i am seriously and completely totaly 100% fed up and i am fu cking done i fucking swear. so here i go. you fucking bitches. god damn i am so fucking sick of stupid school. there's no way i am going to gain any useful knowledge in this next semester. i want to quit so bad i can't stand people at all. fucking stupid assholes i swear i thought i had friends in these people and i dont even fucking care i'm just going to out them on here right now.

for one- jessie g. god damn i thought we were like best friends. we got in that fucking fight and whatever. wwe talked and i thought everything was solved from what we said. you told me you believed me and him and it was fine. later i heard from someone that you said you "basically had to lie to get [me] to forgive you" well even after i heard that, i just brushed it off because i figured our fucking friendship was more important but i fucking guess not. i guess i can throw away all those portrait pictures of us cuz i have way too many to do anything with. what is the point. god even after that i still just wanted to repair our friendship. i can't even believe it . jess i missed you and everything and so i just decided to put the past behind us and fix it. but no. so what happens. i fucking think that we are finally getting back to normal and so i invite you over. you say you can't that night but you will tomrorow. time passes and you dont show up. i call and you say you'll call me back and then come over in just a little bit . more time passes and you dont fucking call. i call and your sister says hold on. she picks back up and says can she call you right back. you dont fucking call me back and when i call you to see what the hells going on you dont even fucking pick up your phone. dont be a fucking coward about it. and i am going to confront you about it cuz that's bullshit. so you can just look forward to the day i do. i'm getting around to it i just have too much on my plate right now. dont be a fucking coward. if you dont want to hang out with me or fucking be my friend than fucking tell me so . and sure as hell dont smile at me in the hallway like nothing is wrong. that is bullshit jess. wow i cant believe i thought i was one of the people you DIDNT talk bad about. well looks like i was wrong. and if you've been wondering, yes i have gained 10 pounds so you can rejoice in the fact that you look better than me so have fun with that. i just wanted to reassure you in case you'd beenwondering. i'm so sick of fucking fake people and fucking cowards. step up to your shit.

what next...

everyone in roman's family. i swear. i liked them all so much to start. and now i am the evil villian in every situation. they think i snatched him up and stole him away. well believe it or not he made every decision by himself. i didn't tell him to move out by any means. the thought alone scared me. i ddin't even know he did it until he called me or i got a hold of him one way or another and he told me that away. and by no means was i like YES score roman! good move! hooray. i mean come the fuck on. are you crazy. do you really think i was saying .. 'roman you should move out, come on it'd be good for us and it would be fun' like what do people think honestly? when i found out he moved out i was scared. scared for him and for us. and this was a year ago. you guys seem to be fine after the whole not lviing at home thing so leave me out of it. do you really think he's pack his stuff and live with his friend just because i suggested it or something? and he's 18 now so he is his own man. he went to college and now he's moved again. not under my influence. so stop giving me shit about it. maybe if you hadnt given him the ultamatum of choosing me or college, he'd live with you. well you saw how far that got you. 4 days and then he realized whats more important to him. how horrible of you. honestly. i cant BELIEVE i tried to reason with you and talk everything out and help you to understand me and get to know me and you coaxed me like a little lamb. making me think you finally were respecting me and our choices. i played by your little FUCKED up rules and even after he decided to come back to me, you tried to put in another twist. calling and telling lies so i wouldn't want him back. telling me i probably want to get pregnant to make him stay with. god that is the biggest load of bullshit i have ever been told. i would never put my child in such a horrible position. so stop thinking i'm like that. i know one day you'll see that i am a good person. and i am. maybe if you backed off of us and just let us be together he'd be happy to come home. maybe if you stopped saying how horrible i am. you know.. maybe that's a thought. secondly, i'm not a bad influence. roman of course is a brilliant and responsible guy on his own but i am the one who says be careful and dont get in trouble. yeah we made some stupid moves but we did that together and i think that's what part of being a teenager involves. i think most teenagers 'run away' at least once in their life and teenagers just generally fuck up. but we sure as hell didnt do anything terrible. and i am not to blame for his moving out. so stop being so against me because nothing is going to change and obviously we've stuck it out this long and your COMPLETE RUDENESS isn't going to change our relationship so you can stop trying and maybe fucking try being civil. you think i'm a psycho? take a look at yourself first. i like you people but dont hate me for no reason. it's unfair. and whatever. go ahead and dont like me , i can't stop that but dont be fucking rude as hell when i say something and what? act like you are deaf? you can't hear me? am i not in the room? you cna't look me in the fucking eyes? FUCKING COWARDS is what i say. stand up and just face a problem. i am on the verge of deciding if i should come up and try to be a bigger person about it and ask if we can get over it together. But for what? to be denied? i dont want to. it will come eventually but meanwhile i will see if maybe you just have enough guts to do it first. there was a time where i thought we were fine.

i am so stressed with roman's moving and school and workBULLSHIT and PEOPLE for sure and my car and money and this college class i'm taking. i cannot take one more thing. i can't. and i have to quit band so i can work because i can't do pep band and he wont let up on it. it's all just taking a toll on me. i can't fucking stand people and i cant stand school.

i dont htink anyone knows how badly i am ready for this change and to get away. sorry but i think i'm going to leave some loose ends. oh well i guess.

next, i honestly dont know who to trust anymore. i really think the only people i can are Roman and jess. there are a few people i trust mostly but who am i kidding. honestly i think i have friends and then i realize they want nothing to do with me. well sorry whatever fine with me i suppose.

logan you're an asshole and dont pretend to be my friend. you're only a friend when i'm the only one around. you are just like andy. i can't believe you turned into a clone of him. i thought we were really friends to each other but i guess not. god seriously dont act like we are. and dont act like i'm not good enough because guess what, i am good enough but you're not good enough for me . and would you like to know why? because of how you treat me. i'm sick of it. i would never ignore you like you do me. You're a fucking Sischo Jr. Congratulations you fucking bastard. You probably wanted to be him all along.

And to you, no i'm sorry i dont have enough guts to say your name. I dont feel like dealing with because i already have once. You're a fucking liar. Dont smile to my face and decieve me to my back. i really wanted to be your friend. i thought you were funny and nice and smart. but i guess not . you're just like your friend. except worse because you dont leave roman alone. Fuck you. oh and just in case you ddin't catch on, the reason Roman completely ignored you was because he doesn't like you. At all.

What is a "good" person anymore? Maybe i'm not good enough for any of you. Good riddance.

I want my prozac back and where's my beuy? that'd be nice........

5 hold on tightly | let go lightly