i looked, i sweared!!!

I'm sorry, about the world, how could i know you'd take it so bad...
Do you know what this feels like?

Only one person on the whole planet knows me like this. He knows everything about me. Every secret. Everything. Every single inch of me. Only one person. And i'm so lucky. No one knows me like he does. I tell him everything, and it's okay. This feeling is the greatest feeling in the world. And walking with him this weekend and being able to talk to him. It's 6 months already today. It went so fast.

I'm sorry...about the sun....how could i know?
I had a very good day. This morning i woke up late and cleaned the bathroom for a total of 2 hours. I was waiting for jess to call, but then jeff and her and casey all showed up. So we hung out here for a while it was fun. Then we left and went to her house. We hung out there for a while. After eating dinner and getting freaked out by her dad, we left to go to sparta and get a movie. we picked out a really dumb scary one.
It was so funny, on the way home, I was like, "We should go to the boat launch."
And then we drove by, and casey says, "Hey, there's a van there...just a van. Lets turn around and see...hahaha." So we go...hahahah!
Jeff says "Let's sneak up right behind them and just show our lights...like cops." So we do that, nothing happens, except...you can't see anyone in there, hahaha. So we park next to them, still nothing. So then we go back to the center and start doing reverse donuts. it was fun but dizzy.
Yes...so...oh yeah, my dog Oscar peed on jeff today, hahahahaha! :-P
Oh...poor fish :-/ hmph.

Let's pray for, this suicide...
She's wasting air, taking up space...
Everyone she talks to will learn along the line, that everything she says means nothing. because she is nothing. and that's all she was destined to be. nothing. a black hole.

It's just another day, one more chance to get this right...
I am tired. Physically and emotionally. I want them to be happy. I want everyone to be happy, no one deserves to be upset. Well, in a sense that they haven't done anything wrong. Which they haven't...
Jess called tonight and i talked to her and Casey for a while. Then i called Ryan and talked to him for a bit. I hope we can all hang out tomorrow, that'd be fun and i think it'd cheer everyone up. I hope we can this weekend too. I am also physically tired of this ongoing schedule everyday, but that's life, it's what you make it. And i guess i'm making this schedule myself, so i only have myself to blame. I miss Charlie. I wish i could see him more often. Tomorrow is 6 months. I'm so happy.
Ah. Gotta go.

Yeah. So today was okay...
2nd hour i had bad stomach pains i don't know what's wrong with me. it's was my muscles...then it went away during third hour. But i seriously couldn't walk, and no one had any medicine so i just died there in the hall and drug my ghost to class afterward...
I didn't go to golf, either. I thought i was going to the hockey game. I even ditched plans with my parents when they wanted to celebrate. Then i called and she said we weren't going? okay...whatever. anyway.
I had fun anyway because my parents wanted me to watch a "classic". Joan Crawford was a terrible mother but at the same time you could kind of see a bit of caring about her. Along with all that abuse...ahh. It made me cry at some parts. "Mommie Dearest". It was okay...Faye Dunaway plays in it. (i'm not sure i spelled that right.) but anyway. They said to watch it to prove that they could be so much worse. Now they can't stop saying "What kind of hangers do you have in your closet!?!?! METAL!?!?" ahh...they scare me.
My dad was being really nice tonight, it was great. I played with my puppies a lot too. They're adorable.
I have to say, i hope tomorrow goes a whole lot better than today.

Without it all, I'm choking on nothing, it's clear in my head, and i'm screaming for something...
Gosh. This weekend...was one of the best weekends i've had in an extremely long time.
Every day of this weekend was good and especially last night.
Friday i went over to jessi's and we played hockey at chris's until 9:30 or so. Then we went inside and ate breadsticks and drank hot cocoa.
After that, we went back out and played more hockey and basketball. haha. it was fun. then casey got home and she came over and robby came over and we all hung out.
Saturday, we all went to valueland and tried to get robby to try on this awesome (ha-ha) purple dress. This guy walked by and told him he was cute. Then we went around searching for sweaters for him and i found a blue one and we all talked him into getting it. (didn't take much convincing, blue is his color) :-)
I got a bright neon green sweatshirt too.
Then after that we went to D&W to use the bathroom and get some drinks and jess and i collected free stuff. After that, we went to robbo's and watched a movie and then Charlie came over. we all hung out then robby had to leave for work. We stayed there for a little while and jeff and dusty showed up. Kal and Charlie and I all jammed. haha. i suck. It was fun though. Then we all left and it was a little after 5. We went to rockford and walked by the dam. It was really nice, i got to talk to Charlie a lot and it was so great. Except for it being cold. But yeah, then him and i walked up this trail a little bit, but we saw a random scary kid running towards us in a red jacket so we turned around and went back. Stupid dog crap and scary kids...
After that we went to Squire Street and found a store to go in. It was a stained glass store and we ended up talking to the guy he was nice and gave jess and casey popcorn. We must've stayed in there for 15 minutes. Looking at stuff===(keeping warm). haha. Then we walked down some street and then left. Casey had some coupons for subway so we went to Sparta and the subway there. My stomach muscles hurt so bad.
Then we hit the dollar store and i found a funny horse thing for casey, it made noises too. Afer that we went to the bean...There was a band there from some college, they were pretty good from what i heard, they had bongos too. But yes...it was funny. Jeff kept driving up to Charlie and I and almost smashed into us. Things at the bean...well, i don't know. i don't know anymore.
Charlie and i played Uno, it was fun.
After that, it was getting pretty late and the place was dead, so we went back to jessi's. Jeff came over and we all watched Snow Dogs! haha. STUPID MOVIE!!! NEVER WATCH IT...EVER!
We didn't even watch it, it was long and dumb. But yeah, we all were having a great time and talking and everything seemed funny. Casey made us pizza but no one else wanted it except her and i so we ate it. all. haha. It was funny, it seemed like we were having a sleep-over so once we got home i changed into my pj's. he was one of the girls. hahaha. then he left at midnight and we tried staying up talking but i couldn't, i was so tired. Once i had fallen asleep Jess poured ice cold water on my forehead. It rolled into my eyes and ear and i jumped up and started yelling odd things at her because i was only half-awake. hahahaha. From what i remember/heard, this was the converation...
Me-"Wow. I guess you are just a really mean person, why'd you do that!!?"
Jess-"...I could pour some on Casey if it'd make you feel better..."
Casey-"No, that's quite alright."
Me-"See if i ever help you again."
Jess-"Help me how?"
Me-"Blah de blah blah...i was helping you...we were all helping by talking to you...i was sleeping. blah."
Jess-"Exactly, haha, how were you helping by sleeping? You weren't helping. You were sleeping."
Me-"I wasn't talking because i was sleeping, therefore i was helping."

and then i fell asleep. ahahaha. well. It was pretty funny.
But yes.. best weekend
Gosh. :-D i'm so happy.

In my life, never before have i had i a lover i so adore...hehehe.
i like this song.
AND I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING FOR NO REASON AT ALLLLLLLLLLLL
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
sun shines bright with you...
And while i spend these hours
five senses relive



So...i looked at some of my pictures this afternoon. Fun times.