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2003 20 March :: 10.42 pm
If you insist on pictures of shorelines,
then i insist on pages of your lines
meant for me, to be sent to me.
Remember watching the storms from the lifeguard stand.
Remember feeling the tingling
in my fingertips, when I touched your lips.
And i recall how you sat on the same side of me,
it always seemed that you'd always be on my side.
You're my best side.
And it's early June, so the sand's still dry,
and you have got the boldest eyes,
and I can't help but think it's right,
that inside you it's me i'll find.
And i'm still waiting.
And it's early June, so the sand's still dry,
and the storm off shore is not far behind.
And I'm still waiting.
And I'm still waiting.
And sometimes you don't say a thing for a long while.
And the ships off shore hold stories that we'd make.
And sometimes we are held at bay by these miles.
But less of you is more than I can take.
And the moments that we've shared could last a lifetime.
And the faith I have in us, will keep you near.
And several of these miles placed in between us,
mean several of these words being sent by mail.
I hope this letter finds you well.
And sometimes we don't say a thing for a long while.
And the ships off shore hold stories that we'd make.
And sometimes we are held at bay by these miles.
But less of you is more than I can take.
Say something! |
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2003 20 March :: 10.13 pm
sigh. I like listening to the rain. It's so...relaxing.
3 -finally spoke up |
Say something! |
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2003 20 March :: 9.39 pm
:: Music: TJT
I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it...
Today was truly horrible. Yikes. I never want to do that again. Is there anything I can do?
I'm fine now. I seriously think I'm bi-polar. Seriously. It's not good. At all. I skipped 2 hours today due to not being able to go to class without crying. It all started in 2nd hour when we started talking about that song. I felt so bad, I feel horrible. I treat my parents like shit and they've done so much for me. And i do exactly what they say in the song. "I pretend to be sleeping/ When you come in in the morning/ To say good-bye"
And I don't think they know me that well. And if i keep talking about it i'm going to start crying again. I want to have a good relationship with them. I don't think it's too late at all. I wanted to call my mom and just have her come pick me up and take off work so we could go do something. I made a total fool of myself in 3rd hour when i tried to explain why the heck i was crying. Only it's kind of hard when i didn't even really know. I kept muttering out "I don't know..." and i was hyperventilating and shaking and i couldn't breath at all. I could barely hear him, his voice was turned all the way down, and i must have asked him "what?" at least 3 times...Then i finally said "it's my parents" and then i went to the office. What the heck. He probably thought it was drastic and it's really not. So how am i going to face him in class tomorrow? gah. So yeah, after I left I went with becca to the stage and helped out with everyone. And then we stayed there 4th hour, i called my mom and she excused me from 4th hour, which was really cool. she called so i could skip. lol. hm. And i couldn't talk to anyone about it without crying, for some reason. even when i called her. And so, yeah. I feel better now though. I think i'm happy. But yeah, i'm going to try to be a better kid and get out of these stupid moods i'm in around them. I'm such a jerk to them.
Anyway. Today was so weird.
Say something! |
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2003 18 March :: 10.10 pm
Indeed. This is odd.
Well. I am getting a guitar. whooo!
I shall name him, Walter.
Or Marshall. I like them both, but Walter would make more sense to me.
Hm. tonight was odd.
Oh yeah, i'm making/selling necklaces. so...yeah.
Have a good night :-)
3 -finally spoke up |
Say something! |
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2003 16 March :: 10.51 pm
shoot.
i'm going to cry.
someone just bought my guitar.
shoot.
not cool
not cool at all.
Say something! |
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2003 16 March :: 10.26 pm
:: Music: Slow Coming Day
dammit
yesterday was so good
it was so fun
I got to cook a huge dinner for my friends it took me hours :-) haha
And then jess and becca and i went for a walk and i "saw" charlie. haha. :-D
Then ryan and josh came over and they brought SuperTroopers. Funniest movie ever. meow.
Today was....well....
Those words shall be stamped upon my brain forever. It wasn't like one of those stupid arguements we always have and i cry because it was upsetting. It was hurtful and it was sad and i didn't ever want to leave my bed. Those words kept repeating in my head over and over and over again. I hardly talked to my dad all night. But later on, it was one of those things where mom was the medium between us relaying messages back like a...gah.
So yeah, she was being super nice to me because she knew it hurt this time. It wasn't like any other times ever. It was the first time i actually felt, really felt bad for being born. The way he said it.
And then, on top of everything else, someone takes something the wrong way and i feel terrible about it. And things are just not so good right now.
I had to take my dreds out, some of my hair was so brittle and snarled it'd start to break off. And the whole story Josh told me was kind of scary. But not to worry, i want them back so bad. They'll be back someday.
At the same time, it's hard to believe, but things are good as well.
And i'm not afraid of the war. if they're going to go through with it, as stupid as it is, then they're going to go through with it.
Some of my hair is falling out i'm afraid.
I'll leave you on that note and everyone have a lucky day tomorrow ...happy green day. hahaha
Say something! |
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2003 14 March :: 10.48 pm
hm...Great show! Very very very good job Robby, Dusty, & Kevin. :-D
I didn't feel very well though, so casey and i went to sit down and go on the computer for a little while. Before that i was going to go get some air but dusty gave the worst possible look and thought we were leaving??? uh...no...
i feel sick, i'm not going to be in this heat. It was so hot in there, but it was worth it. So cool.
Gorilla named butch. hahaha.
Well, i'm think i'm going to go now. I'm in a really good mood and i can't wait for tomorrow! yay!
Say something! |
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2003 14 March :: 9.00 pm
:: Music: BSC!!!!!
BSC ROCKS!!!
They're playing right now, Casey and i are on here right now. They're really awesome :-D YAY!!! AH. Time to go
Say something! |
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2003 13 March :: 11.40 pm
:: Music: Slow Coming Day
And as she walks, her troubled eyes, can see through it all...as loneliness settles in...
I caught up on sleep, caught up on sleep after oh about 3 months of not sleeping much. It was really nice. I stayed home until the middle of 4th hour today and i slept and slept and slept. so nice. I was in a really good mood, too. And today was altogether so great. I'm excited because I raised my grade in Alg. 2, and tomorrow will be fun, and saturday will be a lot of fun too, and sunday as well. this whole weekend is sure to be great. yay. great fun.
Well, it's pretty late...i suppose I can pretend i'm tired and go to sleep, but i'll probably just lay there.
Night :-)
1 -finally spoke up |
Say something! |
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2003 12 March :: 11.37 pm
Okay, all cheered up i think
What a good thing.
lol. :-D
2 -finally spoke up |
Say something! |
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2003 12 March :: 11.01 pm
i feel kind-of better now. . .
kind-of. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, but something's doing it. I sound like i'm full of crap when i cry so i would say i'm never going to again, but that would be a lie. most definitely. i don't like using my friends that way. i guess. i don't know anymore. i feel like secluding myself. Or starting my own nudist colony. . .
Look at me, i'm a walking contradiction. whoo.
g'night.
Say something! |
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2003 12 March :: 9.55 pm
yeah.
I'm dying to know
do you do you like dreaming of things
so impossible or only the practical
or ever the wild or waiting through all your bad bad days
just to end them with
someone you care about
~~~~~~~~~~
I'm starting to panic
remember she asked you
remember to breathe
~~~~~~~~~
And i'm left here again. I want to sleep for days.
1 -finally spoke up |
Say something! |
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2003 12 March :: 9.23 pm
sleep with all the lights on, you're not so happy, you're not secure....sleep with all the sheets on, baring your mattress, baring your soul...
Today was full of. . .
Hurt.
I'm not feeling like myself. I want to go outside. and sleep there. cold. i don't care. just anywhere but here, in life.
Grow up fast. Grow up fast. Grow up fast. . .
3 -finally spoke up |
Say something! |
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2003 11 March :: 10.33 pm
Inertness fell across the darkened room,
And I left here where you left me
Here in darkness
A blackened wall
And impatiently the shadows fall
But night, it falls eternally
And dreams, they come, to those that sleep
But I awake, and somber less
Dream of nothing, peacefulness
Dreamt of you beside my bed
Those solemn nights you held my head
Those times I drifted off again
And gently lay there in my rest
Through the autumn leaves the wind, it blows
As seasons trickle down to those who know
Yet coming back again, I never will
Seize this broken day, the silence spilled
Say something! |
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2003 9 March :: 9.12 pm
You called to talk and I, not wanting to be bothered by them, but instead to just soak in every word, went out into the darkness and lay in the tall grass. It was cold blades of green running through my fingers and toes on each hand and foot, and when I turned over it was a blanket of stars and engulfing shadow overhead. But it was quiet, something the inside was unquestionably not. And I took in everything. Every moment: every sound. Still wishing there were some way you could trek your way here so we could both stare at the sky and feel the damp beneath us, without the static of phone lines to hold us back.
Say something! |
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