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2003 5 January :: 1.10 am
:: Music: Brand New...:-)
So, it's sad this doesn't suit you now. And me fresh out of rope,...
So i still haven't gone to bed yet. It's one of those things...
I'm starving myself of sleep but eventually i know i'll pass out. It's the last night I can stay up late for another week. lol.
blah. I want to say something but it'll come out dumb because i cannot express my extreme dislike of it.
blah.
G'night. I think i'll go lay in bed and think till i pass out.
I don't think i had any homework...
Say something! |
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2003 5 January :: 12.15 am
I thought i'd go to bed, but no.
I probably should.
SNL is hilaryous.
Jimmy Fallon is funny.
Anyway. g'night
Say something! |
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2003 4 January :: 10.38 pm
What a weird thing...lol. wow.
What you've forgotten now though,
It haunts you in your sleep.
You toss and turn all night but still,
above your head it creeps.
You push away the thought until
It's barely in your mind
And then it jumps back in again,
pushing from behind.
It grabs your heart,
Your bones, they creak
Like well-worn-out old stairs.
You won't admit your mind is lost,
Your memory is bare.
Sitting on the porch
Watching leaves as they fall,
Thinking about, no, waiting for
Winter to make it's crawl.
Cold December nights lit up
by a few small candlesticks,
reading in a chair alone, as the
clock, it ticks.
Scratching on the window,
Loud, again you try to hide.
This familiar voice again, makes its way inside.
Unsuspecting wind, it blew out candles one and two,
the last of light, it trickles now,
darkness falls over the room.
Hehe, you're not alone.
hahahahaha. I wanted to write a dumb er. funny, poem. whatever.
weird. Well, I was bored and angry. :P
Say something! |
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2003 4 January :: 10.21 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: The Used
And won't you think i'm pretty when I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away...
Gosh. :-(
What a long, dreadfully long night.
Gosh.
Hmph.
Charlie where are you. blah. I need a hug.
Blah.
gr. I can't even begin..
Gosh. I told them no one's perfect they should try to understand that i have bad days too. I say/do things to them i don't mean, they say/do things to me. And don't you just love it when you're laying on your bed crying just trying to explain and get out to them what they're doing to you, and they don't understand? Just to prove you right a minute later...by doing what they've denied they do. I hope you didn't just get lost because i did. lol.
Gosh. I have to remember they aren't perfect either.
As of now I can't go snowboarding. Couldn't go to Jessi's or Becca's tonight. But that's not the point as to why i'm kind of upset. Yesterday my dad and i were talking and i guess he was joking, but how would you feel if your dad started joking about how "well, when you were born we were going to throw you back. But we decided not to." and other crap. like it doesn't hurt. joking or not.
Ah. okay. *calm down*
I wrote a funny poem, except...it's about death. either that or schitzophrenia... wow. lol.
becca would love it. haha. i'm going to show it to her.
I've had so many thoughts running through my head today, about people at school.
I don't want to go back.
*blah*
"A minute of my life, It's all I've got just to stay down..."
"Should've done something but I've done it enough,
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste some time with you."
Bertie is awesome!
lol.
hmph.
Say something! |
::
2003 3 January :: 10.00 pm
Today I fell and felt better, just knowing this matters i just feel stronger...
AND SHARPER!!!!
haha. Wow. Today I stayed home. I can't believe this break is almost over already. Whoa.
Jess and Robbo and I were going to go snowboarding today but now we're going Sunday night. And tomorrow night I'm going to some resturuant with my grandparents. Today I just stayed home all day. Hey, that's fine with me.
I don't think i'd mind going back to school so much, if there weren't going to be exams. crap. wow. exams. gr.
"We're ready, we're prepared..." blah de blah blah. Let's just face it, we'll never really be ready, and we're not going to be prepared, as much as we could be or as much as we thought. Blah blah blah.
Yep.
And why are there so many people dying of murder these days. gr. Stupid.
I say you quite buying crap you don't need and go pay to see a psychiatrist.
Blah blah blah, "This lady died, her husband killed her." and "This lady died, her husband killed her after a Jerry Springer episode."
Wow.
Okay...
Anyway.
"You will be fighting, not to conquer anybody, but to liberate people."
Couldn't they liberate people some other way than that? What a sorry excuse for wanting to fight.
*Found a box of sharp objects what a beautiful thing*
Do you want a song of glory???
Gosh. Bertie is AWESOME!!!
Just AWESOME! minus all the puke. lol.
Say something! |
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2003 2 January :: 11.33 pm
http://dribbleglass.com/subpages/billboards33a.htm
Say something! |
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2003 2 January :: 9.41 pm
Is it worth it can you even hear me, Standing with your spotlight on me, Not enough to feed the hungry...
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this.
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this.
I feel like singing...
I feel like going outside. It's like one of those moments where you picture something being perfect, (it being nice and warm and sunny outside, for example)
and then you see it and it's nothing you thought.
I still want to go outside...
Coldness was never an excuse.
Being lazy was.
Say something! |
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2003 2 January :: 9.18 pm
Got a gumball machine today...
Cool.
Say something! |
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2003 1 January :: 10.48 pm
"WHO KILLED THE MIME?!?"
"What mime?"
"THE ONE YOU KILLED AND MEANT TO PUT IN MY BED!"
gosh i'm so sad. lol...
Say something! |
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2003 1 January :: 9.58 pm
I am thirstyyyyyy.......
**added 'y's' for emphasis**
hm...
I stayed at Jessi's all day pretty much and we watched the parade, lol. and ate food. yum.
then i played the old Nintendo with dad.
I'm kind of tired...I'm suprised I'm not really tired though.
Anyway, not much to say. Oh yeah, Jess and I played RollerCoaster Tycoon all day long today, haha. :-P
Addicted.
Say something! |
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2003 1 January :: 6.23 pm
Happy New Year.
Wow. Tonight was...wow...
:D
Hm...
2 -finally spoke up |
Say something! |
::
2002 30 December :: 11.35 pm
:: Mood: tired...
:: Music: Further Seems Forever
(. . . . . .)
:gotta love it:
Say something! |
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2002 30 December :: 10.43 pm
What is this world coming to?
It's driven.
It's driven and I'm going to bed.
Say something! |
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2002 30 December :: 10.00 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
So here I am alive at last, and I'll savor every moment of this...
Moderation! That is the word I've been trying to think of these past three days! I finally remembered. You think a word that simple would be easy to remember...
Everything is good in moderation, you know?
"The cup is not half empty as pessimists say, As far as he sees nothing's left in the cup, A whole cup full of nothing for him to induldge, Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up..."
That's how i feel right now. And kind of still mad.
You see, I made a decision right now, I've been thinking about it a while now. I've decided to be vegetarian. I don't want to go vegan, for one, because I live off milk. Gosh. I sit there and see my dad eating this roast. And what used to look alright to me, it was alright, never "yum", I've totally lost interest in. It's just a healthier way to live as well. I tried helping cook some hamburger the other day, I can't even look at the stuff. It makes me sick. I can't touch it. I wanted to cut carbs too, but you know I can't because I live off cereal as well.
Mom didn't take MY decision nicely. She cut right in asking dumb questions. I told her and she kept asking. Then she says "Then I don't think Culinary would be a good career for you. Not good at all." Like that's going to change my mind???
Gosh. It only makes me feel that all i've worked for is going down the drain and for nothing. Something dumb. So I still stood my ground and now she's alright with it. The whole thing makes me mad. It's like converting someone, you just can't. It's not going to happen and I'm mad my mom and dad decided to take it out on everything i've tried to work for.
There are other ways.
Anyway, I was thinking the other day. I like making italian food. I think I'm traveling to Italy when I get older. I'll be an intern there or something. My parents will probably laugh. But it's what I want to do. I need to learn Italian first but it sounds like an okay language to learn...If you learn one lanuage the basics of every other language are pretty much learned as well. Well, except for ENGLISH, of course. Now that is just confusing.
Besides all this, I'm also very worried. I just...need...to...talk. Hmph.
I really like The Used. And I checked out some of Ani's cds today but I didn't have enough. She has many albums. I really admire her.
Gosh. My wrists hurt.
"Is there a point to this madness and all that he was...
Is it just a tragedy."
This is too sad. I can't even think of it.
Gosh. *72597fhwieoghajvhanrejghrhguinjnharegh;iohajengahkln;bhrae.*
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
my cd just skipped. I don't know...
I feel I need to go.
I feel my eyes welling up and my throat being obstructed with tension as I try to forget about this.
It's not that easy.
My sides ache. I want to be held and I want to hold.
I want to hear your voice out loud.
I want...
To help.
I want...
To help.
I can't.
It's too late.
I can't.
Gosh. Why.
You could barely know someone, barely see them when they pass by, barely pay attention to them when they are there, and then...
They are gone
Forever.
Forever DOES end at one point, then continues on once again. They say forever never ends, but it has to sometime.
Sometimes...I wish people weren't so heartless. Everyone is at one point. No one needs to be.
Be careful, words can be regurgitated and repeated, yet not swallowed. I'm not going to say "Think before you speak."
Just...I don't know. Gosh. I don't know anymore.
Gosh. I want to go outside. I want to look at the stars.
*I need to stop wanting so much*.
Say something! |
::
2002 30 December :: 9.18 pm
:: Music: The Used.
hmymhmymhmymhmymhmym...
I'm mad. All my entries always end up deleting. Gr.
So yes. I was talking about the weekend and blam, it's gone.
Anyway, Saturday night i went to my grandparents's house. Gosh I love seeing them. They're so fun. We watched Meet Joe Black. I love that movie. On sunday Gramma and i went to GR and she took me to some new Coffee house. it was really neat. The cappi was so strong though. I threw in so much creamer. :-P
So yes, after that we drove off and she says "I don't know where i'm going but we'll go anyways." So we went and we stumbled upon these really cool stores. Now my mom wants to take me there to get crap for my room. I think these were the names: Horrock's and Artemisia.
Then Sunday night I went to Jessi's and this morning we went shopping. She had to take back a pair of shoes from shoe carnival so we did what we always do, find the ugliest, or tallest, shoes, and make each other try them on. For me she picked out these huge, huge, red boots. So we both tried those on, and a pair of spikey blue boots. And we walked around in them. Then I got The Used's and Further Seems Forever. While we were in there, they played Breaking Benjamin and now we've been singing it ever since! gah. Then we went back and hung out at her house. Keeg came over and we all played Rook. I love that game. Karen and I were beating everyone last night. Then Robbo came over and we all played darts. Gah. I sucked! haha. I kept getting them stuck in the wall or they'd break. I got home and becca called and right after that i ran out to see what my dad was yelling to me about, and i tripped and i ripped the leg of my pj pants!! My foot got caught in where i cut them, and blam, i hit the floor facedown. My parents couldn't tell if i was laughing or crying. haha. both. it hurt my wrists. Today was not a good day to go snowboarding.
Anyway, that's about it. "Today I fell and felt better, Just knowing this matters, I just feel stronger..and sharper...
Found a box of sharp objects what a beautiful thing..."
Gosh. Keeg gave me some bad news about a guy in my 3rd hour. I feel terrible. It's awful and I just...gosh. I want to give my sympathy because he was a really nice guy.
:(
hmph.
Say something! |
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