Angel_Bob
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::
2003 5 October :: 1.42pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Will the Violins be Playing? by Last Days of April
When my heart finally opens/Will you be there to embrace me?
It's not you
It's all me
As if me taking all the blame would make you feel much better now
But all lights burn out...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just woke up.
I guess that makes up for staying up until two.
Um...wow.
I really don't have much to say.
I get to pois--er bring food tomorrow for small group. Which means some time today I might want to start making some sort of food.
I hope I wrote down my homework because all I remember is that we might have a quiz in Japanese because we have one every Monday. And we have to have most of Uncle Tom's Boring Book Which is Just Like That Other Boring Book We Read Last Year in the Fact That it Got Interesting Toward the End by Tuesday.
Wow, that was long.
So, I'm going to go eat something maybe.
I love you all.
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 4 October :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: When in Doubt by Thousand Foot Crutch
Have you ever felt abandoned/Felt so lost that you were stranded
My first week of vegetablearianism didn't over well.
After one day my stomach started to feel like it was digesting itself.
Then it started screaming. "GOOD LORD, CHILD!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME!!??"
So I guess it's not the way for me...bring on the meat.
My next missions: Free Tibet Club, boycott of Chinese goods, going to church again and reparation for women's opression. That last one is just to combat the slave reparations everyone is fighting for.
And now...just because I feel that this song fits what's going on...lyrics! I know I've posted these before so I don't mind if you skip them. Just try to comment on what I said pleases.
I give unto thee...Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve Pipe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah
You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love you all.
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 4 October :: 8.50pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: World Outside by Socialburn
I wish that I could say...there's a world outside...
I wore pink today...
Hannah's zip up pink hooded sweater over my black button up shirt I've had since 7th grade.
I never wear pink.
Wow.
I love you all.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 4 October :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Happy Endings by All-American Rejects
Happy endings
Just what did you do, if you're a dream then come true
Stop pretending
That what you mean isn't what you say
Hopeful dreaming
Of times before the pain, wishing it was still the same
Loving, leaving
Round and round and round we go again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I update because no one is online.
I update because I have nothing to do.
I update because I have no life. Joy.
I had a nice dream last night. For the first time in a while I woke up happy and hopeful. I think it's a good sign.
I've been trying to start praying more often. It's for the same reason I joined small group: I don't want to be a Sunday Christian. Hell, I don't go to church so I'm not even that. I don't want to go to Him when I just need help. I want to thank Him sometimes for helping me get this far.
I think next week or the week after, I'm going to start going to church. That means I might have to find out what time mass begins.
I know there's one Saturday afternoons/evenings. I know there's one on Sunday at ten or eleven. What am I saying? I don't know anything.
I want to start going to church again. I want to start being closer to God again. I feel like I'm so far away...
That's basically what's going on right now. That and all the shit I've been angsting over the past couple of days. I'm pathetic really.
I solemnly swear from this day forth that I shall not be all angsty and generally sad. At least not when or where you can see it ;p
This entry is so long I just went through two songs. Amazing.
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 4 October :: 6.20pm
KB (Kelly) seems to be our UN delegate on NationStates now.
I don't like the fact that our countries have to respond and form to what the UN tells us. If I want a corrupt dictatorship, damn it I should be able to have one.
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 4 October :: 5.29pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Is This the End? by Creed
So, is this the end for us, my friend?
BLAHIOHFOHIFEUOP inergs8
Yes.
Went to the mall with Kittie Katie. I got a GIR armwristbandthing/human wrist ornament. Hannah and I split the cost of an awesome choker. Hannah gots some clip on kittie ears too. Katie got a human wrist ornament, some melon soda pop thing that we all shared, Full Metal Panic! manga #1 and yes.
I read the 6th volume of Chobits while we were in B&N. It was sad.
I can't wait to read number 7.
What else...
Ah, I read Ears' e-mails to Kittie Katie. Aw...he's a sweetheart.
Yes. That is all.
I love you.
1 See through my crystal fears |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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2003 4 October :: 11.28am
:: Music: Will the Violins be Playing? by Last Days of April
Thanks, Andy
Words I keep in here
Thoughts that make me scared
Always seem to show
Your eyes let me know you know
It's not you
It's all me
As if me taking all the blame would make you feel much better now
But all lights burn out
What i'd like to say
Is that staying friends is okay
But you and me we know
That in one heart love would grow
It's not you
It's all me
As if me taking all the blame would make you feel much better now
But all lights burn out
Same time tomorrow
Will the violins be playing
When my heart finally opens
Will you be there to embrace me
Because it's all so crazy now
It's all so fucked up now
It's not you
It's all me
As if me taking all the blame would make you feel much better now
But all lights burn out
I always thought that I
Would find what I lack in you
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 4 October :: 10.55am
:: Mood: more than fine
:: Music: Way Away by Yellow Card
I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe
Anything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love the part of this song when the violin comes in. It's beautiful.
I was up until 2 last night talking to Ray and Andy on AIM.
Good times.
Then I went and cried myself to sleep.
Fun.
I think I'm going to see if I can hoodwink my parents into getting Halo.
Look at this quote for Halo2.
"Halo 2 is a lot like Halo, only it's Halo on fire, going 130 miles per hour through a hospital zone, being chased by helicopters and ninjas," explained Jason Jones, head of Bungie Studios. "And the ninjas are all on fire, too."
I like ninjas.
Anyway, I don't have much to say.
I'm going to go to the mall today with Katie I believe. Even if we don't end up going, we're going to watch Pirates of the Carribean, play DDR and maybe make some German pretzels.
I'm going to see if we can maybe head to Cedar too seeing as today is Red Flannel Day and I never really head to Cedar.
I love you.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 4 October :: 12.12am
:: Mood: quixotic
This is how it feels to not believe...
...anything...
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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2003 3 October :: 10.19pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Way Away by Yellow Card
There's nothing for me here/It's all the same
You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
I'm on my way
I made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say
I'm not afraid
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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2003 3 October :: 12.57pm
I am Mario.
I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly
serene and aimless existence if it weren't for
my friends always getting into trouble. I love
to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I
seem to make friends with people who just can't
stay out of trouble.
What Pre-1985 Video Game Character Am I? ----- PICs & Many Outcomes
brought to you by Quizilla
No one would really know your name. You would be
called by what you do. For example, if you burn
your victims to death all the time, you would
be known as The Arsonist, or if you knife them,
you would be known as The Slasher. You would be
the mysterious killer who strikes at sporadic
times, and would be very difficult to catch.
You might dress up and mask yourself when you
perform your horrible killings. Your identity
would really be a mystery. Obviously you would
be wanted all over the place, and authorities
would desperately try to capture you. Even if
you were caught, you would not say much. The
public would greatly fear you because you could
just strike unexpectedly.
(New Quiz!) What Would Your Serial Killer Name Be? What Would the Public Know You As?
brought to you by Quizilla
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 2 October :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Goodnight Julia from Cowboy Bebop
I am a freak
Maybe if I cry
The tears will heal my pain
Maybe if I die
I will learn to live again
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 2 October :: 10.39pm
:: Mood: guilty
All the times I never said "I love you"...
Now you're in the bed with somebody and everyone else...
You can't run from your problems.
I'm not running.
Why are you?
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 2 October :: 7.48pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: Blue from Cowboy Bebop
I think I have a fever
My head really hurts and my hands are freezing while my head burns.
You are...Aerials!
*What S.O.A.D song Are YOU?* (Now with Pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 2 October :: 6.25pm
:: Mood: morose
:: Music: Way Away by Yellow Card
Letting out the noise inside of me
Every window pane is shattering
Cutting up my words before I speak
This is how it feels to not believe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My icon is crap. I wish I knew how to make cool ones. Cool animated ones. Then I'd make one with the first verse of Ashes by SocialBurn on it. Or maybe the chorus. I love that song.
But since I don't have those sk1llz. I've got crap. Which will change to slightly lesser crap in a little bit.
I really feel sad. I've just realized why I'm so afraid and what I need to do about it.
But I don't want to.
You said you changed. I didn't realize it until I looked back...then I saw the "new" you. But I don't want the "new" you. I want the one I loved and looked up to. I want the real you, not an update.
So until everything's sorted out, I'm going to try and be happy to the fullest extent of my ability.
Because why in the world would I want to stay sad?
I love you all.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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2003 2 October :: 4.35pm
:: Music: Way Away by Yellow Card
Way away away so you can see how it feels to be alone and not believe anything
Another lyrics entry. If you actually want to read something of some substance...go check my earlier entries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'm breaking out
I'm going to leave you now
Theres nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
You can't keep me here, I'm on my way
I've made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
Letting out the noise inside of me
Every window pane is shattering
Cutting up my words before I speak
This is how it feels to not believe
Letting out the noise inside of me
Every window pane is shattering
Cutting up my words before I speak
This is how it feels to not believe
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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2003 2 October :: 4.06pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: One More Day by Socialburn
2 hours...
Warm sunshine on my face
I hear the crashing of the waves
I really came here to hide
To try and escape the pain inside
As the tears roll down
Yeah the tears roll down
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just awoke from a two hour nap. What's with me and two hour naps?
I only woke up because Katie called to tell me something.
Everything comes back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Swore I'd never come to this
One more day I could have missed
The warm sunshine on my face
Can you hear the crashing of the waves
As the tears roll down...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well now I wait.
I love you all.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 2 October :: 2.02pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: U by Socialburn
Why can't you see who you can be?
Take back those tears
That you sometimes cry
I'll be right here
Till your fears subside
It won't take long
You just need some time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oioi.
Today...today was interesting.
I almost cried at the spot this morning.
English was so boring I almost fell asleep.
We watched the end of Kundun. That's my new favorite movie. I think we'll start a "Free Tibet" club. Damn China.
I fail--er took an in-class essay in AP US History. The bad thing was that the question was so easy that I couldn't remember enough info to support what I was trying to say. Result: questionable.
Alright, I know what I'm gonna do but I need everyone's help.
I am going to wait. I'm not going to cry, be sad or brokenhearted. I'm going to try and be patient and let things settle. If I can just do that, I'll be okay. If I can let things flow back to normal, it'll be fine.
My head really hurts. I can't really focus that well. Maybe my medicine ran out on me. I never take painkillers...
Um...anyway.
Monday's gonna be the hardest to do.
I love you all.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 1 October :: 9.19pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Sorry by Our Lady Peace
I'm sorry I can't lie
It's all Jackie's fault I swear! ;p
I love how I don't know who those people are. What a sucky threesome.
That one's better. Woah that Ewan McGregor...he eeks hotness.
BOOYAKA!
Even better.
Whoa...um that's unexpected.
Ick.
Well I'm don't want to take anymore because I know you probably won't read this anyway.
I love you all.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 1 October :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: U by Socialburn
Pointless
Another pointless entry. My "important" journal entries are the ones from earlier.
This is from a fan translation of Shirahime by CLAMP. It comes out over here in December. CLAMP wrote it in 1992. It's so beautiful. Go to Tokyopop and check it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
pg. 3
Title page. A dark-haired woman in a white kimono walks beneath a red crescent moon.
pg. 4
The crunch of snowshoes on packed drifts.
Through the mountains a man is traveling, buffeted by fierce winds flinging snow. Lifting his head, he sees a figure standing on a knoll ahead of him, and his eyes widen.
pg. 5
Wind whips long, black hair and white kimono sleeves.
Man [thinking]: In the middle of snow like this, a woman......?
pg. 6
He approaches her. Her face is pale as the snow-covered hills, her lips stained red.
Man [thinking]: So beautiful.
pg. 7
He draws nearer, leaving tracks in the snow behind him. Around the woman, who is barefoot, there are no prints at all.
Man: What are you doing out on a day like this?
The woman smiles, and turns slightly away.
Woman: I am waiting.
Man: What are you waiting for?
She turns into the wind and says nothing.
pg. 8
Man: It's snowing. Shirahime will be on her way. You should hurry home.
The woman tilts her head back toward him.
Woman: Shirahime?
pg. 9
Man: Shirahime is a goddess of the snow. They say that on a day when snow falls like this, Shirahime is crying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love you all.
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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2003 1 October :: 8.27pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Stacy by Socialburn
Another stupid update
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2003 1 October :: 2.03pm
:: Music: Feel Free by Socialburn
Feel free to feel for me
5 days
5 weeks
5 months
5 years
And it's only the first day.
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 1 October :: 12.32pm
:: Mood: meh
:: Music: Misc classical music
When It's Over by Sugar Ray
I guess this applies to my day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When it's over
That's the time I fall in love again
And when it's over
That's the time you're in my heart again
And when you go go go go
I know
And it never ends
It never ends
All the things that I used to say
All the words that got in the way
All the things that I used to know
Have gone out the window
All the things that she used to bring
All the songs she used to sing
All the favorite TV shows
Have gone out the window
I'm missing you
I never knew how much she'd loved me
I'm missing you
I never knew how much you meant to me
I need you and when you go go go go
I know
It never ends
Never ends
All the things that I used to say
All the words that got in the way
All the things that I used to know
Have gone out the window
All the things that she used to bring
All the songs she used to sing
All the favorite TV shows
Have gone out the window
I'm wishing you
You never said you were pretending
I'm wishing you
You feel the same and just come back to me
I need you and when you go go go go
I know
It never ends
It never ends
When it's over
Can I still come over
And when it's over
Is it really over
When it's over
That's the time I fall in love again
All the things that I used to say
All the words that got in the way
All the things that I used to know
Have gone out the window
All the things that she used to bring
All the songs she used to sing
All the favorite TV shows
Have gone out the window
All the things that I used to say
All the words that got in the way
All the things that I used to know
Have gone out the window
All the things that she used to bring
All the songs she used to sing
All the favorite TV shows
Have gone out the window
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love you all.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 1 October :: 12.16pm
:: Mood: meh
It's a 3D day
Just got back from me root canal.
They didn't finish it really. I have to get it filled and everything later.
TWO HOURS OF SUFFERING!
Shirahime was crying while I was at the dentist. It's only the first of October.
I think I saw Mr. Wilt's bug.
My mouth hurts and I'm numb.
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 1 October :: 6.33am
:: Mood: weird
Um...hi I guess...
I feel really weird.
I still want to throw up.
But I want to curl up in a corner and figure things out too.
This is so confusing.
I prayed so hard last night that I did the right thing, that I'm going on the path He has created for me. If I'm not, it's for a reason and I know I'll be back on that path soon.
Well, hell. I needed someone to talk to last night at 11:00 so I checked the messenger to see who was awake.
I ended up calling Ray and talking to him.
It's weird to say it out loud.
I pray that everything will be okay and that we'll all be steered the right way.
I love you all.
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 30 September :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Misc. FF9 music
Woah...
I feel...strangely relaxed.
Ask me about it tomorrow and I'll tell you...maybe. Once I've figured everything out.
This doesn't feel that bad.
I just feel like I need to throw up. Purge the system of impurities, ne?
I don't know what I feel.
All I know is that I'm not sad anymore but I might be a little tomorrow.
I love you all.
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 30 September :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Ashes by SocialBurn
I search myself alone
Tomorrow I get a root canal.
I miss 6th hour.
My heart hurts.
I love you all.
1 See through my crystal fears |
Are you crying?
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Angel_Bob
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::
2003 30 September :: 4.21pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: One More Day by Socialburn
Je ne comprends pas
I don't understand.
How can people be so mean to the nicest people? Why do they hate those who love? Is it because they're nice? Is it because they love everything?
Je ne comprends pas!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Warm sunshine on my face
I hear the crashing of the waves
I really came here to hide
To try and escape the pain inside
As the tears roll down
Yeah the tears roll down
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't understand.
I love you but you hurt me again and again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I swear I've made up my mind
I'll take you back just one more time
Oh no, you've hurt me again
You said that you would change again, my friend
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you be so cruel? How can you be so mean?
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. I know you're sick of hearing it. I know I've said it before. But you just hear it. You just listen. You don't comprehend it.
Yes, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind but he hurt me and I'm pissed so I'm going to hurt him back. He punched me so I'll punch him back. He stabbed me so I'll stab him back.
Where does that get you?
Right back to where you started and it just begins again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But the tears roll down
Swore I'd never come to this
Yeah the tears roll down
Swore I'd never come to this
I swore I'd never come to this
One more day I could have missed
The warm sunshine on my face
Can you hear the crashing of the waves
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you preach love then turn around and hate? How can you be so ashamed for a simple mistake that never hurt anyone but then turn around and actually hurt someone?
How can you teach love and peace then refuse to tolerate those who do not?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the tears fall down...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happened to the one I knew and loved? What happened to all I cherished and adored? What happened to those I looked up to?
Why do I hurt so badly...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Climbing down the hours I need to know now
Do the hands of time only rule this chapter?
--- Naveed by Our Lady Peace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I search long enough I might find that someone
Waiting to take me away
...yeah but not today...
--- Ashes by Socialburn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where are you?
I love you all.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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