"I'm sorry for the person I became.
I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been."

hmm today was early release.
yesssssssssssssss.
its really sad because we have 4 days weeks all this month and i still feel like there is just too much school.
it all passes soooooo slow right now.
today was an ok day.
i guess it was because it was early release and that usually makes up for everything else.
tomorrow is the new oc episode and i'm quite upset i wont be able to watch it because i have to close tomorrow and ill be at work till like 9:30 or so.
i told my brother to record it but i have a feeling he's not going to.
well i have homework.
♥

lyrics

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go
You built me up and you broke me down somehow
Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now

How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah)
And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah)

Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core
I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mind
Regenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermore
You built me up and you broke me down this time

And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah)

How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

How can you say

our song.

head ache.
it hurts.

ive been trying to read the scarlet letter but its so hard. 1 more chapter to go. and then i have spanish hw.
aahhhh will it ever stop?
report cards today... blah
all A's and a B+ in dance aestetics.
i was so mad.
i worked my butt off on the project.
grrr.
no phone call tonight...
♥

lyrics

All that I need to hear from you
something of value but something untrue
All that I wished that I'd find within you...

See how what she wanted and she needed
Tore it all down in the end
Some how like a sickness she infects me
She's simple but deadly my friend

All that I needed to hear from you
Something of value but something untrue
All that I wished that I'd find within you
Stings when I see all the ways that you...

Took me for granted and told me it's through
Picked from my pockets and smiled
Empty is nothing and nothing is you
Think I'll just sit for a while

See how what I wanted and I needed
It wasn't enough in the end
somehow with a quickness I forgot her
I realized she wasn't my friend

you built me up
and you broke me down
somehow.

school today.
it wasnt bad but it wasnt great.
i just remember now why i hate it so much.

we had auditions for lindsay's peice today. very stresssssssssful
but they liked it and hope fully it will be put into the concert because lindsay worked so hard on it. she deserves it.
after rehearsal me and ryann went to the mall to go shoppppingggggg.
funfun
i spent $90 and i only have 157 left in the bank and i wanna keep it above 100.
ryann says i'm a swiper with my atm card.
i knoe im setting myself up for disaster
i love to spend spend spend.

not much talk with ryan.
he wont call me back...
♥

its so easy to be fake and nice and sweet.
it almost makes me giggle.

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio

work today.
it was fun.
i love my job.
i saw emily and katelyn and ahahaha her dad. it was so funnie.
i love her dad. he is hil-a-ri-ous let me tell you.

school tomorrow.
im not looking forward to it.
i hate school.
its shitshitshitshit.
audition for student choreography tomorrow after school.

so my mom always want to get under my skin about everything.
i cant stand her menopausal self anymore.
i just cant take it.

i just want to...
///////////////////////////////

i think im going to start working out to let go my anger and stress.
that way i could loose a couple pounds of flab in the processss
which would be sweet.

all this behind my back shit is annoying the hell out of me.
seriously.

♥

well
i just dont knoe now.
there is just something about the way he moves
the way he moves me.
and that song.
something about the way it sounds.
his hands
his eyes
his smell
his touch
it reminds me of the time when i was happy.
but lets get back to reality here,
that was quite a while ago.

and then i read this thing.
all hope is lost
when you lied to me.
to my face.
but i said nothing.

there is my problem.
fear.

well its been awhile.
havent been in much of an updating mood.
so ive kinda had a bunch of things bottled up inside.
first thing first.
christmas sucked.
again.
3rd one in a row, i swear i must be on a roll.
so.
lots of things lots of things have happened.
oh.
im permanant now at pacsun.
not just a seasonal anymore.
which is goodgoodgood! made me happy.
so.
next thing.
ok wellllllllll
you see.... hearing about you liek this reminds me of me.
and well.
i realized how pathetic it really is.
yes..
i was very very very pathetic.
i cried... everyday.. sometimes even more than once and it was so stupid of me.
i made excuses... for his excuses.
stupidstupidstupid.
i knoe now that i shouldnt have let it get to me like that.
my fault.
i knoe now.. that chasing gets me no where bcuz i will never be able to catch up.
i never really was a good runner.
i mean come on.
i walked the mile run.
so. i dont rly knoe where i will be going with this new epiphany.
things seem good now. at the moment. but i knoe very well that things will go back and i'll totally forget about this epiphany and these new beliefs.
cuz i swear.... love does crazy things to people.
makes them do ridiculously stupid things.
what can you do tho.
nothing.
cuz love always win.
too bad huh.

oh btw.
josh got me a white gold diamond heart pendant
and he might move to south carolina.
funnie isnt it best friend?
yeah.
its not.

ryan came over tonight,
it was actually good.
and yesterday too, it was good.
its amazing i swear.

tah tah for now
♥

LuCkY fOuRtEeN

"tell me why you stole my life"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmm today was ok.
mmm we all went to moe's after school and it wass soooo good. their white sauce (queso) is sooo good.
i had a john coctostan mmmm delicious. i want some more.
had dress rehearsal for coffee house.
definately did not go too well.
ooh well.
josh came over.... his mom brough this lady to come see the piece of shit van.. but i didnt knoe about this...surpise
and yeah.
so we got to chill for a couple minutes. it was cool cuz i hadnt seen him for like a month.
yeah he definately is retarded.
but hes so funnie somtimes.
♥

uh....
idontgetit.

i should have known better.
seriously.
its not like we havent been here before...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ahhh today sucked
kinda
actually it was ok.
i had mr cunningham today!
i missed him. i really enjoyed his class but it made me feel like i was really out of shape. probably because i ammmmmmmm. ohmygaw i thought my legs were about to fall off. they hurt sooo bad.
hmm ok whats new whats new.
nothing.
i think i might be hanging out with ryan tonite but i ono.
oh and i have work tomorrow from 12-6. thats long.
o welllllllllllllll anyways.
i like cookies.
theyre really good.
like really good. like the sugar cookies. like the do not eat ozygen absorber packet that i gave to lindsey and told her it was sugar and she goess ooo i love sugar and she opends it and its black powder. ahahahaha she goes "oh my gosh its poison!"
aahahahahahahaha
yeah i need to shopping.
desperately.
♥

yeah.
yucky day.
rain, cold, clouds.
not exactly a great kind of day.
but the oc was good... as it always is of course.
and im going to miss next week. its the christmakah episode.
my favorite. ooo my dad better tape it.
um yeah nothing new.
i think im going to rethink some things.
but i always say that i guess.
im fed up with school also.
yeah
♥

today
is
two.
months.

hmmm
i think i'm liking this cold weather.
i havent updated in awhile i suppose.
i just have been too lazy... not rly feelin like it.
nothing new nothing new.
started work last friday and then sunday i hung out with rick and emily.
first time in a long long long time. i miss him. we had fun.
i didnt talk to ryan for a couple days because he got into a fight with his mom. again. and then he went to his uncles house and was just toooooo busssyyy to call me... yeah.
hmm.
oo i rly wanna learn how to play tha pppiiaaannnooo.
dootooodoodootoo dooo.
lol.
i think josh might teach me.
prolly not.
o well.
um today.
not so good day.
im stressed as usuallllllllll.
i hate dance. again.
i think i need a new order of body parts because i feel like i'm falling apart. my knees, my legs, my back, all kinds of bones. they just hurt like hell. and i have no freakin idea why.
i turned in my application for NHS today
and i voted to this years proms theme.
yeah anyways.
no luck with that todai. im over it. for real.
im rly need to clean my room.
but i think im going to go take a nap.
actually i rly need to do that history paper.
♥

im john mayered

Here comes the cold
Break out the winter clothes
And find a love to call your own
You - enter you
Your cheeks a shade of pink
And the rest of you in powder blue

Who knows what will be
But I'll make you this guarantee

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

In the dark, on the phone
You tell me the names of your brothers
And your favorite colors
I'm learning you
And when it snows again
We'll take a walk outside
And search the sky
Like children do
I'll say to you

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

We should take a ride tonight around the town
and look around at all the beautiful houses
something in the way that blue lights on a black night
can make you feel more
everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be
just like you and me

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
Come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And if our always is all that we gave
And we someday take that away
I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day

ugh.
i tried.
but it never works
it never does.
so now
if this is giving up
then im giving up
i should have known better.
we're been down this road before..

yeah
me too.

how is it that you always give up so easily on me...

this song is stuck in muh head

back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

over you
I'm never over
over you
something about you
It's just the way you move
the way you move me

I'm so good at forgetting
and I quit every game I've played
but forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away

back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
with your silhouette

should have smiled in that picture
if it's the last that I'll see of you
it's the least that you could not do

oh I will
leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
leave the light on
for me too

back to me
I know that it comes
back to me
doesn't it scare you
your will is not as strong
as it used to be

its all physical isnt it.

hmmm.
this song.
theres something about it.
that reminds me about you.
and i dont know why.
hmmm.