEREO
A THORN FOR EVERY HEART SAOSIN
EMERY
THE BLED
VAN STONE
CHASE PAGAN
A WILHELM SCREAM
ARMY OF ME
STRIKE.FIRE.FALL.
GATSBY'S AMERICAN DREAM
THE AUDITION
OVER IT
SCREW TOP DETONATORS
NEW AMSTERDAMS
LUCERO HOT ROD CIRCUIT
THE KINNISON
MATES OF STATE FROM FIRST TO LAST
A STATIC LULLABY
A FALL FROM GRACE
BIG D AND THE KIDS TABLE
(Moved From SUNDAY) THE EARLY NOVEMBER
(Moved From SUNDAY)
KEVIN DEVINE
MONEEN
VEDA
THE SPILL CANVAS
JOHN ROLSTON
PISTOLITA
LAKOTA
COPELAND VENDETTA RED
The lineup for the 30th at Bamboozle.
KC = Needs to go.
KC = needs 28 bucks.
KC = needs a new ride.
so denied... so I lied. are you the now or never kind? in a day and a day, love, I'm gonna be gone for good again. are you willing to be had? are you cool with just tonight? here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.. here's to the nights we felt alive. here's to the tears you knew you'd cry. here's to goodbye. tomorrow's gonna come too soon. put your name on the line along with place and time. wanna stay, not to go. I wanna ditch the logical. all my time is froze in motion, can't I stay an hour or two or more? don't let me let you go...
Describe your ideal guy:
My ideal guy, heh? Uhm... can I mention any names? No? Alright. Alright, he's gotta be taller than me, but that's the only physical attribute I really care about. Any kinda hair, any color eyes, any color skin, any style... whatever. I'm not annoying, I'm not picky. He can't be annoying and call me every living second of every day, cause I'm a busy girl, I don't have time to sit around and talk most of the time, but one call every day will make me the happiest kid ever. I don't like it when people hang up on my answering machine... even if you were just calling to say hi, say so... I love that. I don't like a guy that'll try to change me like... and dress me... I'm not one to dress up, so don't like... ask me to prom, cause I'm not going. I don't want a pansy boy whos afraid to get dirty cause HELLO... I live on a farm. Shit happens. LITTERALLY. I want a tough guy that'll help get the cows and ride around with me and whatever. Uhm... He's gotta be outgoing and funny, I will not date a shy, quiet guy. I guess that's it!
we held hands on the last night on earth. our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming, bleeding dark into the leaves. it was empty on the edge of town, but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. so we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. in our cancer of passion, you said "death is a midnight runner." the sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. we picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. the echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. the few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. i kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would acompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two. i rode alone. you said, "the cinders are falling like snow." there is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence of blue and gray. strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names into the flesh of the city. the sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.
::
2005 25 March :: 9.15 am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: [Blaine Larson]
Matthew Cane... an amazing brother and friend... Nothing is the same without you.
It was just another story written on the second page underneath the Tiger's football score. It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age. They found him face down on the bedroom floor. There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home, then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him underneath a stone. How do you get that lonely? How do you hurt that bad? To make you make the call, that having no life at all is better than the life that you had? How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go? How do you get that lonely... and nobody knows. Did his girlfriend break up with him? Did he buy or steal that gun? Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol? Did his Mom forget to say I love you son? Did no one see the writing on the wall? I'm not blaming anybody, we all do the best we can. I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...