Just securing my happiness...
Firstly, definetily firstly, thank you greatly to Twista for making my day yesterday, probably even my week. I really felt that we really got caught up, it was great being with you. I almost forgot how great friends we really are, but it has been restated in my mind now. Thanks, I really mean it. Not that this week was bad or miserable in any sort of way, but Friday night was just better. And also, thank you Deborah, Irina, and Samantha for letting Twista and I stalk you for a couple of minutes. It might have been short, but it was ultra satisfying.
Love & Hate,
Mista

I hate you
And I hate how I've fallen back into the cirle, and I hate how absence does nothing for any feeling, it just makes it more powerful.
You can't force love, and you can't force it to leave either. It sometimes comes at the craziest times, with the craziest people.
I wish I could be more dominant, and change the fact that I have fallen for you all over again...

I don't know why
As soon as it all is reborn, I feel the exact same feeling I felt then. I start sweating (and I never sweat), my heart start beating very quickly, and I choose my words very carefully, almost afraid that he'll slip away. He is the only person I have ever felt truly insecure around, he's the only person I have ever wanted to impress. I really do think I loved him.
I hate how he hasn't changed, and how I see that right off. I hate that I probably haven't changed either, and that all this time away from each other's claws did not change anything.
I despise the fact that it is all about to begin over new. It's not that I still like him, I couldn't, but he will always have a special place right there in my heart...
As much as he might have ruined my life at some point, I know that I will remember him forever. I'll be able to tell my grandkids, my sad pathetic story of why; of why, why oh why.

You gotta have it
For some reason, I am having a certain woohu craving these days. It's almost like the old days, it's rather comforting.
I just discovered today, how hard it is when there is something you would really want to talk about, but there is no one who will support you completely. There was only one person I know would understand, but it's too complicated. I wish school wasn't so hectic sometimes, I wish you could just stop and have a reasonable conversation with someone for once. I knew she'd understand, but I didn't have the chance to. It's rather comforting though that even though things might not be the same, I know this is just one of those things I think she would be the only person to support me on fully. I hope...

It just started dripping, and it got wet and he just laughed
Some things are just too beautiful. It's like when you're looking at something, and it's just the picture of utter perfect beauty, and you start doubting it almost immediately. I do that all the time, I want to touch it, because it seems so unreal. I love it and despise it at the same time. Sometimes I wish someone would just ruin it, don't you?
It's growing old, but I love new atmospheres. I barely see it, but it just makes me so happy. Everything's so easy. I never realized how uptight Americans are sometimes. Drinking a beer or two (or ten) on the street for once, was refreshing. Getting drunk, and the elders not glaring at you as if you have just killed their unborn child, was also something I think I missed, without ever really having it.
I don't know, I just wanna go back...
Oh, and I took that quizilla quiz everyone's raging about. It's surprising how much your birth month says about you. Check it out, it's slightly terrifying. At least to me...
Is everyone getting themselves ready for The European Championships in soccer this year? I'm not too sure if Denmark is playing, but I know Holland is. It's good to have two countries that I am able to root for. I hope you will tune in, because really; it is one of the greatest things in the world. And to outmost joy, the United States are not playing, for obvious reasons. As much as I love 'em, they just... plain... SUCK.

It's time...
It's time for another woohu visit.
Something so sincere always proves out to be evil and mean in the end. And you realize... It never was sincere at all.
Oh, and when is this fake charade going to end? You need to step up to bat, and hit that sucker, you can't just stay in the batting cage forever. And you know that too. It's your responsibility, not mine.

nice times
Very refreshing day yesterday. For once I think I will just write what I did, for once- it is actually really simply and nice to do, and it's fun to look back on and read. It was especially great to reconcile with people, I missed everyone.
First, I picked Tina up from Anu's, and we went to the premiere of "Mean Girls" together. That movie really taught me about what girls can really be like. As much as it is overdone, and as fake as it might have been at times it just shows you that girls can be so vicious and evil towards each other. From now on, I will not backstabb anyone, the consequences are just horrible. Ha, who am I kidding...
Anyway, after that we met Priya and her friend at McDonalds, that was fun. And then I kicked Tina's ass infront of this hot black guy, and he "chuckled".
After that, Dorina picked Tina and I up and we went to Scarsdale village to get some sushi, which was very delicious. I think that Japanese waitress dfinetily agreed with us, that Tina looks like Quasi. Then we walked to Haagendazs, and on the way these guys started talking to us from their car, and they just would not get the hint. I kept telling them that we were 7th graders, but they didn't seem to understand. To make up for the lack of understanding, one of them thre an egg at my head. Oh, well eggs are good for your hair... We then got some ice cream, and Dorina's dad picked us up and I got a ride home. After that, Gil called me and I went to hang out with him and friends for an hour or so. And for the first time I actually sneaked out of my house, it was extremely satisfying, I assure you, it will not be the last! It's actually strange how I never sneaked out before, there was just never a real oppertunity. Then I went home at around 12, and just watched tv until falling asleep, and having a nice... Peaceful night.
Shake that shit,
Mette

Realizations made...
Sometimes it takes a person so long to realize the wrong doings one has made. It is such a burden too. Things can just build up, until it finally clashes on you. An apple can only stay up for so long. All falls down. It feels like shit, there is no other word for it. It is almost like someone ripped out half your inner organs, and ate them infront of you. Only much, much worse. We all get overboard sometimes, and the consequences are so horrifying, we can't bare watching it. Just makes you flinch. I wish people would just let a person know beforehand, I wish someone would have just told her, so she didn't feel so caught off guard. I don't feel sorrow, but my heart aches for the pain I know she is feeling. But I know she is wrong. And deep down, I think you know you are wrong too. Instead of just admitting your mistake, you should try to make up for it. Everyone makes mistakes, but after a few flaws here and there, a realization should be made that it is time to do something about it. Tell people you're sorry, and if they don't forgive you, you should know- that it is your fault. It is only your fault. But not only am I dissapointed in you, which has already torn me apart. I am truly ashamed of myself as well. I was the person to have let you know. I was your good consciense, and it was my duty to help you. Instead, I just looked away and let it unscramble before my eyes.
As this started out being a general message to the few reading this, it turned into something else. One of the most personal pieces of writing I have ever written.
My finger is reaching the delete button, but my relief is just too dominant.
I'm sorry. I really am.

Painless Hate
Maybe you should try judging yourself, before you let the words escape your mouth. Instead of repeating the wrongs and rights of the people around us, which we all find ourselves doing, we should try to just look at ourselves- who the fuck do you see yourself as?

I just need some love, I just need for someone to accept me and love me forever. I am not one to trust anyone, but I always try, and I always will keep trying. People are sinful, people are wrong, but people- as life- are wonderful. I love myself, I love my enemies, I love the world- even as it might seem like true, fearless hate at certain times.

I'm so bi polar, I think I'm crazy.
I LOVE this journal, NO I FUCKING HATE IT. You get the point.
Remember,
M&M

I love George
This is what it is.
We learned how to behave. We were taught how to greet Daddy's boss when he came over, they taught us not to eat with our mouths full, and we all know to eat with a knife and fork. Society even teaches us how to treat others, with certainty and respect. But really, is that all there is to it?
If we follow all the rules, we can do nothing wrong, and God shall always listen. Or are we all allowed to develop our own theories, correct our own flaws, and do we recevie 2nd chances. It just seems as if we are kept inside a box sometimes, and the walls remain rock hard. It won't matter how much we pound on it, we only have so much power, until we give in to the upper strength. Rules are being broken as we speak, as society changes. The lies and the changes keep multiplying. Still, there will always be certain rules that we all seem to follow, and that we always have followed. When the hijackers attacked New York on Sept 11., were they wrong and unjust... Or, were they just smarter than us? Were they just further ahead?
It's like ketchup on pancakes, it's like blondes with brains.
Think about it,
Yours,
Met Met

Blind
Sometimes you get this idea into your silly little head, and everyone else around you sees that you are crazy and wrong. Like, if you think you're fat, even if you are skinnier than most other bitches. Or if you KNOW that this guy likes you, yet no one else seems to be picking up that same vibe. Sometimes it's just easier to see truth from far away, but that's one thing we are just not able to admit, especially when it happens to us.
I feel sorrow for the people I see it happening to, but I know it has happened many times to me. We are all so mute sometimes, even the loudest person has her mouth wired shut.
Especially, sometimes guys flirt for no specific reason, sometimes girls do too. Trust me.
Take a shot,
Mette

The Passion for Shoes
It's like when you wear a certain pair of shoes for a period of time. One day they just don't seem like the same shoes you used to love so much. I feel bad for the shoes. I feel like the shoes.

Even if you feel you are left as the old, unexciting pair of shoes, there are ways to change that. The view one person has of you, is never the same as the next person's view, or the person after that for that matter. Sometimes the best thing to do, is just to move on. Sometimes change is positive. When we stay with the same things, or people, for a long time we get used to ordinary. When everything changes, life becomes extrodinary.

Hitting Repeat
It's time for another update of this wonderous journal. I think I will stop reading other people's journals, I really mean it. I am officially tired of being let down, each time I read a comment that I wish to erase. I sometimes just wish that some stranger could give me an eraser, one of those large ones, and let me erase the frowns. Life doesn't work like that, unfortunaly.
I wish Isabel was here, I miss her more than I have ever done. I've never been one to miss people, people were always the ones to miss me. As selfish as it might sound. To miss someone is a powerful feeling, and it's really tearring me apart. I need for her and me to be together again, everything is just easier that way.
I have seriously been thinking of moving back lately. Thoughts like that often cross my mind. It is just so easy to get into your head. The feeling that as something goes wrong, even the most unimportant thing, you have the power to just leave it all behind, and forget about it. I guess I'm just lucky that way, or unlucky...?
But as you start pondering more, and as the thought seems to strike you often, it seems to become a more serious topic. I shouldn't tell anyone if I wasn't serious, but this time- I finally think I might be. But then again, I might change my mind tomorrow.
What would I loose? Certainly, there are only certain people I would miss.
Maybe this is turning into a pesimistic entry. Maybe I am just a pesimist.
Lots of Danish 'hej hej's' your way,
Met Met

Oh, and by the way- this cheesecake is hard and cold.

And another one, my dad cheated on his first wife. We find out so much we really didn't need to know. What an asshole. He always had it in him though.

Spring Break
And a 1,2, 3.
Let's all "slut" out over vacation, shall we?