live-imation

:: 2004 14 March :: 4.46pm

it was the highest pleasure
i had the furthest to fall
in those buildings, gray and stacked
like my days
collapsing into eachother
and i didnt have it in me to leave
(shit, the fire escape stairs
were in more trouble than i was)
because you were my favorite way
to self mutilate.
but i just saw your back
because you couldnt face
the truth of you.

daydream

:: 2004 5 March :: 12.12am
:: Music: the great decay-cursive

i hate being wrong. especially when i know it should be right. i hate messing up and feeling vulnerable. i hate the i-told-you-so's. but the thing i hate the most is knowing that it's all my fault.

:: 2004 4 March :: 12.29pm
:: Music: saul williams

lets talk for a minute about public restroom ettiquete and compromising the integrity of the bathroom....

I walked into the bathroom at the student center the other day which is massive. there must be about 12 stalls on each side. as it happened, none of them were occupied. I proceed to make a quick right turn into the first stall. THEN some girl who walked in behind me took the next stall, on my side! out of 23 unoccupied stalls, she chose the one next to mine. who does that? she could have at least left one stall as a buffer zone. after observing this incident take place i was so baffled that i didnt even have to pee anymore. lesson one...
-space, where available, is a common courteousy. dont be an asshole.

-flush for christs sake. not only flush once, but on those really bad days, turn around and make sure the extra courteousy flush isnt neccessary.

-ensure that all used FHPs (feminine hygine products) have made it to the proper receptacle, which does not include the corner (i know you have seen this one before). so there isnt an in-stall receptacle? throw it in the damn trashcan. its not like all of the other women in the bathroom dont get periods too.

-if you are in a situation where you must hover, take aim. for the love of jah take aim. if your aim is sub-par, wipe the seat.

-if you're not going to wash your hands for some reason, dont bother to fake it. its a waste of my water and your time. we all know that the splash under the faucet is worthless. if you aren't committed to a decent wash, walk out of the stall and straight out the door like you mean it.

-the posting of political propaganda. granted, its a great place to put something you want people to read since they are stuck staring at the door for a few seconds, but nothing makes me want to avoid the bandwagon more than getting angry during what could have been a perfectly refreshing pee.

and as for the showers...

-no need to leave your hair plastered to the shower wall. yeah, you may shed a little and it may get caught in your fingers, but do the community a favor and just let it run down the drain. please, sacrifice this one for hygenic people everywhere its distressing to walk into a shower and see what looks like a bunny mapped out by someones hair.

-a razor blade, empty shampoo bottle, hair band? leave with what you brought. throwing away empties does not exclusively pertain to beer bottles.

:: 2004 28 February :: 11.32am
:: Mood: hooked up
:: Music: toots and the maytals

coming straight to my door... 2 indigo girls tickets for 3/20 at the pageant and 2 ani tickets for 5/6 at the pageant. i hate the pagent but i done love them ladies.

:: 2004 27 February :: 3.54pm
:: Music: bockmans euphio

'marriage is love'
www.millionsformarriage.com

:: 2004 20 February :: 2.29am
:: Music: string cheese- untying the not

holy shit
this happens every year
winter, more specifically.
i cannot rest until the words are purged
all my friends and lovers are either asleep or drunk
while i am unable to consistently be either
and waking from one or the other shows me
that nothing lasts.
i wonder how jaded i will have to become
before i learn to let go lightly.
if anything other than the ground beneath my feet
is worth believing in whole heartedly
i would believe in you, if i could hang on
but you are so far and the reach
stretches my dry winter skin
until i have to make a choice about which kind of pain
i would rather endure.
the problem with numbing myself
is that i lose my decisiveness
it falls in and drowns
in whichever bottle i have emptied into me
and abandons my capacity
to ever be free.

:: 2004 19 February :: 11.18pm

answer questions using one band's lyrics

band: counting crows

1. Are you male or female?:
american girls are weather and noise

2. Describe yourself?:
something altogther different never just an ordinary girl

3. How do they feel about you?:
shes trying to be a good girl
and give them what they want

4. How do you feel about yourself?:
these days I feel like I'm fading away

5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?:
"oh", She says, "you're changing."
But we're always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn't love

6. What would you rather be doing?:
Got no place to go
but there's a girl waiting for me down in Mexico
She's got a bottle of tequila, a bottle of gin
And if I bring a little music I can fit right in

7. Describe where you live?:
or we could just pack our bags and catch a plane to barcelona cause this citys a drag

8. Describe how you live?:
I�ve been up for 38 hours
And it don�t look like sleep�s coming soon

9. Describe how you love?:
every word is nonsense but i understand it all

10. Share a few words of wisdom?:
i cant remember all the times i tried to tell myself
to hold on to these moments as they pass

:: 2004 17 February :: 10.21am
:: Music: widespread panic- light fuse, get away

lesley
You should make out with Lesley! Lesley can drink
you under the table, and she once peed in a cop
car. She's also an EMT so if you get all fucked
up she can save your life! Reassuring, huh?

which stl girl should you make out with?
brought to you by Quizilla

daydream

:: 2004 16 February :: 3.45pm
:: Music: fell in love with a boy-joss stone

@ 02-16-04 3:00am
[ delete ]

You know, if you would just stop bitching about how bad you have it, you may realize there is more to life than older guys who just want sex with younger girls, and that you have it alot better then most others.... Food for thought

[ reply to comment ]

@ 02-16-04 3:01am
[ delete ]

Can you pity yourslf anymore? I mean goddamn shut the hell up

angry anonymous posts. i love when people think they know everything about a person just from one venting entry. i also love when they don't have enough balls to leave who they are. i'm also pretty sure it's the same person leaving these seeing as they were posted only a minute apart. for post #1, i'm not chasing older guys, and i do understand how good i have it. if you hadn't gotten the memo this IS a journal, the place where you're supposed to write your thoughts and vent. this is mine, this is what i want to write about, your opinions are shit to me...just some food for thought.
as for #2, did you know that you don't have to keep reading something you don't like? no i'm serious, you can actually hit the random journal button again and it will take you to a new place. so can you please stop acting like a hardass, no one cares.

anyway, this weekend turned out much better than expected. the dance wasn't too bad either. i saw once upon a time in mexico friday night. that movie is amazing, watch it if you haven't. hung out with lizz, dan and ben last night. good crowd of people, good things always happen when i'm with them.

well i have to go write my english paper. 'till then.

"you're an exception to the rule."

:: 2004 15 February :: 8.52pm
:: Music: karl densons tiny universe

�	�	�	�	�	�
Marriage is love.

:: 2004 15 February :: 9.22am
:: Music: doria roberts- portrait

Answer questions using lyrics from only one band.

Band: ben harper

1. Are you male or female?:
She had diamonds on the inside

2. Describe yourself?:
brown eyed blues

3. How do they feel about you?:
the woman in you, is the worry... the worry in me

4. How do you feel about yourself?:
I'm afraid for this I may be liable
So its best I be moving - moving along

5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?:
I don't want that kind of forever
in my life anymore

6. What would you rather be doing?:
wish there was something
I could say or do
see cause I can resist anything
but the temptation from you
but I'd rather walk alone
than chase you around
I would rather fall myself
than let you drag me on down

7. Describe where you live?:
There is not a river wide
Not a mountain high
And neither sin nor evil
Could change how I feel inside

8. Describe how you live?:
I live a hundred lifetimes in a day.
But I die a little
In every breath - that - I take.

9. Describe how you love?:
Your eyes shine through me
You are so divine to me
Your heart has a home in mine
We won't have to say a word
With a touch all shall be heard

10. Share a few words of wisdom?:
When I was a baby I was not prejudiced
hey how about you?
this was something
that I learned in school
something they taught us to do

:: 2004 14 February :: 8.36pm

i am not frustrated by the sleeplessness
knowing that i am matching your breathing
watching you pull my arm over your body
and anchor it there with your hand
(it is so much smaller and so much softer than mine)
(so are you)
it is better that i am tired and awake
than any fitful sleep
im not an insomniac
im inspired for the first time in days
that make up months
that add up to years.
i like you
without alcohol in me
i am taken aback
taken offguard
trying to remember my life
with something worth working for.
i hate the way you lay there
and wait for me to move
.kiss me.
even for a minute
those minutes last hours
(although they go by too quickly)
and make up the lost time in my life.

:: 2004 13 February :: 6.58am
:: Music: yer mom

my knife isnt sharp enough to cut my skin or my ties to you.