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2005 8 March :: 8.57 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
cut my life into pieces.
this is my last resort.
suffocation, no breathing.
don't give a fuck if i cut my arm bleeding.
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2005 8 March :: 8.56 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
I'm so fucking close to ending this.
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2005 8 March :: 8.30 pm
:: Mood: disappointed
take the glass against your wrist, fuck the movie-like actions, fuck the mind. forget the ways, his sick fucking ways he played with your head. today, today's the day you fuck every last thought. change your mind to live the day like he was never there, because if he only knew what he has done to you, he'd fucking bleed, too. things never seem to change, he, not being an exclusion. efforts are useless, it's not even worth it. eventually this will all end and you won't need anything or anyone, because you won't even be around. you won't even be fucking alive. it doesn't matter, just let him go...
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2005 8 March :: 6.47 pm
:: Mood: blah
i only wanna be with you...
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2005 7 March :: 7.05 pm
:: Mood: apathetic
We talk about your work, how your boss is a jerk. We talk about your church and your head when it hurts. We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother, about your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover. We talk about your friends and the places that you've been, we talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin... The polish on your toes and the run in your hose, and God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes. We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes, your high school team and your moisturizer creme. We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana, we talk about your grandma down in Alabama. We talk about your guys of every shape and size, the ones that you despise and the ones you idolize. We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts, and your medical charts, and where you start. You know talking about you makes me grin, but every now and then I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I, wanna talk about number one oh my me my. What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see. I like talking about you, usually, but occassionally, I wanna talk about me. You. you. you. you. you. you. you. you youyouyouyouyou, I wanna talk about ME!
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2005 6 March :: 11.26 am
:: Mood: aggravated
The one time I have a chance to see Josh and have him near me and .. just... be able to touch him and know he's there with me... it can't happen. Fucking fuck. That makes me really grr. It doesn't matter, whatever. I should be sleeping tonight anyway. Not drinking soda and watching countless episodes of Degrassi for hours. Since I get no sleep when I'm on this fucking medication, I should at least try to, tonight.
It sure as hell better not be thundering.
I thought I heard thunder.
God I miss Josh so fucking much more than anything in the world... I'd give anything to see him for just 2 minutes...
Fucking shit. =*[
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2005 5 March :: 6.39 pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: [Alan Jackson] - [Monday Morning Church]
I worked so many horses today... and every single one of them was great. I loved it. I worked a lot today, too. I cleaned 7 box stalls and of the run in sheds and groomed and face clipped all the minis.
Tomorrow Sara's coming over mid-day and so is Laura and we're gonna go on a trail ride around Swayze Mill Park. YAY! I'm gonna ride Sunny, Sara's riding her horse, Rodney... and I haven't decided wether I'm going to put Laura on Cowboy or Charlotte... probably Charlotte cause I'm going to work C-man hard in the morning.
Tomorrow night my darling is coming over to watch Degrassi and hang out. <3 I love him like Rachel likes seeing people pick hooves. Which is a lot. I loveeeeee Mr. Belverio.
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2005 4 March :: 11.46 pm
REMEMBER what you said to me?
That you loved me?
More than anything?
and that this would never end?
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself.
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2005 4 March :: 6.48 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: [Angela Baker and my Obsession with Fire]
ME AND TYLER PLAYED THE BAND GAME!
l Caught FlRE: AFI
im tyler dammIt: beatles
l Caught FlRE: coheed and cambria
im tyler dammIt: doors
l Caught FlRE: the early november
im tyler dammIt: finch
l Caught FlRE: get up kids
im tyler dammIt: HIM
l Caught FlRE: ummm.... iggy pop? LMAO
im tyler dammIt: juliana theory
l Caught FlRE: killradio
im tyler dammIt: limp bizkit
l Caught FlRE: motion city soundtrack
im tyler dammIt: nirvana
l Caught FlRE: offspring
im tyler dammIt: prince
l Caught FlRE: uhhmm... the queers
im tyler dammIt: rammstein
l Caught FlRE: senses fail, duh!
im tyler dammIt: tears for fears
l Caught FlRE: underoath
im tyler dammIt: velvet underground
l Caught FlRE: with broken wings
im tyler dammIt: x-ecutioners
l Caught FlRE: yeah yeah yeahs
im tyler dammIt: the zutons
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2005 4 March :: 1.56 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: [What I Love About Sunday]
LMFAO.
I HAVE NOT LAUGHED THIS HARD WITH MY MOM IN ... EVER.
Okay, and pictures to go along.
So George, my stepdad, gets back from Shoprite, and he's got like... 2 bags filled with pasta and spighetti and noodles and whatnot... and we have this one cabinet above our microwave specifically for that stuff... which is abosolutely as full as it can get. So my mom's like... "Why'd you buy all this pasta? What are we gonna do with this? There's no room." And George goes "You can fit it." so she's like "okay..." and She was trying to get it all in there somehow and pasta is flying everywhere, boxes are falling to the ground, all over the counter, she must have gotten hit in the head with flying noodle boxes like 6 times.
So finally, she turns around and goes "GEORGE IF YOU BUY ANY MORE SPIGHETTI I'M GOING TO SKIN YOU. YOU'RE DEAD MEAT." And both me and George are cracking up.
So I'm sitting there laughing and taking pictures, and she's rambling and bitching about the pasta, and George walks over and is like "Just put these---" and mom goes "NO! Just. CHILL. I can do this, just, don't even touch them. GO to your doctors appointment" and her hands up in front of her face as she's talking, so George, PERFECT TIMING gives her a little high five. I CRACKED UP SO HARD. I have never laughed that hard ever.
I guess you had to be there.
End Result.
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