gilded smile

:: 2006 19 May :: 7.33pm

so who got a bomb new laptop and awesome printer/copier/scanner for graduating??

yeah that's right. i did. suck on it, losers.

thanks dad and mom! it's so awesome. ahhhhh

it has wireless internet, which we have here at home so i can use it. it has dvd player and BURNER and cd burner and an awesome screen and ahhhh it's so cool!! hooray!

jedibumblebee

:: 2006 19 May :: 7.16pm

oh wow.

i can't even begin to put life into words.

i have been so busy lately that it's not even funny.

getting married in 11 weeks. i'm strangely calm about that.

i am glad that i did things the right way (in my opinion). my parents aren't forbidding our union, i'm not knocked up, i didn't force him into it. i'm a college graduate and i'm gainfully employed (well, for a little while longer at least).
we don't have the wild and crazy, do-anything-for-love, sweep-me-off-my-feet attitude. we have this practical, stable, powerful, but sensible love that is so hard to explain to anyone else. not passionate in spontanaeity, but passionate in its strength.
so i am calm. because i believe that i know what our future holds.

6 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2006 19 May :: 3.32pm

WOOOOOO fuck you school!!! you dirty whore!!! I am done with you forever and I never have to look at your ugly skanky bitch ass ever again!!! you are the biggest whore that ever existed and I hate you and now i'm done!! fuck you schooollllllll fuuuuuuuck youuuu!!!!!!

good riddence! or ridance or riddance. i dont even know how to spell it but i dont care! it's done!

spud	:: 2006 18 May :: 1.54pm :: Mood: motivated i cleaned up my room some. i have to run to the bank, because bruce was complaining. ... "is it cool to hit the sauce when you've got a bun in the oven?" i need not say more. 3 hold on tightly \| let go lightly

:: 2006 18 May :: 1.42pm

blah blah blah school is done . hooray hoorah.

now if only something good in my life were happening. you're a meany.

i was supposed to be moving to jackson tomorrow.

maybe..... i will.

:: 2006 17 May :: 11.44pm
:: Mood: headache : (
:: Music: muse - absolution

man, i really suck at first-person shooters. and apparently they give me headaches too.

so i'm done with those.

i miss my girly. i really hope she can come up this weekend.

i guess dad planned a skating party over at plainfield on sunday for libby's birthday.

i'm way too tired. far more than i should be.

and this headache stuff is bullshit.

i can't even think. not that i really could to begin with, but you know.

i work tomorrow. that's exciting.

:: 2006 16 May :: 10.47pm

fuck

i am in way over my head.

way over.

holiday

:: 2006 16 May :: 10.34am

So my internet hasn't really been working.
But I've been working. A lot. Tiredness.
I got this really neat baby-bath thingy. It's a shower/spa bathtub and it looks really nice. I wish I could fit in it. haha.
I almost peed my pants driving home from work Sunday. You know what's the worst? Sneezing while you're driving. You know what's worse than that? Being pregnant and sneezing while you're driving. hahaha.
I just feel like sleeping. Yesterday I was sooooooooooooo excited about watching the Grey's Anatomy finale. Ahhh I even put a reminder in my phone. haha. I love that show! It was so sad :(
Well other than that nothing really is happening. Still getting stuff around at the new house. I can't believe I'm going to be moving out and married in about 2 1/2 weeks. AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR MARRIAGE LICSENSE YET! That could be a problem...

:: 2006 15 May :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: dirty
:: Music: Nelly furtado- promiscuous

i can see you with nothin on.

So four more days huh?

Thanks Gunnie for all the four years of having woohu for me. I used it every day practically, all throughout high school. Some day I'll have to read every entry I've ever made. HA! right.

Ugh. everything kinda sucks. I am pretty much only excited a little bit for college. But I am REALLY looking forward to getting an apartment. It should be really nice.

I got to leave Rosie's early tonight because Cory is so nice. GOOD! i didn't make much money but it was so slow and it's just nice extra cash in my bank account.

I think we'll be alright. eventually.

ASHKLD

:: 2006 14 May :: 10.20pm

god it's not like you fucking care anyway

leave me the fuck alone.
ask me about something that's actually good , how bout. ugh
dumb

asdlfkjas;dlfjksdl;afkj; jsd umb dubme dubm

i will never have a family like this.

:: 2006 14 May :: 2.44am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: the ladd mcintosh big band

mothers' day
well, i finished making mom's present. i just wound up doing what shannon said, since i figured mom would appreciate the creativity, and i didn't get to stop by the crafts store anytime this week.

and i had to ditch on kevin tonight. and i'll have to tomorrow as well, or, at the very least, postpone it until later in the evening, depending on how late we wind up staying at grandma's.

working saturdays sucks. especially when you're not getting paid overtime for it.

i assume i'll feel better about everything once i get my first check. which should be friday. so, less than a week and i'll be seeing a couple hundred bucks. that should shut me up some.

although, if i were working full time, like on my own-ness, life would suck. i'd have no friends. and i'd barely be scraping by. seriously. let's do the math a second:

$11 / hr.
40 hrs / wk.
= $440 gross/ wk. (= approx. $300 net)
$300 / wk.
52 wks. / yr.
= $15,600 / yr. INCOME

rent = $300 / mo.
utilities = $100 / mo.
food, etc. = $100 / wk.
= approx. $10,000 EXPENSES

= $5,600 miscellaneous expenses, savings, etc. / yr.

not to mention i'd be completely miserable. i personally don't know how dad does it. i mean, i just couldn't keep plugging away with that staring me in the face.

but in all truth, sometimes i don't see me keeping plugging away as the current situation sits either. i mean, i'm making maybe $6000 / yr. instead; and i have MORE expenses ($15,000 +) than i would if i weren't going to school, and the only thing i seem to have going for me is the fact that i'm NOT completely miserable, and hopefully when all is said and done, my school will have paid for itself, and i'll be able to be un-miserable, and more financially productive in my given field.

i just don't know if it will work. it's a good theory. but will it work?

at any rate, 'tis a far, far better thing to go to school than to waste away in some factory.

however, looking at these numbers, i won't be able to start a family for at least another 5 - 10 years. not that i'm in any great hurry. i just think it would be nice to have a family and a home. and i would potentially like to start on it before i'm 30.

:: 2006 13 May :: 8.29pm

jessica that's okay

I absolutely love my boyfriend.

he is my everything. and i am so selfish i'm not even going to share anything more because i want to keep it all to myself. i'm not even going to say anything that happened because it is mine to treasure and you can't take that away. i never get to see him but at least you can't take this away.

bastards.

i love the movie crash.

and i cant even rant and rave about anything that is bugging me because you people might actually then be let on to what a complete and utter loser i am.
and how i have no one to walk with on graduation and how i am afraid that no one will show up to my open house.

i have everything i need i guess just not everything i'd like to have.
ugh.

:: 2006 13 May :: 12.51am
:: Music: acoustic alchemy - radio contact

man. i probably shouldn't make a habit of this having a nightcap after work, but gol' durn it sure is nice.

i mean, it's really cool to have my body go numb and all the little noises to go quiet before i go to sleep. and it's not like it's so much as to cause a problem in the morning. it's just enough.

i don't think it's a problem. i could stop if i wanted to. like this weekend. that'd be good.

wheee. i should've seen this coming. i just enjoy the fact that i can't feel my face far too much. but yet i can still type and stuff....

meh. i don't think it's going to be an issue. i mean, it might be, but as long as i just respect things for what they are.

no sangria tonight though.

tonight is white russian. it's much better when its not 2% milk and orange rum, let me tell you. there's a fun story.

it involves kevin having sex in my parents' waterbed.

good times, good times.

:: 2006 12 May :: 1.27am

WOO!!! SANGRIA!!!

driving hilos is kinda fun.

that is all.

oh, and it looks like i have a place to live this fall. yay!

and driving hilos is fun.

and i'm taking the truck into the shop tomorrow.

but you already knew that.

shannon is super-serial sexiness.

but you knew that too.

man, my fingers won't work anymore....

:: 2006 11 May :: 1.26pm

ugggghghghghhghghghg

I CAN'T STAND YOU!!!

HOW LOUD MUST I SCREAM IT?!

inside my head that is.

:: 2006 11 May :: 12.48am
:: Mood: sleepyish
:: Music: boney james - sweet thing

charlevoix was fucking sweet. i want to go back there and stay in that place and that moment forever and ever. but i can't.

that being said, i started work on tuesday. and i'm making calls about living arrangements for next fall. so far no luck.

work is pretty cool. the guys are nice and relaxed, which is cool. and the work is sort of interesting. i'm basically unloading semi-trailers right now. and sorting the stuff that we're unloading. it's lots of pushing and pulling and lifting and stuff. but tomorrow i take my hilo test. hopefully that goes well. there's a written portion, as well as a practical, with an obstacle course and everything. hopefully i do alright.

friday morning i made an appointment to take the truck into the shop and have them replace the steering relay rod. apparently it's like a 4 hour job. and it's all free, because it's a recall part. sweetness. maybe i'll get an alignment out of the deal. i'll be sure to bring a book.

so, life keeps on trucking, faster than i can keep up. but that's okay.

i don't have to keep up. because everyone is so wonderful to me.

holiday

:: 2006 9 May :: 11.31am

Schools over! Finals are over! Yay! I won't be going back until next year and it's kind of a relief.
Lately I've been busy moving and working. Workin' workin' workin'. It feels like a dream, it just doesn't feel real to be moving. I mean, right now, I know where everything is. Now I'm going to be in a relatively new place where I have no idea where things are besides Meijer and the mall and work. What the heck.
We have a really nice deck and backyard. And rosebushes! I'm fricken nesting already! hahaha. I want everything clean and I'm planning on planting so much and getting things painted and... ah. Crazy. I just want to stay at home and clean and plant and cook. Is that bad? oh my gosh.
By next week I'm 'supposed' to have gained about 5 pounds and i weighed myself today and I've actually lost weight. But that's okay. Everything's healthy.
Anyway, that's about it for now.

:: 2006 8 May :: 10.23pm

god today sucked so fucking much. i can'twait to be out of high school and fucking livingo n my own with my sweetiepie.

i was in a GOOD MOOD all day, can you belive it? and it was only beacuse i KNEW i did not have to work today

WELL GUESS WHAT

i'm happy as can be, on alpine just shopping my little heart out, i go to menards buy some stuff for the apartment

tra lalalala
a

i head to walmart

i see these adorable little bowls and cups and matching silverware

i go to get a cart

and ring ring a ding ding

my phone is ringing

it's amber from menards.

i was supposed to be tehre at 2:30 pm today she said

BULL SHIT i'm thinking. but twas true.

i wrote down my effing schedule wrong. but at least i have friday off.

god so then i had to go home and change and drive all the way back to work. i was bawling my effing eyes out the whole way there and back . i was so furious because it was so nice out and i was looking forward to getting SO much stuff done and then me and my mom were gonna go to the algoma park and i was gonna rollerblade with my new roller blades. i was so effing exctied and then it all got RUINEd

ugh. but anyway. i'm home, i'm still alive and i .... i duno. i'm tired.

oh and i guess besides everyone hating me and everyone at menards thinking i'm so fucking dumb and absolutely humiliating myself every fucking day...
i'm just peachy.

:: 2006 7 May :: 9.19pm

well mutha fucka!

i'm done with work and i am so READY for a day off. tomorrow.

oh but wait i still have to go to school.

well mutha fucka.

oh and i dont want to forget what this crazy guy said yesterday.. I was just beeping his little fricken FAMOUS DAVES BBQ SAUCE and he goes "WHAT IN THE LORD'S NAME?!?!?!" he like screams it and grabs the sauce from me (lol) and he goes "..oh, okay spicy" and puts it in the bag.

i'm like hahahahahahaaaaaa. lol
i like jumped a foot when he screamed it because i didn't know what the hell was the matter.
it was so funny. that wwas the only enjoyment i had. really.

:: 2006 7 May :: 10.16am

everything is shit.

as usual.

and i really realy don't think i can take seven more hours today of just standing in one spot. standing in one spot and listening to beeps. and pushing buttons. and saying the same exact fucking thing over and over and over and over there's your reciept have a good day. hi how are you hi how are you hi how are you hi how are you credit or debit credit or debit oh sorry sometimes it goes right to debit.

i am going insane it is such a mundane job and i can't take it anymore. EVERYONE: never be a cashier! I'm sorry i got you into this beans.

i wish i had said i wanted to work in a department and wear gloves and a toolbelt.

i hate being a cashier!! i hate it!

oh and tra lala off to work i go until 7 oclock . another beautiful day completely fucking wasted.