Wow.
All I have to say is wow. I hate the afternoon bus, but man do I love the morning bus. I cannot wait till I can drive, I feel like such a loser. Well, this morning I got up the nerve to sit next to this cute boy and ask him if I could share his blanket. Yeah, it surprised me I had the guts too.
School was fine, 6th hour I helped out the middle school band which was very fun. hahaha. Then the afternoon ride...oh man. These kids on my bus asked me what I was listening to, and I tell them it's just a mix. Well, this kid gets curious and asks what kind of mix. So i just say, "A bunch of stuff", where he continues to ask "Do you listen to gothic...? You know, like Disturbed?"
I just had to sigh. And laugh. And c'mon people, there is more music out there than 50 Cent.
And then I was poked in the back of the head by another little kid who thought it was funny. :-P So I went home and just blah, did homework, then i fell asleep, i don't feel good, but I have to go to school tomorrow...I am learning some new songs. I wrote one I need to put some music too. I'm thinking some piano parts. I'm really really bored. I can't wait till tomorrow. Anyway, that was my day.

Yeah. SO I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE
Yes there are two paths you can go by,
but in the long run,
there's still time to change the road you're on.

This is awful.
I just read something that made me really sad. I'm sad about him, he doesn't seem very happy. I wish he was. I remember whenever we'd hang out we'd have so much fun. But lately, we never hang out anymore. And well today has just been one of those mellow days, until the end of the school day came and went, and sucked on it's way. Yeah, I was so sad about what happened I went home and tried to get rid of the feelings the best way I could. Did something stupid, then wrote a song. Yep. That's my life in a nutshell, right? Yeah, it doesn't even feel like life at all. But on the up-side, it doesn't make sense but I did something that made me totally click on my Trig. homework. It just...clicked. I did every single question and understood it. I'm happy now though, and I don't know why, because I don't really have anything to be happy about. But my life could be worse...I guess that's something to be happy/glad about. Yeah. Life is good, just all the stupid little things get in the way of seeing that. Yeah. hm...
Anyway. Later.

And now you throw it all away. A shattered memory that you would stay, through thick and thin with me. You're giving up on me.
Wow, I'm sorry mr. Red Flannel Day! haha. My aim isn't working for me. It shut off. But I know who you are, just know that!
~

Today was a good day. I think I may have stumbled across something...possibly. I still need a little more time. So in regards to...well, everything, i am not so sure of anything...anymore...haha. Yeah, today was good, I just got home a little while ago. Stayed after school to sign up for scenery for the play. I love to paint! Then Becca and Dylan and I sat out in the hall for a long long time. After that I went w/Becca to go get a present. And then I just got home and I really don't feel like doing my homework. I'm happy, the class I was fearing most, the one I show up late to every day, well, I have a 95% so I'm glad. As for Trig...that will take some time. And for ap history I think it's okay. My only three classes. haha! Well, I'm off!
:-P

I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean, I know that this is what you want.
A funeral keeps both of us apart, you know that you are not alone. I need you like water in my lungs.
This is the end.
~

I really really should be studying...

It's kinda sad that I have learned to deal with things like this.
Being strong means being heartless.
~

-Likes to laugh
-Likes to talk
-Likes to hang out
-Likes to watch movies and cuddle
-Can drive (doesn't have to, but it's always nice)
-Someone I can cook for! haha
-Someone I can rant about my days of starting kitchen fires. hehe.
-Listener, I'll listen too.
-Doesn't mind my spurts of quirkiness (okay, they're more than spurts...)
-Likes to go places, but also likes to stay home.
-Has ambition in life.
-Someone I can trust.
-Someone who really likes music. oh yeah.
~
I'll think of more some other time...
But basically, if you haven't summed it up already, I'm sort of lonely and just want someone to talk to or see whatever happens. You know. Yeah, I don't want to sound pathetic or anything...:-/ But it's just been rough.
I just need to know that there are still good guys out there. I thought there were, but tonight, I've been proven wrong. Jerks make me frustrated. So yeah. Well, whatever.
It's monday tomorrow. ugh. Well have a good night.
~

Tonight the world will wait for us to say it's okay to move again.

Promise me you will stay here until the darkness will fade, I'd wait for you...
I wish I could take back today. I wish I didn't have any regrets. I wish I didn't feel so bad for hurting people's feelings. Damn. He heard me talk about him. STUPID!!! Dad says he's a grown adult, he'll get over it. But I doubt it, because he ignored me the whole class. Oh he'll remember. Mark my words. haha. He'll remember, and I'm so screwed. Hilary has now crossed over to the bad side. Yep.
Other than that...highlights of the day...bad grade...good yummy sandwich at lunch. Oh it was so good. Um, not much else. Oh, I made some angel food cake and it looks really pretty. hehe. I love cooking.
Top 3 Jobs I Want:

1.) Culinary Artist
2.) Music Journalist _(or some other industry job on a smallish record label)
3.) Psychologist...Psychiatrist...either one.

That's all.

I wanted to tell you, I really did.
but how do i explain this?

~

Tomorrow my goal is to not start any more kitchen fires. unlike today. yikes. kind of funny, I do have to admit. STUPID!!!!!!!!!!! wow....night.