:: 2003 14 December :: 12.51 pm

Gah. even Destruct-O-match isn't helping me feel better.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 14 December :: 12.29 pm

Just got back from a walk I didn't want to go on,
Tired,
Sweaty,
Dirty,
Wet,
Mudy
and pissed.

However I had an interesting conversation with the wind.
[Alex: Indeed. ]

~~~~
Her eyes flew open,
Heart beating far to fast,
Oh how fast.
She jolted upright,
A scream in her throat.
She bit it back.
They musn't know the terror she felt,
Never let them know about the visions,
Visions of horror.
They would hate her,
She knew they would,
Simply because she was different.
The las vision she had showed up on the news a week later,
A bombing in sector six,
Hundreds killed,
Thousands wounded.
She mopped the sweat from her brow and laid back down,
Just her nightmares
and her.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 13 December :: 5.29 pm

My poetry
I can't stop shaking...

Here is some poetry I've writen. please coment on them. I want feedback. If you have questions, please ask.
________________________

She ran,
Crashing through the brush,
Eyes wide with terror,
Gleaming purple in the moonlight sifting through the trees.
She looked back,
Heard the hoof beats barely over the pounding of her own heart.
She ducked into the ditch,
Screaming as she fell into unseen thorns
Which tore her flesh.
A horse neighed nearby,
Hooves pounded,
Closer,
Closer…
She ripped from the thorns,
now scratched and bloody,
she ran once more,
Knowing she would die at the hands of her assailant.
Faster she ran,
Hot breath of the huge black horse on her neck.
Red predatory eyes stared at her from behind.
The horse reared,
Knocking her on her ripped up back,
Shards of glass ripping her back more.
Hooves came down,
Smashing one of her hands.
Her scream was heard all over the woods.
She rolled as the horse reared again.
The black clothed rider jumped off.
He placed a foot on her chest,
smirked,
And ran his sword through her chest.
The girl stared with huge eyes as her blood soaked into the sand.
The rider grinned at her
And watched her die,
His sword still in her chest.
His horse blinked those eyes and seemed to smile wickedly.
The man pulled his weapon from her dead corpse.
Running ash colored fingers down the bloody blade
He laughed,
Bringing her blood to his lips,
Savoring the metallic taste.
He cut a cross into her chest with a sickening smile on those bloodstained lips.
Fingers and blade once more clean,
He left her body a grim spectacle for passer by-s to see,
With a bloody cross and a crown of those thorns which had given her life away,
The innocent is slaughtered once more.

_________________________________

Flash Flood


Flash flood,
Unexpected tears.
I think of my predicament with you,
My skin is unpermiable,
Wont soak up the rivers on my cheeks.
They stare.
“What are you crying about?”
I choke.
“Nothing”
I dam up my tears.
“Nothing at all.”
I wipe my eyes and go back to my science,
They shrug.
If only they knew.
But I want no relationships shattered like glass.
If only it could be…
You occupy my mind every day.
If only you knew,
But maybe you do,
And I don’t know how to tell.
You make my head spin,
But deep down I think I might like it.
_______________________________

Depression


I’m falling
Into that pit…
Falling,
Falling.
I land with a muted –thump-.
It’s dark here…
So dark.
I look up;
I must have fallen a long way
Because I can’t see a light at the top,
Yet somehow it’s getting darker.
Something is twining around my wrists,
And ankles:
Despair.
I struggle against the bonds,
Twisting,
Pulling…
I’m pulled through the bottom,
Screaming as the blackness envelops me,
Trying to claw out,
But I am lost in this black pit of woe.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 13 December :: 4.11 pm
:: Mood: tired

I just got back from RPG.
I found this necklase I bought a while back in my purse once I got there and thought "I don't really want this, maybe Hunter would like it." So I gave it to him. He loved it. I was stuned. The other guys liked it too! *Sigh* So, I wonder if he is becoming less oblivious. I know that Hana likes him too, but I've been wondering if we like him for the same reasons...Well, there is no way to tell. I dun wanna piss her off. We're friends, and want it to stay that way.

Hope will live!
XD
RPG inside joke.

So we all know that I'm madly in love with Hunter. If only he knew. He's so intelegent and kind. He's funny, he's imaginative, he's-well, I'd list all these things but it would take me a while ^_^; The point is, he's wonderful.


Thank you Nei fer the icon! I love it!

I've been a bit down for various reasons, you know how it is. Today I drew an angel that was held up by strings like a puppet. yea. I need someone to catch me. I think I'll type up some of my poetry and put it here. Well, I'm off to do that.

~Caro, the Lost and Fallen

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 11 December :: 3.26 pm

Well, I have begun writing another book, I hope this one gets off the ground.
I have a wonderful book about haunted castles, but it makes me more paranoid than usual.
I've been having moodswings lately and the uncomfortable feeling that something is most definately wrong in a very serious way.\
I have not heard from Nei in a while, but last time I heard from her she was ailing. Get well soon Nei.
What am I to do about Hunter? Hana will hate me if I end up going out with him...

I had a preformance last night. Wee.
In perfomance art we are learning to play the Digerydoo[sp?]. It is fun!
I wish I could write more, but I am tired...

~Caro, the Lost, Fallen and Broken

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 7 December :: 9.45 am

Well, I think Hunter might be starting to figure out I love him, which makes me so happy and yet so nervous... I guess I shoulden't freak out just yet. Hunter, if you're reading this, please let me know...

Are you crying?

:: 2003 4 December :: 5.23 pm

Well, I have to go to school tomorow. I had a breakdown in the car earlyer because I have so much on my mind. Luci is suposedly coming over, oh..wait...She coming. -damn them all to hell- Gah...so tired...

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 4 December :: 9.59 am

eep. O.O
EEP! I keep hering this weird howling like the wind, BUT IT'S NOT WINDY!


Here i am at home again. stiiiiill sick.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 3 December :: 4.44 pm

cellpadding="0" bgcolor="#000000" height="200"
bordercolor="#AD9A79">

width="250" height="150"> target="_blank">What Goth Are You?

this is my way to live

What about yours?

made by rav-chan

~~~


Quiet Girl


What kind of little girl were YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

Are you crying?

:: 2003 3 December :: 4.15 pm
:: Mood: S I C K a s H E L L ! ! ! !

*Barf*
Well, I still havent -actualy- thrown up. I've been dry wretching which, wouldent you just know, is worse for you. ;.; Mum and I saw Brother Bear, which for a recent Disney film was quite good. woah. Scary, eh? Gah...I hate the lightheaded feeling.

Nei, I need your address.

~Caro, the utterly sick and Fallen.

*Runs to the bathroom*

Are you crying?

:: 2003 2 December :: 3.12 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Havana Mix part 1 by Paul Okenfold[sp?]

Are you crying?

:: 2003 2 December :: 1.38 pm

third post of the morning
I had a dream lastnight in which Nei came to live here. Next door in fact. It was quite odd, really...But I woke up and wished it was true.

Yea. o.0

~Caro, the lost and Fallen

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 2 December :: 1.29 pm

Yes! It is the CHRISTMAS LIST OF |)00|\/| !!
Christmas list of |)00|\/|

Soundtracks
Soundtrack to Kingdom Hearts (WAY High Priority)
Soundtrack to Final Fantasy X (10) (WAY High Priority)
Soundtrack to The nightmare before Christmas (High Priority)
Soundtrack to Totoro
Soundtrack to Princess Mononoke
Soundtrack to Neon-Genesis Evangelion
Soundtrack to Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets (Low priority)
Soundtrack to Star Wars Episode V: The Empire strikes back
Soundtrack to The Pirates of the Caribbean

Other CDs
In terms of CDs I basically want lots and lots of techno
I also want stuff by the following artists:
The Foo Fighters
VNV Nation
Symphony X
Linkin Park
Switchfoot
Rage Against the Machine
Nine Inch Nails (Not the album called Broken)
AFI
Tangerine Dream

And some specific albums:
Faceless by Godsmack


Games (Play Station 2)
Final Fantasy X
Kingdom Hearts (High Priority)

DVDs
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Kiki’s Delivery Service
The Animatrix
The Matrix (1)
The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Tower special edition (wide screen)
Neon-Genesis Evangelion Box Set (Low Priority)
Pirates of the Caribbean
Monty Python and The Holy Grail (low priority)

Books (Authors names may be misspelled)
Trickster’s Choice by Tamora Peirce (High Priority)
Interview With a Vampire by Anne Rice


Manga/Graphic Novels
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac








Makeup
Lip colors:
From goodgoth.com :
Ravens Ghost
Ossified
Faust
Coffin Varnish
Blotto


Art Stuff and Such
Air brushing kit (for my anime) (WAY HIGH priority)


Misc.
Red Lightsaber (High Quality Like from FAO Schwarz) (High Priority)
Nightmare Before Christmas stuff

Clothing
Some cool wings I could wear with a lot of my clothes. (High priority)
Clothes of a gothic or punk style (Or medieval) Would be nice, along with jewelry along those lines. ALSO Earrings. Ankhs are cool for jewelry of all sorts. www.goodgoth.com is a good place to look for clothing and jewelry as well as Shoes and boots
I really want a cool velvet cloak

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 2 December :: 12.56 pm

*Sips gingerale carefuly* (yay)
Well, here I am at home. (yay). Unfourtunately I feel like shit. (not yay). I keep dry-wretching, which is no fun whatsoever. (not yay). On top of that Mum is depressed because Luci is gone. (Not yay)
So...yea. End of post. I'm too sedated[sp?] to think. (not yay)

~Caro, the lost and fallen

Are you crying?

:: 2003 1 December :: 8.15 pm

Did I menton P,T&L moved out? yea...

Are you crying?

:: 2003 1 December :: 5.13 pm
:: Mood: sick

Blaaargg.....
I'm sick. I'm actualy half hoping it's the flu. It sure seems like it is. Gah. I'm pittiful.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 30 November :: 8.11 pm

Goodbye new found sliver of comfort...
Damn them all too Hell. Yes. That's right. I have to go back to school tommorow, a thought I can't think about without starting to cry. I was finaly starting to get things sorted out with the remaining hallucinations which I might add DIDN'T HAPPEN UNTILL I HAD A WEEK OFF FROM HELL!!! So now it's back to the hell hole and psycho-hallucinations, crainial[sp?]overhaul, idiots and more! Thats right folks! *Cheesy talks show host voice* And MORE!!

Alex says: {Gah. We finaly start getting things sorted out and now we go back, things get worse...It all leads up to misery. *Sigh* I hate Halcyon. oh no...Caro's gonna cry...Dun cry...}

Fack...Crying...Bye guys...

~Caro, the Lost and Fallen

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 30 November :: 2.07 pm

Rain...
Falling on my head,
Drowning me in my own emotions.
Rain...
Causing the sand to melt away and envelope me.
Rain...
Eroding away my soul...
My very esence...
Rain...
Pain...
They sound so much alike,
Don't they?

Are you crying?

:: 2003 30 November :: 2.00 pm

mmm.. Permanent marker fumes...
Well, I'm depressed again. My moodswings are killing me. *Heaves a sigh* Ah, well. I'm still a bit worried about yon poltergiest *Points to the kitchen* but that's to be expected, ne? Well were going to see The Cat in the Hat which I heard was pretty good. *Sigh* Bark, Sadie, Bark... See Saidie run, Run Saidie, Run. See Saidie kill the squirel. Die squirel, die......

Are you crying?

:: 2003 28 November :: 8.56 pm

w00t!
Thank you Nei, for the most exelent new journal layout! *Huggle* It is the rock.

7|-|4|\||< Y0|_| |\|31!!

Are you crying?

:: 2003 28 November :: 4.56 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Caroline: Runnin' with the Devil (Van Halen)/{Alex: Jamie's Cryin, Van Halen}

Are you crying?

:: 2003 27 November :: 2.58 pm
:: Mood: a bot freaked still
:: Music: The X-Files Theme

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 25 November :: 4.43 pm
:: Mood: contemplative

I just got back from runing erands with my dad. I also got paint for the Totoro I made out of clay. ^_^ Totoro, totoro...^_^

The wind was feirce last night. So feirce it seemed supernatural.
I wrote a poem about the wind...I like it muchly.

The wind blows…
Tears run down her cheeks as the wind whips her hair about her face,
But she can’t seem to make herself care anymore.
Her back to the wind,
Her cloak flowing around her body,
She stands,
Helpless to the Elements,
The wind tugging her forward.
Forced to her knees,
She looks up at the sky,
Soul ripping from body.
Her eyes glitter as she lets out a scream,
Essence torn away by supernatural wind.
Her body,
Soulless,
Lies on the ground,
Hair still whipped by the wind,
As if in life.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 24 November :: 8.53 pm

I changed the music. I hope that gives a new feel to the journal. I can't talk much right now, though I'll tell you I'm rather upset over some stuff. I wrote a poem but I'm not sure I can post it cause you'll think it's about someone but it really isn't... I guess I'll post it. The poem is about a girl who goes insane and kills everyone becuse she's in love with this guy who's in love with another girl. It is set in medieval times. IT ISN'T ABOUT ANYONE! OKAY?
good.



Spattered blood,
Crying eyes,
Shredded minds,
The ones that die.
Hold me close,
So you will too,
Let me loose,
I’ve things to do.
I’ll run you through,
But first play with your mind,
Some tortures don’t show,
The ones they won’t find.
Kiss me, love,
The last you’ll have,
I’ll kill her too,
You see I’ve gone mad.
The blood from her body,
Spattered on your shirt,
Now she’ll be buried
Under six feet of dirt.
Come here love,
You’re next to go,
A heave, a throw,
Her body’s gone.
You have to look at me,
As this knife blade,
Runs through you,
As it did She.
Slitting through shirt,
Muscle and skin,
You scream for help,
That I’ll pay for this sin.
I laugh in your face
As you slowly die,
I’ll leave every trace,
For them to find.
As now my rampage
Comes to an end,
It would not have happened,
Had you been my friend.
The knife cuts through me,
Your blood mixing with mine,
If you had loved me
We’d all still
Be
Alive.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 23 November :: 7.04 pm

Okay. I'm rather lost (more so than usual...) I drew this picture of me falling through darkness and it says "Catch me" I don't know why I use this metaphore so much, it just makes sence to me.

As you can see, I re vamped my journal and fixed the width problem (On my own! I'm so proud! ^_X;;;;;)

I wnat to thank all the people who have posted useful comments in my journal (*Cough* Nii and Meg*cough* I love you guys!)

I hope you like the layout. Do you think I should change the music? I think I might....

~Caro, the Lost and Fallen

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 23 November :: 1.23 pm
:: Mood: Crushed/Devastated, but recovering

*Sigh*
I've realized I can never be in that kind of a relationship with Hunter because we're friends and if we broke up we might not still be friends. It hurts. But I hope that Hana might be able to be his girlfriend because she doesn't have an existing relationship with him (as friends) really. And if she did I'd still get to see him a lot. Hunter needs someone who is as deep as he is, and when Hana's not on meds she's really deep. But then again, so am I. But what I said still stands. I still want to able to be Hunter's friend. His mind amazes me and I love to be around him. *Sigh...* That doesn't mean I don't still love him, far from it, actualy. But it would never really work out. I mean, it would, but like I said, if we broke up, we might not still be friends. So...yea. But...Hope springs eternal.

~Caro, the Lost and Fallen

Are you crying?

:: 2003 22 November :: 9.26 pm

Alrighty, folkles. Here I be at home. Hana just left. Sooo...NO SCHOOL ALL NEXT WEEK, YEA!

Although I do feel like I'm going to barf....

I think I'm still having moodswings, and my risperdal [sp] is making me very slow mentaly. *Sigh* *Coughs* Hope I'm not getting what Nii has....

Get Better, Nii!!!!!!!!

~Caro, the Lost and Fallen

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 November :: 10.32 pm
:: Mood: devastated

Ow
Guess what just happened to me.
I just fell on my godsdamned ass. I'm talking literaly. Yes. In my huge boots. I was just suddenly falling backwards and then i was lying on the sidewalk, my head in a bush. I knew that I had fallen and nobody caught me. They just helped me up and laughed. This is all literal. I just fell down outside the house, on my butt, in the dirt. And I was helped up and laughed "with" ¬¬; I knew it.
Nobody caught me...
Nobody...
Caught me...

Oh, Nii...Hurry and get here...

all this on my dad's birthday.
~Caro, the Lost and Fallen

PS oh great. A cup full of pills, and a Bitch on YIM

Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 November :: 7.06 pm

It's mah Dad's Birthday. W00t.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 November :: 11.54 am

; . ;
So I was all exited about bowling and what not, I even wore [sp?] my lucky sock. I get to school and they sy I cant go because I don't have all my gods damned homewok done. I think I earned the damned trip! I mean really! My outside of school therapyst [I still can't spell that] even wrote me a note saing that I would be slow on my home-work. So now my friends will be bowling all afternoon and I get to finish [and re-do the page I lost of] my math homework. Totaly not fair.
Now, Alex shal speak: {Gods. I don't rally think is fair. Caro has been working her ASS off. She's so tired from the meds that she can't react as well to the hallucinations. I must say that I'm qite tired my self. I'm just not sure how to help her. Oh, and Coke...Get well soon, buddie!}
Back to Caro: Any whoo, I would like to say: Nii-Nii, Get better. I wnat to hear your voice again.

~Caro, the Lost

Are you crying?