beauty
What is it that makes us pretty anyway? Why are one sort of looks more appealing than another?
I don't get it I guess.
I cut my bangs. I just went away chopping and now I have more bangs and a new style going on with my hair and I enjoy it. Yay for me for not effing them up.
I have to figure out how I'm going to quit Beaners. I told one of the girls I work with today that I was quitting because I have a hard time keeping secrets about myself. I can keep other peoples' secrets but not my own. She says Louis wont care that much and not to worry. But I think everyone is going to hate me and I'm scared to quit.
But I'm SO excited that I am going to work at Kindercare. I met with Heather, the director yesterday and she said I will work in the infant or toddler room YAY. Babies!! I love them.
Tomorrow I work at 5:30 am to 12. Bleh. I don't want to get up that fucking early. Stupid. Oh well.
I have a paper due tomorrow. 7 pages and I haven't started it.
Blehhhhh. My apartment smells. I'm not sure if it's Roman or if I need to take out the trash.
haha, I kid. I know it's the trash. I really need to take that out... hmm.. but the snow.. and it's a long walk .. and ... and... it's dark...and i dont want to.
I wish I was a millionaire. I do I do I do.
When the lease is up me and roman might live with people of our own sexes for a change. We don't know if we should be living together because then when we get married... it will feel like nothing has changed... You know? We'd get back from the honeymoon and go back to our same life. And we don't want that. I duno. And part of me really wants to live with jess and maybe some chicks. I duno. At the same time I love living with roman and I would hate to think of the people he would live with. guhhhhhh it makes me cringe to think of it. Well, i mean. only one person i am thinking of. i dont know who else he'd live with.
anyway. gosh i'm writing a novel. i want to lose weight. i have not bought "my" little debbie brownies (aka my favorite food ever in the entire world ever) in like a month. Yes, feel free to congratulate me. Seriously, there was a time ( like 2/3 months ago) that it was like if I didn't have my brownie that day, I couldn't function. sick . so i just try to think about how gross they really are in reality. so processed and rich and sugarry and all ... packaged and stuff. stop eating them. So I resist.
I can't wait for grey's anatomy. The good thinga bout working so early is that I can see grey's. lol.
And the daycare closes at 6 so i wil never have to miss Grey's ever ever again.
What do I want to do with my life?
I want to travel to tons of countries before I die. I want 15 minutes of (good) fame. I want to live comfortably and I want a perfect family.
If I named my kid Paja would I be a horrible mother? I like that name. Pajha maybe? Paja as in "Pay-sha" well kinda. i dont know how to spell the last part. ja . jha. like how in austin powers they say faja. it's like that. lol paja. I duno. I'm werid. I want my kids to have original names because I always hated how a million people had my same name.
So I had this dream, and I think that it's kind of relative to my life and my current mindset...
so I'm in a room of mirrors... and I see a bunch of things, what they are is irrelevant to you. THey were all things that I desire (make jokes, go ahead). I try my hardest to get a hold of everything I see, but no matter how real it looks to me, when I try to grab it it just ends up being the reflection. I cannot, for the life of me, find the real things.
you can imagine how frustrating this was for me.
so , to make me feel less wierd about this, lets make a joke...
Kevin, you were trying to get a hold of (fill in the blank).
bleeeh i think i have to give a speech today. i'm not even sure.
i'm so mad at myself because i was really scared of the test i had to take today and then before i handed it in, i cahnged one of my answeres and it would have been right if i had just left it as it was. ughghghgh! i hate that feeling.
i wish i could just be a tall skinny model on the janice dickenson show and never have to go to school again. but only models on that show because they dont seem really bitchy.
i'm sick of people stealing money from me and roman
realy fucking sick of it!!!
we had plans for that you stupid bitches. we had plans for all that money and now it's gone. stop stealing our money.
so i just got a job at kindercare i think. wow i interviewed there WAY back in december so i am excited. they will pay more than beaners and i can have more hours if i want. i feel bad because i really liked beaners but maybe i can somehow work at both places... ehh i duno! i feel so bad they are all gonna hate me there and i really liked them
but i guess here i need to pack a list of pros and cons
Pros of Beaners:
nice people
work at 6-2 so i have my whole day to do whatever
easy
close at 9 so i get home early
nice schedule
i love coffee and get 1/2 off
it's like a two minute drive to get there
Cons of Beaners:
Louis makes me nervous
boring
i dont like working with food!!!!
not good pay
getting up way early kinda sucks
i HATE wearing a uniform like that. black pants, black belt, black shoes and orange shirt.
i can't wear earrings, jewerly, not even my ring, and NO NAIL POLISH
Pros of working at Kindercare:
they have something where if you are going to school for child care or like early childhood dev. they will pay for you tuition so if i decide to switch i could do that and if you do that then you can get a job at kindercare as like a manager or whatever
more pay
more hours if i want
dont have to work weekends
i think they close at like 6... so i wouldn't be there late
WORKING WITH LITTLE KIDS!!! and hopefully BABIES!!! YAY that is the OBVIOUS BEST THING ABOUT IT!!!!
friendly people!!!- heather , the manager or whatever is really really nice
BABIES, agian. but for real, i LOVE THEM it makes my heart melt just thinking about how i will be able to feed them their bottles and rock them to sleep!!!
Feel like i am teaching and helping kids instead of just providing customer service or coffee lol
dont have to work with food except snack time and lunch time lol
not a very strict uniform policy
Cons of working at Kindercare:
loud annoying kids sometimes
further drive
more physical work so it might be tiring
maybe not as flexible of a schedule??? but again, not sat or sun
okay so it looks like kindercare is a better option lol. ahh i just wanna work with babies!! maybe i'll try to keep both for a while and make sure i like kindercare but that might be hard to do but i can do it.
so my neighbor or whatever is just letting the bass boom boom.... boom boom.... boomm boooom.booom booom. .... i swear it was the beat of Ice Ice Baby earlier. well i dont care what he/she is listening to but they better shut it off soon!!! i am pissed and it is getting hard to drown out. i am trying to watch last night's grey's episode again on my computer but it wont load and i am getting pissy and the bass is not helping.
bass like boom boom not bass like a fish. just to clarify.
my boyfriend just threw his shoe at the wall in a fit of anger. hmm and apparently he hates me. what do i do.
crap.
but i still got flowers....???
explain?
but i still have a "pooch" so i still am pretty much worth nothing.
i wish i lived on Grey's Anatomy and George married me in Vegas instead of Callie. Nothing against her, she is great and pretty andfunny and smart but I wanted to be George's wife and now it will never happen. Unless they get a divorce, but then I'd feel too bad for Callie that I couldn't marry George... or maybe I could. I want to be a hot surgeon dating a hot surgeon. Meredith and Derrick though would get on my nerves sooo bad. I love Meredith but I hate her when she's with Derrick and when she says "LOVE ME, PICK ME, CHOOSE ME." annnnnoooyyyinnnggg.
Marry me George and we can do surgeries together. Jessica O'Malley. That's so much better than any other potential name.
i am so angry. i try and try and try to please that STUPID woman who for the majority of the time that i have known her has been nothing but rude hurtful and mean to me. i have lately been gettting along with her but it always happens that we are starting to be better and then she turns around and is a huge bitch.
we were gonna go sledding and she was brining us snow clothes and she says " i'm brining a woman's size 8, i figured that would fit jess" and roman's like yeah probably with all the clothes on and stuff and he says "what size do you wear" and i'm like "a 6 or 7" and she says "i figured an 8 would fit her . she's been packing on the pounds. she was scaring me, i thought she was pregnant. is she pregnant? yeah she's been gaining weight she's got a pooch. but she knows it. yeah she 's been packing on the pounds"
and so i immediately start crying. i haven't been called fat since i was in 1st great and my great great aunt thelma said it. bitch.
what a fucking bitch. like she has any right to talk. she's fucking like 300 pounds. i'm nothing but nice to her. and then she says shit like that. you dont say that to a fucking girl. sorry nope. i finally FINALLY have gotten to the stage where i am beginning to accept myself just me for me. i have been getting used to my imperfections and telling myself that i'm OKAY the way i am but nooo that fat bitch has to go and say shit like that and get me feeling self consious again. STUPID BITCH.
so i wanna go home and roman wont take me. we get in this huge fight. roman starts driving he wants me to get out of his car. i wont . i think we're going home. he calls his mom and says we're not coming. the bitch tries to talk to me on the phone and i say psh no i'm not talking to anyone leave me alone "oh she wasn't saying you were fat blah blah blah " i'm like 'YEAH RIGHT? HOW ELSE CAN YOU SAY I'M FAT WITHOUT ACTUALLY SAYING THE WORDS. what other synnonems (sp) can you think of? i'm not rude to her, she has NO RIGHT to be so rude to me" and i hope she heard me say all of that. she deserves to be CALLED out once in a while for all her fucking little comments. she thinks she is queen of the mother fucking world and that her opinion matters so much that no one has a right to get mad when she says shit like that.
stupid fucking cunt bitch go fall down a flight of stairs you fucking bitch.
i am so fucking done.
does anyone else think it's a little fucking out of line. i'm so sick of it.
Totally.
Totally didn't go to class today. Totally no regrets about that. Totally wearin my pjs all day. Totally watching Grey's tonight. Totally lots o snow outside. Totally...
::
2007 30 January :: 1.41pm
:: Music: dave brubeck - time out
ROAD TRIP!!!
alright, since phil and tracey both expressed an interest, i think it would be a cool idea to get a group going to the intersection for this jazz thing. if i had any money, i'd say we could do dinner or something as well. since i don't have money i won't be doing any such thing, but for those of us who do, it's certainly a possibility.
here's the info (off of sectionlive.com):
Monday, February 5
THE MONDAY JAZZ SERIES
Featuring GROOVE MERCHANT
IN THE FRONT LOUNGE
FREE! 7pm - 9pm.
i'll plug it on my show tomorrow night as well.
and also, i may forget somehow between now and then. hopefully somebody will remind me, so i'm not a total asshole for ditching on my own party.
The only problem I have with any minority is that they continually go on about how they want equality (by which I mean equal seats in government, business, schooling). They want half of the pie. the problem is, why would you give half of the pie to 30% of the population. That means the other 70% is only gettin half. Now that's not very fair is it? Young minorities are trained by their parents that everyone is out to get them, especially the white man. So they respectably honor their own traditions ( no foul play there), but in turn feel as though it is their mission in life to push this tradition on others, and when we don't want to be a part necessarily, it's racism. The minorities of the past suffered immensly, and today these people should be educated about it, as "white people" are educated about horrible things we've done about minorities, i.e. hitler, slavery, etc.... ( by the way, fuck howard zin, he goes on the incesent rants about how we aren't educated and we don't know anything about how awful of people we are). I feel no need to apologize for what someone did 200 years ago. I don't have the same mind set, feeling, or faith as those people, so why should I feel bad? In fact, I'd rather not associate with them at all. Maybe I should turn myself green, then people will leave me alone.
Basically, everyone needs to shutup, deal with what they have, and make more valuable educated decisions about what we, (majority or minority), do in the future.
today on the highway it was way busy and i couldn't get over in the left lane for some people who were merging but i figured we'd be okay and just kind of window each other and we'd all be fine, so that plan worked out. everyone was able to squeeze in but then a few cars ahead of me they all breaked suddenly and by breaked i mean pedal to the floor , HALT, kind of break. and so everyone was sqealing their tires and like 1/2 an inch from each other and i was SO close to hitting the person in front of me and then BOOM someone hit me from the back. yeah so i started freaking out and i got off at the next exit and the person followed me but nothing was wrong. not even a mark..................
but it was scary and it made me shake and cry. lol dumb. i just wanted to share.
Well it's kind of been a while. It's so hard to get up at 6:30 every morning. I am not used to this yet. Definitely not getting enough sleep. School is going well. Caleb is doing very well. He was weighed yesterday by the nurse and he weighs a whopping 12 lbs. 10 oz. now. He's in the 50% percentile. And he's 24 inches long, he's in the 75% percentile. I think he's going to be very tall. He's just a happy little boy, always smiling and laughing and cooing. He talks so much. And he's a good cuddler.
Other than that things have been good. I'm going to go buy an elliptical in a couple days, I am so excited. I've lost 10 pounds in a few weeks. yay.
