gilded smile

11 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2008 21 November :: 9.53am

if you could be less spiteful that would be fantastic...

:: 2008 18 November :: 3.55am

so, i saw the first cut of the summer film today. well, it's already been through several revisions. but this was the first public screening.

i will say, some things turned out really well. some did not. i'm glad to see that it came together okay, at least. i would have been pissed if it sucked, and surprised if it was out of this world. i still think some of the big problems with the story are in the script itself, and are therefore beyond fixing at this point. i also think that cleaning up the audio will do wonders. and that is going to be a formidable task. i'm just wondering if my class next semester is going to have to do all that. it would be interesting. then i'd have my hands on it during two phases of the process, instead of just one. that would be weird.

other than that, just business as usual. falling steadily farther behind in all of the important classes, with the one class that i'm doing best in the only class i'm actually making headway on.

it'll all come together in the end. i just hope the collision isn't too catastrophic for me to keep it together.

and in the meantime, just keep plugging away at it, little by little. but i am also running out of time, which means a step up in pace is in order.

:: 2008 13 November :: 1.48pm

So yeah... I've got some time so I guess I'm about ready to update you guys.

Been pretty stressful here, as far as classes go. But I've managed to maintain an A- so I'm alright in that department. Plus I got an 88 on the last test with a class average of 62. My theory is that someone just didn't show up, regardless...

I really need to take some pictures of where I am at. I noticed that all my pictures are of me drinking. Not to say that I'm not drinking a lot, a problem I need to find a solution for desperately, but I'm not JUST drinking. I'm doing a lot of things recently. I guess the problem is that I have a hard time taking pictures of anything interesting because I feel like such a tourist. I will do a lot of things here because I don't really care what the people think of me, and it gets me somewhere usually. For some reason, though, I can't seem to take pictures. Soon enough I will get some real good ones.

Speaking of drinking, this weekend is sure to be packed to the brim of fun. starting tomorrow morning I'm going to some elementary school to play games with kids. It's mandatory, which kind of pisses me off. I've already volunteered to do a few of these kinds of things and I'd rather just sleep in, but you know, I guess I gotta do what I gotta do.

So after waking up at around 8 and getting back at around 12, I have 2 hours or less to just chill out for awhile, before I have to bike to the train station to catch a train to Kyoto. Luckily they are paying for the ticket for me. By them, I mean some Women's College of some sort or another. They are loaded, and have decided to pay for a few of us to take a train and a taxi (keep in mind that a taxi is about 2 dollars per foot, fucking expensive) to the school, and then for the ride back. I'm not actually taking the train back though...

Afterwards, Nate, Nick, and I are going to chill in Kyoto and see what happens for awhile. They claimed that the event won't end until 8, and I'm still not sure exactly what we are doing there. I think we are just trying to help them with their english or something, who knows.

So I imagine we'll eat some food, get some liquor, do some shopping or something, and maybe buy a burger and McDonalds so we can take a nap. Yes you just read that correctly.

Around 10-10:30 we are meeting up with Kelly, Yui, Shige, Adam, Megumi, and maybe one of her friends, at which point we will consume endless amounts of alcohol and then attempt to do some clubbing of some sort. This will last, I'm assuming until about 5 in the morning.

Then, I will be fucked, I'll die on the train home, barely crawl into bed and go into a desperately needed coma until about 2 or 3 that afternoon.

I'll wake up, try to get some homework done, and then head out to the bar to bid my friends farewell as they head off to live in Tokyo.

Sunday, maybe I'll rest, we'll see....

I have a meeting with my teacher now for some conversation time so I will catch you chaps later.

だから、今私は先生と話に行きます。今週の週末にとても急がしくなります根から、らいしゅうぜんぜん話しないと思います。じゃあ、まったね。

:: 2008 11 November :: 1.14am
:: Music: Coldplay

ATTENTION!
Yo Internet Peeps:

My radio show is currently up and running. It has been for several weeks.

I'm sick of not having any listeners. The show sucks, because I don't try, because nobody listens, because I didn't advertise very well. Or at all.

So, I will be attempting to change this.

The show is currently: MONDAYS @ 4PM LISTEN HERE!

I'm thinking about doing a couple of themed shows. Maybe one entirely off of youtube, or one entirely of "red hot jazz" (think 1920s).

If you can't listen at that time, I totally understand. Which is why when I reschedule next semester, I will be asking for your input as far as what times on what days are good times to have my show, so I will hopefully have more listeners. Because I want to do something that everyone will enjoy, at a time that is convenient for them.

So, hopefully you can listen at that time for the next couple of months.

More updates will come later.

Peace,

Chris

:: 2008 2 November :: 11.31am

you never realize how bitter cold you are until you step into that hot shower.

3 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2008 1 November :: 10.21am

i am having a horrible horrible day...week...

i/we have never done this before. we've always been so on top of things and yeah we've been short before but never honestly with nothing. this is going to wreck things for us. this stuff is permanent.

god how do you tell a friend that you need something because it's fricken ruining shit.

this sucks and i keep getting sick every single day from the stress and i am not liking it.

:: 2008 29 October :: 1.26am
:: Mood: contemplative

recollections
::

i feel like i've lost a lot of my pizzazz. (or maybe you spell it pissass. depending on how many laxatives i took that day.) you know? i feel like i used to have more vitality, more everything. not that i was a driven, self-motivated type of person. not that i was spastic or rambunctious. i just feel like i had an undercurrent of motion that just isn't there anymore.

nowadays i let the simplest things prevent me from getting anything done, and i really don't feel the need to try and innovate, or make new things happen. i'm content to attempt, and fail, to merely recreate those which have come before. nothing outstanding. nothing superb. i just settle for okay.

but that really doesn't seem right. i don't want just an okay life. i don't want just okay friends. okay coworkers. okay family. that's not how it works for me. i feel like everything about my life up to this point has been outrageous. and now it's just mellowing out. i guess it's my job to keep it outrageous. but i have a lot of fucking jobs right now, which i guess is what's bogging me down. so, adding the job of unbogging myself to the pile doesn't really work. it'll just exacerbate the problem.

so, i just need to get a few things out of the way, one at a time, so that i have a bit more freedom to have some of that guilt-free, sporadic, funtime. where my energy is put to its most effectively pragmatic use. because clearly i don't get shit done when it comes to actual work. but give me something fun to do, and i'll forget to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, i'm so diligent.

and faking myself out to think that the "work" stuff is actually "fun" stuff doesn't cut it. believe me, i've tried. although, i have discovered that some of the "fun" stuff is actually "work". but since it falls under "fun" in my classifications, i can still do that, at least.

i guess we'll make it happen eventually. and until then, i'll just have to tough it out. but i want to be fun and exciting again. none of this boring, grumpy, old man nonsense. that suits me at times. but i don't think this should be one of those times.

i'll get there, and i'll enjoy it. but i'm not there yet. and there's no sense in rushing it.

3 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2008 27 October :: 2.33pm

So, as with most updates as of late, I will preface my story with "interesting weekend".

this one I might actually describe though...

So Friday night was the Halloween party, which I feel like I'm continuously misspelling for some reason or another. A lot of fun, I got all good and sauced up for that because I had announcing to do. It helped with making everyone laugh, but did not help with pronouncing japanese names with horrible handwriting. To be crude, it looks like chicken scratch to me as is, but when someone writes like a 2 year old it makes it even more difficult. Either way, there was no harm done, and the party went off. It ended in a good mood and I continued to move on with my day. So at about 9 PM, me and my group of friends, including Nate, who thinks I'm a racist, Kelly, the blonde cutie who also thinks I am a racist, Yui, Nick, Megan, Adam, and Cooper, headed out to Kyoto for a wonderful night of dancing and getting shit faced! yay!

There were a few things wrong with this for me....

1) I was dehydrated

2) I was way too tired to be pulling an all nighter

3) I didn't eat all day

So, after consuming 3 chu-his, a bottle of vodka, and a half a bottle of wine, my mind was in a state of intoxication that I have never seen before. Granted for the first few hours of dancing my mind worked fine, but after 3 LIT's in the club I started to have crazy ideas. This lead to me leaving my group and wandering around Kyoto at 4:30 in the AM. Not cool at all. Although moderately entertaining.

I'm sorry Chris. I wish you could have been there to see it.

I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic...

three cheers?

jedibumblebee

:: 2008 20 October :: 7.43pm

I want to ask you
Do you ever sit and wonder
It's so strange
That we could be together for so long
And never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head
Things I've felt but I never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
(At all...)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand up and paint me (paint me anything)
Any face that you wanted me to be
See, we're damned by the existential moment
Where we saw the couple in the coma
And it was we who were the cliche
But we carried on anyway
So sure I can just close my eyes
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize
But can you go back once you know?

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
(At all...)

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ahh....)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ahh...)
So easily led astray, an errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash then
Why the fuck would you want me back?
Maybe it's because...

You don't know me at all
(Ahhhh, ahh...)
You don't know me, you don't know me
(Ahhhh, ahh...)

So what I'm trying to say is
What I'm trying to tell you is not going to come out like I want to say it
Cause I know you'll only change it
Say it

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
(At all...)

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
(At all!)

What?

2 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2008 19 October :: 7.43pm

so. Interesting weekend.

I went and saw some old temple. I say it like that because after your 5th or 6th temple you stop appreciating the grandeur of them. Not that I have no appreciation at all... but they start to blend together. This one happened to be on top of this hill/mountain and almost naturally blended into the scenery. I mean, you had to look past the hordes of people that were there but otherwise it was quite scenic. It also helped that I had a fantastic tour guide, although I dont' think she thought so so much. Whatev, it was a good time.

Afterwards we went to eat pizza... which you don't see very often. (I've been here for about a month and 3 weeksish now and I've done pretty good, so I deserve a good cheating).

I've been progressivly losing weight... not so healthy I don't think, but I eat alot. Maybe I should just eat more?

this up coming weekend will be very hectic. Shigadai party on friday, and then kyoto on saturday (like every fucking weekend). But it's sort of the halloween weekend for them, so it should be interesting to see how they percieve the condemned holiday.

speaking of which, I still can't decide on a costume... any ideas?

spud	:: 2008 15 October :: 3.46am Bzoink Friend Tests I got 1000000% on jessa's Test! Take The Test \| Create One Bzoink.com \| View Scoreboard 5 hold on tightly \| let go lightly

:: 2008 15 October :: 3.32am
:: Mood: sleepy

I mean, crap, man.

... that's, like, his stomach plug on the ground, there. That's not even physically possible, if you think about it....

::

so yeah. i really need to clean out my email inbox. it's seriously bad.

i also need to stop failing at doing my homework. i turned in a paper today that was almost a week late, and when i was called on for discussion in another class, i just told her that i couldn't answer the question, because i didn't do the reading. not that half the class did. but the fact that i had to put it out there in words was awkward.

and it's not going to let up. theoretically i'll be starting work soon, which will only cause things to get worse. then again, maybe it will keep me busy to where i'm more productive and more motivated. hopefully that's the case.

either way, something has to change, because i can't keep going on like i am. i have serious issues with getting to bed, getting up, getting my work done, and getting places on time. especially lately. and it's very uncool.

that aside, the front moved through. that's nice. much cooler tonight. makes me happy. i'm excited for fall.

:: 2008 12 October :: 2.44pm

So meh...

another day.

I wish I spoke more japanese.

I had an interesting night last night. let's call it a Kevin moment and call it a day shall we?

who else had an interesting night last night?

:: 2008 7 October :: 10.58pm

I'm MCing a halloween party here for the students...

why? because sadly enough I'm the least introverted person who isn't making a beer bong or a hemp necklace and puking in a bar every saturday...

also, I get to scare japanese children in a haunted house!!

3 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2008 2 October :: 8.38pm

So I'm actually bored for the first time in a month. Go me!

Stayin alive, meetin a lot of interesting people, slaughtering english grammar and spelling, the usual...

doing good in my classes. Which is nice. I'm enjoying slowly being able to pick out one or two words that someone might throw at me. Motherfuckers talk fast.

Going to a party at the local university tomorrow followed by dinner and probably more drinking.

saturday will be yet another excursion to kyoto followed by more dancing and drinking...

and sunday morning probably even more so to get rid of my hangover...

I've eaten a few random things. Raw ground beef with a raw egg on top... surprisingly delicious. They seasoned it somehow, but none the less, looking at it would make you gag.

so I'll probably go stab myself now. TTYL!!!

*edit* also noteworthy that I experienced an earthquake. It was lame.

:: 2008 28 September :: 2.31pm

my prozac has taken the day (maybe week) off. I am in the worst mood ever and i would seirously suggest not talking to me today because I am bound to explode.

when someone tells you they are comig over at 1 and decide not to come to oh who knows... THREE or something? maybe you should let the home owner know. that'd be great thanks.

:: 2008 26 September :: 3.58pm

FOR ANYONE WHO LIKES TO TALK ON CELL PHONES.

dont you ever EVER EVER EVER ever come up to me while talking on your cell phone and fucking show me by using your fingers what tanning bed you'd like to tan in. or by pointing or mouthing words or fucking any of that stuff. seriously i'm going to punch this business dressed man who thinks he's fucking better than me i want to kick him in the fucking crotch. god i hope he dies.

fuckers.

i'm in such a bad mood.

:: 2008 26 September :: 3.41pm

i'm in a really bad mood and i'd really like to be home right now.

ugh.

6 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2008 26 September :: 1.48am
:: Mood: tired?
:: Music: mr. deeds soundtrack

^^^no idea why^^^

so yeah. i had class all night. also turned in my app at papa john's. and i locked my keys in the car. dad came and bailed me out, though.

we did an audio interview with a guy in tampa tonight. how many thousand miles away? with 20 to 15000 Hz bandwidth, talkback, and almost no delay. phenomenal.

then i got back and chuck and i watched mystery science theater 3000 - "Hamlet" (the "from the 1960s, german, and dubbed in english" version).

that at least made it a little more worthwhile.

only had one cigarette today. thought that was pretty good.

time for bed, man.

goodnight.

:: 2008 25 September :: 8.28pm

so I went to toyota city and went on a tour of the factory... needless to say it was boring. All the people there made it fun though. Then we went to the museum where I sat in a lexus I will never own, and sulked.

in other news, Trumpet playing robots!!! Im not sure if I`m enthralled or scared for man kind. It seems like will smith told me that this wasn`t supposed to happen. you could just see that the signature signing robot was about to throw down its pen and say "your soul is mine mortal... Bow to your new Empress!"