:: 2003 15 May :: 2.30 pm

Well screw that plan.
Thank you though, Dan.
I have no guts, you are correct.
I am gutless.
And I know it.
Why is it that I can do some of the daringest things at the second someone thinks of them, but when it comes to this it's so hard?
And why is it that I can picture myself actually doing it, but when it comes to actually doing it, I CAN'T!!!
Ahhhh!
This is stupid. And quite frankly I am sick of feeling/being stupid.
I QUIT!
I'm gonna go eat my brownies. hmph.

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:: 2003 15 May :: 10.38 am

How long must I wait for you?...

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:: 2003 15 May :: 10.36 am

I have Coldplay stuck in my head.
It's raining out.
I hope my book/Slow Coming Day cd come today. I'd be very happy, I've been waiting for 2 whole weeks. Thank you shipping.
It's cold in here.

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:: 2003 15 May :: 10.29 am

Hm...
Today has been going really really slowly.
Hopefully tonight will be better.
Tomorrow will be good too.
Gosh I just want to go home and sleep.
AHHHHHHH
I just want to talk to him.
AHHHHHHH!
haha :-P

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:: 2003 14 May :: 8.25 pm

I had fun today.
"Dan's Butt" is funny. haha.
Nice toad.
Half-days are great
I want to sleep now though.
I'm tired.
Tomorrow is going to be a late day.
Yay. I'm excited.
:-)

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:: 2003 12 May :: 7.50 pm
:: Music: Modest Mouse

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:: 2003 11 May :: 7.05 pm

what a nice day...
Yeah. Nice day out isn't it.
I haven't done much except visit w/my grandparents. Dad and I went mushroom hunting this morning for a couple hours. I had fun. I found 23. haha.
I am going to have a good day tomorrow.
Or try to. I hope there is no golf. That would result in no school day. And as nice as that seems, I am getting quite sick of not going to so school. Crap.
I don't know anymore.

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:: 2003 10 May :: 10.19 pm

I'll eat your heart out so you feel my pain
What do i do...


I am not confused but sometimes it's easier to say that I am. To dismiss it as a feeling that other's can easily understand.
I am not confused. I know what I want. I sometimes wish it was just that easy.
g'night.

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:: 2003 10 May :: 10.01 pm

Sunlight shining through my window let's me know I'm still alive...
But I'd rather shut it out.

I needed last night.

That was great.

2 -finally spoke up | Say something!

:: 2003 7 May :: 8.23 pm

I'm feeling obsolete.
So we've reached a very distinct verdict. The client is guilty.
I fell asleep at 9 o'clock last night. I was exhausted. Again. And tonight I may just do the same.
Except Becca is going to call me around 8:30.
What can I say, we are excited.
Is there something wrong with that?
I'm happy. She's happy. We both want to just jump up and freakin' down. I'm so excited.
Life has taken on a new alignment. We are now heading up. Please keep all arms and legs inside.
I'm so ready for this ride.
:-)
g'night.

2 -finally spoke up | Say something!

:: 2003 5 May :: 7.22 pm

"You said this is your life, well where is mine?..."

I'm in a content mood. Even if things are not content. No, I'm in a state of...discontent, yet...settled...I guess that describes it. Because I'm too exhausted to feel anything else. To be sad or to be happy. I'm a medium.

2 -finally spoke up | Say something!

:: 2003 5 May :: 6.57 pm
:: Music: The Juliana Theory

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:: 2003 4 May :: 8.12 pm

It really isn't fucking fair. Fuck.
Why can't I have this?
Why do you need this? You know you aren't over it. You'll never be over it. How do you pretend you are over it so well? Or is it because he's just ignorant?
Don't be mistaken when she calls you by his name...

I'm going to go eat some food.
I wasn't mad about it until I thought about it again.
Food.

4 -finally spoke up | Say something!

:: 2003 4 May :: 8.04 pm

wearing out...
Another family event. Ever since my aunt got remarried things have been quite different. And today was a birthday. Overindulgence of the wonderful ice cream cake and snotty kids who don't appreciate anything. Oh gosh. I sound like...ahh. nevermind.
I had to work tonight as well. But at least I've got my mind off this until I go to bed. I hope. Yeah. Whoever said being hurt is a blessing in disguise (good song-writing time) was kind of right I suppose. I wrote a song yesterday, and I only let Jess read it. She said it was good. I haven't been able to write many songs lately.
My dog is getting surgery. Maybe I could write about that.
Well, she is getting spayed. Is it neutered or spayed? I don't know, either way it's probably bad.

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:: 2003 4 May :: 2.04 pm

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I'm afraid.
This always happens.
It took all the guts I've had and some that I didn't even know I had (on friday) and now...it's nothing. Even though I found out some things that surprised me that had to date back more than a year ago or so...
Nothing is fair, and nobody cares.
And no one is thinking of anyone else. Am I selfish for thinking that way though? If they aren't thinking of themselves, am I selfish for wanting them to think about me?
Am I selfish for wanting this.

2 -finally spoke up | Say something!