leftofcool
|
::
2004 5 June :: 7.07pm
tonight jack and i are getting drunk and going to the top of the hancock building
Edgar Allen Poe
(18091849)
Alone
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were I have not seen
As others saw I could not bring
My passions from a common spring
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone
And all I lov'd I lov'd alone
Then in my childhood in the dawn
Of a most stormy life was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still
From the torrent, or the fountain
From the red cliff of the mountain
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by
From the thunder, and the storm
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view
psycho-analyze me
|
daydream
|
::
2004 5 June :: 4.19am
:: Music: private eye-alkaline trio
happy birthday to me...
so today's the day. the big 1-6. this new age was welcomed with angry phone conversatons and tear-filled eyes. i swear, sometimes i don't think my stupidity will ever cease to amaze me. i should have known better. i never do, but i always should. hopefully tomorrow will be better. going to pointfest, which is always a plus. lets just hope i'll be able to actually enjoy it.
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 31 May :: 7.26pm
man i have so much i want to do, so many places i want to go. im in my wandering, i dont give a fuck stage. i just talked to sophie and that is the quickest way to solidify that attitude... shes out in LA. i want to visit her, graham in humboldt (he said he'd teach me to surf), erin in boston, my bro in colorado, my mom wants me to go to cincinnati with her. not to mention linds at mizzou, wolf and aaron in springfield, and lammers in flagstaff. i just need to tour the country until i leave for mexico if that pans out. i need to work like its my job, i need to get in shape (i am disgusting). im ready to get the fuck out of chicago. i get back wed the 9th.
"I have struck a city- a real city- and they call it Chicago. I urgently desire never to see it again... It is inhabited by savages." -Rudyard Kipling, 1891
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 30 May :: 10.49pm
read me like an open book...
lesley is the #612 most common female name. 0.019% of females in the US are named lesley. Around 24225 US females are named lesley! source namestatistics.com
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 30 May :: 10.18pm
:: Music: i'll lick my wounds... could you pass the salt?
just back from dinner at duck walk with kristan and jackus... there are several beautiful things i will miss about chicago... one of which is going to duck walk with a giant bottle of wine and eating with great friends.
trying to figure out the chicago/nols shit is not easy. dealing with jon is not as easy as yer mom.
last night i went to a bar (kelly's) with erin and julie at about 11:30... at 10 this morning erin was knocking on my door asking for ramen and a hangover cure. i suggested to keep drinking but she didnt take that to heart.
additionally, im reading another bukowski. so far i have read 'play the piano drunk like a percussion instrument until the fingers begin to bleed a bit', 'hot water music', 'love is a dog from hell', and 'you get so alone at times it just makes sense'. damn- the titles of all his books could sum up my life. anyway, im reading 'women' now and it is infuckingcredible. so far my favorite line(s) is(are)...
"glendoline pulled up a chair and started talking. she could talk. if she was a sphinx she could have talked. i wondered when she'd get tired and leave. even after i stopped listening it was like being battered with tiny pingpong balls."
the other night when i was shroomin with jack, i decided that i immediately needed a piece of paper ( i always have a writing implement. my dad says 'a good salesman always has a pen') and i wrote "... and there is a beautiful boy with dark hair and shy eyes playing the guitar for a girl that wants him in her life without consequence, and her boyfriend moves next to her on the couch sending his own exchange of energy..." its a sad story, watching it all unfold. anyway, at the time it was extraordinarly profound. funny how that works. i need to get home, i need a job, and if only jackie liked me back again. man she is gorgeous.
psycho-analyze me
|
|
daydream
|
::
2004 27 May :: 1.49am
:: Music: living in your letters-dash
i'm pretty sure i experienced every emotion known to mankind tonight. it all happened ridiculously fast too. "relationship" drama is the absolute worst and it decided to hit me all at once, and from every angle today. i was minding my own business, and very happily watching the get up kids play an amazing set and boom. it happened. one of those damn text messages that i'm disgustingly addicted to pops up on my phone from joe saying "so i heard anthony cheated on his girlfriend." he was apparently talking to lizz and they decided that since anthony and i hang out so much we must be messing around as well. and of course joe had to mention something about how i'm the person everyone's with when they wanna cheat on their girlfriends, and i don't mind because i'm such a shallow person. yep, that's me...completely heartless and a huge slut, let me tell you. people just make me want to shoot things sometimes. i didn't reply back in the nicest of ways, so i think he's a little mad at me. but whatever, he's over there telling me how shallow i am and whatnot. he's a big boy, he can take a little girl's sharp tongue. all this is happening while thrice played, which was ok because i'm not a huge thrice fan, but the angry yelling in the background helped the angry mood i was in , let me tell you. until i sat in gum and got it all over my new jeans, then i just kinda wanted to cry. but all was well when dash took the stage. all will always be well when that man sings. good god, what a voice. i suppose it was an ok night. kind of angry, but really chilled out at the same time. don't ask how those are both possible at the same time, but they are. trust me.
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 24 May :: 4.42pm
oh mexico
It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low
Moons so bright like to light up the night
Make everything all right
I got into the NOLS semester in Baja. now I just have to see if DePaul can do anything with the random ass credits I would get. If not, unfortunately i have to rescind. College is raping my bank account....
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 21 May :: 7.52pm
i think im cured in fact im sure thank you stranger for your theraputic smile
running in torrential rain despite the flood warnings. i stepped into a couple puddles which turned out to be small rivers or potholes that turned into small lakes while wearing chacos, pants entirely saturated. then i bought a bottle of whiskey. i got in a cab that hydroplaned several times then went to an open mic night and just laughed at how soaked we were and how i hadnt done shit like this in a long time. afterwords i went to missys apartment where we made drinks... then her roommate got me to do yoga with him which im not sure was the best combination at the time but entertaining nonetheless. i think at one point i had him hold my ankle to maintin my leg position while i bent over to reach my glass. it was a night that just felt good.
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 20 May :: 1.38am
i cant wait to get to be back in my room at home where THANK GOD there isnt a t.v. i am so fucking sick of the damn tv being on allllll the time. incesstant NOISE. make it stop.
psycho-analyze me
|
|
daydream
|
::
2004 17 May :: 6.20pm
:: Music: konstantine-something corporate
well i'm still alive...always a plus. last week of school before finals...even better. tho this is hell week, i'm glad it's almost summer. some pretty good concerts are coming through ol' stl. i do however need money to go to these concerts, and lots of it. so if anyone would like to make a contribution to the "send allie to good concerts fund" please, drop me a post. it will be greatly appreciated.
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 17 May :: 5.05am
knoweldge is power, feel free to flex
A is for - Age: 19 on one id, 24 on another.
B is for - Book You're Currently Reading: AIDS in the 21st century
C is for - Career Plan: one foot in front of the other
D is for - Drug of Choice: alcohol
E is for - Essential Items: hair band, adidas shorts, white tshirt
F is for - Favorite Song at the Moment:key word being 'moment'. song 'bodily' by ani. eek sorry.
G is for - Girls' Best Features: so damn soft
H is for - Hometown: stl, mo
I is for - "I wish I could...": get back in shape. and i will.
J is for - Job title: student/lifeguard/psyeudo eEMT
K is for - Kissing...: is the best
L is for - Living Space: seton 421. 4th floor whores who like it on top. soon to be packed up and shipped home, thank jah
M is for - Memory You Want to Keep with you Always:grafitti wall play in the rain up in the hottub until uncle bills for breakfast nights
N is for - Number of People You've Kissed: graham, dylan, kerry, jon t, eliot s., some guy named jake that is sophies friend, robert jackson, kristan/ethan/jack, lammers, l.frye, jackie (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh), joe lauber (double ahhh), scott hemenway, wolff, colleen, andrew (from depaul), aaron form springfield, um i think that could be it. perhaps sarah r. if that counts.
O is for - Opinion of Yourself: used to be smart
P is for - Phobias: my roommates feet on my bed
Q is for - Quotation: "nature may be indifferent to our love, but never unfaithful" e.abbey
R is for - Ridiculous Thing About You: i pee often and everywhere
S is for - Secret Indulgences: tagalongs
T is for - Time Well-Spent, in your Opinion: outside with my friends
U is for - Unique Trait: honesty
V is for - Vegetable of Choice: snow peas
W is for - Worst Habit: drinking
X is for - X-Rays you've Had: teeth, then that time with my seizures when i passed out and dont know what the hell they did to me. i bet there were some xrays involed there... creepy bastards...
Y is for - Yummy Food you Make: salmon
Z is for - Zoo Animal of Choice: pengiun and puffin coast @ STL zoo with jackie or jonny
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 15 May :: 1.22pm
take me home and then you'll see tomorrow morning you'll be free
fuck this. im getting out. mexico has my name painted on it... backpacking, sailing, sea kayaking. drinking/drug free for almost three months. ha when was the last time that happened for three days? there is no reason for me to stay here, no one for me to stay for, nothing for me to believe in other than the ground beneath my feet. i have before and do not regret a single second, but its best now that i just be in love with the land.
psycho-analyze me
|
|
daydream
|
::
2004 14 May :: 12.37am
:: Music: what do i do-jimmie\'s chicken shack
so, apparently there might be a shooting at my school tomorrow. i'm fairly positive i'll be skipping. but if i can't, and i die, i love you all.
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 7 May :: 2.05pm
if you be my bodyguard, i can be your long lost pal
its one of those things when you are sitting outside at 3am... drinking a beer, looking at the sky (and you can actually see stars) and the faces of your friends... and you start to cry because its so overwhelmingly beautiful.
i had one of those nights. the ani show was good, not the best ive seen, but delightful none the less. afterwords, lammers and i dropped off kristan and then we went to danny o'tooles to meet up with l.frye. i walked in and just smiled... i see hemenway, poss, kurd, zach, tito, brad... feels like im home again. so we did that up and sang paul simon and consumed pitchers and jager shots, then went to poss' house to git er done some more. i think i made it into bed about 4ish.
"im going to go 2-meter on your ass. lesley! you were thereee!" "yes mike we were on the same team"
1 psycho-analyst |
psycho-analyze me
|
|
leftofcool
|
::
2004 6 May :: 9.35am
she'll give you anything except the upper hand...
8:33: procrastinating
10:10: Wellness, Disease, & AIDS in Cross-Cultural Perspective (believe it or not thats my religion class)
11:40: back to room, get bag, get on L, head to airport
1:00 or so: try to get on standby for earlier flight
3:30: hope to be on this flight to STL
4:30: if not, i will be on this flight to STL
5:30: picked up at the airport by pops, head home
6:00pm: pregame pregame pregame w/lammers and kristan
8:00: doors open
9:00: mental orgasam. my 6th ani show. trite? perhaps. incredible? always.
3 psycho-analysts |
psycho-analyze me
|
|