If you listen, listen close, beat-by-beat, you can hear when the heart stops. I saved the pieces when it broke and ground them all to dust.

~

Today was one of the best days I've had in a very long time.

The only thing I know is awkward silence...
Wow. What a filled up weekend.
Yesterday Jess and I watched "The 25th Hour". It was really good. I admit though, we got it at first just for Edward Norton...
Ryan came over towards the end of the movie. I think he left his Nemo here. I have two fish now. They can now laugh simultaneously. haha. After the end of the movie we went to Gold's. It was such a good atmosphere. I love being with those guys. I didn't want to be anywhere else. It was one of the best feelings.
You know who your friends are when you wouldn't ever want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. Time goes too fast. Far too fast. So yeah, we had to get back to Jessi's so we left. I took some pictures on the way back, I hope they turn out well.

We ate at Jessi's then Robby came over and we all went to get a movie. We got "Dead Poet's Society". Then we went back and started to watch it but ended up not finishing it. Andrew came over too.
We all watched Halloween IV & V, don't ask me why...
But then I started falling asleep and I didn't care if I really did fall asleep or not. So I just did. And Andrew bit my foot! Ahhh. Just tryin' to get some sleep and people go and naw on feet.
Today was kind of nice too. I didn't end up having to work. Stayed home studying and stuff all day long. Got some cantanese. (sp?) eh.
Anyway. I'm probably not making sense. I don't care.
I need some sleep.
G'night. Exams this week. Sucks.

Cold in life's throws. I'll fall asleep for you. I only ask you turn away.
Wow. Yesterday was the best! We filmed my video it was so fun! ahhh. I'm so excited. I could watch it over and over and over it's so good. haha. Jess is still here, she's in the shower, bwah ha ha ha. We went to grab some happy meals last night and we got these little laughing Nemos. hahaha. And everything is so fun right now. :-) I'm so happy. Phil and Ryan and Jessi and Becca are good guys. Haha. Ryan I hope you didn't get poison ivy!
Well. That's about it for now. :-)

Where do we go, to draw the line? I've got to say, I wasted all your time...
1. Try not to say "no" to any oppurtunity that presents itself.
2. Meet new people and do not judge.
3. Graduate.
4. Get some guts when it comes to small things.
5. Earn a higher grade in Alg. II.
6. Start playing piano again.
7. Meditate.
8. Keep in touch with people.
9. Don't hide feelings as much.
10. Be a better listener.
11. Seperate what I want to hear from the truth.
12. Focus on the positive aspects of life.
13. Spend more time with my pups.
14. Take a walk when I think "I want to take a walk" instead of forgetting about it.
15. Smile.
16. Get more sleep.
17. Get up early sometimes to watch the sun rise.
18. Take the time to watch the sun set.
19. Take more pictures.
20. Quit rushing through the day.
21. Quit focusing on what needs to be done sometimes, and take things as they come and slow life down a little.
22. Make more goals for myself.

More to come. Just going to...take it easy...for a while anyway.

Oh let's go back to the start.
Today was quite odd. I just couldn't stop laughing for some reason. I knew the feeling. It was the feeling I'd get right before I'd sparatically burst into tears and start balling. . .only. . .I didn't cry at all. I just kept laughing till I was in tears. Even though a lot of stuff wasn't going the way I wanted it to. But that's life. Hopefully tonight will be okay though. I need to do this.


Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start. . .

Silver And Cold
This is one of my favorite songs.


I came here by day, but I left here in darkness and found you on the way. Now, it is silver and silent. It is silver and cold. You, in somber resplendence, I hold. Your sins into me, oh, my beautiful one now. Your sins into me. As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer and I'll beg for forgiveness. Your sins into me, oh, my beautiful one. Light, like the flutter of wings, feel your hollow voice rushing into me as you're longing to sing.
So I will paint you in silver. I will wrap you in cold. I will life up your voice as I sink. Cold in life's throws. I'll fall asleep for you. I only ask you turn away. I only ask you turn away as they seep into me, oh, my beautiful one.

I came here by day, but I left here in darkness and found you on the way.
I had a wonderful day today.
I got the newest AFI cd today, and once again, I'm going to have to state the fact that Davey Havok is beautiful. My ear just popped. Not from the music, but for some reason...haha. And I got Coldplay today too. Spur thing. I saw Jess today too, that was funny. She didn't expect it. bwah haha.
I'm still going by the whole statement "Everyone's a hypocrit". Because it still seems to prove itself true.
Today has been a nice day.
It was relaxing to look up at the sky all day long. That's exactly what I did too. I got kind of sunburnt. ahhh. I think I'm going to bed soon too. I don't want to go to school tomorrow.

I feel like i'm up early. . .but I'm not. this is nice. Dad and I are going for a jeep ride and we're going out to breakfast. haha. our "bonding" time. :-) but it'll be fun.
have a good day everyone

But everything looks perfect from far away, come down now, but we'll stay...
The tension makes it hard to breath.
I saw my dear friend Becca yesterday and today. hah. I had fun. It was nice to talk.

Come down now. They'll say...

I wonder what was thought...about my stupid fucking letter. The silence is creating an awkwardness for me. I wish I could just talk to him about it. I'm glad I have friends that care. Those are my only friends.

Yeah. haha. Wow. Yesterday had to be...haaa. all i can do is laugh right about now. the irony.
So yeah. I'd like to say that due in large part by my friends, my life is now going to be an interestings ride. More so than before. I'm talking "rollercoaster", you know. More of a rollercoaster than even before. Jess/Becca. You guys are silly. Wow. And you're right, I probably wouldn't have written anything more. So...thank you.
And thank you to Andrew and Phil. That was fun last night. Down With Love. haha.
My neck still hurts. First row, whooo.
Anyway. Last night was fun. Yesterday was fun. Tonight will be fun as well.
I just realized this is the most I've written about actually doing something, in a long time.

I love these guys
Sit back and watch this dream you call your life quickly pass you by and know this was wasted time. And take a look in the mirror and tell me who have I become? I know that I don't care. I know that I don't care. Recollect these thoughts you hold inside this cage and they'll come to find you out and know this was wasted time. And take a look in the mirror and tell me who have I become? I know that I don't care. I know that I don't care. And know that each lie will find you out.



Today was nice outside. 2 hour walk. Nice.