gilded smile

:: 2010 10 March :: 2.34pm

why the fuck don't i have a job?

it might have something to do with the current recession.

or it could just be that i live in michigan, and it snows a lot. i didn't realize that our frequent snowstorms were part of the economic turbulence.

then again, if you follow THEIR snowstorms link, it takes you to a page that references monthly surveys of businesses and households. at which point all of the statistics and graphs and bullshit they can muster don't apply to me, simply because i've lived here for two years and not once have gotten asked by any survey whether or not i am gainfully employed.

i always hated stats. calculus just makes so much more sense.

5 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2010 4 March :: 1.01am

so yeah. think i have a cold of some sort. that's pretty bitchin'. shan tomorrow, dad friday, kevie-poo early next week. weekend's pretty open, but the neighbors might be having a fire. that'd be fun. i like fire. and stars.

actually, i made a very important (personally) discovery tonight about the stars that i often look at. if you know the constellations cassiopeia and orion, then you can find what i'm talking about. because right in between them, there is this weird curvy group of stars. these are all visible to the naked eye on a clear night. when i first saw it, i was most struck by its resemblance to a parabolic curve. and ever since then i've wanted to figure out what constellation it is, and if i could find a mathematical equation for the curve that would best fit that group of stars (have them all be on or very near it). i'm lazy so it'll probably never happen. and i'm discouraged by the likelihood that someone else has already beat me to the punch. anyway, i discovered tonight (through the use of these programs) that the stars i was looking at belong primarily to the constellation perseus. obviously, there are some stars of perseus that i have omitted from "my" grouping, and may have stolen one or two from somewhere else, but it's still a cool pattern.

but now i'm pissed because the entire time i was trying to watch for perseid meteors, i had no idea where in the sky to look. i guess now i know for the next time. but it's frustrating that i would have been able to, had i known the name of the constellation i've been looking at for the past couple of years already. but now i do, so there.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2010 2 March :: 4.00pm

If you say "fair-i,ix" or "pacifically" onnnnne mooore timmme. Ugh

3 hold on tightly | let go lightly

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2010 2 March :: 3.54pm

Oh my goodness I wish my teacher could fricken pronounce words like 'pharynx' and 'specifically' and that this school didn't suck so much.

tuwang

:: 2010 11 February :: 11.54am

It's not that it happened, its that you don't understand why

:: 2010 3 February :: 5.25pm
:: Music: Hockey- Song Away

I'd like to let you know I'll always be straight with you/ I stole my personality from an anonymous source/ And I'm getting paid for it too, I don't feel bad about that.
Make me a deal and make it good for me,
I won't get full of myself, cause I can't afford to be.
This is small town music, this is big town music,
He's ahead of his time, you know... but, he can't use it...
If only he could prove it.

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
It's just a song away.

See what your man has done to the world,
See what the world has done to your man.
You know I'm leaving you, you don't need me,
Lovin' you wasn't always so easy.

This is believe me music, this is forget me music,
This is who can love me, you know, this ain't no roxy music.
This is new form music, this is old form music,
This is I paid attention not some makes his prediction music.
Oh, he could let me use it.

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
It's just a song away.

Not wanting to write a truthful song over an eighties groove,
I'd like to let you know I'll always be straight with you.
I stole my personality from an anonymous source,
And I'm getting paid for it too, I don't feel bad about that.
Give me my chance back.

This is on the rise music, this is novelty music,
This is who can blame music, I don't get fooled by it
This is "where'd you go" music, this is "come home" music,
This is down to the wire I'm such a perfect angel music.
Who really tries?

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
It's just a song away.

Ah well,

This is success music, and what's it to ya?
My lawyer always says these are the facts about the future, well....

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.

Tomorrow's just a song away, a song away, a song away.
It's just a song away.

1 hold on tightly | let go lightly

spud	:: 2010 29 January :: 10.20am winter camp is better than you. high of like 20 all weekend up there. should be fun. : P 2 hold on tightly \| let go lightly

tuwang

:: 2010 28 January :: 11.17am

じゃ。。。　実は俺ホンマに俺の本当の気持ちを書きたいっていう気持ちが出てこちに誰も分からないように日本語で書く。

最近はまーまーやな。なんてやってもいろいろがまだ悪いことにしてる。でも俺だけじゃなくて毎日授業中とか道路で歩いてる人とか誰でもすごくかわいそうな顔してる。無効に座ってる女が遅くサンド食べてて何か待ってることがありそうな感じだ。

つまりこの所が体にも心にもわるいんだ.

出たいな！っていつも考えてるのになんでかな？　出身じゃないか？　子供時代からずっと住んでる場所じゃないか？いつも好きじゃないとだめだっていう考え方もってるけど　嫌いな！大嫌いなんだよ！

:: 2010 27 January :: 1.01am

cable television
it's sad that this is what my life has become.

i'm watching a movie on flix. i hit info. this is what comes up.

Snake Island (2002) (a rating of one star is always a good sign):
creepy nonsense about killer reptiles terrorizing clueless tourists.

lmfao.

spud	:: 2010 24 January :: 4.40pm :: Music: explosions in the sky - welcome ghosts (embedded) 2 hold on tightly \| let go lightly

spud	:: 2010 20 January :: 7.55pm vampirezombieraptor vs. robotcheney discuss. 6 hold on tightly \| let go lightly

:: 2010 19 January :: 8.40pm
:: Music: MGMT- Time to Pretend

Yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?/ Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?
I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars

This is our decision to live fast and die young
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We were fated to pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone

But there is really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everything must run its course

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend

2 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2010 19 January :: 8.06pm

Bands/artists I would like to see in concert soon-ish:

Eric Hutchinson (again)
Modest Mouse (again)
MGMT
Ben Kweller (again)
Passion Pit
Vampire Weekend
Beck
Death Cab for Cutie (again)
Regina Spektor
Matt and Kim
Phoenix
Franz Ferdinand
Ben Folds (again)
Mates of State
Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers (again)

:: 2010 14 January :: 5.05pm

i just made a post on farmville that contained the phrase "asexually reproduce" and they censored the phrase thusly: "a***ually reproduce"

what the fuck?

edit:

i realized i forgot to mention that over the christmas holiday, i was offered a full time position drumming with the machines (that band i played with in grand haven on the 18th). as of yet, we have no gigs lined up, and are still working on compiling a set list. if you have any suggestions, please shout them out at the top of your lungs. or just post a comment, if that's easier for you. i think we're trying to stick in the oldies/rock/blues-type area, and we need stuff that's kinda danceable. not necessarily slow, but danceable. and easy, did i mention easy? i mean, i don't want this to be like actual work or something. ; ) just whatever you'd want to hear a band play while you're out at the bar. and the bar is full of "old" people.

3 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2010 13 January :: 10.05pm

i have a subwoofer/amplifier combo that i need to sell, so i can get plates and insurance on my truck.

it's a JL Audio 12W3 woofer in a custom enclosure, matched with a 250/1 class D amplifier. they are awesome together, and i am very sad to see them go, but it's cargo i'm not currently using, and making money is hard without legal transpo. so there you have it.

i paid over $300 for this setup when i bought it, and have taken very good care of it. i mean, it gets pretty loud, but i've never abused it. just don't try and win any SPL competitions with it and you should be fine. it'll warm up the bottom end of your stock sound, and actually take some of the strain away from speakers that struggle to reproduce lower frequencies. and maybe even shake your mirrors a smidgen.

if you're interested, just let me know. offer whatever you feel is fair, and i'll see if i can make it work. amplifier comes with all original hardware and packaging, for your convenience.

here be some pictures of the goods:

4 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2010 10 January :: 7.42pm

Ok, is there a website like this?

I want a site where I can enter the names of bands that I like, and it will provide me with something like Google Reader where I can check ONE PLACE to see all of their upcoming shows, albums, etc.

I mean, I could just like, put parts of their websites in Google Reader but it seems so ineffective to sort through all the stuff I don't care about just to get a quick list of places/dates.

Ya'all are hooked up... any thoughts?

1 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2010 10 January :: 6.44pm
:: Music: Barenaked Ladies- What a Good Boy

I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change...
When I was born they looked at me and said
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl

We've got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls we just look away

This name is the hairshirt I wear
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair
This song is the cross that I bear
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
I know that it isn't right
But be with me tonight

I go to school, I write exams
If I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget
'Cause it won't take much for me to show that my life ain't over yet

I wake up scared, I wake up strange
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
And everything around me stays the same

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong
Chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song
I couldn't tell you that you were right
So instead I looked in the mirror watched tv laid awake all night

We've got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls....

When I was born they looked at me and said
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey

2 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2009 21 December :: 2.18pm
:: Mood: kinda stressed

My birthday weekend.

both gigs went well this weekend. friday was definitely more fun for me. saturday didn't really pan out at all how i hoped, but i still got a couple drinks from people, which was nice. the mix didn't sound very good for the first set or two on saturday because the bartender kept coming up to me and barking orders at me. seriously, the second time he came up to me and asked me to "turn it down... mostly the drums" and i kindly explained to him that i had no control over the loudness of the drums, and that if he wanted things quieter (as i had already acquiesced to his prior request) he would have to go ask the drummer to play more softly. as it turned out, i just told the drummer i was going to mix around him from then on... since the mix sucked because i brought the mains down... and that he would be the benchmark for whatever volume we wind up at. i also mentioned that we had a request to "turn it down," but that i wasn't his boss, so i wouldn't tell him what to do. he did play a little softer, which was actually nice for him, since it wasn't so much of a workout that way.

ultimately, though, people are dumb. especially people in charge of bars. you cram an acoustic drum set into an alcove with a big glass window and a tile floor and expect it to NOT be loud? that's just plain stupid.

friday night was fun, though. a total jam. it was so nice to play in front of a crowd, with other musicians. there's just something magical about that combination that makes it so much fun. the bass player had a nice pocket, so it was really easy for me to settle into a groove pretty much right away on every song. the hardest part was taking cues for changes, stops, endings, etc. especially from the guitar player. what a dick. i agreed to give him my vocal mic, so he could run his amp through the PA, and during sound check it was fine, but he kept turning his amp up throughout the show, so that by the end of the night it was waaaay too loud. and he was terrible at giving cues. it was like he expected me to somehow magically just know what he was thinking, and do exactly what he wanted me to. utterly ridiculous. diego's cues were much easier to follow. and my performance on the respective songs showed it. every song that roger led wound up being kind of a trainwreck. and did i mention that it really shouldn't have been, since every single one was the exact same 12-bar blues. i wanted to shoot myself. he did one that was in 6/8. that was kind of exciting. but then he still fucked up the cues, so i had no idea what was going on. diego's got the right idea, though. you start together, you end together, and you jam out in the middle. that's how it works. and you communicate effectively where the changes are TO THE ENTIRE GROUP so that everyone is together. otherwise, you wind up with what roger gave us, which is diddly, and sounds bad. also, there were several songs (most notably rock and roll by led zeppelin) that i had to drastically slow down, because roger was old and couldn't play that fast. i had not practiced at those speeds, which made it feel strange. then, he left early and didn't help tear down, because he had to work in the morning. but in the end, diego paid me extra, so he must've thought i had done a good job, and he said that anytime he needs a drummer, i'll be his go-to guy. so that's cool.

i was supposed to work today, but the truck is no longer road legal, as i have no registration OR insurance for it. so i emailed the office, and explained the situation and that i would not be able to work today. hopefully they got the message and understand.

i was kinda pissed at them anyway, because usually they ask me if i'm available before they schedule me. this time, they scheduled me without asking, saying that someone would call to confirm with me on saturday. i never received a phone call - still haven't. i was never asked if i was available (which i am obviously not, for one reason or another). i don't think i'm in the wrong here. i do feel bad in that i should have told them sooner, but i was holding out on the hope that i'd get enough birthday money, and have enough leftover from the gigs to take care of all those issues. unfortunately, that did not wind up being the case.

and my fucking loan payment is due in a week again. i haven't heard back at all from that deferment request i submitted.

all in all, life is bullshit, but i'm still trying to make the most of it.

:: 2009 15 December :: 2.32pm

why, hello there...

so, my birthday's coming up pretty soon here. that's exciting. i keep getting older. funny how that works.

so, if you want to come celebrate my birthday with me, i will be down at flanagan's on saturday, running sound. i'm technically on the clock, so i can't get totally wasted or anything, and i might be preoccupied from time to time, but once the mix is set, there's not a whole lot for me to do, and i can certainly chill with people during set breaks. so, if anyone's around, and that sounds appealing, feel free to stop on by.

we have lots of cookies in our house now. uncle chuck made molasses cookies, and mom gave me a random assortment of other cookies, so we have cookies coming out our ears. and unfortunately, far too many of them are winding up in my mouth. fucking christmas, man. always does this to me. not that i'm really that into watching what i eat, but i try and keep it healthier when i can. and this cookie situation is not helping.

but they are delicious. so i might as well enjoy it.

ummm... went to libby's choir concert last night. that was fun. the choirs weren't bad. i think she got kinda shafted, though, when she was placed in the choir she's currently in. she deserves to be in the next level up. i know she has the voice and the talent for it, but my guess is that her test anxiety kicks in when she has auditions or something. but i could be wrong. another theory i have is that it's because she's only a sophomore, she's a transplant to the school system, and our family doesn't have lots of money. those all probably factor into it as well. which is sad for her, and pisses me off. but that's the way egr works. and i blame mom for trying to make it in a place where they don't really belong. and i thank my stars that i never had to go there.

not that cedar is the end-all be-all or anything. every school has its fair share of shortcomings. but at least i felt comfortable there. felt like i was somebody, and knew people. anywhere else i would have been really intimidated, and would have been one of the faceless masses. not that she has that problem. she has lots of friends no matter where she is. she's just that way.

i need to make some phone calls and write up a cover letter. boooo......