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2003 18 September :: 7.17 pm
post from my last journal
:: 2003 30 August :: 9.14 pm
:: Mood: .....lonely.....
:: Music: in the end by Linkin Park
what makes me cry?
Lots of things. Knowing how sick my dog is, Knowing I have to go back to that hell hole of a school, with all those morons. Every one there is an idiot! exept one person besides me. The fact my friend has a bad case of west nile, the fact I never see my best friend anymore, the fact I have never actualy met one of the gratest friends I've ever had, The fact that that friend finds it necisary to harm herself, for I love her very much, the fact that I still fear death, the fact that the two gratest people I ever met have passed on, The fact that I'll never see those two again, the fact that my sister is miserable in Ireland, last I heard, the fact that I'm not sure who I am anymore, the fact that I drive past a former great friend's house four times a day by way of school bus, the fact that taht former friend now spreads false roumers about me at her new school, the fact that no mater how hard I tryed, I couldent remeber my harp music so I had to give up the harp, the fact I'll never see that harp again, for he became one of my sole confidents...some other stuff...the number of pills I have to take, and watching it increase daily....
And lonelyness...
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2003 18 September :: 6.49 pm
:: Music: Ment To Live by Switchfoot
suicide
Last night my best friend became suicidal. Yes, I'm talking about Nee. Her life's been pretty hard recently. She said she was going to slit her wrists. I wouldent doubt it for a second. She was realy upset, sobbing etc. We were having an online conversation when she said she didnt care any more and was going to kill herself. I'm so glad I was there. I called her. but first I had to ask my stupid mother if I could make the long distance call. Gah! So Luci heard she was suicidal. I'll go into that more later. I called her and she was sobbing. I couldent bear to here her crying like that and not be able to do anything. I got her to promise she could not die untill we meet, so I'm proud of that. I've been upset all day, though. I had to go see the thrapyst at school. [yes. that was funn *Rolls eyes*] but now I'm home. [thank the Gods] So, My three year old neice, Luci tells her mum that her friend called and is going to kill herself. So I get blamed, blah blah blah. IT WAS A FUCKING EMRGENCY! GODS! oh well....[yes. oh well. At least Nee is okay...] I agree, Alex. Nothing writen can even begin to express the things I've felt about this, So we wont even try.
So....
Untill next [wonderful -_-] time,
~Carolin and [Alex]
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2003 17 September :: 9.58 pm
[Alex, here]
[Hello, all. I figure this is my journal,too, so I aught to say something, ne? so, anyway. I've been feeling a bit restless lately. Sharing a body with someone of the opposite gender is rather hard, particularly when that person is in excruciating (sp?) pain and there's nothing I can do about it!!! Gahh.. I'll probly be posting regularly from now on, maybe, and maybe not....You never know when I'll pop up. x_X so.... Untill next time...
~Alex]
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2003 17 September :: 9.20 pm
Whenever Alex speaks it shall be in [brakets] like so. [so when things are in brackets, it is I, Alex speaking]
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2003 17 September :: 9.06 pm
Okay. I have an alternate personality named Alex (Alexander). If he had his own body he'd be a (gay) cynical bishie with blode hair. Yes, it's quite odd. He's been acting up lately, so he talks more often. It's quite anoying, though he has his uses... I would be incomplete without him. [Alex: And don't you forget it]
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2003 16 September :: 10.07 pm
Gah. My mum made me do this weight training thing and now I hurt so badly I can hardly move. *Twitch* all you people should check out the RP snibit below, however....
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2003 16 September :: 10.04 pm
:: Music: Dark Angel by VNV Nation
rp snibit.
(I'm insanepyrovampy, my friend is sodaboicoke)
insanepyrovampy (8:07:31 PM): If She'll loose her soul by my being here, I will leave, and never come back. I'd trade my soul for you to let her be free. *He looks firmly into Shine's eyes with his own silvery gaze*
sodaboicoke (8:10:36 PM): "Tempting offer... but I guess you could call me a Hopless romantic. I've always loved the bitter sweet irony of Love Lost." ~his grin widens as he moves the blade down her throat and into her heart~
insanepyrovampy (8:16:18 PM): *He closes his eyes hard* how could you? *He says softly, calmly.* I never understood people who believed in "God". You just toy with them. Like an ant hill. buning us as we writhe in pain. If Nee is lost to me, I can do nothing. I'd give you my life, but you wouldent be satasfied enough to bring her back. Besides, if she felt the same way, I couldent put her trough that. I'd rather feel the pain. Or would I? I have nothing to live for. I've acomplished everything I ever wanted in the last thousand years...exept one thing.....
insanepyrovampy (8:16:33 PM): *Burning))
sodaboicoke (8:19:26 PM): "And what would that one thing be might I ask?" ~Shine rbings the blade from Nee's heart, licking it clean~ "It's a shme you never fed from her while you had the chance, her blood is one of the sweetest things in all of the worlds... I make it that way...Anyway, back to what you were saying?"
sodaboicoke (8:19:39 PM): *brings)
sodaboicoke (8:19:49 PM): **shame)
insanepyrovampy (8:20:19 PM): Why would you care?
insanepyrovampy (8:20:27 PM): >>
insanepyrovampy (8:21:18 PM): *His eyes are still closed, but not clenched. now they are simply closed in a relaxed way as he clutches Nee's dead body*
sodaboicoke (8:21:28 PM): "Just beacause I'm a sadistic bastard, doesn't mean I don't like listening to people's thoughts... I am GOD you know..."
insanepyrovampy (8:27:12 PM): Yes, You said that already. As I said, I still dont believe in you, though you destroyed all I secretly had...............................Love. Thats what I never acomplished. And now I never will. 20,000 years looking for the right person. I finaly found her and she was taken so swiftly from me. She never even knew. *A single tear rolls down his pale skin and on to the lifeless figure of Nee* By "God's own hand". So. I'd ask you to take my life, but you wont, so I wont give you that satifaction. But there's no way I can take my own. So, I'll wander the earth hopelessly, wishing for death, and never being able to attain it.....But....what I experinced so briefly, was so sweet. And now....*He opened one eye to glimps Nee and the silver ribbon tied to his wrist.* >>
insanepyrovampy (8:29:01 PM): So, If you enjoy causing other beings pain and anguish, you have certainly found a metaphorical gold mine, right on this spot. *He opened bot eyes to look up at Shine.* And now in pain, So I will always be.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2003 14 September :: 12.10 am
Whispering Nightmare
What sort of Nightmare are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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~~~~~
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2003 13 September :: 11.59 pm
If you want to find out more about my masqarade as a boy, or just read what happened before this, please check out my old journal
http://www.woohu.com/~PyroVampire
(Yes, I'm the person you mom warns you about "How do you know the're a boy?")
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2003 13 September :: 6.45 pm
no one gives a shit.
No one gives a shit what I think,
No one ives a shit how I feel,
No one gives a shit how I am.
No one cares how I think,
No one cares how I feel.
THIS IS SO STUPID! NO ONE FUCKING CARES! I HATE THIS! Why!? I'm fucking DEPRESSED, and I fucking have to go to my grandma's!!!!! GODDESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
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2003 12 September :: 9.24 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Suffocation, by *Insert name of band here*
no.....
She's gone. I'll never see her again. Gods. I'll miss her so much. Today was Julie's last day. We all know how I feel about that ;_; yea. It sucks, I'm depressed now. On top of that her replacement is scary and evil. Sue used to be a social studys teacher at Hallcyon, but she retired. She subed for us once, and that was more than enough. She's shorter than me, has realy short hair, wears theapyst shoes and a suit. Always. She's Evil! i mean, not much scares me, but she does. All I looked forward to at Halcyon was Language arts, noe, I cant even look forward to that. This sucks.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2003 11 September :: 8.59 pm
Oh, and more good news. I got Theresa's phone number! *Does a happy dance* She's gonna call me back soon. I cant wait to hear her voice again. She was like my sister!
Arg.... Math homework.......
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2003 11 September :: 8.55 pm
Two peoplw I forgot to mention: David and Kyle. Gods, I miss David. He was great. Right up there With Alex N. my first game master.
Kyle. It was weird. He's in my art class I'm takeing with Alison Barows (My art instructor)! It was creepy! But I was so happy to see him!
Maybe...
Just maybe....
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2003 10 September :: 10.17 pm
:: Mood: sobbing
Cursed
Help...please. Lift the curse from my stupid SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!*Sob* Tyson left, Now Julie is leaving! two of the best teachers ever, both language arts, LEFT THE FUCKING SCHOOL! Tyson had to leave so they hired Julie AND NOW SHE's leaving to! every one in my life leaves me! I dont undestand. No... I'm the cursed one. I mean, I was at my old school (Mountain Shadows Montessorri) pefectly fine, than something happened and all those people that I trusted and loved were forced to leave, So I went to a horrible school called RMS (Leaving my friends), then I came back to Mountin Shadows whith the new teachers whom I then leaned to trust and love. Two of them left. Then we got two more. I leaned to trust and love them. Then the halucinations occured. I was out of school for like, Five months, or something. So I got sent to that hell hole of a school Halcyon, and bonded with tyson AND HE LEFT! and then I bonded with Julie AND SHE's LEAVING!!!!!!!!!!
Its not just with teaches, either. Most of the important people in my life leave me. Alex N. ,Dyana, Jason, Katie M., all graduated, and Dyana moved away! Tamara moved, I lost touch with Theresa, Barbra hates me, I never see Katie any more, Phylis died, Grandpa died, both of them, even my pets die! Both my rats died, My fish died, My dog is sick, Sean, Christian, Bug (whitney), Carl, Max, Patrick, Eddie....all gone, out of mi life! (Exept bug)Kelly, Alex Swisher (Swishie), Cassidy, MAddie (Mad Dog), Sarah, Eva, Oh my gods. I cant remember one of my best friend's names!!!! oh, Ashton, all of them!!!! *Sob* damnit. DAMNIT! *crys* I hate it! Fuck this stupid curse.
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2003 9 September :: 8.30 pm
quizes to get mah mind off things.
you are a loner girl, some people say you're goth,
some people say you are a creep, but what dous
it mather? the world is doomed anyway
What sort of girl r u?
brought to you by Quizilla
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 I taste like Menthol.
I am refreshingly different; some people don't appreciate that. My sharp honesty gets up some people's noses, while others really enjoy it. I am something of an acquired taste. What Flavour Are You?
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Or
 Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.
I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?
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~~~~~~~~~~~
I have problems that I can't work through with
people like YOU in my life!
What Less Than Legal Act are YOU? (includes pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
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-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday, The Beatles.
Whats Your Suicide Ballad?
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~
The Jackal
What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 9 September :: 8.07 pm
I've decided to tell Dom I love him too.....As a friend. And I hope he he will not hate me and never speak to me ever again, or be crushed, or anything like that. Because I realy like him, but as a friend. I mean, maybe things could get more serious if I see pictures and meet him, but long distance relationships don't end well.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2003 7 September :: 5.12 pm
Hello, people from my other journal. The secret is out. I'm sorry.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2003 7 September :: 5.01 pm
:: Mood: Distraught
Dom
Dom is my friend in Europe. We've knmown eachother for les than a year, but has always had a little crush on me. Yesterday...*Draws a troubled breath*...he said he loved me. I...dont know what to do, because I'm not sure I love him. I mean, I like him. A lot. But, Ive never even seen a picture of him, and he hasent of me. I'm quite troubled about this, and I cant tell my mum. He's 16, and I'm not suposed to talk to people over 15. (Stupid rule) I dont know what to do. I realy don't *Lets out a desolate sigh* I just dont know.
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2003 7 September :: 3.14 pm
I know this is boring. Here are some quizes to liven things up!
Good stuff, you are "Wedding? I love
weddings! Drinks all around." You're the
life of the party and nothing gets you down,
not even certain death at the hands of your
zombie nemesis or the Navy. Come to think of
it, realism isn't your strong suit...
Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
w00t!
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Senko - "Wizard Child; Hermit Child"
Sponsored by www.life-blood.cjb.net
What would your Japanese name be? (female)
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~~~~~~
MAREO: rare; uncommon
People of your personality type should visit:
www.life-blood.cjb.net
What would your Japanese name be? (male)
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~~~~
You are the mystery woman
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
wow. the art in this quiz is great.
~~~~~~~
Driretlan is your Vampire name.
You are a witty Vampire with a certain style that
others are drawn to.
To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire,
go here:
www.life-blood.cjb.net
What is your Vampire name?
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~~~~~~~~
yea. these are funnn....
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2003 5 September :: 8.35 pm
Toxic
We think my lithium level is toxic. Thats what they tell me. What am I? A permanent pen? I mean, realy. Why is this so fucked up? My whole life! I mean, gods! Skyler tryed to blind me with fucking bug spray!! GODS!!!!!!!! AUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2003 3 September :: 2.17 pm
I'm sorry for all the anger and sh!t. Please stick with me. I'm just having a rough time right now. ;_;
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2003 2 September :: 11.07 pm
9-2-2003
You know your skrewed when you cry about going to school. I hate my school, because of the kids. All but one, other than me, are MORONS. M O R O N S.
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2003 2 September :: 10.48 pm
Hate
I am so pissed at my dad right now. He wants the fucking password to my fucking computer and blahblah BLHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! L:"!Y
R":j I HATE HIM SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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2003 2 September :: 9.10 pm
Hello. Welcome to my new journal
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