the sun shines but i don't

Fool enough to almost be it Cool enough to not quite see it Doomed Pick your pockets full of sorrow And run away with me tomorrow June We'll try and ease the pain But somehow we'll feel the same Well, no one knows Where our secrets go I send a heart to all my dearies When your life is so, so dreary Dream I'm rumored to the straight and narrow While the harlots of my perils Scream And I fail But when I can, I will Try to understand That when I can, I will Mother weep the years I'm missing All our time can't be given Back Shut my mouth and strike the demons That cursed you and your reasons Out of hand and out of season Out of love and out of feeling So bad When I can, I will Words defy the plans When I can, I will Fool enough to almost be it And cool enough to not quite see it And old enough to always feel this Always old, I'll always feel this No more promise no more sorrow No longer will I follow Can anybody hear me I just want to be me When I can, I will Try to understand That when I can, I will

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the sun shines but i don't

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:: 2005 1 December :: 6.38am

If anyone got a call from me late last night, I apologize.

I keep my cell phone on my bed because I'm too lazy to look for it when it rings and because it charges as I sleep.

Last night I couldn't sleep very well and lately I've been tossing and turning a lot.

My dad just mentioned that I called him when he was downstairs, asleep and in bed.

He called me back.

So if I called you, I'm sorry. I shall find a better place to put my phone.

:: 2005 28 November :: 3.01pm

You will not believe this.
Sigur Ros is coming to Calvin College in February.

Tickets go on sale December 8th.

Here is the site.

* feb 18 : 6pm concert calvin college fine arts center, grand rapids (mi)
general on-sale date dec 08

* feb 18 : 10.30pm concert calvin college fine arts center, grand rapids (mi)
general on-sale date dec 08

:: 2005 23 November :: 4.21pm

funny! SPAM SPAM SPAM!
What is the point of these e-mails? What happens?

Read more..

:: 2005 23 November :: 4.14pm

I got out of work early (3 instead of 5) and that makes me happy.

Sadly, since it's bad out, I'm not allowed to go anywhere. Stupid snow. Maybe I'll go cash my paycheck.

We all should hang out this weekend.

I'm gonna go write my paper that's due at 5. Yay!

I love you all.

:: 2005 21 November :: 6.09pm

I know I've probably never told anyone this (my mom just heard about it today and laughed) but here's how dorky my siblings and I are:

Hannah, Nathaniel and I were playing some kind of shopkeeping game loosely based around Chrono Cross. I was the shopkeeper, Buddy was some pet and Hannah was the customer(s).

Once, Hannah came in as a "customer," snuck in the back of my shop and I was audited by an IRS agent (played by Hannah).

And apparently, NORMAL children don't do these things.

:: 2005 20 November :: 12.41pm

if only all music videos were this real
takes a little while to load, but it'll start...
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:: 2005 19 November :: 2.57pm

somewhat cliche, but interesting considering the context

:: 2005 18 November :: 8.20pm

So Katie is having her appendix removed.

Tonight.

Please pray for her.

She's still down in Kalamazoo at Bronson Hospital. I will probably go down there tomorrow, depending on how she's doing, if she's there and how the weather is faring. So if anyone wants to come along, I'll drive.

Oh, I forgot you're all not around here. Well if you want to come, find your way over here or be ready to pay me gas money to come get you.

I love you all.

:: 2005 17 November :: 11.42pm

JJJJJJJJJJJJJOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

:: 2005 17 November :: 5.37pm

moveon.org is sponsoring this backlash against congress for the republicans' proposal of cutting social welfare programs, and what they want people to do is take a picture of themselves so that members of congress will see the actual people that their actions affect. i thought some of the pictures were inspiring and humorous, and it was just nice to see some "normal" people out there with families and the same concerns as the rest of us get involved. grassroots action always gets me. check it out

:: 2005 17 November :: 1.24am

tori amos - real men
take your mind back
i don't know when
sometime when it always seemed to be just us and them
girls that wore pink
boys that wore blue
boys that always grew up better men
than me and you

what's a man now?
what's a man mean?
is he rough or is he rugged?
cultural and clean?
now it's all changed
it's got to change more
we think it's getting better
but nobody's really sure

and so it goes, go round again
but now and then we wonder who the real men are

i see the nice boys
dancing in pairs
golden earring, golden tan
blow-wave in the hair
sure they're all straight, straight as a line
all the guys are macho
see their leather shine

you don't want to sound dumb
don't want to offend
but don't call me a faggot
not unless you are a friend
then if you're tall
handsome and strong
you can wear the uniform and i could play along

and so it goes, go round again
but now and then we wonder who the real men are

a time to get scared
time to change plan
don't know how to treat a lady
don't know how to be a man
time to admit
what you call defeat
'cause there's women running past you now
and you just drag your feet

man makes a gun
man goes to war
man can kill and man can drink
and man can take a whore
kill all the blacks
kill all the reds
if there's war between the sexes
then there'll be no people left

and so it goes, go round again
but now and then we wonder who the real men are

:: 2005 16 November :: 8.57pm

who protects you from your protector?

:: 2005 13 November :: 11.20pm

"djheu3erjbre? dekjhrhewgew. ekjrhwhgre."
"dkjhfehgrwe. fdjkfge. jdjhdje jee jbekjekkjw ertutiknf sknfofjbf ejbewj wqrejbe."
"hekewu?"
"ekjrhb, ekjr he wgrew peubrnej ft."

:: 2005 13 November :: 11.46am

Yesterday was my aunt's birthday.

So I made sure that I spent time with my mom.

:: 2005 11 November :: 5.59am

I don't have any friends at school.

The only person I actually hang out with a lot is Jeremy and he's planning on transferring next year. I'd love to hang out a lot with Emily, my friend from French class, but all the people who live on campus have their dorm friends and dorm things.

I mean, Shayne and I used to eat lunch all the time and hang out but he goes home to eat or hangs out with other people.

I'm hoping that next semester, when a girl I know from my I & E class is in another one of my classes, that I can be friends with her. And since my classes are switching around and I'll have tons of free time, I'll have more friend time.

I mean, you all know I don't have trouble "making friends." I don't know what's going on.

But it makes me really sad.

I love you all.

P.S. I was hoping Kelly and Katie were coming home this weekend because at the Wealthy Street Theatre today and tomorrow, they're showing the Wizard of Oz with a live band playing Dark Side of the Moon. Here

:: 2005 9 November :: 8.45pm

Best illusion ever.

:: 2005 9 November :: 8.21pm

I know I am awful and you might not be able to forgive me but I'm only on this site for a media study paper due tomorrow. I would not visit this site on my own free will.

Read more..

I love you all.

:: 2005 8 November :: 10.36pm

please watch this

:: 2005 8 November :: 8.51pm

"lenox avenue mural" by langston hughes
what happens to a dream deferred?
does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
or fester like a sore --
and then run?
does it stink like rotten meat?
or crust and sugar over --
like a syrupy sweet?

maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

or does it explode?

:: 2005 5 November :: 7.43pm

We're in Chicago. We being my entire family and two of Hannah's friends.

Tomorrow we're going to see the musical Wicked. Maybe then Hannah will shut up about it.

My throat hurts and I'm tired.

I love you all. And, pathetically, I miss Nick.

:: 2005 5 November :: 12.25pm

i received this as an email. it's for those of us who don't speak fluent rap
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:: 2005 5 November :: 12.16am

wake up, america
shit is hitting the fan around the world. U.S. big business and government need to get a fucking grip. no one wants you shoving your noses into their lives anymore. they don't want to be part of your free trade bullshit. leave them alone! stop raping the whole world!

i'm so glad people are standing up to imperialism. it's such a refreshing thing to see. good for them.

:: 2005 2 November :: 8.23pm

what i would do for a little anesthesia and a chainsaw.

:: 2005 31 October :: 6.21pm

i have an intellectual crush

:: 2005 27 October :: 9.25pm

Jabberwocky should be made into a musical. It'd be awesome.

:: 2005 27 October :: 3.34pm

I'm sick.

Someone should come over and make me soup and baby me.

I love you all.

:: 2005 24 October :: 10.06pm

:: 2005 24 October :: 2.04am

alyssa = best girl ever

:: 2005 21 October :: 6.07pm

I got into a car accident today. I'm fine, the woman I hit is fine, my car was fine, her car was fine. Right now I'm in Kalamazoo visiting Katie. I'll be home on Sunday sometimes. Um. Something.

Oh, Jessa, when are you moving? Are you working at that bank yet?

Have a nice weekend. I love you all.

:: 2005 20 October :: 11.10pm

now, this is a real music video
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