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2005 27 January :: 10.29 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
It's amazing how much I relate to Lady in a Blue Dress. I like... am that song. When I read it, it looks like I'm talking to myself. Seriously. How strange. It's kinda like... Dear Casey:
you're just like a lady in a blue dress. you've got cigarettes on your breath, hair spray and some cheap perfume. i'll put a little sour in your sweet, you've got so much fucking tongue in cheek. you want what you could never have. you say that you want respect, well then you better get some for yourself, cause all that I see right now, is someone who's lost and insecure. you say that I am rated X,
you suffer from the lack of sex. black heart and your lipstick smeared. your points are trite and I'm too sober to deal with you running over your same pathetic cliche lines. don't try to be cute with me, cause I know you hate yourself, and you'd end your stupid life now, but you're too spineless. Love, Casey.
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2005 27 January :: 10.03 pm
:: Mood: crappy
Yeah, I jumped out of the shower and I was notified that my stepdad had to take my mom back to the hospital because she was going into cardiac arrest again. What... the fuck. I fucking hate this. I don't want to be home with her, especially by myself, if I have to be worried about her having a heart attack when I'm alone at home. I'm so fucking scared. I knew something was going to happen. Why the fuck did she leave? She couldn't wait another 3 or 4 days until she was completely stable, could she? No. She has to fuck herself over and come home early. I hate this. I fucking hate this. Anyone but her.
I don't really have much else to say. I was GOING to say I'm proud of myself because I ran 3 miles in socks on the treadmill. Now I'm paying the price with very... very sore feet, but whatever. I still ran and I made up for yesterdays crap 1 mile because I wasn't in the mood yesterday. Caught up. Shit is good. Cleaned my room, then proceeded to make it messy again when Brandon called me and gave me the idea to make christmas ornaments with construction paper. (Okay, Brandon shut up. You DID give me the idea. You were talking about poop, and the paper was the same color as poop. So I was like ... "POOPY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS! YES BRANDON! YES!")
Anyways.
I sat with Rob on the bus today. It was nice. I haven't talked to him let alone sat with him in so long. He's a funny kid.
Fucking hell.
Tonight sucks.
Tomorrow will be worse.
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2005 27 January :: 3.58 pm
:: Mood: okay
Today was "good". I don't really know how else to describe it. I felt good and I looked okay, so I was talkative and fun. Of course, that means tomorrow is going to SUCK with a capital S because I can never have two of these kinda days in a row. It never happens. I saw b b b brannndonnn in the hall today and I was like... NAFGLKNGLDSKGNSLK! HEY! and like... wow. That was awesome.
My mom just got home! She has asked me 3 times so far if I'm okay. I don't know why. She's all.. "are you sure you're alright? you seem quiet." ... I have nothing to say to her, I don't know. I feel strange with her around because she's so fragile now. Hm.
Someone call me, I wanna hang out tonight. OMG TOMORROW. TOMORROW WE WILL HANG OUT SO MAKE SURE YOU DO KAYTHXBYE.
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2005 27 January :: 10.38 am
:: Mood: amused
LMFAO!
Sorry, I had to do this. I had to. It's a picture I took of my friends horse a long time ago when we were on a trail ride. I just found it. ...fucking hilarious!
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2005 27 January :: 10.36 am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: [Queen] - [Bohemian Rhapsody]
Dance Napolean! Dance!
Brielle, you'll love this.
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2005 27 January :: 10.09 am
Poor Justin... =[
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2005 26 January :: 7.30 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: [Senses Fail] - [Irony of Dying on your Birthday]
We got two new kids today.
What are the odds?
Anyways.
With luck my mom will be coming home tomorrow... which is so cool. I miss her so much. As long as she doesn't go into cardiac arrest again or get a freakin' heart attack, they'll send her home. She's still so unstable, but she wants to come home. I say, you know, whatever floats your boat. I still think it's a bad idea. She got a... defibulator (sp?) in the other day, so if by any chance she does begin to have a heart attack or go into arrest, it'll shock her back to life. ...Humane, right? :sigh:: anyways. Dan hasn't called me all day. That's a shocker.
Tonight is going to be an early night. I need to get some sleep.
Tomorrow will suck.
Did I mention that?
Casey = skipping as many classes as possible.
I think I need to stop being such a bitch.
Things going on in my life have nothing to do with everyone else. I should just shut up. I can be so rude sometimes without even noticing. Wow, dumb. Goodnight for now.
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2005 26 January :: 7.09 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: [NoFX] - [My Vagina]
I just cut my gum open.
Gum is such a gross word when you're not referring to chewing gum.
Gum.
...ha.
Anyways.
So I guess Josh (ex boyfriend Josh) is kind of mad at me today. He knows about everything and he hates it when I hug/touch/get near my best friend. (And I'm sure it's only because my best friend is a guy.) He continuously reminds me that he is the only one for me and that he has the respect and the care that I need, which he does. I just don't feel like we'd be you know... together forever. I just don't feel that with him, and I don't feel it when I kiss him. Not even when I hug him. There's just nothing there. ...I... haven't told him that yet.
Tomorrow will suck.
I'm not looking forward.
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2005 26 January :: 3.39 pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: [Senses Fail] - [NJ Falls to the Atlantic]
I'm really sorry if I bitch at you today. Especially you, cause I'm not meaning to. I need to just go lay down and fucking... cry for a while. As emo as that sounds. Shit is just not cool right now.
Thank you for everything.
Just talking to me.
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2005 26 January :: 3.25 pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: [Senses Fail] - [Rum is for drinking, not burning]
I fucking hate school. Everyone there. They're all such fucking ass holes and I hope they die. I hate how people think. Nevermind, I hate how they don't think. It pisses me off. Think before you say shit, and think before you do shit. It's that simple. Some people don't have as big of an ego as you. Some people aren't as emotionally strong as you think you are. Not everyone is like you. Fuck. You. All.
Wow, I was in a perfectly good mood.
I always am.
Until people have to be dickheads.
Do me a favor, won't you? Mind your own fucking buisness and care a little more about yourselves than me. You people will lead to my death, I swear to God. I swear to God.
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