izntlifesojuicy
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2005 15 March :: 6.14pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Secret by Maroon 5
todai was like a seriously bad day.
nothing went right and i felt like shit the whole day.
and in third period we were in the library lookin for scenes. i talked to john bout his gf julie it was pretty sweet i never talk to him n e more he always runs away from me lol. n e hoo i was on the comp and ryann was playin round with me or sumthin and then grabs my head and like snaps my head to turn to the side to see this kid that all these freshman girls like and my neck like popped, snapped and cracked and stuff.. in like every vertabre and it hurt so bad.. and i dont knoe wut came over me i hit her and i started crying! i wuz like wut the hell it wasnt that bad cuz i crying pretty hard. hehe i pissed her off for a lil while but i guess im just pmsing rly bad i ono. but now my upper back hurts rly bad so i ono and i have a migraine and like 4th periond i wuz in such a bad mood i wanted to cuss everyone out.. and ms dvorak was laughing and i wuz like wut the hell.
well im going to go sleep... tootaloo.
-:things to do:-
.study for chemistry test 2moro.
.copy all geometry vocab and theorems.
.assignment 1.
.figure what im gonna do about well u knoe.
**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**
"one kiss will show
all i really need to know
one kiss will let me see
if you and me
will ever be."
-- FL
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 14 March :: 8.56pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: You're Gone by Something Corporate
well.. so much for lucky fourteen. i was in a pretty bitchy mood todai. i was pmsing and stuff.. and im sorry aj i wasnt rly being nice to n e body todai. but n e hoo.. it was pissing me off cuz everyone was reminding me wut the day was.. i wuz like ahhh. first this girl was like "isnt todai the 14th?" in the morning b4 skool started.. and then in A1, chemistry, sarah porter asked me wut the date was for todai.. and when i was dating my notes todai.. i accidently put 10-14-03.. i was like o shit wut the hell am i thinking lol... i didnt even realize wut i was writing. and then in 3rd period every one kept telling ms gibson it was national pi day.. like she didnt alrdy knoe it was on the freaking board... and n e hoo i didnt get y until she said it was cuz it wuz 3-14.. and pi is 3.14.. and i was like ahhh again with the freaking 14. that must mean sumthing huh..
so i dont knoe wut to do... i always seem to end up in the worst position... i dont wanna be like skankanda lol kayla... and wonder wut could have been... and wut we could have had.. cuz ive been like that b4 and its not very nice lol. and i dont knoe if if i should go back...
i went to ryans house todai.. my dad drove me there bout an hour ago.. and i dropped off the stuff he gave back to me... and i gave him this note saying how i felt.. about how he treated me.. and how i felt about everything.. and i wanted to say more but i couldnt find the words.. i wonder wut he thought when he read it..
well i gotta blast i have a budle of hw.
tootaloo
**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**
"all i want is an apology for what you did and how treated me"
-- matchbook romance
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 14 March :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Going Crazy by Natalie
Ever since the day you ran away and left me lonely and cold, my life just hasn't been the same, ohh baby no.
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go, I just broke down.
Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice,
cause the feeling that I feel within, no other man would ever make me feel so right.
It's nice to smile when I get your phone call in mind, but I'd rather have you here
with me right next to me, I miss the way you hold me tight.
[Bridge]
I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch.
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much.
I gotta let you know, I think that we are destiny.
For you, I'd cross the world.
For you, I'd do anything.
[chorus]
Thats right baby, Im going crazy, I need to be your lady.
I've been thinking lately, that you and me, yes, we could make
it just ride wit me, and role wit me, I'm in love with you baby. [2x]
Break it down now, I'll tell you what I feel from the moment that I meet you it was so damn real,
my heart seems to skip another beat every time we speak, can't believe I feel so weak.
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me and you love me I'm your lady.
I'll be around waiting for you, put it down, be the woman for you.
I'm fallen so deep for you, I'm crazy over you.
I'm callin', callin' out to you what am I gonna do it's true, I'm not frontin,
It's you and the weather I could no longer go on without you, I'll just break down.
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 13 March :: 8.50pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Rocket by Yellowcard
note to self:
ask him wut was bothering him.. y he wasnt ok.. y just a long pause of silence.. a heavy sigh before he respinded
note to self:
i did this for me to make things better
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 13 March :: 8.28pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: The Sun by Maroon 5
After school
Walking home
Fresh dirt under my fingernails
And I can smell hot asphalt
Cars screech to a halt to let me pass
And I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past
And sometimes it's a sad song
But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun
Moving on down my street
I see people I won't ever meet
Think of her, take a breath
Feel the beat in the rhythm of my steps
And sometimes it's a sad song
But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun
The rhythm of her conversation
But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles...
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 12 March :: 11.40pm
:: Mood: depressed
when it feel like all is lost... and everthing is going wrong
i put in a favorite cd
turn my stereo up almost to its highest
take a deep breath
sing the sorrow
and cry like theres no tomorrow...
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 12 March :: 11.36pm
:: Music: Sweetest GoodBye by Maroon 5
Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive
Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how i
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive
Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 12 March :: 11.31pm
:: Music: Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as dumb as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right
Oh when I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
His magical myth
As strong as with I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight
Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long
He's soft to the touch
But afraid at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still leaves more than I can take
Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 12 March :: 11.12am
:: Mood: not good
:: Music: beautiful disaster by kelly clarkson
i dont like the 12ths... things go wrong on the 12ths
im at kaylas... and im not in the best mood rite now... i dont knoe wut to think.. and i feel so empty and alone. im trying not to be hung up about it but its not working
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 11 March :: 5.14pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: If All Else Fails by Matchbook Romance
i feel like no one can save me
and that i messed up
i hate this
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 10 March :: 5.52pm
i havent been able to stop playing this song
The Brilliant Dance by Dashboard Confessional
So this is odd,
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
and nobody cares at all.
So you buried all your lovers clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote
but it doesnt make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
and the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.
So this is strange
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all.
And the picture frames are facing down
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinkings just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock thats blinking eights.
This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes this is love for the first time.
Well youd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah well werent we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 10 March :: 5.21pm
words cannot describe how i feel right now
yesterday.. my world came crashing down
and i would write about it...
but im afraid i cant do that yet without crying
and with all the crying ive alrdy done
i dont want to do n e more.
funnie how i analyzed all the scenarios except this one...
the hurt is overwhelming
and i feel empty..
all of a sudden where i felt so strong
i now feel weak
whoever said sticks and stones can break my bones
but words will never hurt me
obviously never had the one they love
say something hurtful
out of all the fish in the sea
i seemed to have picked out the one
that stings the most
and as much as hes hurting rite now
i must be hurting 10 times worse
its never been like this before
and maybe i screwed up
maybe this was one of the worst and stupidest things
ive ever done
maybe i read all the signs wrong
and took all the wrong turns
but i cant go back
and when i wake up
maybe
just maybe
it all be a dream
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 8 March :: 8.32pm
color the coast with your smile
its the most genuine thing ive ever seen
i was so lost
but now i believe...
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 8 March :: 6.17pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Wait by Ying Yang Twins
waasssaahhhh
wellllll todai it was alrite u knoe u knoe.. cept for.. fcat.. i wuz like ooo shhiitttt... u knoe it started and i wuz like i got this i got this. and then all them long answer questions.. i wuz like o shit wut do i do? and i would have like no friggin idea wut the hell i wuz supposed to do so i tried sumthings.. and then if i couldnt get it then i just like skipped it... i almost sure i failed... im not even kidding. the whole friggin test was like percentages and shit and thats always been the thing i could never get! so im kinda stressed about it.. ooo welll
3rd period seemed like it was never gonna end.. les miserables is like one of the most boring movies ive ever seen in my life. we havent even finished it yet. but at least i didnt have to dance todai! yessss
in english.. i felt so weird.. i dont knoe wut was wrong with me... like my brain wuz on overdrive and i wuz like i ono.. a lil hyper for a bit. me and kayla had sum pretty good laughs... the eagle face haha and sum goods slaps im glad kayla has been practicin. hehe. and that movie we watched it was pretty funnie.. we didnt finish it but it was coolio so hopefully ms dvorak will save of the pain of a class and let us finish.. haha it was so funnie when she was tellin this one joke.. it was sumthin like "why did the surfer stop surfing?" ... give up? ok "cuz the seaweed!" and like everyone one thought it was like a pot joke.. and ms dvorak goes "no not like (she pretends shes holdin a joint and like sucks in) weed" it was so damn funnie. " like when the sea goes weewee" n e hoo i thought it was funnie then but u knoe, now it doesnt seem so funnie.. oo weelllll...
on the bus i did the nasty haha kelloggs. i didnt even mean to i swear! it was grody.
o well i have a whole chemistry ws i need to learn how to do.
tootaloo!
**QuOtE oF ThE dAy**
"This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I dont know how it got so bad
Sometimes its so crazy that nothing could save me
But its the only thing that I have"
-- Sum41
That would be for me
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izntlifesojuicy
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2005 7 March :: 9.28pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Wish You Were Here by Incubus
well i havent written in a bit.. my weekend wuz alrite...
my boi aj (andrew joseph) came over fri to hang out with my bro. i havent seen him in the longest time.. and hes so damn tall! hes growin up so fast! i got a good hung, and we talked bout ryan and everything thats been goin on lately. he came in to wake me up at 8:30 b4 he left but i didnt wake up lol
saturday i didnt do much until the evening. ryan called me rite b4 i left to go out with ryann. i dont rly remember how it went. it wuz like 10 minutes tho.. then when ryann picked me up we went to pick up kayla.. i saw sum skank pictures.. er.. yes and then went to the mall and i got me sum much needed shades and these earings. kayla and ry got sum perty sexay stuff lol. then we went to t a r g e t. ryan called.. he wuz at the bowlin ally wait for sum friends to show up he wouldnt tell me hoo.. i couldnt do it.. not then at least.. not the rite location.. but kayla wuz like "alyssa! dooo it" didnt spend too much time in there we were starvin.. but i got me sum sour patches. so then it wuz like 9 sumthhin and we were going to eat.. and ryann wanted ale house, i wanted ruby tuesdays, and kayla wanted tgi fridays. so we couldnt decide.. and then i realized wut ive been craving for the longest time... GRILLED CHEESE! mmm... so we went to steak n shake. delicious. our waitress wus the same girl hoo said we "looked like we stepped rite out of a madonna video" that one time me, kayla, jullian and ry dressed crazy and went out. and then we saw a black albino and i never even saw one b4... but n e hoo we had fun i wuz laughin. i love my ryann and kayla. we have such fun. then we drove to this one house it was a drive by.. haha and then we went to ryanns at like 10:30 and i called aj and then we got on the comp and then kayla wuz talking to her matthew. i got off the phone with aj at like 12, i wuz so tired but kayla wouldnt let me to go to leep.. and so i called ryans cell.. and sum girl answers his phone and i asked for him and then he wuz like "Hello?" and i wuz like "hey" and he goes "hoos this?" i said "alyssa" and then... he goes "o can i call u back?" and he hung up after he said bye.. he wuz still at the bowlin ally.. and i wuz like o hell no. lol i wuznt very happy.. after that we watched the notebook but i feel asleep...
sunday i kept waking up i had a weird dream.. and then finally everyone else woke up and we finished the notebook.. and in the las 45 min of the movie i wuz bawling.. like the tears wouldnt stop! i love that movie tho its so good. then i took a shower and got rdy and ryann said she would go pick up aj so we left in a bit... but matthew nor brandon could go.. after we picked up aj we went to matthews just to say hey. his parents drove rite by. went sumwhere else and ryann almost ran over these kids heads.. stupid kids tho they were layin down in the middle of that road lol. after that we headed towards the beach and went to tropical smoothie cafe and deli.. mmmm.. got smoothies and then went to sonic.. and then we went to the beach and ate lunch there. it was cool. i love the beach... but more then that i love that sun.. mm suuunnn.... n e hoo i had fun... he is sooo cute... lol ok let me stop cuz i could go on all nite.
todai sucked.. fcat sucked... i think i did bad.. it was scary... and then ryan leftme a weird message sayin how were driften and he misses the "old alyssa" the "happy alyssa''.. er yeah then he call me while he wuz working for 20 minutes and he kept putting the phone down cuz he wuznt supposed to be on the phone... and then he called me again on his break. and that ddint go so well.. he said i wuz being annoying and i sounded irritated.. but he wuz being kinda mean...
well im gonna go
tootz
**QuOtE oF ThE DaY**
"i was thinking
over thinking
cause there's just too many scenarios
to analayze
look in my eyes
cause you're my dream please come true"
-- relient k
That would be for me
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