Yeah...so...
I have a lot to be upset about on my plate right now. And I feel like nothing. And I feel like my feelings really shouldn't matter anymore. But on the other hand...
Life is still good.
Yesterday was incredibly fun after school.
Today was a horrible day after lunch.
And then...
yep. Life goes on.
Everything I have to say I've already said.

Call 911, I'm already dead but
someone should be caught and held responsible
for this bloody mess...


I'm sick of this routine.
But things have been shaken up quite nicely lately. I guess I'm kind of in control right now.
I finished my song.
I had a match today. I lost. Not a surprise actually.
See, the thing about it is, I accept losing, and set my hopes quite low...that way, my hopes are never hanging way up in the air.
No, don't look up, they aren't up there...
Look down...way down. Yep. There they are. Hi hopes. haha.
Wow. I'm so tired.

so here's a present to let you know i still exist
And i got the greatest surprise ever tonight.
It brought my mood up a great level.
I felt like crap during the day and practice. And jess and i managed to get out of 6th hour again. That was nice because i wasn't in the mood to do anything.
5th hour i just wanted to sign out a pass, so i did. but i didn't cry because that'd be stupid.
I feel like crap. My throat hurts everytime i breath and swallow.
I don't know what...to do...about all this stuff.
Mom made me go out to dinner with her and my grandparents. Which was fun except the whole thing about feeling awful. I don't see where food plays in nicely there.
Yeah. So. I'm tired.
Stupid meaps tomorrow and i have stupid match.
I feel exhausted for some reason...
g'night. i hope tomorrow goes well...just...something, anything.

this song rocks
i hope tomorrow goes well.
i am extremely tired.
and my throat hurts.
i think i'm sick.
gah.
cous faba. retard your anger.
hahaha
g'night

I am burned.
Not badly, just slightly. Didn't have to go to any classes today!!! Yay!
Went to GR with the group and played 18. I think i did ok...I got a 60 on the red holes, and a 54 on the blue. I was happy. AND, even more, we didn't come in last this time! hahaha.
I went to school early this morning and just sat by the pop machines. Maybe it's just me, but frankly, i get annoyed when people ask obvious questions, over and over again.
Imagine it about, oh, 7:10 or so, me sitting down against the wall next to my clubs trying to relax before the match...so one person walks by, "Oh, you play golf huh."
"Yeah."
(no, those clubs are just sitting there because i like to carry them around.)
hahaha.
Ah, i don't mind it that much. It was kind of funny. By the 5th person, i was actually laughing to myself about it.
I can feel myself burning. My lips are even burnt a little. Or just really kind of red.
Ah so. Today was interesting. Quite fun actually, yet long...
So yeah.
And I'm sort of happy about how things went.
And I wrote a song that's actually pretty decent. It sounds really nice. I can't wait to show Jess and Becca.
Oh, and today is Becca's 16th! So Happy Birthday!!!

I got a broken face.
Yeah. So. I really want to watch Fight Club again. Now. I have no immediate urge to wake up in the morning. I used to. Eh. I don't care. Dad is leaving again tomorrow night. I won't see him at all. Till another week is over. He'll be gone again. And I'm worried about my grandpa. It's a long story, but he's worried too. It's upsetting me. They always joke about death, like it's supposed to be funny. I think they're trying to make light of the situation. I think they're just uneasy. Death is way too final. I can feel something and it isn't good.
I just hope everything turns out okay.
I can't stand this.

The questions...
The question, to be more specific...-"What's wrong?"
I think i ask it to much.
I think i ask it so much at any chance of ever getting an actual answer other than, "Nothing." or "I'm just tired."
I think that in getting that answer almost every time and still constantly asking, it goes unnoticed. Therefore I may be confronted about not caring enough. When I care a lot.
An awful lot.
*insert spurt of sadness right...(here)*
:-\

I love this band.
The things I do maybe need to be thought through,
but just remember what's right for me, might be not right for you.

~

I think I'll start on yesterday...
Hm...Yesterday...
Yesterday was...nice?
Yeah. I had to get Jess and I out of 6th hour and it worked, successfully. And I had a golf match. And I got a 55! I was quite happy, but tired. Around 9 or so Becca and Jess showed up. We went for a walk around 10:30...hehehe. Let's see. It was quite an interesting walk. But yeah, after that we were really tired and just stayed up talking a lot.
I've figured something out quite well I'm really excited to go to school tomorrow too. :-)
Today we woke up around 9 and we went for another walk. A 2-mile walk. haha. Right early in the morning. We walked to Jenna's because she was supposed to stay home today. So we waited, and waited, and waited...but she ended up not being home. So we just sat on her front porch bench and just talked some more. Then we made our venture home and found a dead animal hand. So Becca picked it up with a couple sticks and we're bringing it to one of our lucky friends tomorrow. haha. :-) Only she forgot to get it and bring it with her today, so now i have to bring it. ahhh. And when we got back we just layed on the deck. And then we watched the classic Salem's Lot. It was scary.
My dad came home today, and he ended up getting a 10" beard. On the turkey!
hahahaha. Bah. But he's leaving again on Friday. Let's see...I saw Becca's puppies today, they are truly adorable. :-D And I suppose I just am going to go now. Read. Yep. I don't know. Wow. Today was fun. No school for sure. :-)
later