Now, don't think that I'm not grateful, because I am. I know I take things for granted too, but, I know. I really am grateful. I am, I know.


But,


I still can't help but feel disappointed, even if it makes me ashamed for admitting so.

It's going to be another Big Lots Christmas :/

To-do list...
Am Cult Term Paper final copy (Finished!)
3 Pages for Autobiography (not started)
Reading Assignment (Finished!)
2.5 Geometry Assignments (Fuck it)
Geomety Trunkated Tetrahedron extra cred (Finished!)

*sigh*

Edit 11/25
Edit 11/26
Edit 11/27

"i work for minimum wage"
People who say money isn't everything, can't buy happiness, or how ever you want to say it either

{A} have plenty and will never have to worry about it

or

{B} are jealous of the people who do.


I really, really, wish my family had a lot more than we do. My mom is alway so tired and stressed, and for what? 8 fucking dollars an hour? We couldn't keep this house if it wasn't for the money from my dad. I wish to god I didn't know that.

Had a stupid dentist appointment again @ 9 today, but, I got my mom out of work for the day D: At least, the nightmares about people with bloody mouths are gone. It was really scary. They weren't out to get me, there were just standing there, against a backdrop of nothingness, afraid and in pain, and bleeding. The girl was crying... I kept waking up and feeling my face.

This time they used permanent cement, and of course when we got home she had to tell everyone on the planet my progress of this stupid shit, and I really didn't want any more people to know than what was necessary. So much for that. My penicillin is almost gone, I'm excited.

She keeps saying that I'm a good kid and she's proud of me, and I'm patient and brave and I've had soooo many people in mouth, and all this stuff I don't want to here. It's not like I really had a choice, the only reason I'm putting up with this shit is because my dad is paying for this, and as this is considered a cosmetic procedure, insurance is useless. I don't want to be a waste of money like some other people in my family.

I just got back from an emergency trip to the oral surgeon. My stitchs blew and I was bleeding out of my mouth and it wouldn't stop. I had to cram a towel in my mouth and go back and get more novacaine and stitches. I might have to go back to the oral surgeon again and of course while he was sewing me up the crown became loose again so I have go back to the dentist too. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of dentist, of taking pills, all of it. I'm starting to lose faith in this fucking surgery.

This week...
Metric
Madonna
Fleetwood Mac
Collide
Kanye West
Emilie Autumn

Six? That's it? One I already this to, one I kinda like some, one I know I don't care fore, one I don't care to know, and... KANYE WEST? Damn ]:

And the college conspiracy rages on! Not only do the emails keep coming but I got like fifty ten elevinty million letters in the mail. Maybe I'll read a few. At least the art school one. Yep. ]:

Recs
Stars
Elvis Costello
Rogue Wave
Sufjan Stevens
The Flaming Lips
Wolf Parade
Goldfinger
Sigur R�s
Beulah
Hot Water Music
Black Flag
The Katies
Guilty Gear Isuka
2, The Ranting Gryphon
The Notwist
Shout Out Louds
Air
Yo La Tengo
Butthole Surfers
Ani DiFranco
Marilyn Manson
Belle and Sebastian
Wilco
Imogen Heap
The Mountain Goats
The Decemberists
The Brian Jonestown Massacre

Stars. Again. Haha.

SHIT
is all I have to say D:

Like a see-saw, I just need more weight to carry me up
Metric
Orgy
Tori Amos
Never Crazy
ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION
HOME MADE KAZOKU
Sacred Miracle Cave
fOUL
Flow
Soroban
PANIC��ch
Pumpkin Head
Fiona Apple
UVERworld
Fifth Column
Mask
Concrete Blonde
Letters to Cleo
PJ Harvey
Transister
Mazzy Star
Yo La Tengo
The Cardigans
cali��gari
Sel'm

Guess what! I finally know! I'm passed everything, I think. I'm not interested in getting involved. When you really love someone, I firmly believe that you will just 'know' and it will feel right. None of this has been the case, and it feels good to be free.

Well, almost. D:

I need to
Clean up my room to take some pictures I have an idea for D:

You know, at first I didn't care at all. In fact, I thought it was really funny.

But now, I just feel hurt.

I really wanted a cake :/