<b>MISTAKING WIRES FOR VEINS</b>

:: 2006 1 May :: 9.07pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: �SID� + �Ajisai�

so me and my new friend Aekastar were hatted! :O

http://tesseractivity.livejournal.com/6157.html

:: 2006 30 April :: 8.03pm
:: Music: �Dir en grey� + �CLEVER SLEAZOID�

one day i will fuck your parents
so, today was my P2P meeting, it was great, hung out with Ambie and Chris like usual, absorbed Clarissa into our clique and i talked to Nick and Leanne a little bit (must Email those 2 later) they seem really nice, i want to get to know them more. Nick is in my group, huhuh! then after that it was nice because my mom got us Dairy Queen, and we saw two of the people in my delegation there, and they said hi, they're nice too, but i forget they're names (well, i think they'r brother and sister, i think the boy is Justin but i'm not sure..) and my mom got me a Moolate. <3

Then after that, i wrapped Alex's present (Darth Vader pez, pez refills) (<-- he likes Star Wars ) and walked over there for a little while. He was really happy to see me, and he liked the pez. As much as he annoys me and i dislike him, it felt really good to do something nice like that. I understand now when my mom said "when you're that little, you're birthday is a big deal," she was right. I think i might be nicer to him now. (why?) He was all excited because somebody got him a seamonkey-type kit thing X3

:: 2006 27 April :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: Thousand Foot Krutch / When In Doubt / Set It Off

i'll just assume that we can talk about most anything
so i'm menstrating like normal XD JUDGEMENT DAY HAS BEEN POSTPONED: i'm not giving birth to Jesus as I previously suspected XD We all can breath a sigh of relief!

oh snapp.... current event is due... so is my drug pamphlet... WASTING TYME!!

So yesterday i tried to take a decent picture of myself and i don't know why I even bothered. The results were mediocre at best. OH WHY DOES THE CAMERA INSIST ON raping ME SO??!?!! ;; i look so BAD in pictures.. but it doesn't help that i don't know what i'm doing in the first place XD I always end up looking like a retarded korean boy. (and not even a CUTE retarded korean boy, either) but i suppose it doesn't matter because they're all just boring mugshots anyway. bleh. i'm not cool like the beautiful people.

OH. MY. GOD. i'm done with my goal of a bf, i'm too vain anyway, they only way i'd look past the fear and uncertainty and uninterest is if he were a real cutie, and they're are none like that anyway. I mean, sure i like people, but admiring from a far is my forte, not a relationship, which i'm so afraid of, (not to mention forbidden to have) plus the fact that i'm also very UNINTERESTED. And love is too pointless, and i hate the idea of Romance ^^;; that's the ugliest word i've ever heard. plus i know who i'm going to end up in love with in the end anyway.

:: 2006 24 April :: 8.29pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: The HorrorPops / Dotted With Hearts / Hell Yeah!

it's a teenage dream all wrapped in pink and dotted with hearts
i hate this. hate hate hate hate HATE this. .__. she used her trump card anyway, but also other excuses too ("you can't have everything") I fear i shall always bee too young, when i'm 16, then when i'm 17, etc, i think she's trying to keep me a child forever, denying that i'm growing up .__. i just think she honestly just doesn't want to do anything for me that involves sometype of participation on her part, unless it's of interest too her, too. glad to know she cares ;;

so, don't meant to get personal or gross or anything, but i haven't had my period in long time, i think maybe a month at least, my cycles are far apart anyway, but like.. i hope i get it really really soon. n.n Maybe i'm sick. Well, definately not pregnant. Unless, of course, this is Jesus' second coming and in that case we're all fucked XD should i tell someone?

:: 2006 23 April :: 9.34pm

Attention to everyone prettier, more talented, richer, nicer, cooler, better, taller, skinnier, and sweeter than me: EAT SHIT AND FUCKING DIE.

:: 2006 19 April :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Madsen / Diese kinder / Madsen

Das ist alles, was du sagst?
so, I'm not allowed to buy any games .__. I suppose that's for the better, since neither my mom nor myself have a lot of money, so i really should save for my trip.. my bank account only has like.. 1,200 some dollars, and the 200 something i put in myself, so...yeah X_X

I'm going to go hide in my bed and never come out until i die because god hates me and Als and I are going to become Nazis and then you shall see!

:: 2006 18 April :: 8.16pm

I hate a song that makes you think that you are not any good. I hate a song that makes you think that you are just born to lose. Bound to lose. No good to nobody. No good for anything. Because you are too old or too young or too fat or too slim too ugly or too this or too that. Songs that run you down or poke fun at you on account of your bad luck or hard traveling. I am out to fight those songs to my very last breath of air and my last drop of blood. I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world and that if it has hit you pretty hard and knocked you for a dozen loops. No matter what color, what size you are. How you are built. I am out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and in your work. And the songs that I sing are made up for the most part by all sorts of folks just about like you. I could hire out to the otherside. The big money side. And get several dollars every week just to quit singing my own kind of songs to sing the kind that know you down still farther and the ones that poke fun at you even more and the ones that make you think you've not got any sense at all. But I decided a long time ago that I'd starve to death before I'd sing any such songs as that. The radio waves and your movies and your jukeboxes and your song books are already loaded down and running over with such no good songs as that anyhow. - Woody Guthrie

:: 2006 17 April :: 1.10pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: MALICE MIZER / GARDENIA / GARDENIA

so i just got back from my grandma's, been raking leaves and stuff since like 9:30 X_X ahhh i wouldn't have minded it so much if my grandma wasn't so...unstable...

first she bitched at me about how "NEED" to learn how to drive and what's wrong with my sister and can't i do anything about it and by god i must learn how to drive <.< LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

then she went on about how 'i'm not used to be being outdoors' and so i have to wear a hood so the cold air doesn't blow in my ears so i don't get bell's palsy. wtf? and then my hood was getting loose and she yelled at me somemore.

then the old neighbor lady came out and was yaking about some hearing aide dog in canada and i got chided for now saying hello to her because i've never heard this before but i'm the newer generation and in our society we always should acknowledge the old people. i didn't want to interrupt them.

i got ten dollars though, and i know my grandma can't help it, but when she called this morning for me to do work she said i shouldn't feel obligated and i don't have to but if i really did say no my mom would somehow find out and i'd be in a lot of trouble and yelled at somemore. i know my grandma loves me, but when she called and after i said yes i got mad hit the pillow until i started to cry.

:: 2006 14 April :: 8.54pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: PENICILLIN / ZERO (INSTRUMENTAL) / Tsuki senko ni kagayaku/ZERO

so, today i went shopping with my mom and she bought me stuff! Woah. Well like, i bought some of it too but anway.. i got lots of hair clips (flowers,ladybugs, butterflies,more flowers, sparkly hearts) and a strobe ring XD she got me soy noodles (i ate them) and pitascios. Oh! And i got this really cool barbie watch! XD and we're having steak later~ (Good friday? Yeah it's a good friday, FOR MEAT!)

it upset me though when my mom was talking about why we go to big lots and stuff, she says it's not because she wants to, but because we're poor and she just does a good job at hiding it. she said i don't realize that we're poor .__. i don't know

so jess went on a fishing trip today, he'll be back sunday, he gave us our easter baskets! ^_^ i liked it, it had candy and little chicks in it. Mom took out everything that wasn't chocolate out of hers and gave it to me, also the weird bear dressed as a rabbit he gave her. She was mad at him for just going to big lots and buying baskets that had things she didn't like in them, just to be in the clear, but she says he always is like that so it's not a bug surprise. but i still feel bad X_z

:: 2006 14 April :: 8.42am
:: Mood: bored

what the hell am i doing up at 8:40 in the morning?

1 CMNT(S) | CMNT.

:: 2006 11 April :: 10.34pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Polysics / My Sharona / Polysics or Die!!!

So today was good! Well, i knew it would be, because when i woke up somehow i found the thirty dollars that i magically lost the day before, and they weren't there, so that was a good omen. My B-52's cd didn't come though, my dad said he didn't get a confirmation yet but it's because we got it used and it took a while when we did that for the bis cd. But he's going to check amazon to make sure it processed and check his credit card and if it didn't register then we're just going to be it again from someone else, probably on ebay. We went to eat since i had to be back early for my haircut and while we were eating my sister spotted my mom going in to jo-ann's so we followed her. my sister's friends were there too cuz they were over when i got home from school and they were saying they were gonna stop in. One of her friends helped me make some cranes :D Then my mom bought some of that weird colorful knit stuff everyone uses to make scarves to make me some, and she bought me this little kit thing that you use to make this cool flower pink that's pink and black and polka dotted O.o but it looked cool, and it will be fun to try to make. Then laters i got my hair cut and it's totally awesome and parted at the side :D After that my mom and i went to giant eagle and she bought me hair mousse since i told her i liked the kind that kent used and she got me some rainbow hair clips since they were only 99 cents (they're just colored in all teh colors, which i have, but i only have one purple and like one blue, this back is a little smaller but it all of them and pink! like realy pink :O) i need to walk to k-mart and big lots and buy some other kinds of clips and other things sometime. :D

:: 2006 9 April :: 8.44pm
:: Mood: depressed

UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY
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UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY

1 CMNT(S) | CMNT.

:: 2006 5 April :: 9.12pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: bis / Lie Detector Test / The New Transistor Heroes

what if your friends were lying to you? would you see through the reason or believe it was true?
I hate people who intentionally let bad/unfavorable things happen to them just so they have another reason to cry and complain and advertise their problems. Because it's so cool to be depressed, and have problems, like it will earn some type of admiration or respect. IT DOESN'T. And i hate the people who can make themselves better but don't because if they did they wouldn't have problems any more. I hate people who complain about things that were their own doing. I hate the people who are too blind to see the truth. GROW UP. People make me sick. Your so called tragic life is nothing but an illusion.

Someday i'm going to pick a random day on my calendar and on that day I'm going to be completely honest and tell everyone what I REALLY think, because, honestly, you have NO idea. In the process i shall destroy ever relationship i've ever had with another human being but at least this feeling rotting in my chest will go away.

:: 2006 4 April :: 9.45pm
:: Music: Vidoll / I My ai mai / Cross Gate 2002 ~un Solitude~

so, my PENICILLIN single has not come yet n.n but i'm moderately certain it shall arrive by the weekend with Dad, and, because i know i got all A's, (i had him)he ordered me The B-52's Nude On The Moon Anthology (35 songs :O) so for that, I am happy and have a reason so stay alive until next week! XD
And, they have King James Version on amazon! well, used and new from third party sellers, and the least expensive one is 29 bucks, which is crazy for an american cd but compared to others at 70 some dollars it's not that bad. I really need to buy/download that album (i got it from napster but even tunebite can't unprotect the files n.n)

I suppose there's more i could talk about but i'm too tired to remember.

:: 2006 20 March :: 1.09pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Lapis Lazuli / ZUTTO / The BEST

okay, so, WTF happened to my Valentine's picture? It's all fucked up <<