<b>MISTAKING WIRES FOR VEINS</b>

:: 2005 17 April :: 1.03pm
:: Mood: confused

So Jim and I are just friends now.

He's trying everything to get me to come back though.

He makes me feel guilty.

But I'm not happy anymore. I haven't been for a long time.

We'll see how things go.

:: 2005 16 April :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Vendetta Red - Ambulance Chaser

semi conscious consentration, christmas cards and suffocation
well, actually, i had oodles to say, but...something's put a cork in me, and i do not want to talk.

sometimes i want to drown myself in the fucking bathtub -_-

1 CMNT(S) | CMNT.

:: 2005 13 April :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: bored

Bridg picked me up at school today, then we stopped at McDonalds to get something to eat.

I went over Jims house about 6:00, then we drove out to McDonalds again to see all the teachers work.. we drove around for like an hour and a half to different places, we stopped and saw Ben he was walking somewhere.. then we went back to his house and chilled, then Gab him and I came back out here and then he went home.

BYE

3 CMNT(S) | CMNT.

:: 2005 12 April :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: stressed

Yesterday Aunt Loraine, Donnie, Gabrielle, Gram and I went to get the rest of my things at Darlenes house [I no longer call her Mom.] We had stopped out at the Sand Bar to see if they were there, they weren't so we went to Jays Sports Bar because Matt told us they were there. So we went there and Anna was in the front room playing a game all by her self.. Darlene George and Samamtha were on the deck. They were yelling at her because she stole something. They were both drunk off their asses, sitting there telling Samantha in front of everyone. It had to have been embarassing for her. So I asked Darlene if when I stopped at their house if I could take the crib, or if she wanted it. She was like "No, it's mine- you can't have it." I said fine. Then my Aunt Loraine tried to talk to her and Darlene started yelling at her to get out of her face, to leave her alone and all this other stuff. So she went to try to talk to George about getting the old house tore down and he told her to "shut up and leave." So we left, I gave Anna a hug, and Samantha a kiss.

We went to the house and they had bolted the door shut so I couldn't get in with my key. I called Dustin and he said that he'd just come get me today and I could get my things. On our way back through Southpointe, I saw Samantha standing outside the bar so we stopped so I could see what was wrong. She was crying and saying that she hated Darlene and that she wanted to go live with her dad. I told her that if she ever needed anything or if she wanted me to go pick her up that all she needed to do is to call me.

An hour or so later Sam called and told me that Darlene hit her. So I told her to go up and just lock herself up in the bathroom.

I no longer talk to her, or want anything to do with her. If she's going to be like that- I'll do the same right back to her and throw it in her face. She can have Gabrielles crib. I'd much rather get another one than to use ANYTHING that she's bought Gabrielle.

Today was my Uncle Dons birthday so we had a little cake and everything for her.. it was nice Greg, Tiff, Hailey, and Jim came out.

<3

:: 2005 9 April :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: on edge
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World - No Sensitivy

it's the strangest thing, but i feel safe when i'm lonely

today was pretty good... i got my dad to take me to media play, and i bought Singles + Jimmy Eat World/Jebediah Split, and some pocky. I also rented Suspiria but that was totally a freaky-ass movie so i quit watching about half way through. omg...never watch that o.o i also talked to joe for a while :D

i have to make my poster for history tomorrow. crapfun. oh! nyahaha.. i was talking to my mom about playing guitar, and she said jess can show me how and if i like it, i can get an eletric one for my birthday.. she said she saw a pink one in the shape of a flower.. omg.. that's so girl but i want it X3 currently i'm on that "omg i want to be in a band" kick. hehe.

after pool is over, i'm probably dying my hair black, and my mom said 'we'll see' about doing my bangs a different color. whee.

:: 2005 9 April :: 11.28am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: three doors down - loser

Everything's just pissing me off anymore.

So my mother stopped by my Aunt Loraines house Friday to see Gabrielle and my Gram I guess. She told my Gram that she was definitely not moving back to where we were.
My Mom and George went down to Flordia for last weekend- they're looking for a house. Good, let them leave I'm probably better off without them anyways.. I'll miss my sisters Sam and Anna. But what am I going to do? I don't know.. it just pisses me off that because I moved out- my Mom won't talk to anyone on our side of the family. Yeah, GROW UP! Live in REALITY- not your own little world! But whatever- once again what can I do about it?
I just feel bad for my sisters because they still have to deal with her and all her shit she puts everyone through.

I feel so dumb because I don't have anything anymore. It's weird. We were in Child Development Friday and Mrs. Taylor was like "all of you can bring in stuffed bears" I was like "well, I don't have one" and Sarah was like "Who doesn't have one??" Uhhh-- I don't! Everything in my house had to be replaced. Lol, it made me feel bad.. I'm more worried about getting Gabrielle everything that she needs more than I'm worried about myself. So whatever, I'd rather her have everything than myself.

But enough about depressing things.. let's go on about Friday night.
Amy & Beck came to pick me up and we rode around for a little while then we went to the talent show and worked the consession stands.. after that we went back to Amy's house, then drove down to Jims house and he drove us to Wal*Mart, then his Mom called and started screaming at him because she wanted the car.. uhhh- so we went back and he dropped us off then we all went back to Amys house and watched American Pie 2 then fell asleep.. this morning Becky went home then I came back here to Amys Grams house.. I'm going home sometime tonight, going to Janies birthday party, then tomorrow I'm heading back down Cokeburg with Jim.

Gabrielle is with my Aunt Loraine.

DEFINITELY FUN WITH THE GIRLS LAST NIGHT!! HAHA
No eggs Beck! -He was sleeping?!?! YEAHHHHHHH right. Who was SAM?? ;)

Good times- no drugs! ;)

5 CMNT(S) | CMNT.

:: 2005 6 April :: 10.33am
:: Mood: content

I went to Jims house last night. He asked me why I was so happy.

:)

:: 2005 4 April :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Dir en Grey - The Final

suicide is the proof of life

just letting you all know i also have a xanga journal now, just cuz, yo.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=colorkid

i bought pink hightops today :)

:: 2005 3 April :: 9.11pm
:: Mood: scum
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World - Get it Faster

i'm finding out...cheating gets it faster

It is April 3, and we have more than a foot of snow on the ground. I HATE Erie. hate hate hate hate hate hate.....

i think... aw hell who cares what i think?

dakishime

:: 2005 2 April :: 9.48pm

DUDE. May let me like draw the poke`mon thingys that she started. So I tried one. And I`m going to give it to her cause she rocks and she made the coolest eevee I`ve ever seen. POWER TO MAY .. AND EEVEES. x] But more power to May cause she rocks.

Hey, my hair smells good. I was fwishing my hair away from a bug. o_o IT LIKES MY HAIR SMELL TOO. That`s why it`s going crazy. x]

6 CMNT(S) | CMNT.

impersonality

:: 2005 2 April :: 8.54pm
:: Mood: Missing __________
:: Music: Dir en Grey - rasetsu koku

I got my hair cut today. Es ist nicht the cut I origianlly planned on getting, but eez betttar! Es ist shorter overall--es doesn't touch my shoulders anymore. Ich habe this little patch of bangs that were cut so they are UNDER this layer on either side that reaches my lips that curls in. It's neat. Kent said it was coolest cut he's ever done. rawr.

My mom rented Saw tonight, so ihr sind probably gonna watch that soon here. Ich did nicht get paid this week, and Ich bin running out of money. hmm. Ich habe only zehn dollars left. bleccchhhhh

(Ja, I do enjoy talking auf partly Deutsch :D)

:: 2005 2 April :: 1.35pm
:: Mood: bored

Report cards were given out on Friday. Yeahhhhh.. anyways.

Yesterday Gabrielle turned 6 months!! We had a little cake for her, we all bought her a little toy. She's to cute.

Today Bridg, Leah and I are hanging out.. Tomorrow I'm going to Jims I guess.

I'll update later. I'm going to get a shower.

1 CMNT(S) | CMNT.

dakishime

:: 2005 31 March :: 11.35am
:: Mood: LYK OMG. A CALIFORNIA GIRL.
:: Music: Hollaback byyyyy Gwen Stefani.

THIS SHIT IT BANANANANANAS.
I R BACK. [= AND AND. Like everything in a Japanese Manga, COMES TRUE. Kinda of. o_o; LIKE BOYS WEAR THE COOL UNIFORM AND THE GIRLS WEAR LIKE THE COOL UNIFORMS. o_o And And umm.. PEOPLE DON`T GET OFF WORK UNTIL LIKE 11.30 at NIGHT. )= AND AND. KIDDY LAND ROCKS. x] Umm. POCKY IS LIKE EVERYERERERE WHERE. umm. I bought like 15 Hello Kitty cell phones thingy. I`ll take pictures of them. THEY ARE SO HOTT. o_o I think. Umm. Not to sound like a perv or anything. BUT THEY HAVE BIG BUTTS. o_o; ! I`m serious. It`s like in your face. o_o K. Sorrae.

Everybody is at school. OMG AND I SAW LIKE KIMONO PEOPLE WITH MAKE-UP. o_o; And We went to a Weenie Temple. o_o Where people pray if they want a .. boy. OVERALL IT WAS SO COOL. I`M TOKYO-HOME-SICK. )=

NEW LAYOUT?. I feel bored with noone to talk to. AND OMG I MISSED YOU, guys. But you guys seem to go on about. x] I`m not like making it up. I`ve known like some of you guys for like. How many years.? Or months. If my math is like stupid.

I like your poke`mon Icons, MAY. o_o They are so preeeety. DUDE I DIDN`T GET TO SEE THE POKE`MON PLANE. I got so pisssed. )=

Yeah and Kagome, you are beautiful. And And APRI, I miss talking to you.

DUDE. Did anyone wish Haruka-chan a Happy birthdae? Cause if you like did. then like you Rock but like if you didn`t then like you don`t rock. And rocking is like COOL. And cool is like uncool, which is like me. *(:

7 CMNT(S) | CMNT.

:: 2005 30 March :: 10.18am
:: Mood: bored

Back in Bentworth today.

My mom called last night and told me that she was going to call the cops on me if I didn't come home. I told her to call them because I wasn't coming home. Anyways my Aunt Di and Aunt Loraine talked to her or whatever.. but my mom was all mad still.

So much Drama.. tonight Aunt Loraine and I are going to Wal*Mart I think so I can get some things, then hopefully I can run to my moms house to pick up all of Gabs and Is things.

I'll update later.