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Black roses and Silver tears

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Lavitz1985

:: 2003 12 October :: 12.41am
:: Mood: Calm and neutral

I finished my promise to Mr. Wilt tonight. I ran a mile a day for a week. I'm feeling much better about everything, but will not go all scientist and explain why. If you want to know, ask. Take care all.
Luv yous all.
Miss ya more.


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 11 October :: 8.31pm

Did I maybe lend someone my Arjuna DVD and they um...how can I say this...never gave it back? Ever?

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 11 October :: 8.05pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Life Companion Murphy's Law by Last Days of April

I want you to know...
In here
There's so much more than just air
It's all that we used to light up
Give so much love
Feed to our dreams
You made me swear I'd stay
So don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away...

Some may say
That distance makes strong hearts break
I want you to know
It's normal to be scared
As frightened as I am
Shaking on the floor
Thinking of where you are right now

We've got everything here, baby
If something's not right
We'll fix it
And if you need more time just go ahead and say it
You know where to find me, baby

It's only been one day now
I'm already on the phone
I need more time she says
Cuz time makes feelings fade

We've got everything here, baby
If something's not right
We'll fix it
And if you need more time just go ahead and say it
You know where to find me, baby
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just got off the phone with Benoît. It was a good example of why I used to like talking on the phone and why I still do every once in a while.

My ring is upside down. It says I'm sad, confused, scared, frightened, lonely and tons of other things. Maybe I should turn it back around. I'm content. Confused to say the least but I know what I'm doing. I think I'll turn my ring right side up.

My heart no longer pains. Everything I remembered last night doesn't hurt anymore. I look back at what happened and what got me here and I smile. Would I be who I am without your help? Or without our relationship?

I have awesome friends. Not only the ones I know in real life but also some of the ones I've met on woohu. It's silly how the people you never meet are the greatest group of people in the world.

I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 11 October :: 6.44pm

"Politically Correct"
There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house--not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult.

So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket through the woods. Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was confident enough in her own budding sexuality that such obvious Freudian imagery did not intimidate her.

On the way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a wolf. who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, "Some healthful snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult."

The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the wolf knew a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on Grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought you some fatfree, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a wise and nurturing matriarch."

From the bed, the wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as a bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

"They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what a big nose you have, only relatively, of course, and certainly attractive in its own way."

"It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

The wolf said, "I am happy with who I am and what I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the wolf's apparent tendency toward crossdressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopperperson (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding Hood and the wolf both stopped.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood.

The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to him.

"Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you!" she exclaimed. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!"

When she heard Red Riding Hood's impassioned speech, Grandma jumped out of the wolf's mouth, seized the woodchopperperson's ax, and cut his head off. After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the wolf felt a certain commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the woods happily ever after.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 11 October :: 6.18pm
:: Music: Eloi from Time Machine

Jin-Roh
Fuse killed Kei.

I don't think he did it because he is truly a wolf but because that's the only way he knows to be. That's all he was taught. It's all he knows. He tried to be human but look what it did to him. He hesitated upon killing kurzes Haar and she killed herself. And it plagued him. Oh how it plagued him! In his dreams, in his nightmares and in Kei even. He killed Kei. She knew he would. That's why she cried. That's why she shouted out in the last seconds of her life the last lines of Rotkappchen.

"Mother what big claws you have! Mother, what big teeth you have!"

I found it. Finally. It's taken from the dub though. I like the subtitled version better because it's actually TRANSLATED FROM JAPANESE and not CHANGED TO SUIT AMERICAN CHILDREN'S SANITY.

So in other words...this version sucks. I'm gonna look for the subbed one.

Once there was a little girl, called little red riding hood, for she wore always that red riding hood. Now her mother had made her a suit of clothing for her to wear, and this suit of clothing had been made completely out of metal. Her mother then went away to stay alone in a little cottage in the woods, and told the girl, "only when you have worn out this suit of clothing shall you come and visit me." So the girl, nodding solemnly, bade her mother goodbye and set to work to wearing out her suit of metal clothing.

Everyday she rubbed herself against the walls of her home, so that the clothing would be worn out sooner. Everyday, day-by-day, without fail she would rub herself against the walls, till her clothes became thinner, and thinner till she completely wore it out. Elated, she made some bread with butter and wheat cakes for her mother, intending them as gifts, and left her house for her mother's cottage in the woods.

Along the way, just as she was about to enter the woods, she encountered a wolf, which asked for some of her cakes and bread. She refused, for it was to be a gift to her mother. Unfazed, the wolf asked if she would be traveling via the road of pins or the road of needles. The young girl replied that she would be using the road of pins. Thus, the wolf ran quickly down the road of needles and knocked upon the door to the girl's mother's cottage.

"Who is it?" the girl's mother asked.

"It is I, your daughter, come to bring you cakes and bread." And when the mother opened the door, the wolf killed her, eating most of her.

Sometime later, the young girl finally arrived at her mother's cottage. Knocking upon the door, she heard her mother call out in a strange voice, "who's at the door?"

"It is I, your daughter, come to bring you bread and cakes, for I have worn out my clothing of metal and now come to visit you."

"Come in my daughter, the door is not locked!" But the door was locked, and the little girl had to climb in through the little hole at the bottom of the door.

Once inside, she noticed that her mother was in bed. After the long walk through the woods the girl was hungry, and said thus to her mother. "Mother, I'm hungry, for I have traveled far and deep to this place."

And so the reply was, "there is meat in the cupboard, that you may consume to sate your hunger."

And as the little girl was about to eat the meat from the cupboard, suddenly a cat jumped onto the cupboard and told the girl, "do not eat this meat, for this is the meat of your mother, whom has been murdered most foul by the wolf that now sleeps in her bed!"

Thus the little girl told her mother, "Mother, this cat says that it is your meat that I am about to eat!"

And her mother told her, "Surely this cat is lying, for am I not alive and well, talking to you even now? So throw your stick at the cat and eat the meat to sate your hunger." So the girl obediently threw her stick at the cat, thus scaring it off before consuming the meat.

When she had eaten her fill, she felt thirsty, and told her mother so. "There is a bottle of wine above the fireplace child, drink it, and sate your thirst."

And as the girl went to the fireplace and picked up the bottle, a bird flew onto the fireplace and chirped, "little girl, do not drink this wine, for it is the blood of your mother that has been killed by the wolf whom now lies upon the bed."

And when the little girl said to her mother, "mother, there is a bird that says that this bottle of red wine that I am about to drink is your blood, and that you were killed by a wolf, whom now lies in your place!"

And thus came the reply, "child, am I not alive and well? So is the bird lying. Throw your cloak at it, that you may then drink of the wine in peace, and vanquish your thirst." Thus the girl did as she was told, and drank of the wine, till not a drop was left.

Now when she had eaten and drank her fill, till hungry and thirsty she was not, suddenly the girl felt sleepy. Thus her mother said to her, "come child, and rest by my side. I would have you by me once more." And the girl walked to her mother's side and undressed. Putting her clothes of cotton and wool neatly by the side, she climbed into the sheets with mother, so as to rest. There she saw her mother, looking very strange.

"Why mother," She exclaimed, "what big ears you have!"

"The better to hear you with, my child." Came the reply.

"Why mother," the girl continued, "what big eyes you have!"

"All the better to see you with, my child." Came the reply.

"But mother, what big paws you have!" The girl exclaimed.

"The better to hug you with." Came the reply.

"Oh mother, what big, sharp teeth and terrible mouth you have!" The girl cried out.

"The better to eat you with!" The wolf said.

And at that, the wolf pounced upon the girl and devoured her, rending apart her flesh and bone, eating her alive, ignoring her screams.

And thus, the wolf ate the girl, sating its hunger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have the trailer to it on Arjuna. I forgot about that.

I'm gonna go watch it.

I love you all.

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 11 October :: 5.09pm
:: Music: What's This Life For by Creed

They seem so lost because they could never find what's this life for
Curse be upon Andy. He who makes sites which we become obsessed with.

I love bzoink!!!

love:::you
hate:::fire
wealth:::destruction
power:::stupidity
poverty:::that one CSI episode with the model who kills herself
war:::Tibet
peace:::Dalai Lama
dreams:::wasted time
nightmares:::tears
weakness:::needed
strength:::aquired
intelligence:::relative
stupidity:::annoying
anger:::shortlived

Things/People I think of when I hear/see... brought to you by BZOINK!

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 11 October :: 5.03pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Is This the End? by Creed

bah bah black sheep

[most annoying...]


Song: Who Let the Dogs Out
Band: NSync
Solo Artist: Britney Spears
TV Show: Survivor
Movie: Uncle Tom's Cabin
Actor: Ben Affleck
Commercial: any Alflac
Class in school: Algebra
Person you know: Hillary Eldredge
Car: ones without mufflers
Channel: 9
Store: Abercrombie and Child Porn
Restuarant: McDonalds
Thing to do: that one sound from Cheat's Techno
Color: electric pink
Type of person: the ones that call stuff "gay"
Saying: bling bling
Color: the same thing I said before...are you deaf?
Month: September says Lil Ben
Board Game: Monopoly
Card Game: Go Fish
Computer Game: any Barbie one
Video Game: that Barney game for Genesis
Name for a boy: Humphrey
Name for a girl: Geraldine
Site: one with a lot of pop-ups



[most annoying...] brought to you by BZOINK!

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 11 October :: 4.14pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Happy Endings by All-American Rejects

My love for you is sinking to what seems an all time low or high the limit's never ending
w00t!

Thanks, Kyle, for the icon! Je t'adore! It's awesome!

Today is boring.

I love how when you want to talk to someone it's only when they're gone. Or when they won't talk to you.

Bah.

My head hurts.

I just want to take a walk today.

Shana called. She's painting faces and stuff downtown from 11-4. I think I'll go down there and see her.

I never knew she had a twin.

The things you learn when you actually talk to people on the phone.

Bonjour. Ca va?

Anyway, that's it really.

I had a weird dream last night but I can't even remember any of it now that I think about it.

Everything comes back.

I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 10 October :: 11.38pm
:: Mood: bah
:: Music: Down by Socialburn

I'm nothing
Tell me how should this feel
When it comes to you and all the things you do to me
This makes me feel like nothing
Like nothing

When you break me down
I fall apart and wrestle with myself
Inside

I'm nothing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lil Ben came over before we went to the homecoming game and we played DDR. My leg hurts now.

Went to the homecoming game with Lil Ben. Rockford lost if you care.

I got really sad. Someone would say something that would remind me of sitting in the car with Nick after he told me he was scared. Or Benoît fixing the 2 on Nick's sign. Or holding hands in the hallway with Ray. Or snuggling on the couch. That one's the toughest since I did it with both Ray and Nick. Or winter...talking about it, walking through it, falling in it... Crying over it.

And everything brought me deeper into depression. Every memory. Every sight. Every sound. Every word we ever exchanged...I realized that I didn't remember them because I didn't want to.

Now I can tell you details of every event we've shared. I can tell you what the room looked like. I can tell you about the fire at Jackie's. Her kimono. I can tell you about waiting for Nick to return from the hospital. Katie and I in Nick's room. Benoît and Tom in the living room. Crash and Burn. POD. Cold. Mechassult. Strategically placed straws. Phone conversations ending in tears. Vice City.

Well I cried. I cried and I shivered and I cried some more. I feel so exhausted now.

I want to cry some more.

I want to face my memories.

I want to remember everything so I can learn from what I did then.

I want to feel all the pain and joy I experienced with you so I can learn to love and strengthen myself.

I just want to talk to you but I can't even do that anymore.

"Let's just be friends again"

Friends...

Meh.

Friends help each other out. Friends talk. Friends are there when you need them.

Well guess what?

I try to ask for help and you run away. I try to help you and you do the same. I try to talk and you're not home. I need you now and you're gone.

I wish I could say I don't care.

I wish I could just say "meh" as I turn around and move on with my life.

I wish that I didn't believe you when you told me that I should "stop playing with people's hearts."

I wish that I knew that the "world doesn't revolve around [me]."

I wish all the words you said had never hit their target.

I wish this would all go away.

I wish I could talk to you without crying.

I wish I could face you without screaming.

I wish I was afraid of death.

I wish I knew where I was going.

I wish I knew where I was coming from.

I wish I couldn't feel.

I love you all.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 10 October :: 3.51pm

Really quick
Sorry I haven't commented on your journals yet, minna-san. <---I hope that's right.

I'm just stopping by real quick to say that I'll be going to the homecoming game so if any of you all are going, I'll see you there.

Lil Ben's coming over and we're gonna DDR before we go to the game.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 10 October :: 6.31am

I joined Bzoink!!!
Three things that scare me:
1:spiders
2:moving
3:normal people
Three people who make me laugh:
1:Kelly
2:Katie
3:Mr. Miller
Three Things I love:
1:chocolate
2:my friends
3:you
Three Things I hate:
1:moving
2:forgetting my homework at home
3:short pants
Three things I don't understand:
1:mean people
2:algebra
3:mean people
Three things on my desk:
1:headphones
2:batteries
3:Nintendo Power
Three things I'm doing right now:
1:typing
2:thinking
3:wondering
Three things I want to do before I die:
1:have kids
2:become an ascetic
3:understand why people lie
Three things I can do:
1:attempt to sing
2:frightening people with my insanity
3:write poems
Three ways to describe my personality:
1:weird
2:kind
3:eccentric
Three things I can't do:
1:swim
2:understand you
3:take my life

Three Things brought to you by BZOINK!

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 9 October :: 6.03pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Make Friends with Time by Last Days of April

Arms...how I hate all the arms...around my throat til I choke...
Breathe in and breathe out

Night
When I trade day for night
When everything seems alright
I break through thin ice

It's only you...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can you want to be with someone and want to be alone at the same time?

Can you be scared and brave while the tears run down your face?

Can you live and die in the same moment?

Can you shut away your feelings and fall in love in the same day?

Can you be mad and rejoice at the same event?

Can you love everyone and hate no one?

Can you die for someone you don't know?

Can you live for people you do know?

Can you be happy while others cry?

Can I smile while I scream inside?

I'm so confused...

I'm going out to eat with my father's friend tonight so I'll call you when I return, Kelly.

I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 8 October :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: The Days I Recall Being Wonderful by Last Days of April

The days I recall being wonderful...
Yesterday I tried not to lie and I think I made it through the whole day.

Then I lied to my mom about my homework.

Ug. I can't believe I failed.

I tried again today. I lied but then corrected myself. I don't know if that counts.

Today wasn't that eventful. We watched Jin-Roh in anime club.

I love that movie even more now that I've seen it. ;p

Tomorrow I might have third lunch. Maybe. We have a quiz in French 3 and Mrs. Dudka was contemplating switching to third lunch so we have time to finish it.

Tomorrow in World Religions I won't have anything to do. So I'm going to find something to read.

I might just write and cry.

Fun.

I've never cried in class before. Not so, I lie. The latest I have I cried was in eighth grade in Journalism class. Mr. Gathercole was being mean and I cried. No, the latest might have been in gym class freshman year. I don't remember if I cried or not during my first asthma attack.

Bah, I don't remember.

Anyway. My day was boring. I think I will go post some lyrics in hoshi-ko.

I love you all.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 8 October :: 8.11pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Aspirins and Alcohol by Last Days of April

My name lingers...on your tongue...
I got up the courage to call Nick and see what is up with everything...thanks to my sister I did end up actually calling him. I was going to chicken out.

I expected that he would not pick up and I'd give my speech to the answering machine.

He wasn't even home.

Bonfire...again. Benoît is rumored to have gone with him.

I like how he said we'll just be friends again and we've regressed to the friends we were when we first met back in January.

I could've sworn that friends hung out together and talked to each other about what's going on in their life.

Blah. Maybe I was wrong.

Or maybe this week really is 'let's disappoint Rachel week' At least it seems to be turning out that way.

Sob.

I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 8 October :: 7.57pm

I'm about to face on of my worst fears.

Wish me luck and courage to do it.

I'll update later maybe and tell you how it went.

I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 7 October :: 8.19pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Life Companion Murphy's Law by Last Days of April

blah blah angst angst


Yeah. As I said, I give up.

I'm not going to just fill my mind with empty hopes anymore.

I don't know what's going on in your head. I don't know what you feel because you won't talk to me. I only know what you show me. And that's not very much.

You said I could come around anytime. Well here I am. And there you go. Running off to somewhere or someone else.

I'm here if you want me. Just not for long. I'm not going to sit here alone forever. I try so hard to but I'm getting pulled away.

"If it's meant to be you won't have to wait forever"

Nick, 'if something's not right, we'll fix it. And if you need more time just go ahead and say it'

But you aren't saying anything to me. So how am I supposed to know what to do? How am I supposed to know where to go if you won't tell me what's going on?

Please tell me what you want. Or I'm just going to have to go with what I'm doing. And I don't really want to.

I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 7 October :: 6.28pm

I try and be your friend but maybe that's just not what I'm supposed to be.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 7 October :: 4.25pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Utopia by Socialburn

Why are people mean?
I'll start off with a suitable quote from my song of the moment: Will the Violins Be Playing? by Last Days of April...


What I'd like to say
Is that staying friends is okay
But you and me we know
That in one heart love would grow
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bah, I've figured out what to do I'm just reluctant to do it.

I am going to do something I never, ever do.

I'm willing to wait forever but "if it's meant to be then you shouldn't have to wait forever"

So I give up.

I can't wait around forever for you to come around. I can't wait around forever for you to talk to me. I can't wait around forever to talk to you.

So I give up.

I'd rather be pessimistic and happy than optimistic and crushed.

Because that's what keeps happening.

I hope and I hope, I dream and I dream, I wish and I wish but all I get is let down. All I am is crushed. All I receive are tears.

And I want to be happy. I hate being sad.

So, I'm sorry but this is it. I'm here but I'm not going to wait for you anymore. I'll gather up my feelings for you and store them away until things get better. I'm moving on.

With or without you.

It's weird. I don't remember how to be alone. I first learned how from moving so much but now I've forgotten everything I acquired. So now, when I am alone, I don't know where to go. That's why I'm doing this...because I'm stuck here and I need to keep moving or I'll drown.

Well, I tried going through the day without lying and I think I was successful. I still don't know why we do it but hopefully the next couple days'll show me.

Kept the swearing down too. I hardly swear but I've been doing it a lot recently.

I feel awful right now. I need a nice corner to curl up in and loud music to cry to.

In closing, a quote from One More Day by Socialburn:

I swear I've made up my mind
I'll take you back just one more time
Oh no, you've hurt me again
You said that you would change again my friend

But the tears roll down
Swore I'd never come to this
Yeah the tears roll down
Swore I'd never come to this


I love you all.

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 7 October :: 9.29am
:: Mood: blah

I hate feeling blah
I have a Japanese presentation to do today. Yay! I'm scared about it but I know I'll do fine.

Oh, by the way, I'm in World Religions now and I finished what we were supposed to be doing so now I'm just sitting here.

It's funny, yesterday really was a big moral. Some lesson I had to learn.

And I learned it. Sadly. Another one of those things I never wished to learn.

Everyone, no matter how nice they seem, everyone has a mean side. Or something about them you never expected them to do. And not in a good way. Sometimes...people can be mean to the nicest ones in the world.

Now to find out why I needed to learn this lesson.

I'm going to go all angsty on hoshi-ko now. Or better yet. No. I'll go all angsty on my other journal.

I love you all.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 7 October :: 6.21am
:: Mood: blah

Angst
I guess I'll be all angsty now since last night I wasn't.


I hate days when all I want to do is cry. All I want to do is curl into a little ball in a corner, cry and be held by someone.

And then I remember that I don't have anyone. Just me.

I hate days when you just want to stay home and cry curled under the covers in your bed until someone finds you.

Maybe then it'll be the someone I'm looking for.

I love you all.

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 6 October :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Thoughts
Words in my head
Thoughts I want dead
I just wish it'd all just disappear


Ya know what...I was gonna put a nice angsty entry in here but I'm just mad.

So forget that.

Let me go cry now.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 6 October :: 9.40pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Aspirins and Alcohol by Last Days of April

Sigh
Ah...Mondays.

Let me summarize my day.

It's Spirit Week at school since Homecoming's Saturday and all. Today was pajama day.

I felt like being a dork so I wore what are now deemed my "flying squirrel pajamas" Yes, I love you too, Benoît. Imagine a giant grey pillowcase. Now imagine me drowning in it. That's basically it.

The rest of the day was a blur. Par example: boringenglishdon'tremembernotesBuddhanotes
lateforFrenchstandupinfrontofclassD&WcatfriendsJapanesehiraganakatakana
ChemistryfiredrilllabFIREfunhomeyayfood.

Small group was awesome today. Since most of us WERE ACTUALLY THERE AND DIDN'T SKIP!

It's amazing. Today was one of those 'I'm proud I'm a good person" days. I saw how good and nice people can be, closely followed by how mean some people are.

Some kid stepped on my shoe as I was getting on the bus after school so, of course, it fell off. Some girl said, "AHAHA, SHE FORGOT HER SHOE! HA! HER SHOE FELL OFF," then, here comes the part I really hate to hear from anyone: "THAT'S SO GAY!! AHAHA!" Instead of turning around, yelling at her and/or giving her the classic single deuce, I just turned, smiled and said, "Hey, thanks, I noticed."

I like when I resist the temptation to chew someone's head off.

Tomorrow's mission is to not lie at all during the day so I can figure out why people lie in the first place. Oh, and I'm going to cut down on the little swearing I do. In other words, eliminate any swearing at all and become the little angel Rachel I was pre-ninth grade.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 6 October :: 3.50pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: The Days I Recall Being Wonderful by Last Days of April

Would you trade me/For more of yourself?
It's funny how...

the ones you think about the most...

the ones who occupy your thoughts...

for every second of the day...

are the ones you cannot have...

the ones you have lost...

or the ones you cannot have again...

Yet you still hold hope...

that maybe someday...

somehow...

someway...

you may have what you cannot...

you may have what you have lost...

you may have what you cannot have again...

I still hope...


I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 5 October :: 11.35pm
:: Mood: sad

It's funny how...

a scent...

can bring back...

so many memories...

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 5 October :: 8.13pm

Well...one last try...

I hate villagephotos. They out a limit on bandwith. I mean, how stupid is that? ;p

If you want to see pictures of me...ask me because I really want a background on my journal and I need to get rid of some of the bandwith I'm zapping.

I love you all.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 5 October :: 8.06pm

WELL JEEZ!!!

Since my links won't work and I can't figure what's wrong I'll just try villagephotos.

If that doesn't work...

Y'all are going to have to actually do work and copy and paste.

I love you all.

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 5 October :: 6.55pm

Well I changed the pictures I posted earlier into links.

They should work now.

My icon makes me sad too.

I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 5 October :: 4.28pm

For Esther
Since the only picture of any of us Esther has seen is the one of Katie giving us the single duece, I'm gonna be weird and show you pictures of me and my siblings from when we were in South Carolina this summer.

So Esther, here ya go.

I was debating between putting a link to the pictures or just the picture. Since the whole internet is just gonna click the link anyway, it doesn't matter.




Me, Hannah and Buddy on the beach. I'm the skinny one in the back on the right. Holy cow! It's Rachel in a bikini! That's probably the last time you'll ever see that.

Me acting very childish on the elevator.
That dude on the left is my father.

This is me and Hannah watching the Price is Right while we're waiting for Monk to come on.

This is the crappiest because I accidently saved it as .bmp.


I love you all.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 5 October :: 3.49pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Will the Violins be Playing? by Last Days of April

All lights burn out
Took a quiz but since Kyle doesn't like lewd women I'll give you the link and what my result said.

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

"Tomboy...You're sexy and utterly irresistable. You can attract girls, guys, whoever you want. You tend to be loyal, caring and possessive. Please, call me. I'll be yours forever."

Wouldn't it be great to actually attract whoever I wanted?

A girl can dream, ne?

I'm going to go find something to do now. Brett Bretterson, I hope your story isn't too long because I'm gonna go read that.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2003 5 October :: 2.12pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: Thirteenth Dalai Lama from Kundun

Miscellany
A - Act your age: Why would I want to do that?
B - Born on what day of the week: Wednesday
C - Chore you hate: I get allowance for sitting on my butt so I don't have any chores.
D - Dad's name?: George
E - Essential makeup item?: HA! Who said I wear make-up?
F - Favorite actors/actresses?: I don't know any.
G - Gold or silver?: Silver
H - Hometown?: Evanston, Illinois
I - Instruments you play?: the rubber band, cow bell, jug...
J - Job title?: lazy bum
K - Kids?: Where?
L - Living arrangements?: Here.
M - Mom's name?: Anne
N - Number of socks you own: Who counts their socks? I don't.
O - overnight hospital stays?: None.
P - Phobia?: spiders, moving, my friends being hurt
Q - Quote you like?: "You don't throw away a whole life just 'cause it's banged up a little."
R - Religious affiliation?: Catholic...but if you asked me what Catholism was all about, I couldn't tell you.
S - Siblings?: Hannah:12 and Nathaniel:10
T - Time you woke up today?: 1:something
U - Unusual Habits?: Um...I eat when I'm bored.
V - Vicious thing you have done?: I like to think I haven't done anything vicious.
W - Worst habit?: I bite my nails and chew on my hair when I'm stressed.
X - X-rays you've had?: None.
Y - Your favourite season?: Winter!
Z - Zodiac Sign: Aquarius.


I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

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