Fool enough to almost be it Cool enough to not quite see it Doomed Pick your pockets full of sorrow And run away with me tomorrow June We'll try and ease the pain But somehow we'll feel the same Well, no one knows Where our secrets go I send a heart to all my dearies When your life is so, so dreary Dream I'm rumored to the straight and narrow While the harlots of my perils Scream And I fail But when I can, I will Try to understand That when I can, I will Mother weep the years I'm missing All our time can't be given Back Shut my mouth and strike the demons That cursed you and your reasons Out of hand and out of season Out of love and out of feeling So bad When I can, I will Words defy the plans When I can, I will Fool enough to almost be it And cool enough to not quite see it And old enough to always feel this Always old, I'll always feel this No more promise no more sorrow No longer will I follow Can anybody hear me I just want to be me When I can, I will Try to understand That when I can, I will

 

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the sun shines but i don't

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angel_bob

:: 2006 24 December :: 11.36pm

So what are we doing for the eve of New Year's?

And Happy Christmas.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 24 December :: 5.12pm

I am learning.

But I just made my first animated icon.

w00ts.

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cowboy67

:: 2006 22 December :: 12.42pm

i meant to post this on wednesday
Read more..

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angel_bob

:: 2006 22 December :: 1.08am

I didn't do very well this semester.

I leave for France in 33 days and 11 hours.

I'm stressed and nervous.

I don't want to leave.

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cowboy67

:: 2006 21 December :: 2.40pm

feels like it beats you up
feels like it knocks you out
feels like a kiss on the mouth
feels like the saddest song
nothing can stop us now
feels like a kiss on the mouth


cowboy67

:: 2006 21 December :: 1.32am

it's 1:32am and my dad is in his room humming "silent night."

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angel_bob

:: 2006 19 December :: 11.33pm

Happy birthday, by the way.

I hope it was fun.

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cowboy67

:: 2006 19 December :: 5.15pm

I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY

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angel_bob

:: 2006 18 December :: 10.41pm

32 still counts.
Why I love The Office:

Read more..

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angel_bob

:: 2006 18 December :: 10.32pm

The Bible didn't mention us. Not even once.
I am nervous about leaving for France.

I am scared.

I love you all.




You are my sweetest downfall.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 15 December :: 4.52pm

You know why I love my school?

I got an email from my Spanish professor asking us if anyone was going to Traverse City and could deliver a package for her. She gave us her cell phone number just in case we were.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 13 December :: 11.54pm

Tyler Epps
I miss my cousin. I don't even remember the last time I saw him. It had to have been at his mother's funeral in 1999. We're really close in age so we were inseparable for the longest time. Mom says no one knows where he is anymore.

I used google to search his name and found a picture of him. It's from March. I'm going to cry. I never realized how much I missed him. He's all grown up with facial hair and everything... Apparently he was still really good at basketball. Hey, Tyler. Ty Ty. I miss you.

Just in case you google yourself: this is Rachel, your cousin. You should contact us or Mike or someone. What are you up to? How is everything?

I need to learn how to google bomb.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 13 December :: 10.36pm

First Steve Irwin and now Peter Boyle.

It's a sad year in Celebritytown.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 11 December :: 10.34pm

I was way too excited then quickly depressed today.

I saw Emily (!) whom I missed dearly which made me excited.

I also saw, for probably the last time ever, Micah, Tim from my creative writing class, CG and everyone in my creative writing class. Then in French I will have to deal with seeing Marah for the last time. Ever.

Stupid semester abroad. You screw up all my goodbyes.

I am thinking of totally not doing this paper for marketing but I sort of have to. It's all of my grade. But he wrote 0 notes on the one I have to rewrite (except for "good" and "okay maybe") so I have nothing to improve.

Exam week has me stressed and excited and sad. I miss people already.

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cowboy67

:: 2006 8 December :: 12.59pm

here's a dream for ya
i decided to kill myself by jumping off of a ferris wheel. and i actually felt the fall.

then everything rewound in slow motion and turned to gray tones, and i was having some kind of out-of-body experience.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 7 December :: 11.42pm

We wear our scarves just like a noose
So tomorrow we are going to Chicago so I can get my French visa.

Emily was going to come with us but she has to work on Saturday so she can't. Which makes me more depressed than you can ever know.

In other news, I received a letter telling me who my host family was. I emailed the last two students who had that family and they both said that was the best family in France. I am excited.

It's contagious.

I love you all.

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cowboy67

:: 2006 7 December :: 3.47pm

Women Studies Reflection: Homophobia
I was incredibly impressed with Suzanne Pharr's piece on homophobia. Her arguments were so detailed and solid, expertly pointing out the fallacies in the irrational and bigoted views that fuel homophobia. The connections she made between homophobia, sexism, and economics was genius.

The idea of "homosexuality" is indeed a recent one, considering homo sapiens have inhabited the earth for 200,000 years (and "modern" human civilizations are at least 8,000 years old), and yet the language to explain sexual behavior in terms of a lifelong pattern was just invented in the late nineteenth century. Not only that, but the label of "heterosexual" or "homosexual" as a noun to define a person according to their sexual behavior is also a modern-day convention. Same- and other-gender sexual interaction has occurred in all civilizations throughout history but sexuality was never used to place a person into a category as a master status in which personality or moral character were assumed or implied.

Sexual behavior is not simply biologically driven or expressed. As with anything else, one's cultural plays a significant role in shaping one's expression of sexuality, what one considers sexually "normal" or "abnormal," what one is sexually attracted to (necks versus breasts versus feet, for example), and one's conception of sexuality in general. Therefore, "homosexual" practices as we define them today were considered normal or optimal at other times in history, and it is due mainly to modern Christianity led by men like Thomas Aquinas that sex between people of the same gender was stigmatized and branded as sinful. The current obsession with the "immorality" of "homosexuality" is a waste of time because any argument over the rightness or wrongness of one's sexual orientation is simply an invention and projection of our specific culture's social and historical context onto something that is an abstract construction anyway. To argue about the morality of sexual orientation is meaningless and useless, much like arguing over the morality of what foods to eat or shoes to wear.

However, since most Americans are either uneducated in human history, or have been taught a biased version of it, or simply distort the facts, and because most also have an incredibly ethnocentric and religiocentric disposition, the focus is on modern day moral standards -- which are based on the Judeo-Christian tradition -- and not universal, timeless accounts of human behavior. If people were aware that the Bible was written by a few select men, during a time period that is much different than our own, for their own specific agenda, and that passages and whole chapters have been left out, edited, and translated from Hebrew to Greek to Latin to every other language in existence over the past 2,000 years, then perhaps they would realize the immense complexity and difficulty that is inherent in reading any single verse from the Bible. Something as simple as "Do not kill people" may mean one thing at one time according to social standards and language interpretation but through translation and changes in word meanings, may come to mean something very different at a different time. Not only that, but as Pharr points out, there was no such thing as "homosexuality" as we know it during the time that the Bible was written. Just as Jesus and his followers had no idea what refrigerators or televisions are, they also did not conceive of "homosexuality." Our society has the tendency to project our cultural values, standards, and experiences onto past situations in which such a projection is inaccurate and does not make historical sense.

Beyond that, the specific passages used to justify homophobia and hate/violence toward gays and lesbians are random and do not hold much weight compared with the rest of the Bible. Pharr makes an excellent point that "The eight Biblical references (and not a single one by Jesus) to alleged homosexuality are very small indeed when compared to the several hundred references (and many by Jesus) to money and the necessity for justly distributing wealth. Yet few people go on a rampage about the issue of a just economic system, using the Bible as a base." If one gets into the details of each of these eight passages about supposed "homosexual acts," the reality is that the passages can be interpreted in a number of ways and do not clearly single out sex between people of the same gender to be "unnatural" or "wrong." So, even if people must fall back on the Bible as some kind of end-all be-all book of rules and laws for everyone, the argument is weak and unconvincing.

Now let us pretend that "homosexuality" as it exists today also existed in the same manifestation during the time of Christ and thereafter when the Bible was written. Let us further assume that the Bible did distinguish homosexuality as evil and wrong. What does that lend to the argument that non-Christians and atheists should not engage in homosexual acts? Do Christians follow the rules of the Qu'ran? Do they expect our government to enact legislation that incorporates religious rules from Native American practices, Hinduism, or Buddhism? Christianity is so deeply entrenched in our culture that most people are completely oblivious to its unwavering influence on every aspect of our lives. If zealous Christians want to spend their energy debating over eight passages from a book as large as the Bible and condemn and ostracize each other based on who they make orgasm, they have every right. But they need to keep their beliefs out of other people's lives. Simply to uphold the separation of church and state, a principle value in western democracy, the question of homosexuality shouldn't even be a question, and the Bible should never be implicated in the making of political and legal decisions. The radical right needs to decide if they value pluralism and freedom over religion and if they want to live in a democracy or a theocracy. If they want the Bible to rule society, they might as well move to Israel.

Just as Christian values have a subtle but powerful influence on our culture, so too does homophobia. The effects of homophobia are decidedly underestimated, and I don't think most people realize the part that homophobia plays in the oppression of all people, for they cause in-fighting and competition among those who could otherwise band together against the oppressor. Homophobia, like sexism and racism, causes people to hate a group of people based on fabricated stereotypes to incite fear of "otherness." Is it any coincidence that Christianity, one of the most oppressive, corrupted, and brutal institutions in history, provided the framework for racism, sexism, and homophobia via its construction of the Bible? It's an ingenious plan, quite frankly. Simply tell people that "God" sanctions oppression and they will follow your every command.

Since homophobia plays a role in the economic stability of men and women, as clearly demonstrated in "A Time of Change" (the lesbian mothers would not come out at work for fear of losing their jobs), three things are vital to fight against the universal oppression of all people: 1) Feminists need to confront their own internalized homophobia and include people of all sexual orientations in the movement in order to gain insight into GLBT-specific issues, 2) GLBT-identified people need to come out, as encouraged in the film on Proposal 9 in Oregon, in order to demonstrate just how many "normal" and productive citizens are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered, and 3) Education on sexuality, gender, and the origins of the "homosexual" label and stigma must be available (and in my opinion, mandatory) for everyone in this country. I think it is a fair assumption that the less educated one is, the more likely he/she is to be fooled by media and stereotypes set to instill hate and fear about those who are supposedly "different." As a closing thought, I often wonder: is it more unnatural for a human being with sexual desires to suppress and deny them for his/her entire life and be made to feel guilty about something biologically natural, normal, and healthy or for someone to have sex with someone of the same gender?

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angel_bob

:: 2006 6 December :: 11.16pm

My latest music obsession:



Regina Spektor

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cowboy67

:: 2006 6 December :: 12.28am

thinking is fucking exhausting.


angel_bob

:: 2006 5 December :: 10.12pm

Things I hate:
My keyboard randomly changing to Dvorak. WTF, keyboard? I'm trying to write a paper at the last minute and you were fine TWO WORDS AGO. Seriously. Plus you are only using Dvorak in Word? And only on this sentence? WTF? Did I press the wrong keys or something? I closed Word and you better work when I open it back up or I'm taking you out.

Back to my paper.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 5 December :: 9.38pm

Why I love Emily:
I have to or else I will have no friends in France :p
She's going to France
She introduced me to The Decemberists and my newest love Regina Spektor
She has a doppelganger
Regina Spektor
She is just the best person in the world
...uh...minus you guys?
She rocks, Emily does.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 5 December :: 8.11pm

I hate money.

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cowboy67

:: 2006 4 December :: 11.43pm

i want to take a baseball bat to an entire room.


cowboy67

:: 2006 2 December :: 11.43am

size size size size size size size size size



matters.


angel_bob

:: 2006 27 November :: 10.49pm

omg there are only like ten days of this semester left before exams and then like omg i m totally going to france!!!!111oneone1!!one!1

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angel_bob

:: 2006 26 November :: 11.35pm

doppelganger
My friend has a doppelganger.

Read more..

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angel_bob

:: 2006 24 November :: 2.47am

I haven't even left the country and I already lost my passport.

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cowboy67

:: 2006 23 November :: 2.47am

showers are not enjoyable unless you get your head wet.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 21 November :: 10.30pm

Things that I never knew were awesome:

The Decemberists



I think I'm a hipster/indie kid. I want the glasses and cool outfits.

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angel_bob

:: 2006 20 November :: 11.09pm

Apparently Danny got in a really bad car accident.


If when I come back from France I've gained a lot of weight, will you still love me?

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