::
2011 11 September :: 9.12pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Scott Butler (i need to get a hold of him....)
Fuckin' Fall!
it's getting to be that time of year. we're not quite there yet, but getting steadily closer. it's cooling off. the kiddies are back in school. hell, the trees were starting to turn colors when i went up north last weekend.
it's coming, people. and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it.
every year, when it gets to be about this time, i get... weird. well... even weirder than normal. but i like it, okay? this is probably my favorite time of year, and a large part of that is because it makes me feel this way. i'm not entirely convinced i'm alone in this, either. i mean, i seem to recall posting this spring about how i'd seen all these people breaking up because the weather was turning nice, and it was time to go out and play the field for the summer. and now that things are winding down, everyone's looking to snatch up somebody (or has already... they've had all bleeding summer) to hunker down with and spend the winter months together. i could be imagining all of this, and probably am, but it seems like an interesting theory, just in the nature of humans.
as fixated as i am on this possible phenomenon (if it is in fact more than in my head), i'm not sure that it applies to me. i'm in a constant state of oscillation between looking for someone to hunker down with, and looking for nothing but my own satisfaction (which would invariably be complicated by involving another person). this inability to settle on one option or the other primarily causes me to want to beat my head against a brick wall. which, in all actuality, would probably be about as productive as the running in circles i usually wind up doing.
but fall makes it different. it's more intense. the smells. the sounds. the way the air feels. it all means that it's time for introspection and reflection. soaking up nature, and all of the bounties of harvest time. quiet time alone to think about shit. lots of shit. to think about. i get nostalgic. i have ridiculous romanticized fantasies for the future. but they're all hypotheticals. because i like the subtle ache of watching everyone else be happy together. i was never a part of their happiness. even if i pretended awhile. but theirs isn't what makes me happy. i'm happy alone in my head. it's where i spent the first 7 years of my life. and all the bullshit of this world that i've encountered since has succeeded in doing nothing but confuse and depress me. why can't i go back and just think on things, and feel the ache, and have people leave me alone.
but the rest of the world won't let me do that. i guess that's why they say i get weird this time of year. because, to them, it is weird. sucks to be them. i like it this way. it's the way my brain was designed to be. if that's not good enough for you, then go suck a bag of dicks. because that's as good as it's ever going to be.
internet memes and why i don't understand them
apparently we have a rapist?
i'll take the rapist for $200, Alex.
you should hide yo:
a. Kids
b. Wife
c. Husband
d. All of the above
maybe someday the world will make more sense to me. in the meantime, i'm just doing my best to enjoy the ride and not fuck shit up too badly. which i seem prone to doing at times.
i may be an idiot, but at least i'm not from the projects?
so I finally put up the deuces, and for good reason too.
The idea that I was being played was apparent, but I didn't mind as long as it wasn't staring me in the face. Last Tuesday it spit in my face and I was left with no choice. Really I should have drawn this conclusion in the beginning. too bad because that ass is seriously tax deductible. I mean that in the nicest sense.
what was nice as well was the back up that I got from everyone.
But worry not, you think I don't have a back up plan? pfff... I don't really. But you know me, perpetually on the prowl.
This is a letter I've been meaning to write for awhile.
To You,
Can you explain something to me? How is it that he's been back in town for almost a week now and you've slept with me for 5 out of 6 of the nights?
When you were arrested, who did you call first to come pick you up? Who drove you to get your car from the towing company? Who talked you down until 9 in the morning?
If you didn't look so good in my Rooney jersey when you aren't wearing any pants I'd probably not have let you stay and although I may have played the "point to the couch and tell you to get the fuck out" story line in my head I cannot follow through for the life of me
Sometimes, I wish I was a cold beer.
You are considerably hindering my ability to get some whilst augmenting it at the same time.
so apparently GR is in the world news because it has an asshole with a gun. what city doesn't have an asshole with a gun? our asshole is just a little more stupid than most. so, proportionally speaking, our assholes without guns should theoretically be smarter. but... they're probably not. i just think people pick up on this stuff because nobody has a life, and they have this morbid curiosity with death. i mean, face it, we're all dying someday.
and until then, we will spend our lives waiting for windows XP to actually work on this damn laptop. (or maybe that's just me)
honestly, though, i'm making progress. i got the OS on there with relatively few hassles. it was after i started trying to get my shit set up on there that i got pissed, because all the drivers were missing. and then i found the driver disc, so now i'm waiting for that.
see? i'm way more exciting than gatorade boy. i'm still flabbergasted that in all of my disorganized piles of random shit, i managed to find the 2 discs i needed to make this shit work. and it's a legit copy to boot. then again, that's probably why it's being a pain in the ass. if i had just used the illegal bit torrent i downloaded and burned in like ten minutes, i would probably be done by now.
