sleepless night

lyrics
wasted time.
i can not say that i was ready for this.
but when worlds collide,
and all that i have is all that i want.
the words seem to flow
and the thoughts they keep running.
and all that i have is yours.
all that i am is yours.
ohh...
painted skys.
i've seen so many that cannot compare,
to your ocean eyes.
the pictures you took
that cover your room,
and it was just like the sun
but more like the moon.
a light that can reach it all.
so now im branded for taking the fall.
ohh...
so when you say forever,
can't you see you've already captured me.

iloveyou ryan i really do

"I've got a cupboard with cans of food, filtered water,
And pictures of you and i'm not coming out
Until this is all over
And i'm looking through the glass where the light bends
At the cracks
And i'm screaming at the top of my lungs pretending
The echoes belong to someone
Someone i used to know"
-- The Postal Service

ah
sick today so i stayed home
well yeah i didnt want to go to school anyway
didnt finish any homework
and i missed ordering my class ring today
again
oh welll ill just go to their office in baymeadows and do it
i signed up to take the psat yesterday
so wednesday i take it
and i get to miss dance yesssssss
but saltwater is gonna get mad cuz ill be missing her class
and we still need to fix up our piece for childrens concert
its kinda like a mess
<3

lyrics... i love this song

"It's magic," she says to me.
My hand to her waist as she approaches sweetly.
It's enough when I see that look in her eyes.
It's enough for me to paralyze.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.

"It's tragic," she says to me.
A song in the air, we're together floating.
What I miss everyday since our goodbye
was enough for me to realize.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.

So take care what you wish for, for it may come true.
But that September sky, how it whispered, "I love you."
But I couldn't take it,
any longer, no I couldn't stand.
But the night brought sparks
and the sparks brought flames.
And you had to be sure
this wasn't one of those games.
But I'm gonning to show you
if you could just give me tonight...

Tonight...

"It's fragile", she says to me.
The hair in her eyes, she removes it smiling.
There's a wound that I know this song could mend,
A step in time for us will never end.

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Is it ever gonna come?

Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.
Well, nothing feels good being under the gun.
Oh, I'm waiting for the breakdown.

I'm waiting, for the breakdown.
I'm waiting, for the comedown.

I'm waiting (she says it's magic)
for the breakdown (I'm floating weightless).
I'm waiting (she says it's magic)
for the comedown (here comes the breakdown).

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY~*~

"we made plans to be unbreakable,
love was all we knew.
no insurance for the unthinkable,
blindly get us through.
we've been searching for a lifetime,
short as it may seem.
riding on the fumes that spark us,
while igniting dreams.
mistakes we knew we were making.
mistakes we knew we were making.
don't think about chances we're taking,
mistakes we knew..."
--Mae

today was not such a good day
i have so much homework i havent even started because im so upset
and so stressed
and today's my moms birthday
and im sad cuz we got into the huge fight last night and i was bawling and she was being so mean
and i didnt say anything to her on the way to school
and then she picked me up from school and has ben nice all day.
and ive been a bitch.
and it makes me sad.

i miss ryan
<3

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY ~*~

"So when you say 'fovever'
can't you see?
You've already captured me."
--Mae

hmm well
i went shopping yesterday with kristie and i got my first shirt from hollister lol
and some other stuff
and some pretty stuff
and chik fil a it was yummmy
then kayla came and picked me up
and uh yeah scary lol ;)
and then we went to her house with jullianna and we tried to watch that movie for history
the last of the mohicans
but we got into like the ifrst 5 minutes and we just couldnt watch it
so then we talked some
and did some physics but not all of it
and i wasnt feelin too good i had a migraine
and i prolly shoulda slept over
but my mom said no my rrom wasnt clean
but i didnt feel good any and i had a bunch of stuff to do
but yeah
i ended up not getting much done today
i cleaned my room
and my bathroom
and i did my math hw
and im bout to start history cuz i have sooo much
i have that packet, the book work,the movie and the the paper, and i have a chap 6 quiz so i gotta study for thatttt.
josh wanted to hang out today and i wanted to go to forever 21 so we were gonna go to the mallll.. but my mom had her open house thing and couldnt take me or anything and his mom was gonna but they were at mary's all day soo its cool.
ryan still hasnt called me im guessing hes in orlando.
but last night at kayla's he called and he was being weird he sounded like he was in a really bad mood.
and my call got lost at like 10
and he never called me back and i couldnt call him cuz i cant call his house that late and he doesnt have a cell phone anymore so it just really sucks.
i like never talk to him anymore
it makes me sad.
and even when we do talk.. i feel like we're not really i dunno
i love him so much...
i hope he calls me
<3

lyrics... i love this song

am i alone in this?
never a night where i can sleep myself till day.
we must try to figure it out, figure it out.
it won't be that easy.
we lost it somehow.
you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight
just like the ocean needs the waves.
oh, the night becomes the space that's somewhere in between
what i feel and what i'm told.
sitting on the shoreline trying to figure it out, figure it out.
to find out the meaning and reach it somehow.
you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight
just like the ocean needs the wave.
fall around me now,
like stars that shine and brighten the way.
i need you here tonight just like this night it needs the rain.
the season has changed.
the wind, it moves colder now, colder now.
the clouds are raised,
the rain it falls harder now, all around.
you come over unannounced.
silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight,
just like the ocean needs the waves.
so fall around me now.
just like stars that shine and brighten the way.
i need you here tonight just like this night it needs the rain.
over unannounced, silence broken by your voice in the dark.
i need you here tonight,
just like the ocean needs the waves.
just like the stars that fall around me now.

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY ~*~

"And when i see you
I really see you upside down"
-- DCFC

welll hmm
i was supposed to go out to eat with ryan tonight
he called me today
finally
but i guess we're not going anymore cause his mom is out of town
and hes staying with sheryl
and he never got ahold of her so yeah
whatevvv.
after i wasted all that time getting readddy
oh well
so now im bored
and i want to do something
<3

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY *~*

"Remembering, everything,
about my world and when you came.
Wondering, the change you’d bring,
means nothing else would be the same.
Did you know, what you were doing, did you know.
Did you know how you would move me well,
I don’t really think so."
--Mae

ahh todai was alright
except i just realized i lost like 3 pages of notes that i need to do that physics hw. and im gonna die. i hate physics i dont understand anything. chemistry was so much better to me. im so taking ap chem next yearrrrrr
but uhhhhh
yeah so how bout ryan never called me yesterday and he was on line and imed him and he never said anything back.
so i was like heck no im not gonna call him then
and i want to go out to eat with him 2moro night.
he better call me today or i will be highly upset
tonight is kaleidescope.
but im not going
i kinda want to but i realy dont feel like it
besaides tonight is the night
THE OC woopwoop
you knoe i love me some oc soo
so much homework
gotta bounce
<3

"You may tire of me as our December sun is setting
because I'm not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes
but these wrinkles masterfully disguise"
--DCFC

i didnt go to school today
i didnt get much sleep.. didnt go to school till quite late 2:30 maybe or 3.
so i got in the shower and got dressed and then decided i didnt feel like going
cuz i didnt feel good and im on my period
blah
lastnight i went to target and got a much needed new stereo.
iloveit.
except i hate the remote. its a circle.
it reminds me of an alien's ufo.
i hate aliens
they scare me.
i tried to start my paper for ms saltmarsh's class
i got to one page out of six
which i thought was good
but its due wednesday. and its 60% of our grade so its like pretty much important but its so gay. im stressing. i dont even knoe what im going to do for my presentation. im thinking poster board but im not sure. i still have 350 pages in that gay ass book.
ah i hate schooool.
and last night i got the death cab for cutie cd. PLANS. its pretty sweet. i listened to it all last night and all today.
ahh so much work to do
and the weekend seems so far away.
i dont knoe whats going on with ryan
i think i annoy him.
<3

*~* QuOtE oF tHe DaY *~*

"You treat me badly
I love you madly
You've really got a hold on me."
-- The Beatles

just got home from ocala
we drove down there at 10:30 to eat brunch with the family at the hilton as always. at "arthur's". but anyway it was ok. nothing excited as usuall but they did have good sausage.
just started my period today so im not in a good mood.
always explains why i was so emotional last night at my party.
which was fun for the most part
i love my friends
ryan wont take me to homecoming
he says hes going with his friends
even though i asked like 2 weeks ago and he told me he wasnt going and he didnt want to go cuz he hates dances.
and then last night hes all "you never asked me to take to homecoming. what do expect me to tell all of the girls that want to go with me?"
but of course its just as "friends"
not like hes allowed anything else anyway
i asked him like 5 times and he said
"oh i guess i wasnt paying attention"
so i dont knoe
josh said i could go with him if i wanted
but yeah last night
coolnesssssssss
ryan "surprised" me and came to party
and yeah
i dont like surprises
but im tired and i got a but load of homework
so
peace<3

lyrics

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling

I'm falling

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying for you I'm falling
I'm falling

*~* QuOte oF tHe DaY *~*

"Please tell me you're just feeling tired
cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break
out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
cause I can't read your rolling eyes"
--dashboardconfessional

ahh ok this whole party planning thing is not working
i dont knoe what was going on with me in dance todai
i couldnt lift my leg for my life
and we didnt make it in for klaidescope
and i couldnt stop laughing in history
and i dont knoe whats going on with ryan but i really want talk to him
and yesterday was our 1 year and 11 months anniversary
and the oc comes on tonight
and im super excited
if it was as good as last week ill be happy
cuz last episode i cried at the end
it was quite depressing
but i have a lot of homework i need to attend to
<3

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY ~*~

" My hopes are so high your kiss might kill me
So wont you kiss me
So I die happy "

everyday is like the worst day ever
my calf hurts soooo bad. i pulled a muscle in the side of my calf and i cant walk with out limping and it hurting and i couldnt dance for my life todai soo yeah.
and my party.. what the hell i dont even feel like having it anymore bcuz its becoming too much of a hassle and my mom is talking about having at my house after we get new furniture in october.. but i dont want it at my house thats the thing. and yeah. theres one last place thats a possibility but its like my last resort and i dunno.
ryan is in trouble.. again.. and i havent talked to him in a couple days and his mom called me yesterday to tell me house he skipped all these days and had barely been going to school and how she might talk to my parents cuz she doesnt wan him to be a bad influence blahblahblah and yeah
so i dunno
plus im stressingggg
as alwaysssss
mr hull tried to run me over todai with his lexus
it was hil-a-ri-ous
oh yahhhhhhhhhh
THE OC SEASON PREMIERE IS TOMORROW AT 8!!!!!!!!!
i am so excited!!!!!!
jessica told me it was tomorrow this morning and it like made me day omg i was so happy. and i today i saw the trailer thing for the new season and i almost cried again, my eyes got teary eyed
yeah im lame
<3

~*~ QuOte oF tHe DaY ~*~

"Every memory you cant replace
I miss it now
How I wish I could go back."

jonet slept over last night
we stayed after school and hung out it DP's office waiting on jonathan and then we came here and hung out and ate and stuff, and it think we're going klaidescope. i dont knoe if i can be in the hip hop peice tho cuz i cant chicken head for my life. so i prolly will just do lyrical.
but uh yeahhhhh

im supposed to hang out with emily and joshua todai but he hasnt called me, so i dont knoe what we're doing

tomorrow im going to church with jonet and then her studio to work on our peice.

i rlly rly wanna see ryan this weekend but his mom found out he skipped school 5 days in a row so hes like on lockdown and i can never talk to him and its rly frustrating. and yesterday i talked to him for the first time in a couple days when i was at school but we got into a fight cuz he said i wasnt listening to him.
so i prolly wont see him this weekend and it makes me sad
<3

~*~ QuOtE oF tHe DaY ~*~

"With every chance I take
Another mistake I make."

yeahhhh im listening to bow wow... whoa totally not me but i rly like this song i dunno whyyy

anyways today was ok. except my mom was a bitch as always. and then i call her after school to see where shes at and shes all "im stuck at the office dont talk to me bye" and i was like waaa one day out the week i ask her to pick up. so i ended waitin at the school till 4:30 but it was sweet i guess. i didnt care. didnt feel like gettin mad about it.. it woulda taken too much energy.
but yeah and then we had to go to stanton to pick up my brother and dane and more bitchin it was a mess.
but yes
im outtie
<3

all this rain makes me sleepy
nappy nap time

todai was ok but kinda sucky at the same time i dunno
logan and aj picked up and took me to school thank god.
cuz last night me and mom got into a really bad fight and i was like bawling my eyes out and she was being a total bitch so the last thing i wanted to do was sit in the car with her for 25 minutes.
yeah and aj gave me two packs of starburst which made my day cuz i was feeling so crappy and starbursts always brighten up my day. how could they not brighten up anybody elses day? with bright colors and juicy flavors. come on now theyre perfect
ahahahaha
yeah well i hate my algebra II class im going to die. its so gay
oh yeah and i ended up not seeing josh but i will this weekend.
i promised
tonight is open house and im not going and i doubt my parents will end up going either
but yeahhh
i have so much homework its not even funnie and i had trouble falling asleep last night bcuz yeah
and i hope ryan calls me soon i wanna talk to him i miss him <3
im out
peace

just got out of the shower
i finished some of my homework already
but i have so much more to do its rediculous.
i might see josh todai but i dont knoe because my mom was bitching about it
and ryan was being weird about it saying that if i go that means if any of his ex girlfriends ask him to hang out he'll say yeah since im going to see josh. but i dont want him to see glory and i told him that and he never said he didnt want me to see josh and he cant do that if hes telling me i can go but im telling he cant. soo i dunno
ryan came over tho which was good cuz it seemed like i hadnt seen him in months but it was only a week and he was being really sweet.
but earlier that day he kept getting me really upset he wasnt being very nice and i started to cry
but im gonna go dry my hair and such
<3

i just dont knoe
things havent been going so great lately
ryans birthday was last saturday,
we didnt do anything cuz his phone has been cut off for a week now.
he came to my house at 8:30 that night when i was gone at a movie with kristie so when me and kristie came to my house we went to ryans for a little while. and i felt bad that he didnt have a birthday but its not my fault cuz he told me i couldnt see him that day
then monday i gave him his present he walked over to my house.
but he did take it back with him he didnt want his mom to see it and ask how he got it i guess
but he kinda just laughed when he opened it
and then that whole thing with glory's myspace totally pissed me off cuz he left comments on all his pictures saying stuff like "you're so beautiful do you ever get tired of people tell you that?" and it just really hurt my feelings cuz he doesnt leave comments like that on mine and last time he did was like back in like april and i dont even have those pictures up anymore
but he thought i was being silly
and i dont knoe we dont get to talk anymore cuz his phone is cut off and it just so happens hes been online yesterday and todai
but even then we didnt rly talk much
and kristie said he didnt treat me like a priority and he takes me for granted
and josh was like "hes needs to get it together"
and everyone else tells me i dont need that and that i could do better
but its just the little stuff he does that gets to me
and yeah
i havent had a good last couple days
or week
but hmm yeah havent had time to update much
<3

lyrics
Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone,
Everyone you looks so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself

Stars looking at a planet
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe to start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Begin to look like home

I've been thinking about everyone
Everyone you looks so empty
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself.
Yeah!

Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely
Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I feel like myself
When I look at the stars
The stars, I see someone...

lyrics... i heard this song todai for the first time in awhile
I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause
Dreams last for so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
I go about my business, I'm doin fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

~LuCkY fOuRtEeN~

todai was me and ryans 1 year and 10 month anniversary
he came over
and we watched hide and seek
scarrryy
and then we took pictures
and he did a room raiders in my room
and my mom was rly mean
she asked why i screamed in the movie and i told her about the cat drowning and how the little girl supposedly killed the cat
and my mom goes "oh you mean just like you killed your hamster"
and i got so hurt i slapped her and ran to my room crying
like bawling
and ryan didnt knoe what to do cuz i slammed the door but like 5 minutes later he came in my room to comfort me but it hurt my feelins so bad.
and yeah shes such a bitch

oh and ajs comment? what the...
im out
<3

lyrics... havent listened to this song in awhile

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again
Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin

(I'm melting, I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while

And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
Now

Never caught my breath
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other
Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing
Learning how to love

I'm melting (I'm melting)
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I'm melting
In your eyes
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me
Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)

You could stay and watch me fall
And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our pants off
stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now

In your eyes
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes

i dunno..
i just dont knoeeeee
this whole first week of school thing sucks
and i still need o read 500 pages or more pages worth of books before my test of tuesday and i am freaking out
it seems like me and ryan never talk for more than like 20-30 minutes a day or at a time
mimi is talking to this guy she never met
and theyve been talking for a week and a half
and he tells her he loves her
and it all seems really sketchy but
she really likes him and says they have no much in common and are so much alike
but i dunno if i like it
and
i still need to make ryan's birthday present before next saturday
because his 17th birthday is on the 20th
oh my
well im gonna blast
& hearts to <3 yOu

gimme a *winkwink*