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I'm sorry it took me so long to come around...

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:: 2004 13 October :: 10.13 am

hahaha!
i love my brother!

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:: 2004 13 October :: 10.12 am

i love rob and um, heres a picture of us.
haha, so friggen cute.

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:: 2004 12 October :: 7.04 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

No, Pierre. You and 15 million other people in this world. ::cough: um what? no. yeah, uh, you're the only one. what was i saying? Thats why they invented zoloft.

Do you ever feel out of place?

mm... nope. you must be the only one. OH! oops. and 15 million other people.

Like somehow you just don't belong

you never belonged.

And no one understands you

...my mom doesn't understand me. i wonder why... i think gilgamesh is a fine language.

Do you ever wanna run away?

er. shut the fuck up. who in the ages from 8-16 have NOT wanted to run away?


Do you lock yourself in your room?

er yeah. it's not that hard to close the door and turn the lock. ...lets not make this complicated.

With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming


er. hm. i've done that once before. it was so fucking loud and i was screaming and crying like the emo girl i am. thats the first time i ever.. whatever. that was when i was.. 13. i think. yeah so hm. guess you're not the only one. sorry to let you in on that. ::wink:nudge:

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright


er... shut up.

You don't know what it's like to be like me

no, i can't say i really know what it's like to have a two inch dick and a whiney voice. hm.

To be hurt

::slices leg open:: ...ouch.

To feel lost

:sigh:... i remember one time when i was like 7 it took me 3 hours to find my mom in rockaway. THAT was a bitch.

To be left out in the dark

ugh same year, too. i got locked out of the house and it took my mom almost two hours to realize i was gone. :emo tear:

To be kicked
When you're down


yeah.. can't say thats ever happened to me. BUT i've seen it in movies and i know it does happen. i've done it to my dog once.

To feel like you've been pushed around

don't be a fucking idiot. :)

To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you


yeah, too bad christopher reeve just died. i'm sure he'd be glad to wear his Superman suit one last time.

No you don't know what it's like

:snort::

Welcome to my life

is this the part where i thank you?

Do you wanna be somebody else?

i must say, i've always wanted to be britney spears for a day. ahrm. she's a hottie.

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

i'm sorry. next time i'll include you in hide-n-go-seek.

Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over


GODDAMMIT MORE CHEERIOS

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

yeah some kids poking me, go die.

Are you sick of everyone around?

theres no one around right now.

With the big fake smiles and stupid lies

i love fake smiling. i do it daily. it confuses people...

But deep inside you're bleeding

yeah, most people are. otherwise you're not.. erm... living.

(whole damn chorus)

No one ever lies straight to your face

LMFAO. who the hell hasn't been lied to? my mom told me that santa was real! WHAT A FUCKER!

And no one ever stabbed you in the back

shut up. if someone stabbed you in the back, first of all, you'd have major spinal injuries, second of all, just no.

You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok


you're not gerard. shut your ass.

Everybody always gave you what you wanted

yeah i'm sure the kids in Afganistan are SO happy they drink out of toilets and take a piss in a hay pile. they don't want pure water and a nice toilet. they don't want a car instead of a donkey. they're perfectly happy wiping their asses with leaves.

You never had to work it was always there

......stupid. just shut up. OXYMORON.

(chorus and stuff)

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:: 2004 12 October :: 10.13 am
:: Mood: blank

i'm not looking for anything but us... anything but what we were. and i'm not asking for painted memories. i only want to know you're here...

Ghost of You

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:: 2004 12 October :: 10.06 am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: [Predictable on fu**]

ugh i wrote robert back and i wish i didn't write anything that i wrote on there. i hate myself for writing that, but i can't because it's the truth. ugh but its not! i love him so much its not even funny. ugh... i have to leave. :/

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:: 2004 10 October :: 10.21 am
:: Mood: i went through the enitre list and theres not a si
:: Music: none cought my lebego.

haha.. it's not what you need.

lol i love how right before he gets closer to me or something he does this little exhale/inhale thing and looks at me and it makes me smile. hahaha i had... so much fun yesterday. BEH I'M SO HYPER THIS MORNING. maybe because i'm listening to sum41. i really loved that band for a while way back when. AS A KID! was a skid! no one knew me by nammmmmmmmmokay. so anyway. ugh today i'm spending the day at.. my... brothers... house. wait, what? i meant.. to say that i'm spending the day at my old house... cleaning up and stuff. i took a shower this morning. it was nice. i wanted to take one yesterday but i really didnt feel like getting naked while everyone was there... lol...

oh man, story time:
yesterday my mom was like.. to me and robert... "can you guys try and find where [insert some old lady name here] put the big coffee pot so we can make coffee?" and rob was like "yeah sure." so i was like... "coffee pot = kitchen." so we went in the kitchen and all i found was a little dinky one with no coffee in it, so i decided we'd make some anyway. there had at one point been coffee in there, so the coffee filter was filled with big lumps of gross wet and hot crushed beans. hahahah so i went to grab it out and i'm like "OW its hot!" and robs like "oh, let me do it you wimp." *rob touches coffee filter* "ow! iit's hot! WHERES THE GARBAGE HURRY UPWHERES THE GARBAGE!?!" and i was laughing so hard all i could do was point where it was and he was like burning his fingers off and he waddled over to the garbage and dropped it in. (wimp. ;) so then we couldnt find coffee filters so we used a paper towel instead. ...lol. i put this giant paper towel in and hes like "you idiot make it smaller" and he made it too small and when we went to start it up, all the little bean thingies started getting into the coffee. and we were like... whatever. and for some reason we were... leaving.. and he went to grab scissors..? and he goes "OWW! OWWWW!" and i thought he had stabbed himself and i'm like "WHAT?" and hes like "i burnt my arm on the coffee maker." and i was like "OMG ROBERT YOU FOUND THE COFFEE MAKER WE WERE LOOKING FOR! GOOD JOB!" lmfao <3

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:: 2004 7 October :: 10.07 am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: [Predictable]

yes hi, it's... 4th period and i'm in... computerwhateverthefuck.
i was talking about robert last period... 3rd period... i met this girl in that class and somehow we got into the conversation about relationships and whatever... and i couldn't stop smiling... and talking about rob...

i woke up feeling gross this morning.

i love him so much. i love talking with him, and i love goofing around with him. i love how hes so... man, i can't explain it. i can't... explain it. i love his laugh and his voice... i love it when he laughs. i really love it when he laughs. what a cool kid. today i feel like shit. but i'm still trying to be all... smiley and wooh, just cause i love to hear him talk to me. kjsrngjkrsngjkergnesrg kaydone.

okay maybe i'm not done.
i thought about him all last period with the stupidest smile on my face.
:smiles::
kay done.

i want to go home and sleep.
i wanna be on the bus right now.






with him.


-giddy

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:: 2004 6 October :: 7.57 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: [A Decade Under The Influence]

robert makes me so fucking happy. =]

god... so fucking happy. :)

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:: 2004 5 October :: 8.53 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Sum 41 - [A.N.I.C]

brielles the coolest
so scream louder now, i'm bound to come around...

it's love
make it hurt.
i deserve it.

wow i really love taking back sunday.

anyway, ehr, lets see... desk writing girl... man, that
was crazy. I can't believe it was .. er, or is her. SO
sick. man... how cool is this? I can't believe mrs.
brain freeze is Bev. wow, that rocks. so fuckin' cool.

anyways em. rob's not online, either is josh, and either
is sara. so... hello journal! hah... hm wow today was
weird. i felt like sort of... like... everyone was
pissed off at me. or annoyed with me. either that or
i felt like an annoyance. catch 22. heh. it was weird
though... jimmy didn't talk to me until he got off, and
i was the one who said bye to him.. he just... eh.
ashley got on my nerves today. yes ashley, you got on
my nerves. what happens when you get on casey's nerves?
...nothing. hah. but it happened. and i thought i
should point that out.

ew, isn't it weird how when someone pisses me off i take
it out on myself, rather then them? eh.

ah so uhm. robert..........
OH!
rob's coming over on saturday. :-)
rob = happiness

okay uhm...

okay so my mom's officialy marrying this dude. how sick
is that? he's old. well.. so is my mom, but she just
doesn't show it as much as.. eeew.

friday! homecoming... whatever... going... but not
going... er or, um, going to the dance, not the game.
oh joshua poshua.
hahahah...

kaythxferreadn'bye.

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:: 2004 3 October :: 10.00 pm

i love love brielle =] and i also miss her so very much.
so yeah, i had quite a fiasco-filled day today... man.. what a day. laugh my ass off... i hate falling in front of people.

i woke up at like... ten to eight and ate chips. ... kay. then i went outside and painted my little ass off... fencing.... fencing... fencing.... and uhm, i got white shit in my hair. paint, whatever. shit paint. paint shit. shit the paint of all paints. i painted off and on during the day.

i need chapstick.

then i realized i had lost my eyeliner and i needed it. right then and there. so i went to ekerd with the boys and my grandma. rachel and i tried on robber masks and ran around the store screaming "MEHHHH!" in little kids' faces. quite humorous, if i do say so. i made george buy my eyeliner for me because i didn't want to look like a retard doing it and just buying one thing--- eyeliner. so why not make a 60 year old man look even more retarded buying purple eyeliner? ^_^ ... man that was great.

lah... so... got home, found out the eyeliner was purple... had a fit. ross told me to use sharpie and i obeyed, only to burn my eye off. i'm now blind. legally. bitches.

robert called me... but you see, it happened all at the wrong time. i was walking and my boots tangled up together and i fell. my right wrist landed square in a neat little pile of doggy feces. i layed there for a minute, going over in my mind what had happened, staring at my phone which had flung about 15 feet away. then i heard... "don't wanna be an american idiot... don't wanna be a part of the..." and i was all... "gjkehwbeasmkng!" but i didn't answer it because i thought it was jimmy. but it was robert. so i was like.. fuck. and he left me a really cute message that i liked a lot.

whatever, more later. <3ove bitches.

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