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2004 15 December :: 11.35 pm
if you could only see the grin on my face!!
: D
*sigh* i am sooo head over heels...
id think that was a sign?
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2004 13 December :: 9.06 pm
okay, well last weeknd i didnt get to see jimmy because my aunt is a ---- lol. i dont even know how to describe that woman. but hopefully this weekend will be different.
friday after school my dads wife picked me up [cynthia]. we had a nice talk driving to my dads job, then we met up with him, he threw me some money, then we picked up my sister and went to mandees. i got two cuuute pairs of paints. ones a niice ass pair of jeans, and the other is blue cuordorouy pants w/ a ill belt. gonna be cute, i just needa get shirts! then we went out to dinner .. chinese!! *yumm* ... i slept at my dads house.
saturday i woke up and had french toast [not as good as the ones we had on our weekend lovie] then i helped cynthia get shit organized for her xmas party. yea, i did a lot of shit, then when everyone got there i was the butler of the party "can i get you something to drink" "would you like a refill" -- how about ... "get your lazy ass up and do it yourself" lol. after that my sister and her boyfriend took me to rent oceans eleven -- finally.. that movie was sooo ill forreal. then my dad took me home. went straight to bed after that.
sunday was one of the busiest days i swear. okay, so i wake up make my bed n shit so my aunt dont have a hissy fit, then i call lauren. me n laur meet up and we go to murder inc to ask a few questions about xmas presents. they were closed so we went back to my house.. at my house we started brainstorming for gifts for my aunt, we finally thought of something so we got all the materials we needed together lol. then john came home and he took us to roosevelt field mall, lemme just say, the car ride w/ me and my music and my geek dancin was great. soo we get to roosevelt and we go everywhere. we got aunt lees gift which is amazing. its a dangling heart picture frame thats 2sided and one one side is a pic of her n my mom on her wedding day, n the other side is of the most recent xmas they shareed together. so we blew up those pics and put them in the frame and got "together forever" emgraveed on it.. soo incredible. then we got jim,joe, and robs presents which is a shirt we got embroidered with their paintball team on it and their names on the team. they turned out nice as hell. got carlys, laurens, pauls, johns, shannons, leahs, alex's, jess's , dads n cynthias n more. im pretty much done with my shoppin cept i neeed a few more cards. then lauren came over after and we wrapped the gifts and started xmas cards, still not done tho teehee!
anyways, so ive been talkin to jimmy like everyday and its pretty great, he makes me smile and i love it. he dyed his hair chocolate truffle -- cant wait to see it haha. got my report card.. 84.5 average. sci - 80
volleyball - 95
english - 80
global - 70
lab - satisfactory
math - 95
government - 90
italian - 95
if i can bring up that global and english a lot, and try to maintain 90's and above in the rest, i could be doing really good.. i just really needa concentrate and be all about the schoolwork -- dont that sound fun??
so this weeknd was nik's party, and i wanna go, but im going to see my aunts, yea i could say no but 1.its my aunt, and she was mad at me and i dont wanna piss her off more 2.jims gonna be there and 3. i missed joes bday so i really should go see him..i just dont want nik to be mad at me!!
other than that i miss everybody and hope to talk to u soon. mel, heath and wick expect emails shortly .. very long ones. carly u never called back u crotch lol. but ill ttys. maddd luvv to everyone else, mich i love n miss u .. n i have a favor to ask!! xoxoxo
thats all for now, dont wanna write a book -- tata!
mom, i miss you soo much. please keep me strong, theres points where i just feel like breaking down, if i could have just one more hug . . .
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2004 6 December :: 7.49 pm
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: (cant get my head) around you - the offspring
soo xciited!!
okay.. well things have been a little.. cRaZy lately, if u know u know, if u dont know -- u dont want to lol. aanywho.. so im so f-ing excited about this weekend..
anywho, so friday night im going to my fathers and sleeping ther. then on saturday he's going to bring me to shirley so i can see jimmy and the boys. i have no idea what we're going to be doing when we get there, whether it be wallyball, a movie, cards etc.. all i know is im ready for fun -- and i KNOW ill have fun no matter what i do.
i hate boys, i love em but i hate em, and i hate the situations i get put into, even if i accidently put myself there. homelife sucks... a looot. i wanna really either move out or seriously go to an orphanage because im going crazy. im not aloud in my bathroom, i have to share one with two boys now. things are getting rediculous. im so sick of my life, i want a new one.. theres so much bullshit going down that i just dont want to handle anymore
but imma go, im talkin to lou and gonna try to get in touch w/ jimmy and alex.
siegel - lol jim
xoxo
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2004 1 December :: 9.08 pm
:: Music: staind - pressure
sdlkjgsahg
well.. i have talked to jim quite a lot about .. well the truth and i guess we've come to an agreement.. at least an understanding.
god, saturday was so incredible, i never wanted it to end, apparantly neither did he. but we cant be together, its too risky and its too big of an age gap. we both want the same things to happen and we both like each other, we'll just wait two years. haha yea riight. he told me if i was two years older than me he'd be with me in a heartbeat.. well we both want the same shit, so we decideed we'll have more days like saturday and we both see the shit we want happening.. so i guess it all works out okay.
im trying to make a plan for next saturday to get out there, i know my aunt and uncle are upset with me cuz when i went to visit i spent most of the time w/ the kids instead of them, but oome on.. one of them i like and the rest of tthem are my age and cool to hang out with. so im trying to get out there again next weekend. i have a big plan but i wont reveal it to later. mwahaha lol
other news? my volleyball team sucks, i wish they could actually hit the ball this way we can get a game going. lol at this rate they're gonna drag me down and ill never get on the school team. guys i dont want .. want me.. guys i want .. are too old lol. its FREEEZSING. and schools taking over my life lol. guuys im tryin to get to the big fl for xmas break or a 3day weekend i have during mlk day!
goodness why must i like him so much?? cant he just get ugly or annoying or something lol. well i gotta go, talkin to madd ppl. mucho love <33*
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2004 28 November :: 11.16 pm
... well then ...
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2004 28 November :: 10.29 pm
:: Music: k i s s meeeeeeeee - mariah carey
holy christ!!
holy christ! lol. this weekend was unbelievable i had butterflies 3 days .. scratch that, 4 days in a row. heres what went down.. -~-~>
friiday -- okie dokie, me paul and aunt lee go to the isle [ long island] .. we get there around 3'ish. nobodys home so i start my homework, we dilly dally, finally aunt dee gets home. next thing i know, my aunt patties calling, so i answer it. i get invited to go to the movies. so me rob paul n jimmy go to the movies, we get in to see national treasure, which in fact, is a damn good movie. so, its this order in seats from left to right .. jim me rob paul, so me n jim share the drink he bought, im leainin towards him, hes leaning towards me..nothing happend, just a smidge of innocent flirting. after the movies i get dropped off back at aunt dees, then the kids come back over and we played texas holdem, i gave r o b a massage, and then we all passed the fuuck out.
saturday - omg what an incredible day i swear to you. ok so i get up at 10 something to a text message by jimmy, we talk for a bit, then he invited me to the mall. so he picekd me up, we went to the mall, bought a few things, got in massage cfhairs -- those shits are ill as fuck -- then we went to tgif and we had lunch -- he paid for me. then we went back to my aunts house, played cards, then we had to leave quick cuz we were going to the movies, again, he paid for my ticket, but i snuck in the money to buy the drink. SCCCOORE lol. it was so cute, he was gonna get pepsi, thn saw they had cherry pepsi, he asked me if i lieked it so we coould share it i was like awwwwwwww lol.. the movie we flirted, leaned towards one another.. holy christ i wanted to make my move haha. then we picked up the goonies, went to aunt pats, then he brought me back to aunt dees and dropped me off, he woulnt leave until i was in the door.. awz then he came back over w/ the goons, and we played cards, he got an incredible back massage, so did i , i know he looved it lol. he loveed it, the moans comin out of is mouth lmfao.. then i started massaging his neck and arms, oh baby .. yeaa lol yes, mucho flirting, i was leaing on him n just WO lol. he smells soo good lol. i can say soo muich more about this night, but i gotta go in like 2 min
then sunday, aka today i played pool and txted jim all day long. idk i wanna confront him about me liking him czu if he dont know hes kina retarded ... but i dont wana be rejected, omg id be soo happy if he liked me back.. theres just a few little bumps in the road lol right lovie.. well i gotta go b4 my aunt rips me another asshole...
hellpp .. omg i hope he likes me ...... lol to confront him or not to confront him!!!?
When I see him, I got nothing to say -- cause the damn urge to kiss him takes my breath away...
xoxo
cruushin'
i could wake up to that face everyday.. plus, we're both good massuses hehe.
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2004 22 November :: 9.35 pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: get low remix
suck it suck it suck it lick it lick it lick it -- lolol strawberry
okay.. well my weekend was pretty freaking awesome -- if only just a few more things went my way..
i shall start off with friday, friday went to school. exciting right? i wore my skirt outfit and two guys named mohammed yes two guys names mohammed hit on me.. reaallly weeeird! lol. anyway, so i met up w/ lovie at bayside, and then we went to my house. we hung out with paulie for a while and then john took us to a movie. we saw after the sunset. movie was good, john fell asleep so lovie and i shot spitballs at him -- SOO FUNNY. then on the car ride to the pool place we shot them all over the car, he didnt see one, amazing that guy. pool was fun, then i came home talked to my babby <3carly then*jimmy* and then laur and i went to bed in my room.
satuurday -- omg the most nerveracking day everr lol .. woke up at 825 so laur could go to her dentist thing and then when she left i passed out til about 1130. woke up, watched laguna beach, lovie came back over, we just hung out, then i packed and got ready for loong isslaand woot woot. it was a while til we were leaving, so me laur and paul all laid in his bed and played w/ our cell phones lol. soo bored, rearranging our contacts into groups -- what nerds we are!! then me john and aunt lee left to go to the island.. we arrive there and go to my aunt dee's house, they're all talking about politics.. then aunt lee and john go out to have a cig and me and aunt dee talk.. shes like .. you know, jimmy broke up with his girlfriend lol. and i was like oh i know.. haha. so anyway, i finally get in touch with jim and rob so i get dropped off over there and we played texas hold em the whole night and we were up til like 1 sumthin playing, i did good for my first time, partially b/c of the r o b . after that everybody passed out cept for me and *jimmy* so he played halo and i watched him, then when he was done we started to wach freddy vs jason, but we both passed out b4 it was over. soo we fell asleep on the floor.. omgggg i wanted him soo bad lol. i was gonna make a move.. but i didnt!! wonder what he thinks ..
sunday ... woke up with him by my side, oh i could go for that again lol. its a great feeling. hehe. my gram cooked us pancakes.. we had a uhm, interesting conversation during breakfast and a few flirty looks [ i think ] and then after that the boys played halo, and my r o b went to the hospital, he makes me so nervous. so after that rob came home and we all hung out. played smash, had lunch, more looks. .. played more cards, kinda flirted with gijoe .. played a good game then got picked up to go home :-( saddest part of the weekend forrreaaal.
but i solemly swear -- jimmy has the nicest eyes i think ive ever seen. theyre soo blue, but not ugly blue, beautiful cleary blue.. wher it looks like an ocean i swear.. its amazing the feeling i get when i look in his eyes. and his voice.. aahh so hot lmfaoo. i swear, id be so happy waking up to that face. hes soo awesome, i havent found a flaw yet, cept that we live in diff cities, but im moving to his town next yr, so it all works out i guess. but i really hope i dont get disappointed.... blecghh
pros
SOO HOT
nice voice
loove his eyes
awesome personality
has a car
friend of the family
sweet
FUNNNNNY
etc..
cons
JUST broke up w/ his grl.. only wants to play for now
21 yrs old
lives an hr away
not sure how he feels about me
god, i want this to work soo bad, his last two grls fuckd him over completely, and im not like that. i wouldnt use him, fuck w/ his head, cheat on him, make him spend all his time w/me, be up his ass. i would be soo good for him and he would be soo awesome for me.. wish me luck guys, i need it and i reallly think this would be good for me..
i really wanna tell him how i feel, but i think its too risky.. ahh hellpp. im going all gaga..
but im out, or else ill keep rambling x0
<333 cruushin hardcore
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