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I'm sorry it took me so long to come around...

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:: 2004 9 November :: 6.40 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: [Gwen]

...did i ever tell you about the hickies without a story? ...jeeze. i came home, crashed, woke up the next morning and had two hickies. one on my shoulder and one on my collar bone. and i was all... o_0? but they're like... they can't be hickies cause i never got a hickie that night. so.... o_0?

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:: 2004 5 November :: 9.40 am
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: [Senses Fail]

I can't believe he ever thought that about me. That i didn't care, or that i didn't want to care. Jesus christ Robert, i liked you for who you were as a friend, and I can't force myself to change my feelings to make you happy. I can't picture reason for calling what we had a hit and run. I never, ever felt that way about you and you know I'm not that kind of person. Fuck, I just can't believe you completely misinterperated the type of person I actually am. I hate how you resent me, and I hate how we never talk, but we'll never be on the same level we used to be because you're so god damn inflexible. You have to be so fucking cold. I don't regret what I told you because it was the truth. What does it tell me about you, when you can't accept the truth? I never ignored you, or your feelings. I was just trying to figure myself out, like you asked of me, and I asked of myself. All I wanted was for us to be friends, and that wasn't good enough. It sounds so cliche, doesn't it? I hate this.

You act like it wasn't hard for me to tell you this.

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:: 2004 4 November :: 10.26 pm
:: Mood: apathetic

baheh!

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:: 2004 4 November :: 4.03 pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: {Train}[Meet Virginia]


well she wants to live her life
then she thinks about her life.
pulls her hair back as she screams
i don't really wanna live this life.
she only drinks coffee at midnight
when the moment is not right.
her timing is quite unusual.


I am drinking hot cider.
there is a cinnamon stick in it which i think adds a little flare of gay.

my mom is making cow for tonight.

so i cried today... i haven't cried in so long. it was kind of strange in a way, because crying is so me. i always cry, which is so lame.

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:: 2004 3 November :: 9.45 pm
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: [Vitamin R]


well if they're making it,
then they're pushing it,
and they're leading us along.
the hassle of all the screaming fits
that panic makes remorse.

after all, what's the point?
cause levitation is possible.
if you're a fly- achieved and gone.
theres time for this and so much more.


i'm glad to have people like bev and josh. particularly bev. bev is special somehow. she's a really cool kid. i have a feeling i have a whole lot to learn about her, though. eh... that's why i'll wait. ha... 'wait'. yeah it's a good thing to do. if i don't wait... well whatever. i don't think she understands my situation and how... i'm never honest about myself unless... i know you well enough. i think i know her well enough, but i'm afraid of getting so honest that it's annoying. i'm waiting for her to call me back. i like talking to her. m. yep.

i called nick today.
i called james today.
i did not call josh today.

pumpkin is meowing.

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:: 2004 3 November :: 7.27 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: [chevelle]

3 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me

1) I live on a farm and work on it all day. My farm = my life. I'm hardly ever available to go out because I'm always tied up with working around the barns and such. So... yep.

2) I don't believe in pre-marital sex. I probably won't have sex with you.

3) I have never done any sort of drug ever in my entire life and I never will.

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:: 2004 3 November :: 7.18 pm
:: Mood: blah

The Ultimate Kissing Survey

Age of first kiss: 12

Number of people you've kissed: mmmmmmm..... 6. or... 8? something. number of PEOPLE? yeah, 8. or 6.

French kissing is: sexy as long as you're not molesting my boobs or going up my shirt. then it's dumb and i'll probably kick you in the nuts, or if you're a girl... boobs.

The worst kind of kiss is: when your... kissing... person... goes up your shirt or... tries to. unless its leading to sex. then whatever. but no.

The best kisser you know: i think... probably uhm... mike, believe it or not.

The worst kisser you know: ha... =X

The celebrity you'd like to kiss: ohpsh i don't want to kiss a celebrity. except maybe angelina jolie. ..wow.

Friend you would like to kiss: probably uhm... josh or nick.

Favorite movie kiss: spiderman 2. that was hott.

Do you kiss on the first date?: not normally.

Eyes open or closed?: closed. if you kiss me with your eyes open i'll laugh at you.

Average number of kisses you get a day: like um lyke about 45. ;D ...not... many.

Ever kissed a friend's boyfriend or girlfriend?: no

The last person you kissed: probaby um... ben or zack

Best placed to be kissed: er. lips?

Have you kissed someone of the same sex?:... not... uh...romantically.

What about the opposite sex?: yes.....

Do you consider kissing cheating?: well yeah.

The longest you've gone without a kiss: 11.9 years

The kiss you regret most is: the one with me and lauren =O! that was gross!

Kissing in public is: okay... as long as you're not like.... humping.

Tongue rings are: If a girl has a tongue ring, she'll suck yer dick. if a guy has a tongue ring, he'll suck yer dick. ;D

Two girls kissing is: hott

Two guys kissing is: hott

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:: 2004 3 November :: 7.13 pm
:: Mood: blah

it's weird...the future is unclear, and there are so many things that i want to do that i know i won't have time to do. for some reason, when i was little, i never thought about what I would be when i grew up. i mean, there were always the "i want to be a princess" but i could never see myself being twenty or thirty. maybe i knew something that i don't want to know. for some reason i keep on thinking that i don't have enough time to say what I want to say or do what i want to do. or... could i be percieving that i don't? that i'll die young, and i'm okay with it? and i don't mean that i'm purposly going to do anything, but the thought just occurred to me that perhaps my mind and body know something so unconscious that i hadn't realized it until now. i'll probably end up living until i'm 100, but there is still that feeling of not enough time for anything, and im not talking about today or next week... i'm talking about in a lifetime.

That's some fucked up shit right there.

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:: 2004 3 November :: 10.45 am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: [beautiful girls]

by golly it's been a crazy long week.
week...
okay... 3 days.
no school for 4. thank the lord cause i need some sleep and i have to work around the barn like crazy.
some girl was emailing me before saying how she wanted to be a female bull rider and how i was her inspiration. then she went on to say how she's scared to do it but shes going to do it anyway for kicks and giggles just to prove she's tough. i mean... i'm tickled that i'm her "inspiration" in this, but gee, bull riding is not the sport to be doing if you just wanna make yourself look tough. man... wow.

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:: 2004 2 November :: 7.22 pm
:: Mood: cranky

you see, i've done all my peircings myself. except for my first ear holes. nothing has ever gotten infected. BAH MY PEIRCING IS INFECTED! :'( I ADMIT! bah. it sucks. i never would have thought shoving a rusty saftey pin through my cartilage would cause infection. hmph. go figyah. ;D

so anyway.

i was trying to do math homework... during math. and i couldn't because salsa dancers were going crazy on the right wall. so i just wrote "fuck" in big letters across my paper and my teacher then asked me if i needed a tutor. i do.

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