:: 2006 22 October :: 11.22 am

maybe i'm doing this journal thing again?
...
all the cool kids are doing it...

11, 12 days?
can meyouwe evfsdkj

i need. to stop thinking some stupid things. but it sucks to be always waiting.
lack of speaking
leads to thinking.
and how almost everything i do reminds me of othergirl who's involved.

i think a huge creature was just outside my window.

i'm using a new facewash just recently, it turns my face icy if i leave it on, and makes me think of snow and winter. i miss winter chill. even if it's always been lonely, i fell in love in(with) winter chill.

why should i be vague here, or even here at all? my thoughts aren't presented in a bow. they're fucked here.


so they are perfect. just like you. fucked and perfect.

god damn it.

i dont know what tabbs looks like. not at all.


you promised we'd talk today. but you just fell asleep.
even little things, when will you start keeping your promises?

this journal is probably pointless.

yeah. wuteva.

I love you exponentially.

who the fuck will comment.

:: 2005 9 December :: 3.43 pm
:: Mood: touched

Lucky. Lucky. Lucky!
Last night Lucky invited me to go to the band holiday concert with her. We sat in the back and after a while she held out for my hand since two nights ago we acidentally fingerlocked when she was trying to blindly touch me while talking to an old lady. Lucky smells good.
She held my hand in both of hers over her lap, running her fingers over mine. I interact a little but for the most part I'm not sure of what to do. Then later her hand somehow come over to my side and I put to use what she had said earlier to her friend [her fingertips are very sensitive]. She's so into it that her arm's shaking and she's trying to keep a straight face, which amuses me.

-lucky leans over- are you laughing?
oh? no. -smile- Are you shivering?
..no.

This goes on for a while, and I found it sort of uncomfortable to be sunk down in my chair, staring at the stage and concentrating on her hand. So I sit up a bit a look down to her hand more. They responded so easily, especially when I ran my finger down her sleeve a little, then up to the tips of her fingers and back over, barely touching her. Once in a while she leans her head down on my shoulder, and asks if I minded if she kissed my cheek. I must have seemed insensive, because I just said it was 'alright'. Oh my gosh, her lips were so soft and just a little moist. So lovely. The hand menstrations continue and once again lucky kisses my cheek. Near the end of the concert she rests her head on my shoulder, then brushes her noise against my shoulder and neck. It drives me wild. I squeeze her hand a little and she moves away, then back again. Her nose moves against my cheek and I turn my head towards her's. I kinda can't see straight and my cheeks and other parts are extremely hot.

We were so close to kissing, but I can't make first moves. But if someone gets the momentum going I can dig it. I believe I'm blushing just thinking about last night. A friend of her's, Patrick, was sitting next to her, and he kept touching her leg or messing with her another way. She looked torn and chanted 'keep your mind on the girls.. no nazis' She's so silly.

I haven't gotten a chance to see/speak to her since last night, good thing it's Friday.

Lucky has a girlfriend and a tool. Then there's me, whatever I am.

I leaked at school today and had to get a change from home. I ended up staying home. School gets out in a few minutes.

who the fuck will comment.