But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him
but
maybe I'll just sing about it

"its when im talkin to this girl i think u know her by the way her name starts with an a and ends with one and we just started talkin again and im happy when we talk and it just makes me just i dunno happy
its pitiful
im gonna go
i sound dumb
but thats when im happy so"

lyrics

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

omggggg
schoool is tomorrow ive been dreading it the whole day.
in fact the whole summer
i should have killed myself tonight hahahaha
that way i could have gone out in sttyyllleeee
oh well
i rly dont wanna go
oh well
im talkin to josh on the line
im bout to get off in a bit and head to bed otherwise i wont be able to wake up tomorrow
and my eyes hurt
and how bout i wanted to see ryan on the last day of summer..
but that didnt work out. and i havent seen him in a week.
so no i gotta wait till next weekend and it suxxxx
i feel like i just wasted the whole summer
went by too damn fast
<3

just sittin here...
ive been listening to all these old mariah carey songs for the past hour..
hmm yeah
i dunno

yeahhh
i think ryan is mad at me cuz im going to the movies with jonathan and im not sure if its just him or not and i asked if ryan was ok about it and he said yeah. but i dunno
and then he was like "yeah i would never go out with another girl if it was just her and me alyssa"
buttttttt
i think hes upset about it. but i guess i would be toooo so i guess i cant say much
but he says trusts me and i wouldnt do anything so yeah
gotta blast
<3

the email josh sent me..

Alyssa i feel so bad about how i treated you and i hope you do forgive me and aren't just saying that to reconcile with me and make me stop feeling guilty. when i said that thing that i said... i didn't mean it at all and i wanna make sure that you know that 100%, for the past two years I've just felt like i did you so wrong because you would have never said anything to me like that and i hope and pray to god from the bottom of my heart that you can and will forgive me i mean i know what i said can't be just forgotten .. i hope we can get past it and at the very least become friends again because i cant hardly stand to not talk to you anymore. i just wanted to write you this because i thought well i know you deserved more than what i said the other night which was kinda of a half ass thing. so here it goes Alyssa since the first time i talked to you on the phone three years ago i haven't stopped loving you and when i said don't call i was under a lot of pressure for you to stop calling here and now i think the tension between me and that person has been resolved so i can finally feel at ease and relaxed trying to talk to you. i know that pressure is no reason to treat you the way i did and i just please please please forgive me Alyssa i cant take it anymore knowing that i treated you the way i did and not at least apologize to you.

ill always love you,

josh.

wow last nigh was crazy...
i talked to mimi and aj for awhile
and then i called both of my grandmas cuz i havent talked to them in forever
and then me and emily and aj talked till like 1:30 am
and i was about to go to bed... and josh imed me.
and yeah we talked for 4 hours till like 6:30
and it wasgreat to talk to him i havent talked to him since he told me to never call me again like a year ago and we cleared stuff up about why he never called me or told me to nevr call him again and he said he was forced to say that and it was complicated. i understand tho cuz his mom and mary hate me and yeah.
but a lot of memories came to mind
and he told me he still loved me and he'll always love me
and that he was sorry that he hurt me and yeah
i cried

i havent rly done anything in the past couple days but eat, read and talk on the phone.
i am finally on page 240 in huck finn. i am praying i finish todai.. its absolute torture.
last night i saw the trailer for the new season of the oc and im almost cried. no joke. haha yeah my eyes watered up ahahaha
i cant wait till the new season. damn it september seems so far away

my new favorite
Edy's turtle sundae icecream and special k cereal mixed in and sprinkled on the top. it is the absolute best.. mm m so good.
ok well gotta go im gonna go read at 2
ah i hate it
<3

okkkk
so me and jonet had a rly good talk
and alot things hit home with me you knoe
shes always a good one to talk to..
cuz i realize now that ryan takes me for granted sometimes
and i tried to talk to him about it but i dont hink he took it seriously i ono
but i love him and hey what can i do
and mimi is mad at me
and it aint make no damn sense..
but whatev
i gots me another damn headache
peace
<3

yeah i was gonna update and stay shit i have to say
butttt
i dont much feel like it anymore

how bout shit is friggin fucked up right now
so unnecessary
but stephen helped me out
which was interestesting.. considering everything.. and we hardly talk nowadays
but he was rly sweet
yeah im tired
whatev
night

yeah you dont even know

sweet song sweet lyrics... yeah im bored

Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.

Hold my hand inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you say,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

its sooooo unnecessary

sweet lyrics

Tell myself, on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on, like it's all I have.
Count me out, when it's clear that I, find it hard to say.
And you, find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Got this way, upfront but never true.
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down, any chance you hear.
Caving in, any chance that you, could see inside of me.
And I, I'll know what to say, It's fine.
This isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different, something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me.

Something that's different (something that's different)

yayyyyyy
ryan came over todai finally.
he kept saying he wasnt but then finally he did. i drove over to his house. woohu. and did beautifully. i didnt drive back tho cuz my didnt feel comfortable in me have a "passenger".
but we had fun. loooaddddssss of fun. we didnt rly do much we just hung out and watched tv. and i wanted to take pictures but he said noooo. and i wanted him to help me pick out an outfit but he wouldnt. but it was sweeet. he was different. liked he looked different, and he sounded different... and acted differentttttt. but it was all in a good way and yeah.
yeah im on the phone with matt. he got back from ohio todai.. and i was like yayyyy mattttiiieeee. he was like "hey i bet you cant say you listened to ohio is for lovers in ohio." and i was like oh lordy lordy looks a retard. but n e wayzzzzzz
todai was pretty sweet day. and i cleaned my room so its looked prettty.
i need to read tho like for serious.
i need to finish this book by wed
and ialrdy said i shoulda finished it by todai but oh well
im screwed
im out.
<3

yeah whatever ok.

yeah so i went shopping todai with kristie and it was awweesooommme.
she picked me up at like 12 something and we hit the st. johns town center and went into ross and spent $40 for 2 pairs of REALLY cute jeans and green top. and then we went to target to get stuff for her sister becuz katie and kristies b-day is this saturday... omggggggggg i totally dont knoe what im going to get her. but ne hoo i got a teal tank top there its rly cute and then we went to american eagle, sephora, abercrombie, buckle and this rly weird old guy was like hitting on us at dicks sporting goods store or whatever.. and we were talking about how kristie wanted wrist weights to strengthen her arms and we told him we dance at DA and hes like oh i used to subsitute there for health and gym and band and hes a "talent agent" so a bunch of girls tried sing for him and yeah it was rly weird. but he said his ex-wifes mom works in the deans office and we were trying to figure out who it could be but i dunno if we knoe for sure or not.
but yeah so after going into victoria secret we left and we were gonna go to her house but hen we decided we didnt wanna go there so i still had $50 left so we went to the avenues mall i havent been there in like a year because my mom never feels like driving out there. and i found a lot of cute stuff but not enuff money tear. i got another shirt at wetseal and a balero. or whatever theyre called. and then we ate at the foodcourt and then we went to go pick up katie and nikki and then we came back to her house to get rdy and we had to stop at josh's hous to let out his dog and that house is so scary it was thundering and lighting and dark. and it was like straight out of a horror movie when like 4 girls go into this huge house when its storming and the owner is out of town and then they all go missing. it was so scary lol. but yeah then kristie took me home and now im here and im tired.
oh how bout ryan finally called me when were in target finalllyyyyyy. he said his mom took all the phones away because she found out he made a late phone call to one of his friends.. so yeah. but it was good. he told me to call him back 4ish cuz he had to mow the lawn but he didnt pick up and never called me back soooo yeah. but tomorrow we're supposed to hang out cuz i havent seen him in like a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek and its gay and retarded so i asked my mom if he could come over but i have to clean the whole house first b4 like 1 and then its still not a definate yes. but it better be cuz i didnt sleep over kristies so i could see himmmmmmm. but yeah
im out
<3

ahahahahahahaha
lmao
i was laughing so hard
my mom calls me over to check if i was high
she grabbed me to check my eyes to see if they were dialated
word

HEY PIDDY!!!!!!!!!
check out my new ride
ahahahahahahahahahaha

lyrics... this song always makes me so sad...

I was afraid to be alone
Now im scared thats how id like to be
All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until i'm taken by these bolts of pain
But i turn them off and tuck them away
till these rainy days that make them stay
And then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And i dont think they'll ever go away

yeahhhhhh
so how bout i still havent heard from ryan since tuesday.
and ive called his house a bajillion times and still no answer.
and even jonet and sarah called.
and kristie and mimi and i called from my moms office
so hes definately not home.
but damn where the hell is he
he needs to call me a.s.a.p.
especially since t.i. knoes me

oh yeah orientation was todai it was sweet. i had to get my sched changed cuz i needed to get out of apush. i just dont think i can handle that with everything i have going on this year...
so heres what my schedule is lookin like until they change it again prolly
but i hope not i like these here teachers

A1 Eng III Hon- TBA
A2 Dance- Stampolia
A3 Junior Choreography- Penney
A4 Spanish II- Luna

B1 Algebra II- Hull
B2 Dance- Stampolia
B3 Physics I Hon- Lipp
B4 American History- Coleman yessss hes sweet

aight im out
<3

:(
ryan still hasnt called meeeeeeeeeeeee
im sad
i rly wanna talk to him i feel like i havent talked to him in forever
even tho its only been like 2 days but still
maybe i'll talk to him tomorrow
i'll call him b4 i leave for orientation
and if he doesnt pick up then ill call again when i get home but yeah
peace

i guess you never really knoe how well you know someone..

hmm
ryan never called me back last night
today hes doing community service until 6 i think
so i hope he calls
orientation is tomorrow
ahh i hate this school is so close its depressing
and i still need to do shopping
clothes & dance
definately need new pointe shoes mine are shot and stampolia told me to get a different kinda and its like ahhh stressful
im on pg 90 on huckleberry fin im gonna try and get to 120 or 130 todai cuz i need to hurry up and finish this shit. i still got the good earth and the awakening to read after this one.
hmm i wonder where ryan was yesterday... i dunno
im gonna go
later

i went to the beach todai with logan, kari and aj
it was sweet
got some sunnnn
yesssss
but this whole summer reading thing isnt going too well...
3 books to read
and it sux
and ive called ryan like 3 or 4 times today and i dont know where he is cuz he wont answer my calls..
sooo i dunno if maybe hes mad at me for go to the beach with aj
or if hes out..
but i couldnt imagine where he would go
he has no ride...
but hopefully he'll call soon i wanna talk to him
<3

i miss my boyfriend
<3

yeahhhhhhhh
i hung with my lover kristie todai. and i slept over last night and watched laguna beach and it was sweet.
and then todai she had to baby sit so i came with and chilled by the pool
and i saw the sweested cat today
and kristie got her hair cut a regis and it is CHARMEAUTIFUL.. lol khalids word.
but yeah i had fun
and i cut me some bangs like an hour ago but i dont knoe if i like them or not i tried to get them to look pretty tho
k well i'm out
<3

yarnnnnnnn