Black roses and Silver tears

home | profile | guestbook

Black roses and Silver tears

recent entries | past entries

:: 2003 22 December :: 10.50am

I'm awake!

I want to go places today. I want to do things.

I think me dad's going shopping today but he already left.

I need out of this house before I eat more chocolate.

If anyone wants chocolate or cookies, come over.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 22 December :: 1.24am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: tv

three days~
three days til xmas and i cant wait...but i can...like i need to get some prezies still but if i havent contacted you yet, the afternoon of the twenty third everyone shud come over and get their gifts. um...yes...not much to say...gnight

9 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 December :: 8.49pm

I feel infinite!

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 December :: 7.07pm

MY LINKS FLIP!

On my journal, my links flip when you put yer cursor over them.

I am so cool!

Not.

I smell like a weird creamsaver jellybean. Loverly.

I am hyper.

I love you all!

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 December :: 3.03pm

Muscles: my opinion of
I know I always say I think muscles are gnasty (yes, I meant gnasty) and I stand by that.

I would like to make an amendment to that statement and say that muscles in moderation are hot.

When I say moderation, I mean some solidity to muscle mass.

And abs are sexy.

Not totally over defined abs but abs with slight definition.

Well, I know what I mean.

Ben has some nice abs.

And abs are hot.

"Who wants a tan on their back? There's no abs to accentuate!"

I still haven't watched the latest sb_email.

Um yes. This entry has no point. It's just another Rachel-like entry. Skipping around, weird topics and no defined point.

"Do you sometimes wonder if high school will ever come to an end?"

"Evil is not a word to use lightly. It's only the darkest end of a broad spectrum... Exactly like light. Nobody's born in total darkness. Most of you live on the gray end of the spectrum: a lie here and there. Jealousy. Wrath. But you only get to absolute evil by doing one thing after another until eventually you're transformed... Almost everybody has some light somewhere. And light is always worth fighting for."

I will use this time of randomness to state two random favorites of mine that have recently come to light: snow and Joan of Arcadia.

Wow. I haven't done one of these entries in a long time.

"Lives altered forever by you, by the simple effect of being present...by entering the light, by joining the dance."

Have a fun day.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 December :: 1.24pm
:: Music: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot by Brand New

Another boring day
"If it makes you less sad
I will die by your hand"

I love this song. Thanks for getting me hooked. I love you.

I woke up early. 10:30. To make up for sleeping in so late yesterday. I couldn't fall asleep last night.

I haven't cried in a few days and I'm happy that I haven't.

I'm thinking about maybe actually doing something today. So maybe I might actually start thinking about doing something.

I just burned our last CD.

My brother, once again, is only concentrating on the materialistic side of Christmas. I hope he grows out of that.

I'm going to go read some more.

I hope you all have a great day.

[edit: 2:32] I changed my journal again again again. I love change. I like how you can only see some of the picture. Seriously. I like that.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 21 December :: 3.38am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: buzzz

::twitch::
tom boy result
Tomboy

What kind of little girl were YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla
oooh believe it or not, i loved climbing trees!!!

so, i wrote an entry, it had soemthing about sandy's entries being too long and the fact that ive heard the new incubus song three times and its in my head and i love it so much and i cant wait til february third for it to come out, which is shortly after january twentyninth, when the linkin park concert is. i went to TSO and it was awesome! and ummm.....i babysat...freaky friday(eh..) um....sleepy time!

Are you crying?

:: 2003 20 December :: 8.01pm

We made buckeyes. Well, half made them. They're cooling forever in the refrigerator.

Mum and Dad are making spoon cookies right now. Buddy, Hannah and I are watching Fairly Odd Parents. It's funny.

Um. My day was boring. As stated earlier, I didn't go to the movie with my family. I sat around doing nothing. I just read, watched Cheers and went online. I hope the whole break isn't going to be like this. My only plans are to go to God Squad on Tuesday and to try and improve my DDR 5|<1|_|_z.

Sounds exciting.

I guess I could um do whatever people with lives do but I wouldn't even know where to start.

I'm trying to find the empirical formula for butter. It isn't working out that well. I mean, I can't find it at all. I'm a geek.

God: Just because I speak doesn't mean anyone has to listen.

Joan: Really?

God: Yeah. Free will is one of my better innovations. I give suggestions, not assignments.

Joan: What's the suggestion this time? (or something like that)

God:Stop squandering the potential I gave you. Stop underachieving. Have some pride.

I need to start doing that.

I think we should watch Joan of Arcadia at God Squad. I love that show. I also love chocolate but that doesn't mean we should eat chocolate at God Squad. Or does it?

Boredom causes insanity.

I apologize for any and all mistakes I have made throughout the week.

I'm sorry.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 20 December :: 4.12pm

Yes, I just woke up.

Yes, I feel bad about it.

No, I didn't go to the movie.

Yes, I feel ill because I haven't eaten anything lately. I just haven't been eating much this past week.

And right now I'm just meh.

And shaking because I haven't eaten anything.

And for some reason I'm nervous.

I'm going to go lie down.

I love you all.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 19 December :: 11.35pm
:: Music: Suedehead by The Smiths

All the things you knew I'd written about you...
Why do you telephone?
And why send me silly notes?
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry

But I guess it really doesn't matter

Another night where I feel like shit but am semi happy at the same time.

I'm just...

Meh.

I came back from the TSO concert a little bit ago. The Trans Siberian Orchestra is one of those bands that you listen to and can't help but smile.

I love lazers. I think all of mankind does.

My family is going to see LOTR and I guess they're assuming I'm coming along.

I don't even want to go see it.

My anti-social tendacies are kicking in.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 19 December :: 3.41pm

todaytodaytodaytoday
I am hyper. I had so much chocolate today, it's not even funny.

w00t.

No more school for two weeks! Which means for two weeks I have nothing to do and no life. Which, ne, is a big change from the norm. O.o That was sarcasm.

First hour we watched The Great Gatsby and didn't finish it. Second hour we graded people's presentations and I got my grade back: 84%. Third hour was such a major change. We took notes. That's sarcasm again. Fourth hour we sang in French and watched so French musical before finishing our movie: Au revoir les enfants. Fifth hour we took a quiz and sang Christmas songs in Japanese. Sixth hour we could have made ornaments or snow globes (it's Chemistry) and Katie and decided to make snow globes. It's was all good but our crystals wouldn't form. We made another one and that one worked. I was screwing the lid on my baby food jar when it slipped out of my hand and it spilled everywhere. So I don't have a snow globe and I think I might die because I inhaled whatever acid we were working with.

My brother's watching Rocko's Modern life and I remember this episode.

I feel bad about taking Ben's CD and not having it to give back to him. It was the Switchfoot CD that he burned me a copy of so I just gave him mine. Jon gave me back Ben's CD during fifth hour.

So now I have Ben's CD and he has mine. But he doesn't know. Ha. I'm so awesome.

This is getting long and I'm killing the battery on this laptop so I'm gonna stop now.

I hope you all had a great day and you're doing fine.

Penny-Arcade was on the news in Seattle!

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 19 December :: 6.36am

TGIF
I hate time

I'm glad it's Friday. Last day before break.

I have... let's see... a project due in English 1st hour, a test 4th and 5th hour (French and Japanese) and a lab 6th hour. I love Chemistry labs.

I just hope she didn't correct our tests from yesterday. I know I did horrible.

I got my PSAT/NMSQT results back. They're... meh. I wish I was better at math.

I stayed up until 11 making everyone's present but didn't fall asleep until midnight.

I've gotta go get ready.

The original songs are the best.

"You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does"

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 18 December :: 9.06pm

"In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
I'll never make that mistake again"

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 18 December :: 7.16pm

I'm sorry.

I just...

There's no excuse.

I screwed up.

Like I'm apt to do sometimes.

I'm sorry.

I wish you could forgive me.

"And all I
Need to know
Is that I'm something you'll be missing
Maybe I you should hate ~~you~~ me for this"

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 18 December :: 6.37am

Has it been taken? Is my heart breaking?
I don't know if you all didn't hear somehow but Ben got in a car accident Tuesday night.

Here's the story:

"ok

well i left my house a little b4 9 to get nick and we were gonna chill at my house till the movie

the roads were icy so i was only doin 35 down summit to 12 mile

i pushed my brakes for the stop sign and went into a fishtail

went off the right side where the steep drain thing is

i hit a little pole first, the kind they put signs on

then i rolled down the hill

she went over twice i think

there was a hill on the other side, like a little valley so it rolled the other way onto it's side

i shut the car off, got unbuckled and tried to get out but the passenger door musta gotten messed up cause it wouldn't open

i was about to kick the window out, but then i realized i could roll it down just as easily

so i hop out, check myself over make sure im fine

car comes by 30 secs later and phones the police"

I don't even want to go into what happened with the police.

But there's the story.

I have to go get ready.

I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 17 December :: 11.05pm

I can't get over it.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 17 December :: 9.40pm

"I think prayer can never hurt, as long as you understand you might not recognize the answer right away. Most miracles occur in hindsight."

Are you crying?

:: 2003 17 December :: 8.11pm

I know this is the 400th time I've updated but just suck it okay?

"Humility isn't actually humility unless you're actually good enough at something to be humble."

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 17 December :: 6.35pm

Joan is walking slowly down the sidewalk when Power-walking God appears again. She's all energetic and huffy-puffy until Joan gives her a sharp glance. Then she slows down a bit, as Joan says, "I'm having second thoughts about you."

Power-walking God explains, "It's called a crisis of faith. It's all right. It's not really faith if there's no crisis. Faith is an act of will, not a feeling."

Joan wonders, "How do I know you're not the Devil? You asked me to do something, which I didn't do, and a good thing happened to Adam. Why would God want a good thing not to happen?"

Power-walking God, who has the reassuring demeanour of a soccer mom, replies, "I understand you're confused. But there are no dilemmas without confusion, there's no free will without dilemmas, and there's no humanity without free will."

Joan sits down at the bus stop, saying in frustration, "I don't understand what you're saying. It's all just blah, blah, blah."

Power-walking God blithely assures her: "It's not for now. It's for later."

Joan asks: "Are you really God?"

She says, "You know I am."

Joan laughs mirthlessly and says, "You know I don't know you are. Maybe you don't know because you aren't really God or maybe I'm crazy and I'm sitting here talking to thin air."

Power-walking God acknowledges Joan's confusion. Joan lists all the things she's tried in order to comply with God's request, "What else is there? I mean...do you want me to smash it?"

Power-walking God smiles and replies, "Don't blame me for your failure of imagination. What you have to ask yourself is: What are you going to do now? That's what I'm all about: your next chance to do the right thing. That's how you know I'm who I am. That's how you shall know me from all others. What are going to do now? Every new decision is another chance to do the right thing. You don't get that from the other side."

I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2003 17 December :: 5.07pm

I didn't have to do my presentation today because...

I don't want to talk about it.

I'll just say that yesterday I thought that that morning was the hardest I've ever cried in my entire life. Today I beat it.

I hope tomorrow doesn't beat today.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 17 December :: 6.32am

Yesterday I was tested.

I thought I was failing but I think I passed.

It's hard to tell when so many things go wrong.

I don't want to go to school. I wish we'd have a snow day. Or at least a two hour delay. I can't remember what classes we have if we have a two hour delay though.

I have my World Religions presentation today.

I'm scared.

I hope I do okay.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 16 December :: 3.51pm

Happy two months, Benoit!

*does the I'm hyper but I don't know or care why dance*

TWO MONTHS! WOOO!

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 15 December :: 1.16pm
:: Mood: hot
:: Music: ::type, type::

so long, so long
"its been awhile" since ive written in this thing! i think a whole two days! but its all result of getting home late and laziness...in fact, ive become enthralled with the sherlock homles stories and therefore havent felt like turning on the computer...i came up with an idea for asking neil to turnabout. you know how the alphabet can correspond with twenty six numbers? for instance: A is 1, C is 3, Z is 26...and so on...yea...and my original idea was to give him cars, like matchbox (cars the size of match boxes, hence the name) lol...and write notes you know? but what if the numbers spelled out "TURNABOUT" and on the bottom was a poem to give him the hint that its the alphabet numbered cuz god knows i wouldnt get just a bunch of race cars lol...but there are nine letters in turnabout and then i want one with a load of question marks and he leaves for lunch so ill have to give it to benton or something... but yea...::sigh:: that was what i was thinking about while i couldnt sleep last night. jen was singing ohhh ohhh oohh...just like in latin my arm is shaking cuz i actually did work in gym ::bows head and shakes head:: im a failure. speaking of which, i got a thirty nine out of a hundred on my research paper; it was fifty nine but it was two days late hmmmmm...yea...i need to start my mythology project really badly. i dont even knwo what to do for it. sandys wearing her cool shirt today...but almost everyone is wearing pastels its nuts youd think it was easter not xmas! jen is wearing black...sandy light purple, melissa light pink, melanie and i are both light blue (ballad)...and spencer is wearing red. i never thought id see the day that he would wear anything but black. its nuts! like a squirrel! (lol trix, joey!) today i watched spongebob while waiting for jen to pick me up and patrick is eating popcorn in the episode where they dare sandy to take off her helmet and then they have to go on land. well hes eating popcorn and he says "we arent chicken!" then he drops it and proceeds to peck up the popcorn like a chicken lol! it made me laugh! and then there was an advertisement i think for milk and the little girl is sitting in her backyard drinking milk and eating cookies in the summer and she has this pink easter bunny hat, like the ears on. (jill, this reminded me of you) and then she looks at the milk bottle and it says "MILK HELPS YOU GROW" and so she takes the straw and holds in the milk with her finger and pours it on the ants. her mum calls her in and shes washing her plate and then this gigantic ant goes in the window and shes like ::gasp:: and it goes to the picture outside and its the pest control and the guy gets out of the van with the big ant on it...oooh ::sigh:: twas hilarious!

Are you crying?

:: 2003 15 December :: 6.30am

This song is stuck in my head and I smell like cabbage
And if you don't know what I'm taking about
It's probably better cuz I'm working it out
Don't wanna spend my lifetime figuring out
That I could've just said one prayer

And if you know what I'm talking about
Then together we're both working it out
Don't wanna spend my lifetime figuring out
I missed the point now it's over
I missed the point now it's over
I missed the point now it's over
I missed the point now it's over
I missed the point now it's over
I missed the point now it's over

Are you crying?

:: 2003 14 December :: 9.06pm

My French poem
I had to write a poem for French class... It's homicidal but here it is. Oh, I'll put the English translation up first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas
The snow fell
Slowly
My face was wet
With my blood
When he went
To my house
And he knocked on the door

They opened the door
My mother gasped
As he showed his hands
Covered in blood
I saw him tell them
That I was dead

It was snowing
When he returned to my body
It was Christmas Eve
And he killed me
He told everyone
That he saw someone else
Kill me
And his hands were bloody
Because he found my body

Everyone believed his lies

That Christmas Eve
Two years ago
I was killed
Under the moon
And my assassin was
My love
**********************************
No�l
La neige tombait
Lentement
Ma figure �tait humide
Avec mon sang
Quand il est all�
� ma maison
Et il a frapp� sur la porte

Ils ont ouvri la porte
Ma mere a eu le souffl� coup�
Alors qu�il est montre ses mains
Temper dans le sang
J�ai vu il parle ils
Que je suis mort

Il neigeait
Quand il est retourn�
� mon corps
Il �tait la veille de No�l
Et il me tu�
Il a dit tout le monde
Que il a vu quelqu�un d�autre
Me tu�
Et ses mains a �t� en sang lant�s
Parcequ�il a trouv� mon corps

Tout le monde a cru ses mensonges

Cette veille de No�l
Il y a deux ans
J�ai �t� tuer
Sous la lune
Et mon assassin a �t�
Mon amour

Are you crying?

:: 2003 14 December :: 5.20pm

I'm on the laptop so I apologize for any typos
My dog ate five ounces of chocolate when we were gone.

My sister went on and on about how she loved that chocolate and it was the best without saying one thing about how the dog isn't supposed eat chocolate.

So. I went to the mall. Voluntarily. I got a present for Kittie Katie, my sister Hannah and Benoit. All three in one store. All three burnt the $30 I had. I have no idea what I'm going to do. That brings my grand total of money to $8.98. In change.

Oh well. I'm happy with what I got. I hope they like them.

I'm going to go make more cranes.

"I'm not afraid to fall
It means I climbed up high
To fall is not to fail
You fail when you don�t try
I'm not afraid to fall
I might just learn to fly
And I will spread these wings of mine"

Are you crying?

:: 2003 14 December :: 12.49pm

Il neigeait!!

It's only a little bit but it's still snow. You can sort of see the grass under the snow in our yard and the people across the cul de sac mysteriously don't have any snow in their yard ... (the father of that family is an FBI agent and I swear he's bugged our phones)

But it's snow! On the ground! White snow!

I love snow. Love love love love love love it.

Yeah, I'm a little crazy.

If I want to do what I want to do, I have to make 61 or 62 cranes by Tuesday. I can't count so I don't know the exact number. I'll recount later.

Wow. I guess we're going to the mall. I've gotta go get dressed.

I love you all.

Are you crying?

:: 2003 14 December :: 3.26am

Mental Note: Add shoutbox to Uber-tool's page.

:: 2003 13 December :: 10.39pm

I just made a paper crane all by myself!

It looks like crap but I made it! All by myself! No "help" from my little sister, Hannah. No yelling. No screaming. Just instructions and a piece of paper.

All by myself.

I'm so proud.

I'm gonna go mark the calendar.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2003 13 December :: 6.00pm

I just woke up.

From guess what?

A two hour nap.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

Woohu.com | Random Journal