i must say that today was a very good day
and probably the first i've had in a rly rly rly long time
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TAKEOVER.

did you know even if alyssa isnt in the mood for pizza shell still eat the crust. you know what. we only have 8. 7 minutes till um. the. (oc) im watching this with her bc well...today we went to go see jarrod so i could love him & she even held his cat and shes allergic and then we walked home in the dark .what am i typing like? why are you laughong at meeee???? alyssa.
5th grade!!
not ah. i just.
peck.
at the keys...
ok. so we were eating this pizza and i was justing thinking how wondeful it would be to take a gigantic pizza and throw it on (maddies) house. & it would have lots of anchovies......
today. kayla drove us home & i like her because she is nice & also bc she eats chili cheese coneys without the dog.
alyssa wants you guys to know that all thursdays are good no matter what just bc of a show. 2 min emily. tuesdays use to be like that for me. but now.........................................it comes on wednsdays.
oh god now i hate it.
WE DONT PLAY GAMES.
1 min.1min.1min.1min1mdvxngbdfbghgrkjkfgnfjghfjhjfgndfs.

peace love & 69.
-emly

dont think im stupid enought to not knoe what's going on...

i guess its too late to fix things now

i didnt think it would work
but i guess you proved me wrong
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

shitty day then ok
umm yeah i dunno boring day
kayla wasnt here today tear
umm kristies's sister got my phone battery charged so my phone will last a couple more days lol...
im stressing about english...
ummm i made a promise last year i think im going to break
mercury is in retrograde
i was looking forward to talking to ryan today when i got home
and i called him but his mom said he was grounded for 2 weeks
sucks
and i got a bunch of homework to do
more sucks
peace <3

Phantom Planet reminds me of ninth grade
those were good times
------------------------------------------------------------------------

i cant believe i lasted a month
seriously a whole month.

saw ryan yesterday. he met my aunt and uncle. it was fun. i had a good time. for the most part. my aunt and uncle like ryan.
i think its funnie how my mom keeps talking about "when you and ryan get married" or "you're gonna get married anyway" or "hes practically family". my mom kept going on about how ryan is the only one who gets her. and how much she likes him and stuff
thats a change....
so my mom got drunk yesterday
hilarious let me tell you
i couldnt stop laughing.
5 beers, 4 cosmos and 2 shots
hahahaha
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

lots to catch up on........ but i dont rly feel like it
heres some:
- my cell phone is broken and i dont know when im getting a new one cuz i still got 1 year and 6 months until my 2 year contract is up.
- i lost my best friend and i dont even know why
- me and ryan
- my aunt linda and uncle ceasar same into town from new york
- saw the sea & sky spectacular from their room at the sea turtle inn
- x & y is playing constantly
- josh
- havent been getting good sleep
- back to best friend... i havent talked to her like 3 weeks and its rly killing me. im guessing we're in a fight but i dont knoe why. last time we talked on the phone i was crying over ryan and she told me never talk to him ever again i got rly upset about it.
- i miss her like crazy

hmmmmm
more family today
i think ryan is coming
yay
my cell phone is broken im hoping to get a new one
but my mom bitched at me about it all last night
cuz we have to buy a new one
retail
arg

im done
thats it
im through.

OC just finished
best part of my day
i liked this episode it was good
ok well
thats it.

i hate crying all the time in the middle of nowhere
over the stupidest things
i hate feeling empty
i hate the fact that everything is going wrong
i hate the fact i cant do anything right
i hate that i dont get any sleep
i hate the fact i'm hardly hungry
i hate it that i dont ever feel like doing anything
i hate making myself sick
i hate hurting other people just because im hurting
i hate saying all the wrong things
i hate wondering
i hate crying on the phone
i hate it when people try to make me feel better
i hate not knowing what to say
i hate listening to sad songs all time
i hate all the headaches that last for days
i hate not being able to go back and change it
i hate it.

shitttyday
me and emily were talking during lunch and she was talking about jared.
and i started crying because i knew exactly how she was feeling because i feel the same way...
i didnt even mean to cry but i did and...
i fell asleep at 3 and didnt wake up till 7
and then ryan called and then he went to eat
and i asked him to come to savannah with me and my family
but we're not going anymore
so he's going to show with his friend and this girl
and i dunno
im stressed i have a physics test
and an algebra II quiz
it sucks
i just want him to call me back
he sent me a text saying he agreed with me when i said we needed more time
i dunno
<3

lyrics.. song introduced by emily

If you were here
baby we'd increase the dose
there was no fear
in my room when we got close
call me anytime you've got a ghost

you're the only person in the world
i feel that way about
and if you move off to the side
i'll get swept back out
where it's cold but not that deep
cos your legs grow
cold but not that deep
cos your legs grow

there's a lot that rises up
from the bottom of the lake
and its beam has hit me hard
now i'm wide awake
where it's cold but not that deep
cos your legs grow
cold but not that deep
cos your legs grow

if you were here
baby we'd increase the dose
there was no fear
in my room when we got close
call me anytime you've got a ghost



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

he called
and now im crying
i wish he knew how i felt
i wish i could talk to him about it
but i never seem to get the chance
whenever i get upset at him or raise my voice in the littlest bit
he gets off the phone
i wish he would just stay and talk to me
instead of avoiding it
i want him so bad and he doesnt even realize or understands what i go through
ever day...
i just randomly start crying.. it hasnt gotten better.. at all.

FLASHBACK DAY!
i didnt feel like dressing up tho
today was an ok day
actually it sucked
1st period i had to turn in all this stuff
but 2nd period was sooo much fun. ms stampolia i swear she cracks me up. we did barre to all this 60s and 70s music and shes like "feel the music" and puttin all these shakes and things in our tendu combination it was sooo funnie. it was so much fun. and ms stampolia was wearing this go go girl outfit with the itty bitty dress and white boots and fake eyelashes and that like light light lipglosss. so cute. i got pictures. sometimes i cannot stand her when im in a bad mood. but i love her. i couldnt get over how funnie she was being put all these shimmies and things in our barre combinations. and then in the center we did dances to ymca and i will survive and then baby got back ahhh funnie stuff. <3
in lunch mario brought in a stereo playing all this 90s music. he was dressed up as flava flav. it was hilarious when he started dancing. and me and lindsey could stop stop laughing at this one girls costume. ahhh
3rd peiod ms sides subbed for saltmarsh and we had a quiz of 5 questions and i didnt write anything for 3 of them. i just didnt feel like it.
4th period ms luna wrote my name down for a refferal cuz i was talking when she said not to but i dont knoe if shes actually giving me one or not. i fell asleep at the end of class.
im tired i think i might take a nap
and wait for him to call me back...
<3

"you'll remember him for the rest of your life"

lyrics from the song we're doing lindseys dance to...its sweet

Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just began to form
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking, feeling
Spin me around again
And rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets
Amess with people
Would stop to hold
Their heads heavy
Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before
The takeover
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life
Hide and Seek
Trains and sewing machines (you won't catch me around here)
Blood and Tears
They were here first
Hmm, what'd you say, mmm, that you only meant well?
Well, of course you did.
Hmm, what'd you say? mmm, that it's all for the best?
Of course it is.
Hmm, what'd you say? mmm, that it's just what we need
You decided this?
Hmm, what'd you say, mmm, what did she say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you
You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit
(Hide and Seek)
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
(Hide and Seek)[carries on through rest of song]
Speak no feeling, I don't believe you
You don't care a bit, you don't care a, you don't care a bit
Oh no, You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit

so
idontknoe
what
tothinkanymore

i love that song
PAJAMA DAY!
woop woop i was so comfy and loving it.
i made a booboo tho i left my blue teddy bear in the dance studio... i hope to god its there tomorrow... i was just out of it today. well actually ive been out of it for the past couple weeks. my mind has been other places i suppose.
i thought i was going to die in dance today we did pilates with ms sides
and all these damn repitiions i swear ive never been in so much pain. i was like are you serious. i dont like her anymore. and it didnt help i started my period this morning and im all achy as it is.
i think i pulled a tendon in my hip. it hurts so bad.
and ive been shaking all day
im going to be so sore tomorrow.
so im officially lost in physics. all these different forces are confusing the hell out of me. im so overwhelmed
and i have english homework up to wazzoo. i hate english.

me and my mom got into the hugest fight yesterday and it all started yesterday when i cut somebody off on accident when i was driving cuz i didnt see them coming. and i was like ok i wont do it again ill be more careful. but she just went on bitching and bitching and i was like i really dont want to hearit but she kept going on and on saying i cant drive by myself when i get my liscense and now i cant do anything this weekend so i pulled in the driveway and stormed out of the car and she said " i hope you knoe you're helping me with the groceries" andi said " no im not" and i stormed in the house and i guess i didnt close the door all the way cuz the dog ran out and i was going to go out there and help her with the groceries but she came in and hold me i was grounded and shes disconnecting my phone. so then i was no ah ah. and she said she wouldnt give me my money in the bank and she was being so immature over the stupidest stuff. so for the rest of the evening she went around calling me names and calling my dad to complain and she said my attitude is "out of control". so yeah and she unplugged the house phone and took away my cell phone and ryan sent me a text message saying she called him and told him i couldnt talk or see him for awhile but then my dad said the wasnt true. and im so fed up with her shit she makes a big deal over the stupidest shit and she is so ridiculous. i told my dad i was going to go to my guidance counselor and show her the bruise on my arm that my mom gave me when she punched me last week.
and she doesnt even think anything of it. like it didnt affect me at all.
whatever
i cant take this anymore.
<3

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

it's the worst feeling when he doesnt call...

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY ~*~

"I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake"
-- Keith Urban

so i never stop thinking of you
i cant concentrate
i cant sleep
and i dont knoe what im doing wrong
but
im sorry
cuz you dont seem like you wanna talk to me anymore
<3

i thought i was doing good you knoe
i hadnt cried over him for a couple days
and then last night came
and today followed.

are you kidding me... i cant get away from this fourteen thing
every time i seem to glance at a clock or my eyes wander over to a clock its fourteen minutes past.
and get this i even had a ddrreeaamm about the number fourteen
it was craziness.
yeah so yesterday was ok. i was in a rly good mood until my mom started bitching and we got into a huge fight and she said and did some not so nice things and i was bawling..
and then i called aj and asked him to take me to ryans house cuz i didnt knoe where else to go and i felt most comfortable there because ryans mom is really good with stuff like that. but apparently he didnt hear me say thank you.. ALTHOUGH if i do remember correctly... and i always do ( the small amount of things i can remember) i said thank you quite clearly. and i remember making a point of saying thank you. but he said i didnt.. and then he told somebody he was hurt or something that i asked him to take me there or whatever and i was like um ok he could have said something. so im not on good terms with him right now but i will surely get over it by the time the day is over.
anyways at ryan's house we watched crash with his mom and it was sooo good and soooo sad. i was like bawling. i didnt want to talk about what happened with my mom at first but i did eventually.. briefly.. and yeah
but i felt better and my dad picked me a lil before 9 and we got taco bell. yummmyyyy.
my arm still hurts tho
today was an ok day. it actually wasnt bad at all. i would say a relatively good day.
tomorrow is dress rehearsal
and KAYLAS 17th BIRTHDAYYYYYY!!!!!
woopwoop
thursday and friday are childrens concert
friday i might go to stanton's home coming game after the concert
and saturday is the homecoming dance
i hope its fun
<3

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY ~*~

"Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same"
-- Switchfoot

welll ive done nothing all day
the only accomplishment i made was taking a shower
and i must say it was delicious. i really needed it.
i really reallly really wanna go to the beach
and its hard to look at the calender
happy fourteenth...

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY ~*~

"Remembering, everything,
about my world and when you came.
Wondering, the change you’d bring,
means nothing else would be the same.
Did you know, what you were doing, did you know.
Did you know how you would move me well,
I don’t really think so."
--Mae

ok well my day was ohkay
but it did have its icky moments...
i'm still sick from like 2 weeks ago i guess i never really got better and its super annoying. my throat hurts all the time and i have a major headache like 24/7
yesterday was a super pretty day. it feels like fall and i'm excited because its my favorite season. except i dunno it can make me sad sometimes...
i havent told my mom about ryan and i dont plan on it because i'll get really upset if i talk about it.. and well ive gotten to the point where i only cry once a day instead of like a million times...like i was earlier this week and over last weekend. so yeah...
i dunno what to do...
i really need to find something tomorrow or im going to like kill myself.
if i dont find something to do tomorrow ill like die... especially cuz of well.. what it is.
i wanted to go out to eat with ryan just because but he said it would make him sad and well i guess it wouldnt be right to make him sad just so i can get what i want.
i have this stupid english project to do this weekend and i knoe im going to put it off as long as i can. but i guess thats ok because im not going to orlando with and his mom anymore on sunday cuz he'll be sad. and yeah.. im disappointed but its my fault anyway.
children's concert is next week so im going to be ooberly busy. and wednesday is kayla's 17th birthday woop wooop.
homecoming is saturday night and the game is friday night but i cant go i have childrens concert
and our peice is a mess
and i have to wear a bright YELLOW UNITARD
im going to die
waitin on that plane...
<3