:: 2004 30 May :: 8.20 am

YAY! Last night I came home on the parkway and didn't get lost!!! I don't know why but there's been so many situations where I have to take the parkway downtown, and then it gets really dark and I don't know exactly how to get back on it. Now I do. So yay! Now I have to go back down to River street and do it all over again. I left at 11 last night and the party was still going on. It's day number 3 of said party. I danced a lot while selling soda yesterday. There were soooo many trashy girls out. Sure it's ninety something degrees out... I don't blame you girls for the lack of clothing... But you don't have to dance so low in your micro mini-skirt that all the little children get an up close and personal view of your genitals. Thank you.
Sometime during the day I get a 5 hour break and then I have to go show movies for some important government people. It's going to be a slow day people. You can reach me on my cell though.

1 Spoke | You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 28 May :: 10.35 am

Just to forwarn everyone who reads this... I'm about to go on a whiny boy schpeal. I don't do it often, but for those of you who dislike whiny schpeals go on your merry way.

Sheldon called AGAIN. I think he might've sorta asked me on a date. Now... I seem to be hanging on to the good times we had before I went to Spain. My mind wants to skip all the sour stuff after that. It's hard to talk to him on the phone and not be able to say "I love you" before I hang up... and now he wants to hang out? I'll not be able to hug him without kissing him and all that. But that doesn't mean that I want to date him again. I honestly thought i'd be ok and just forget how I felt if he never called, but now that idea's out the window.

I'm a smart girl. I know the reasons I love him... but I also know all the reasons that I can't stand and all the reasons that would probably fuck it up again if we ever got back together.

There's that way he's always thinking i'm mad at him, or being mean to him whenever I tell the truth. The way he doesn't believe in God. How he always gets angry and hurts himself, or how sometimes acts like he's in highschool. He smokes, I don't think he'll ever quit. He always needs me so much, and he just wants to settle down.

I'm sure I could go on and on. It's not written anywhere that I can't have all the fun and good things that I had with him, with someone else... Chances are my mind is just going to hold on to those memories until I find that someone else, or get back together with him... or simply find enough peace that I don't need to dwell on those memories anymore. That would be ideal. I know though that all those reasons ^up there, bug me then, still bug me, and would continue to bug me if we were together again. Everything would just take the same inevitable route, unless he's changed or i've changed.

I want someone that's pretty smart, makes me laugh, and someone that i'll never have a boring time with. I need someone that'll value what I want to do with my life and not force me to settle into something that will make me unhappy just so that I can be with them. I don't want a conditional love, I want to have a lot of fun and enjoy simply BEING in love. I want someone who thinks i'm beautiful, and I want to enjoy my life.

THE END

2 Spoke | You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 26 May :: 1.43 am

I'm in Missouri. There was a tornado outside the hotel last night and they made everyone get in the basement. School is... almost over.

Sheldon called randomly again today, I don't know why. I mean I never did stop loving him. That wasn't the reason I broke things off with him, and i'm still very much in love with him and the way things were once. But why call me? Why when he said he didn't want to talk to me again? I mean maybe he knows how much I miss him, and he's just trying to rub it in my face?

Any good guys left out there? Anyone free to give a damn about me?

4 Spoke | You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 14 May :: 2.36 pm
:: Mood: apathetic

I'm in Illinois right now. It's rainy, and I slept pretty much the entire drive up here. Lots of grass... and soy. Exciting. My wireless card works sooo much better up here though. Blah. Whatever.

5 Spoke | You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 12 May :: 11.37 pm

I have to go home tomorrow so that we can go pretend to be a normal family with all the other pretending families at that damn reunion in Illinois. So basically I get to go see a bunch of cousins I've never met, and pretend that it's great that we're all from the same bloodline. yay.

Dad called to remind me to get the paperwork for my car so that I can get an air national guard tag, and so that he can screw me out of more money, since i'm going to have to get a Chatam county tag when I put that bitch in my name. After a brief arguement on why he didn't know why I came back to savannah... EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HIM... but he denied it. I called him an idiot and he hung up on me. 5 minutes later my mother calls me back to tell me not to call dad an idiot, I tell her, if he wasn't such an ASSHOLE I wouldn't have to. When I was little MOM was the asshole, and dad was the one we'd get away from mom with. Now it just seems like dad doesnt care about anything and mom is cool.

4 kids and dad still hasn't gotten it right. He's too old to try anymore. I think he just had so many kids because he likes them when they're little and don't argue. Maybe that's why he loves his grandson so much. Later on, my nephew will be glad he didn't have to live with my dad.

So yeah... Illinois, then Savannah, then Missouri. Then Teresa will SERIOUSLY take a break from traveling.

You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 12 May :: 1.32 pm

Yay I passed my test! So I think that's all the standardized training that I have to do for another year! wooo!

You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 11 May :: 9.03 pm

I'd settle for a best friend...

5 Spoke | You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 11 May :: 8.08 am

It's been so freaking HOT lately. I love it.

I'm doing something I NEVER do. Usually being blindingly pale, this year i'm actually getting decently tan. I'm not such a fan of it, but at least I actually look like I live in Savannah now. Or the south for that matter.

I should meet me a nice art school boy. We could be pretentious, and artsy fartsy together. And he won't be from here, but he'll know more about here than I do because he's a student in the know. And we'll go hang out at all the cool spots no one knows about, or we'll just stay inside. And we'll go for long walks and nothing will ever matter...

unfortunately there aren't many that aren't homos.

I remember that time in college where I met Thomas online... Maybe I should date people I meet online again.

Am I so desperate that i'll try someone that is potentially a freak? Geez, Teresa. Grow up.

Maybe i'll just take up a bad habit, like smoking. It'll maybe take my mind off of all this?

You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 9 May :: 8.18 pm

As much as I say that I don't like not knowing, I think i'm better off not knowing when guys like me. Because for the most part the one thing i'm really looking for is for that one time when some almost-stranger just comes out and says it.

I remember in college when i'd sit alone at lunch and look at other people sitting alone and wonder "what would happen if I just went over and asked to sit with them?"

I guess it's kinda like that. I guess it's sorta happened once very recently, though not in any sort of situation where it would actually work out right now. And boy would I like something like that to work out right now.

You can't make me talk!

:: 2004 7 May :: 1.41 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Thrice

You can't make me talk!