well.. so much for lucky fourteen. i was in a pretty bitchy mood todai. i was pmsing and stuff.. and im sorry aj i wasnt rly being nice to n e body todai. but n e hoo.. it was pissing me off cuz everyone was reminding me wut the day was.. i wuz like ahhh. first this girl was like "isnt todai the 14th?" in the morning b4 skool started.. and then in A1, chemistry, sarah porter asked me wut the date was for todai.. and when i was dating my notes todai.. i accidently put 10-14-03.. i was like o shit wut the hell am i thinking lol... i didnt even realize wut i was writing. and then in 3rd period every one kept telling ms gibson it was national pi day.. like she didnt alrdy knoe it was on the freaking board... and n e hoo i didnt get y until she said it was cuz it wuz 3-14.. and pi is 3.14.. and i was like ahhh again with the freaking 14. that must mean sumthing huh..

so i dont knoe wut to do... i always seem to end up in the worst position... i dont wanna be like skankanda lol kayla... and wonder wut could have been... and wut we could have had.. cuz ive been like that b4 and its not very nice lol. and i dont knoe if if i should go back...

i went to ryans house todai.. my dad drove me there bout an hour ago.. and i dropped off the stuff he gave back to me... and i gave him this note saying how i felt.. about how he treated me.. and how i felt about everything.. and i wanted to say more but i couldnt find the words.. i wonder wut he thought when he read it..

well i gotta blast i have a budle of hw.
tootaloo


**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"all i want is an apology for what you did and how treated me"
-- matchbook romance

Ever since the day you ran away and left me lonely and cold, my life just hasn't been the same, ohh baby no.
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go, I just broke down.

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice,
cause the feeling that I feel within, no other man would ever make me feel so right.
It's nice to smile when I get your phone call in mind, but I'd rather have you here
with me right next to me, I miss the way you hold me tight.

[Bridge]
I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch.
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much.
I gotta let you know, I think that we are destiny.
For you, I'd cross the world.
For you, I'd do anything.

[chorus]
Thats right baby, Im going crazy, I need to be your lady.
I've been thinking lately, that you and me, yes, we could make
it just ride wit me, and role wit me, I'm in love with you baby. [2x]

Break it down now, I'll tell you what I feel from the moment that I meet you it was so damn real,
my heart seems to skip another beat every time we speak, can't believe I feel so weak.
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me and you love me I'm your lady.
I'll be around waiting for you, put it down, be the woman for you.
I'm fallen so deep for you, I'm crazy over you.
I'm callin', callin' out to you what am I gonna do it's true, I'm not frontin,
It's you and the weather I could no longer go on without you, I'll just break down.

note to self:

ask him wut was bothering him.. y he wasnt ok.. y just a long pause of silence.. a heavy sigh before he respinded

note to self:

i did this for me to make things better

After school
Walking home
Fresh dirt under my fingernails
And I can smell hot asphalt
Cars screech to a halt to let me pass
And I cannot remember
What life was like through photographs
Trying to recreate images life gives us from our past

And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

Moving on down my street
I see people I won't ever meet
Think of her, take a breath
Feel the beat in the rhythm of my steps
And sometimes it's a sad song

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

The rhythm of her conversation

But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret
So glad I met you
Take my breath away
Make everyday
Worth all of the pain that I have
Gone through
And mama I've been cryin'
Cause things ain't how they used to be
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles...
She said the battles almost won
And we're only several miles from the sun

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how i
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as dumb as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Oh when I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

His magical myth
As strong as with I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He's soft to the touch
But afraid at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still leaves more than I can take
Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

i dont like the 12ths... things go wrong on the 12ths
im at kaylas... and im not in the best mood rite now... i dont knoe wut to think.. and i feel so empty and alone. im trying not to be hung up about it but its not working

i feel like no one can save me
and that i messed up
i hate this

waasssaahhhh
wellllll todai it was alrite u knoe u knoe.. cept for.. fcat.. i wuz like ooo shhiitttt... u knoe it started and i wuz like i got this i got this. and then all them long answer questions.. i wuz like o shit wut do i do? and i would have like no friggin idea wut the hell i wuz supposed to do so i tried sumthings.. and then if i couldnt get it then i just like skipped it... i almost sure i failed... im not even kidding. the whole friggin test was like percentages and shit and thats always been the thing i could never get! so im kinda stressed about it.. ooo welll
3rd period seemed like it was never gonna end.. les miserables is like one of the most boring movies ive ever seen in my life. we havent even finished it yet. but at least i didnt have to dance todai! yessss
in english.. i felt so weird.. i dont knoe wut was wrong with me... like my brain wuz on overdrive and i wuz like i ono.. a lil hyper for a bit. me and kayla had sum pretty good laughs... the eagle face haha and sum goods slaps im glad kayla has been practicin. hehe. and that movie we watched it was pretty funnie.. we didnt finish it but it was coolio so hopefully ms dvorak will save of the pain of a class and let us finish.. haha it was so funnie when she was tellin this one joke.. it was sumthin like "why did the surfer stop surfing?" ... give up? ok "cuz the seaweed!" and like everyone one thought it was like a pot joke.. and ms dvorak goes "no not like (she pretends shes holdin a joint and like sucks in) weed" it was so damn funnie. " like when the sea goes weewee" n e hoo i thought it was funnie then but u knoe, now it doesnt seem so funnie.. oo weelllll...
on the bus i did the nasty haha kelloggs. i didnt even mean to i swear! it was grody.
o well i have a whole chemistry ws i need to learn how to do.
tootaloo!


**QuOtE oF ThE dAy**

"This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I dont know how it got so bad
Sometimes its so crazy that nothing could save me
But its the only thing that I have"
-- Sum41

well i havent written in a bit.. my weekend wuz alrite...
my boi aj (andrew joseph) came over fri to hang out with my bro. i havent seen him in the longest time.. and hes so damn tall! hes growin up so fast! i got a good hung, and we talked bout ryan and everything thats been goin on lately. he came in to wake me up at 8:30 b4 he left but i didnt wake up lol
saturday i didnt do much until the evening. ryan called me rite b4 i left to go out with ryann. i dont rly remember how it went. it wuz like 10 minutes tho.. then when ryann picked me up we went to pick up kayla.. i saw sum skank pictures.. er.. yes and then went to the mall and i got me sum much needed shades and these earings. kayla and ry got sum perty sexay stuff lol. then we went to t a r g e t. ryan called.. he wuz at the bowlin ally wait for sum friends to show up he wouldnt tell me hoo.. i couldnt do it.. not then at least.. not the rite location.. but kayla wuz like "alyssa! dooo it" didnt spend too much time in there we were starvin.. but i got me sum sour patches. so then it wuz like 9 sumthhin and we were going to eat.. and ryann wanted ale house, i wanted ruby tuesdays, and kayla wanted tgi fridays. so we couldnt decide.. and then i realized wut ive been craving for the longest time... GRILLED CHEESE! mmm... so we went to steak n shake. delicious. our waitress wus the same girl hoo said we "looked like we stepped rite out of a madonna video" that one time me, kayla, jullian and ry dressed crazy and went out. and then we saw a black albino and i never even saw one b4... but n e hoo we had fun i wuz laughin. i love my ryann and kayla. we have such fun. then we drove to this one house it was a drive by.. haha and then we went to ryanns at like 10:30 and i called aj and then we got on the comp and then kayla wuz talking to her matthew. i got off the phone with aj at like 12, i wuz so tired but kayla wouldnt let me to go to leep.. and so i called ryans cell.. and sum girl answers his phone and i asked for him and then he wuz like "Hello?" and i wuz like "hey" and he goes "hoos this?" i said "alyssa" and then... he goes "o can i call u back?" and he hung up after he said bye.. he wuz still at the bowlin ally.. and i wuz like o hell no. lol i wuznt very happy.. after that we watched the notebook but i feel asleep...
sunday i kept waking up i had a weird dream.. and then finally everyone else woke up and we finished the notebook.. and in the las 45 min of the movie i wuz bawling.. like the tears wouldnt stop! i love that movie tho its so good. then i took a shower and got rdy and ryann said she would go pick up aj so we left in a bit... but matthew nor brandon could go.. after we picked up aj we went to matthews just to say hey. his parents drove rite by. went sumwhere else and ryann almost ran over these kids heads.. stupid kids tho they were layin down in the middle of that road lol. after that we headed towards the beach and went to tropical smoothie cafe and deli.. mmmm.. got smoothies and then went to sonic.. and then we went to the beach and ate lunch there. it was cool. i love the beach... but more then that i love that sun.. mm suuunnn.... n e hoo i had fun... he is sooo cute... lol ok let me stop cuz i could go on all nite.
todai sucked.. fcat sucked... i think i did bad.. it was scary... and then ryan leftme a weird message sayin how were driften and he misses the "old alyssa" the "happy alyssa''.. er yeah then he call me while he wuz working for 20 minutes and he kept putting the phone down cuz he wuznt supposed to be on the phone... and then he called me again on his break. and that ddint go so well.. he said i wuz being annoying and i sounded irritated.. but he wuz being kinda mean...
well im gonna go
tootz


**QuOtE oF ThE DaY**

"i was thinking
over thinking
cause there's just too many scenarios
to analayze
look in my eyes
cause you're my dream please come true"
-- relient k

not such a good day... it was alrite i guess... i ono.... luckylucky tho, we had ms saltmarsh todai to work on our piece instead of ms stampolia. i doubt she missed us n e way lol.in 3 rd period we had to show our hit the road jack dance... it was aight.. i messed up but hey its all good. me and jonet looked sexysexy. haha.
ms dvorak was getting an attitude with me todai.. ahh i hate that class she gets on my last fucking nerve just bcuz i have an opinion.wut? she needs to caalllmmm down. just cuz i said her story was stupid dont mean she get all worked up about it. jeez luhweez.
n e way i dont feel like saying much todai.. im not in a good mood.. i talked to ryan and we rly didnt talk.. he was too interested in his bb gun or wutever. then he got off the phone cuz i had hw.. and i wuz like so? i wuz planning on doing "it" todai.. but i backed out of it i couldnt get the courage. i gotta be like a lion u knoe.
well i need to go do chemistry ws and damn fcat explore.. 10 passages. damn.

later tator


**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"Take my photo of the wall, if it just wont sing for you"
-- Jet

so yeah todai pretty much sucked.
i had 2 tests todai.. they were so so
but my back gosh my back hurts so bad it hasnt been this bad in like a month and a half or so... i bout cried in 3rd & 4th period when every time i walked or put weight on my leg my back spasmed and went into craziness. it hurt so bad and i took some pills and they didnt even work. so i wuz like wut.
on a better note.. i went to t a r g e t with my mom and it was pretty cool. i got me a new purse.. well its supposed to be a beach bag.. but hoo cares. i saw samuel with a pink one with flowers on it, so i wuz like wsup whered u get it. and so then i got me one and its blooo with strawberries. mmm strawberries. i like it cuz its big kinda and its just been such a struggle gettin all my junk into my lil purses. i rly like my guess purse but it aint got a zipper so all my shit is always falling all over the place.
last nite wuz pretty bad.. i wuz making everything such a big deal.. and i couldnt stop crying.. maybe if i just got over it, took a deep breath and just went and did it.. then maybe i wouldnt be hung up about it... and it sux where ur heart is undecided.. i want him so bad and its like wut the hell u cant.. but i do and i cant help it.
dirty water isnt such a good thing u knoe...

well i need to clean my room.. it look a mess

-*- sugar and spice, and everything nice! -*-
tootz


**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
And I don't know if it's worth me loosing sleep over this"
-- Matchbook Romance

todai was a blah day....
i spent all of 1st period reading stupid things fall apart
then in 2nd period ms o yelled at me for sum shit i dont knoe.. and everyone was getting worked up about levels... and im in level 4... and like veryone else were like in 5, 6 and 7.. and a bunch of people were trying to tell me in was a mistake cuz people worse than me got into a higher levels but iontevencare
3rd period.. i was planning to go... but like we didnt have a teacher so i just went to the dressing room with kristie and then we went to the library cuz she hadnt read pt 2 in things fall apart... and then i found out that i had alrdy read pt 2 and i wuz reading into 3rd period so then i wuz pissed off cuz of all that time wasted lol... so i got bored in the library and went back out and i talked to jared and aj some, and then i took jared back to the library. i eventually went back to 3rd period during d lunch. it was pretty cool. i practiced my dance. kaylin was freaking out cuz the janitor lady wouldnt let kaylin go into the dressing room to get a tampon cuz they were changin lights. poor dearie.
4th period was pretty boring we just did shit.
uh i had to ride the bus home... it was annoying they kept saying i wuz impregnated or sum shit by kissing sumbody that i didnt kiss... er. i fell asleep.

ryan called me rite b4 i got to my stop and he wuz like just call me back when u get home. so i called him back when i got home.. after i hit my head rly hard on the freezer door on my fridge... lol and our convo wuz going alrite.. just talkin bout regular stuff and then i had to lie down for a bit cuz my back wuz hurting rly bad and i had to put ice on it.. so i asked him to tell me when 15 min wuz up cuz thats the max i can have ice on my back.. and i wuz being quiet for like 2 minutes.. and hes like "ill just call u back in 15 since ur not rly talking.." and i didnt rly say n e thing except for ok just to see wut he would do and he was all "y rnt u hanging up?" and i said "y r u gettin off the phone?" and he said "cuz ur not talking" so i wuz like "wutever bye" and i hung up cuz i got pissed off... i dont knoe wut to do and everyone was trying to help me in 4th period.. and i knoe wut im gonna do i just dont knoe how....

my weekend was alrite... friday i wuz gonna go out with ryann but like my mom was being weird.. and then i wuz feeling quite sick so i ended up staying home and talkin to aj and some other peoples.
saturday i went to the marshalls and the mall with mi madre y mi hermano and i got some stuff it was pretty cool. then i went home and this guy came over my house to like check out cuz my mom says we have rats.. ew gross. but good thing.. we're gettin a new cat so thats pretty cool... n e hoo so then at like 6 i went to ajs house for this party get together thing i ono and my mom wanted to talk to his mom i ono y... but then his omg haha his dad scared the shit outta me when i was walking to the door... and then out of nowhere his dad popps out over that fence and goes "helloooo!" it was pretty funnie, his dad is pretty cool. it was fun tho... and this lil 4 yr old cameron.. he was so cute and funnie lol. me and arty watched like the best movie in the whole entire world.. which is of course.. mean girls.. and then we watched napolean dynamite. so it wuz pretty sweet i had fun. lala
sunday was boring i spent the whole day doing hw.. and builindin that stupid bridge for ms gibson.. and i watched 2 movies in between. lol. ryan finally called me from his moms cell.. cuz i hadnt talked to him since wed. his house phone is disconnected.. and then thursday his cell phone got stolen... i knoe how that feels.. so he wuz waiting to get it reactivated.. we didnt rly talk much.. i wasnt being my normal self.. i wonder y... but he called again in the evening while he wuz at the movies.. we talked but we rly didnt have like an actuall talk talk. we havent had like an actual goodgood conversation in awhile.. cuz i hardly talk to him n e more.. and i hate it.. and i gotta give props for my jonet and kristie for helping me out in my time of need. i love yall

well i gotta b o u n c e.. i need to finish chemistry.
*tootz*

stuff to do tonite..
geometry(study and finish assignment 21 and 22)
study for spanish
chemistry ws (quiz 2moro)
fill out spanish competition form
sleep!


**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"Say the first thing that
Comes into your head when you see me
If it looks like it works and it feels like it works
Then it works"
-- Snow Patrol

im booorreeddd
todai was alrite.. considering the weather was pretty sucky... i think think think im getting sick again my throat hurts rly bad... and i prolly got it from my brother cuz he stayed home todai. slacker. lol. maybe its cuz i slept with my window open last nite... I LOVE sleepin with my window open when its raining. its like the best and my bed is rite by the window so its pretty sweet. i love the way the rain smells. in fact, i love the rain, except when its cold. then its not so awesome. good things happen in the rain.. and kissing in the rain is quite an experience.. but unfortuanately ive yet to had tthe experience lately its been like 2 1/2 years lol. o well maybe it shall come for me soon...

it was a pretty easy day todai.. ms purcells class was alrite.. i wuz feelin pretty smart i scored perty good on the test a 92.. better then i expected.. haha ms purcells a hottie, but she yelled at me when i was singin the pledge of allegiance. i cant help it im patriotic!
in dance todai.. it wasnt too bad, it was the first time ms saltmarsh had us for like a couple weeks so we sat and talked abunch so that was cool. not too much dancing lol
in gee im a tree geometry it was cool, we had mr manning as a sub.. yess... and guess wut? no test! yesss! and we had mr manning and hes cool so it was all good. me and kayla had a awesome time didnt we kayla? haha ... what did the 5 fingers say to the face? SLAP!
spanish pretty much sucked i hate that class i just couldnt wait to get outta there.. we had a vocab quiz i think i did bad on but o well.. i had a bunch of hw to do cuz i havent done the last 5 or 6 assignments in that class! o well
ryann took me home todai and she didn my chem ws.. which was awesome! lol i love ya girl! (our laugh)

i havent talked to ryan since wednesday... this job thing hasnt been exactly helping our relationship rite now.. especially since its kinda shaky.. and i still cant get over the fact that he didnt do n e thing, get me n e thing, and i didnt even talk to him on valentines day.. i mean yeah he called, at least... but it wasnt till 10:30 cuz he got off work at 10, and he left me a message.. just saying happy valentines day... but he didnt even say "i love you" or apologize for y i hadnt talked to him for a week. grrr... and the other day i asked him y he didnt get me n e thing for valentines day and he says "i dont knoe". i have to admit that hurt.. but wutever i need to get over it.. and.. yeah.

i have a TON of hw this weekend.. and a bunch of projects. grr i hate skool... especially this one.

but ima bounce my head hurts
me voy
chao
-kisses-



**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

" If you only once would let me
Only just 1 time
Then be happy with the consequence
With whatevers gonna happen tonight
Dont think were not serious
Whens it ever not
The love we make is killing its take
A game to play along"
-- Jimmy Eat World

blah... life... not so good rite now... my hamster died sunday.. it was also ryanns 16 th b-day... but like it wuz one of the worst days of my life... my mom was such a bitch i ont even wanna talk about it ne more.. it hurt so bad.
glens 17th b-day was monday, and i totally forgot , and then emilys 16th birthday was yesterday and i totally forgot that one too, i felt horrible.
im feeling extra lonely rite now, i feel like i havent talked to ryan in forever. havent rly talked to him since monday tho.. i rly want him to call me, y aint he call me yet? lol. ah i miss my baby, i rly wanna see him... i think i figure out one part of his valentines day present.. but im not sure bout the other half.. im not sure if its kinda dumb or not.. i ono but i do knoe i need to get me some money thats fo sho.
n e way i dont rly feel like writing ne thing n e more.. im tired and my back hurts... i hate dance its not even funnie n e more... yucky not looking forward to tomorrow. o well thats nothing new.
later tator

ok woohu is getting on my nerves todai... i keep trying to change the appearence and icon of my journal cuz theyre lamo, but it keeps asking me to sign in.. and i alrdy did so i sign in again and it asks me again! ITS SO ANNOYING. and so is all this spy and ad shit on my computer, i still dont knoe how to get rid of it. ive been working on it for weeks. at least my trojan is gone...

todai was a pretty slow and boring day... i had a test in geometry that wuz kinda hard, o yeah and i found out i got a freakin 86 on my chemistry test. i wuz pissed! i studied for like 2 hours and i still did bad. o well. iontevencare. ryan called me during 3rd period rite b4 the bell rang fo us to go to lunch.. and his friend wuz on his phone talking bout oranges? iontevenknoe. it wuz interesting, but i didnt understand a word. he called me last nite but i wuz like half asleep cuz he woke me up cuz when i hung up with AJ a lil after 10, and then fell asleep. i dont rly remember wut me and ry talked bout last nite.. o well.

hmm nothing interesting happened.. it wuz pretty lamo... brenshen or however u spell his name came up to me.. and he never talks to me n e more i havent talked to him in like over a year and then he kept askin if i wuz goin out with "the kid from wolfson" meaning ryan.. even tho wolfson is not true n e more lol and i ono it wuz weird.. i had a ok time on the bus with cliffardo and peanut m&ms.

ok well this is lamo im off for now
tahtah xoxo

woopee look at me im updating!
woopee look at me im updating! its been awhile i must say.. lots of changes been goin on in muh life. Of course im not gonna name it all but i think those closest to me knoe where im at.
i saw ryan yesterday! woo hoo! i had a very very nice time.teehee. i saw him sat-ur-day also but it wuznt long enuff, but i love every second im with him. :)
i had a fun weekend..i did stuff every day! friday me and kristie went to the mall to lookie for ryanns b-day presnt. OMG MY GURL IS ALMOST 16! only one week till the open road.. teehee. then we ate and went to this sandalwood party at sum guys house, but it wus pretty lamo. too bad we couldnt go to ricos, party.. he just turned 17 woohoo! n e hoo so slept over at kristies and then she dropped me off at muh house at 11:30 and i took a shower and got rdy to go back out and go see ryan (after wut seemed like hours trying to convince him to come along!) but kristie wuz kinda slow lol i ono alot of things were going on at her house, so we didnt get to ryans till 4:30 and he had to be at work at 6. we went to coconuts got sum cds.. then we came back to ryans house and chilled fer a couple minutes then kristie had to start get goin hom to go baby sit.. we kinda delayed her a lil bit lol.. but ryan wouldnt let us take him to work i ono y.. o well *smooches* mm yummy. after i got home i called ryann and she asked i wanted to go out to cross creek.. to eat dinner and lmao my mom is so stupid she thought we were driving to the actual cross creek over by gainesville... ahaha.. but yeah me and ryann and her rents went out to eat, and ryann looked like hott stuff in her outfit.. definately not a cowgirl! hehe. after that we went to her house fer a bit, called jonathatn and then me and her went out to see "are we there yet" at like 10. it wuz funnie but kinda lamo at the same time. i got home went to bed at like 2.. and then sunday ryans mom (shes so cute lol) picked me up at like 2 and i went to his house and hung out.. it was cool, i met sum of his family too they were nice. but i had a very nice time *smiles* , and he finally opened mine.. bout time lol. i love my bunny i slept with it last nite, and it smells like him..mm.. *yummy*. hes been rly sweet lately, which is good.. hope he keeps it up! i dont wanna go back to where i wuz a couple weeks ago.. not good times.. jonet still wont talk to me and i rly miss her! *tear*
todai wuz ok, kinda a slow lazy, lazy day. i went to the chiropractor and got sum x-rays finally, sum electrocurrent work and a massage... mmmm the massage wus the best part. too bad it couldnt have been longer. but its ok i wuz there for 2 hours alrdy and i just wanted to get out and leave. but like almost everyone there seemed like slow and kinda dumb i dont rly knoe y, but it wuz weird. i talked to this lil 7th grader he seemed nice, a lil strange but u knoe rnt we all.
i gotta blast tho, i got a booty load of hw to do. (is that rite ryann?)
love ya!

well... i guess u can say i havent wriitten in this for like forever... it kinda became a waste of my time... cuz hoo reads this n e way? skool started like wut 2 weeks ago i think? i pretty much got back into the swing of things. but skool is skool, and dance is dance and basically i hate both rite now, so when theyre put into the same day.. it makes hell. it wuz pretty kool seeing everybody i havent seen in forever.. like aj.. and jonet, nicola, julliana, rico, special k, rachel, jeff, sam, landes, amy, kristen, kaylin, kayla, elliot, jesse and basically everybody else i talked to last year...
ive been goin throo an episode.. jonet and ryann knoe wut im talkin bout, and prolly everybody in my amt class knoes hoos in it.. but im gonna have to get over it.. cuz yeah.

friday was ryans 16 birthday!!! YAY! lol... david took me home and i finished putting the icing and the chocolate chips on the cake i made ryan for his b-day. took me long enuff. 1hr and a half just to frost it and stuff. i have this other part of the present... that i wuz unable to give to him bcuz of technical difficulties, and consequences... o yeah and my mom is letting me see him and ride home with people cuz of that letter i wrote her.. but she doesnt rly like ryan yet soo.. i got to go over to his house with my mom and we were only suppsoed to stay for an hour.. but somehow in ended of to be 5 and we didnt leave till around 12am.. so my mom yelled at me for like 10 minutes about it on the way home and she made this big deal bout it...
but i had a rly good time it wuz fun and we watched the mothman prophecies (love that movie) and ryan asked me out.. woohoo! lol..

saturday i went to ryanns aka peegreen, and her dad took us to the beach.. but on the way to her house my mom decided to yell at me summore bout friday and i wuz yelling at her for destroying my cupcakes. i felt rly sick yesterday mornin so me and ryann didnt stay at the beach long, we were miserable, but i we watch surfers, we think it wuz a contest but we're not sure. we were supposed to go to the movies with david kay and "mark" but david sister has sum communication problems and went to go get david when we called but fogot we were on the phone and left the phone of the hook for sum 4 odd hours.. jonathan and jared were suposed to stop by, but they never did cuz they were out with catherine.. and then we wanted to go to ians party in ponte vedre but her mom wouldnt let us.. and then jonathan and jared wanted us to go all the way out to tinseltown at the 9:45 and we were like.. um no lol. ryann came over here and slept over and then we went bacl to her house to lay out and o sum homework....

but now im back here with still a bunch of homework to do, and all the chemistry i dont understand its just is soo hard... and i havent talked to ryan since fri and i wanna. lol.

but such is life.

TAMPA
im just going to update now, cuz i figure... well if i dont now... than i prolly ever will...

well ill back track about a week... ok last wed, my mom dropped me off at ryanns house to go to busch gardens. but we got into this big fight and she yelled at me for crap i dont remember and then when she gavee me $100 se apologized... er...

thursday we left and ryanns mom wuz sooo stressed out. the car ride wuz kinda boring... it seemed like forever and we stopped at an orange place to get orange juice in ocala. after almost 4 hours we got to our hotel for the night "The Grande Hyatt" it was on the Tampa Bay and it was really pretty but totally boring. it was basically filled with old people... we got settled and then we went to go eat at a longhorn. that night i did not sleep well at all... i was sweating really bad and i couldnt sleep, and i kept waking uplike every hour... i was having these rly weird dreams.... but n e way friday morning we went out to eat break fast with ryanns dad, while her mom was at a meeting at the hotel. (the whole reason we went wuz cuz of a business trip of hers) breakfast was yummmy but on the way back, we got totally lost and went all the way to st. petersburg. perty drive tho. we got back to hotel at 12:45, 15 minutes b4 check and ryanns mom came in and told us that the secret service was everywhere cuz president bush had stayed the night at the hotel we were at. i thought it wuz kool. even tho i dont like him much, i still thought it wuz really cool. when we walked out of the hotel there were still a couple secret service guys and this one took off his jacket and this big ole gun wuz on his holster.

after that we drove to our next hotel, the hard rock hotel & casino. hehe, it wuz rly cool. it wuz friday, and we werent going to busch gardens until saturday. so me and ryann walked around and then decided to go to the pool. no body our age. just a lot of kids hoo were like 10 and a bunch of people hoo were over 25. me and ryann were laying out and she says to me "eewww grody alyssa, those old guys keep staring and pointing at us!" it wuz rly gross. they must have been in like their late 30s early 40s. and they were smokin and drinking and totally repulsive with their beer bellies hanging out. they just kept staring and talking about us and then they started hitting on the waitress/ bartender lady. when ryanns mom came over and layed out with us... they started talking about her too! and they prolly thought they were all hott and sexy with the way they walked around. the thing i liked the most about the pool was when u went underwater, there were speakers so u could hear the music playing that they had all over the hotel. that night we went out to this place dowtown which is a lot like our landing, only this place actaully had alot of people walking around. and it also had better resturants and a imax and movie theatre. it wuz fun, only i think me and ryann were rly pmsy, cuz we were on our periods...

saturday we woke up early to...surpise! work out! lol i think we were down at the gym aka "health club" or "fitness center" in the hotel for about 45 min to an hour. u knoe burnin them calories. then we went back up to the room and got ready to go to busch gardens. we had breakfast at villiage inn, and me and ry ended up becoming sickly, so neither of us were good company at the moment...on the way to busch gardens they was a "tiny tiger plaza" and it made me laugh.. we parked the truck and then got on the tram. when we first entered busch gardens we walked around a bit and the first rollaer coaster we went on wuz gwazi. it was a wooden roller coaster and those are the ones that freak me out just cause they dont seem very safe... but it was really fun. we got the picture too.. i hate it.. buts its kinda funnie. after that, i dont rly remember all we did. i started to feel rly dehydrated and so we got smooties and tooke sum pix. it wuz sooo hot i hated it. i love the hot weather... where i can go to the ocean or pool a couple feet away... we rode the roller coaster scorpion, and went on rhino rally. and we looked at sum animals for a bit. then we went on gwazi again and started making our way towards KUUUUUUUMBA. the roller coast me, ry and her dad were all getting hyped up about. we got sum water and then waited in line for the haunted house, only to find it full... so we start walking towards kumba and its starting to get cloudy, and u would hear sum thunder here and there but it all sounded pretty far away. we got in line for KUUUUMBA and a couple people started leaving cuz they stopped the roller coaster when the lighting started to get rly close. we were figuring it was going to pass very quickly, cuz thats usually how rain is in the summer time, and so we stayed. it started to rain, not heavy at all but a bunch of people left. and then it started pouring. lightning was everywhere. we waited for about an hour... and it didnt let up. it wuz funnie cuz every time me and ryann would get close to the rail, lighting to strike rly close and we would jump and scream.. about 45 minutes later... it let up a little and ryanns dad decided that we were going to start heading to the truck. at first it wasnt raining so hard... and then it came down a little harder and we started walking faster.... and then it started to friggin pour so hard i have never been in so much rain. i could not see worth a darn the rain was stinging my my face and all over my body it felt like little tiny freezing needles all over my body. a lot of people were in ponchos or occasional umbrellas. but most were huddled in shops and resturants. then the freaks trying to get to their cars. us. lol. i knoe they allways tell you to never go under a tree when its a thunderstorn and its lightning and stuff but that was the only thing i wanted to walk under cuz it didnt hurt so bad. i dont knoe how far we walked... but we were all the way on the other side of the park.. we might have walked a mile and a half. i dont knoe but it felt like 5. my feet hurt and i pools of water in my sneakers and every part of me wuz soaking me. me and ryan jumped into a fountain cuz the water wuz rly warm and it felt so good. i felt rly bad for her mom bcuz her mom hated it, being wet, and cold and in ur clothes... her hairspray was running into her eyes and she started crying... awwww. it wuz pretty fun actually after u got over the fact that it wuz freezing... until it started hailing. that friggin hurt. we found this one exit... only the gate was locked.. so we had to walk all the way around to the other one to get our other tickets so we could come back the next day free. everybody was so wet. i started shivering and finnally we got the tickets so we got out of the park and the tram station to take us all the way to parking lot, had a ton of people waiting and we didnt want to stand there and wait 2 trams untill we could go. so we walked. and the parking lot wuz not close at all. it was pretty far away. and bolts of lighting start flashing everywhere... and here i am in the middle of parking lots.. i wuz scared. and the hail hurt like a mother. but after wut seemed like forever we finally got to the truck. warmth! lol.

when we got to the hotel everyone wuz staring at aus cuz we were so wet, and they all started whispering about ryanns mom cuz she looked the worst and they're all like "oh that poor lady. how did she get so wet?" when we got into our room, ryanns mom took a hot shower and then after she got out so did i. it felt good. cuz b4 i felt like i would never be warm again. after that we all started getting rdy to go out and eat. me and ry didnt rly feel like going out to eat so we went to one of the resturants in the hotel called "the green room." a couple minutes after we sat down, this big group of people came in, and sat behind us. there wuz this one lady hoo looked about 55 where this extremely skimpy dress and drag queen make up. she had her 2 daughters, her grandaughter and her granddaughters bf, and a bunch of other guys i couldnt tell hoo they were. i turned around real quick and the grandaughter, hoo is kinda chunky where a tight orange shirt and this white skirt up her butt... was looking down at her bf.. hoo wuz licking her boob. gross. then the next thing i knoe... she starts frenching her mom! omg.. it wuz so gross.. wut a disfunctional family. the gurl in the orange turned around and said "oh sorry i wuz just making out with my mom... u knoe. itz her birthday." they kept talking about all this weird stuff. meanwhile , me ry and her dad were all mimicking dot and stuart from mad tv. it wuz perty funnie. "if i act like a parrot can i sit on ur shoulder?" ahaha. our food took forever bcuz sumthing went wrong with out order in the kitchen so the manager gave us free desert. even tho we were all too full. i started feeling rly sick (i dont knoe y, but lately if i eat to much i get rly rly sick.. and i dont even eat that much actaully) so me and ry went to the bathroom. and we were just standing around and these 2 ladies from that table behind us came in. so ryann wuz like "alyssa quick, they came in! bending over the trash can and pretend ur about to throw up" so i wuz standing there.. breathing in the fresh scent of paper towels..waiting... and finally they both come out and they're like "oh poor dear r u ok? whats wrong?" and ryann told em i wuz sick... and they asked me if i drank too much. and i said "yeah" cuz i had like 3 glasses of lemonade. but they were talking about drinking... sumthin else. so they start laughing and are like "yeah we knoe wut that will do to ya hahaha" so they told to me to splash cold water on my face, and sip on sum water or ice.. but not to "drink" n e more. then they start telling me and ry about how her daughter is trying to sneak into the club at the hotel, with a fake idea, but shes too scared it'll get scanned. then she said "but she loks 5 so i dont see a problem" they asked us if we were trying to... but we werent. all in all, they were rly nice.

after we took the desert up to our room, me and ry had sum and then we explored and went on almost all the floors to see hoo wuz having a partay. we went down to the lobby and sat on the couch or ''lounge" and just watched people. it wuz fun. except almost every single person wuz drinking and smoking and getting broke in the casino. most of the women wore as little clothing as possible.. even if they looked horrible. but for everysingle person hoo wuz smoking i wanted to take it away and tell them they were killing themself. when we got back to our room we reeked of smoke.

sunday morning we woke up early packed, checked out and went out to eat breakfast. we got to the park and went on the python and then went up to kumba.. but ... kumba was broken. it wuz stuck at the top of the drop... and people were on it. this one water ride was too. and they had to walk down... and gwazi had gotten struck by lightning, so it wasnt running. i wuz so mad. but me and ryann went on the water rapids and got soaked. but the line was so long. were were gone for like an hour and kumba still wasnt working. they had gotten the people off tho. they had to walk down the stairs. and that is one long walk cuz the drop was very high. after like 2hours kumba started gain but they had to test in like 20 million times. we were the first in line so we got to be in the front. it was the best roller coaster ive ever been on. it wuz long too. we rode it again, only in the back, and u rly get whipped. it wuz a load of fun. but i couldnt walk straigh and it made my head hurt. i think we rode 1 or 2 more rides and then we had to go home. it wuz interesting to see the kinds of people there. most were either country or latino. hardly n e body spoke english. and they all we wearing skimpy clothes. so i saw lots of rolls...

but i hada rly fun couple days. i love ryanns parents and i love ryann! shes great. i rly miss her now tho... cuz shes gone for 3 weeks and im lonely...

well im out
tahtah

FATHERS DAY
todai didnt go so well... i woke up late but it turned out ok.. we gave my dad his presents.. new clothes from express for men.. hmm... lol.. then we went to denny's to have breakfast... and my family is totally embarrassing i hope my brother is right when he says im adopted.. after that we went to books a million... i didnt have my reading list with me tho..fun... after that we went next door to rhodes and looked at sum furniture. there were these 2 sectional sofas she fell in love with.. but she says "not until we redo and finish the wooden floors" which probably will be never... but she says july after her real estate course. after that we went to sally's where i wuz looking at the straightners... the one i wanted wuz $40, itz the one ryann has... but my mom went on about how ridiculous and she would defianately not pay for it... but i wuznt asking her... and she lectured me again about how im soo vain and conceded... al bcuz i wanted a straighting to style my hair... cuz u have to with short hair. n e way after that we went to jcpenny's and then we went to the movies and saw dodgeball... it wuz rly stupid.. sum parts were funnie but all together i thought it wuz boring. i sat by myself.. although i could still here them laughing... after that we went to publix and then got chinese food. i wuz walking out of the resturant and it started to rain and it wuz lighting and thundering and all that good stuff.. and me, i wuz in a bad mood so i stould in the street holding my cellphone up to the sky... ahahaha my brother always said he hoped i would get struck by lighting.. but i wasnt so lucky, and it made my dad furious i thoucht it wuz funnie.

i guess me being mean to everybody today came back to me... b4 my toe wuz getting better... but now itz getting worse and i cant put n e weight on my foot at all with out it hurting rly bad.. so im on crutches. fun. it sux i dont knoe wutz goin on with bob (my toe) cuz b4 he wuz gettin better and it wuz all good but.. now its like he mad at me or sumthin. lol

well i have sumthing i need to take care of..
tahtah

weelllllllll... i havent updated in forever but when do i ever. today i got up rly early.. like 9 my computer woke me up.. then i watched tv for awhile and waited for my mom to come home so she could take me to ryanns and i just hung out and watched sum more tv over there... and i broke her shorts.. well i didnt rly break them they just i ono lol..

nn eeeee hoo todai i tried to talk to every single person on my buddy list it wuz kool. i usually dont talk to everybody on there.. they r just well.. there... lol so it wuz kool to catch up, i talked to robyn which i hadnt in like forever.. and tyty.. and then i IMed chris and like i wuz just trying to be nice and stuff cuz we kinda used to be friends last summer and the throo me in the pool 3 times at matts party... and so he wuz trying to get me to go to matts bash this year but matt doesnt rly like me and i wuznt invited duh.. but chris is like "yeah i can get u in if u make it worth my while..." and i wuz like "um.." and hes like "yeahyeah come on come on" i wuz like dude peer pressure lol... and he said "u aint wit sum1 learn to have fun and loosen up" and i wuz like oo no hunnie o no u didnt go there.. and i told him gross im not interested in u... but nooo he will not take a hint and hes like "yeahhh come on its just harmless ffuunnn..just makin out" and i wuz um ew grody no. so ya that wuz unnessasary.. i talked to sum other kool kats, korey, rick, sam... but sum others just would respond so i wuz like o well i tried. i tried talkin to sarah hoo i havent talked to in like years but i read her journal which wuz fun. i laughed a lot. good to here shes doin good tho.. we used to be best friends i just think thats weird how people just grow apart but it happens to me more often than i like but wut can ya do.

thursday im leaving for tampa im going to bush gardens with ryann floyd and her parents for 4 days and it'll be fun. im supposed to start my summer reading but i have no books sooo yeah.

mimi called me todai, hadnt talked to her on the phone since emily's recital. i didnt get to talk much i wuz at ryanns but when i called her back at my house she didnt pick up... but she says shes having a great time and i suppose thats good for her... except im feeling miserable without her...

i broke my toe... at least i think i did, i prolly just sprained it rly bad. im afraid to touch it or move it or ne thing. i can walk now, i just have this old lady limp its kinda funnie.

me and mom are slighty gettin better we arent at each others throats constantly n e more and im trying to pesuade to her to let me see ryan.. but at least im allowed to talk to him knowing how much she rly doesnt like him... but hes not talking to me. ever since this morning. i ono maybe it nothing.

yesterday i babysat for weston and taylor... jasons brothers. me and jason go way back to when i wuz like 4 to like 3rd grade whenever that wuz. hes a year younger then me but i had a mad crush on him for the longest time... itz kool to see him so much old and so totally different. him and one of my good friends from dance, erin, go out and i think thats funnie cuz i totally forgot he existed until she mentioned she wuz crazy about him... and i wuz like i knoe a jason, and lara's yeah me too, i used to like him. and i wuz like "yeah same" then we figured out that it wuz the same one cuz me and lara used to go to acds together with jason when i wuz in 1st grade and they were in kindergarten. but ne hoo jason's brothers were adorable, 8 and 5, but they did like to fight.. and play hide and go seek for ever and ps2...

but im out
tahtah

im going mother f***ing crazy...

omg.. im f***ing going crazy. itz not just one thing... but all this shit i have to put up with and its driving me totally insane. i havent been updating... i dont even remember the last time i did. i've been hangin out with my gurl ryann alot... i usually sleep over for about 3 nites at a time... to get away from my parents... but of course the minute i get home im miserable again...

last week mimi stayed over here for 4 days and then i went over to her house for a day b4 going to ryanns. me and her sort of lost touch at the end of this skool year and itz kind of sad now... bcuz well, she's leaving to go live with her dad in tallahasse on saturday...im rly going to miss her... no matter how long we would go with out talking just cuz our lives drifted apart and we had totally different friends... i could always call her up (usually bawling), and she would listen even tho im not sure if she could always understand wut i wuz saying bcuz i would be crying so hard and she could always make me feel like it wuz going to be ok. i could go on for hours about my mom bitchin and she could completely understand... she knew how my mom acted and how she treats me... i love her so much and i havent been that sad about her leaving up until now... bcuz now i actually realized that this is real... and my best friend since 4th grade... is leaving me. and no matter how much i cry over her leaving, im going to try and be happy for her bcuz she cant live with her mom and her moms bf n e more and its getting to her and i think a change of enviroment will probably do her good. thursday im going over to her house and sleeping over. and on friday i wuz supposed to help her pack.. she started today, and told me she started crying and didnt stop until she had packed everything... she told me half of it wuz bcuz she wuz so happy she wuz leaving this hellhole and the other half.. bcuz she wuz sad... she gonna miss me and all her other friends... i hope shes happy in tallahasse. she invited me to go up and stay with her for a week and i told my mom about it but she started yelling at me again...and tolf definately not and i wuz never allowed to...but mimi said she should be coming back everyother weekend..
but i dont knoe wut i would have done with mimi and ill miss her alot. i love u gurl!

lately my mom has been trying to analyze me... asking me stupid questions like "y dont u talk to me n e more? wuts wrong with u? r u sure ur ok u lost your 'glow'. i dont see u laugh n e more. put a smaile on ur face u look depressed..." uh... duh... well now my mom thinks i have an eating disorder... bulimia to be exact... this morning i had breakfast...eggs and sausage.. nothing strange.. but instead of orange juice i had this flavored carbonated water which is like my new fav drink... but n e way nothing weird. and i got into the shower and the minute i got in i started feeling sick... i got a little dizzy and then i started coughing alot... and then i start gagging and my mom runs in going "omgomg r u ook?!?!" and then... well i threw up. strange bcuz i rarely do, even when i get sick, i always feel like im gonna but it never actually do and ive gone a whole year without it happening. but i had just started my diet this week( i need to eat healthier) and she connects it to that immediatly cuz i told her i wuz fine and i didnt feel sick n e more. she asked me if i wuz bulimic and i said no and then she dropped it for about 2 hours. she asked me if i had eaten n e thing since, and i told her i did... i actually did i had a banana and a yogurt. i wwanted to knoe y she thought bulimia would me so appealing to me when it leaves u feeling hungry so i rly dont see the point. but i did the mistake of asking her if u throw up, does that all the fat and calories in the food u ate goes with it. so she goes crazy and makes me swear im not bulimic. i did... and walked off. she didnt bother me about it until after i had dinner. i felt alittle queezy, my stomache didnt quite settle yet... but after i finished i went to the bathroom to check out my hair in the mirror, cuz im not used to the way it looks yet, and i wuz playing around with it, and looking to see how my old highlights keep getting lighter. i could hear her by the door and then she jumps in and busts open the door and says "o just checking". and she examines my fingers and looks down my throat and says "mmhmm". a little while after that i went into the garage and the storage room to look for a jump rope cuz its part of my cardio program... and the busts in there too bcuz she "just wanted to see wut i wuz doing" in other words trying to make sure i wuznt gagging myself.... like 10 minutes later i go into my room and emptied out my garbage... she popped into the hallway out of no where and scared the crap out of me and snatches my garbage bag. without actually looking she says "there is throw up in here!" i start laughing cuz shes being ridiculous and she keeps looking at the bag cuz u could kinda see throo it. shes yells out again "omg there is in here!!" and gives me this look and grabs me... and accusing me and i start crying bcuz she wont believe after i told her over and over again... so she constantly barges in when im in my room with the door closed... she convinced my dad too and told him the need to watch me very closely and that i might need to go to the docter.. i may need to go the docter... but not for that, cuz theres no point in being in therapy for something i didnt do....

o well im out im prolly gonna watch tv until i puke. haha just kidding
tahtah

well todai wuz a very very very bad day... me and my mom got into a huge fight... it wuz pretty bad and it lasted all day... i rly dont want to talk about rite now... my head hurts from all that crying but if u rly wanna knoe.. ask later...

n e hoo.. wow skools out!! woohu!!! lol... the last day of skool was kind of sad... cuz a lot of people rnt coming back... *tear* ill miss ryan and felix!!! and everybody else hoo isnt coming back... this year has gone by soooo fast... and ive been throo a hell of a lot of shit too... but hopefully... this summer is a good one.. i ono i say that every year and it doesnt rly happen... 2A wuz the coolest! on monday we played a prank on ms jenkins.. in dance ahahah it wuz so great... well she gave us the slow tendu combo and ryann told everybody to do grand battements(kicks) instead on tendus.. but rite b4 we were gonna start she told us not to do it.. well most of us did it n e way.. but the look of ms jenkins face... lmao! she looked in shock, with her hands on her face shaking her head... it might not seem funnie to u guys.. but u would just have to have been there... and understand... cant believe we're gonna have ms stampolia next year...

this year i mad a lot of new friends... a lot of people i didnt even talk to at lavilla... i met back up with sum of my elementary skool peez... and looking back at the first day of skool... and now... i have changed so much... and i love all my friends u guys are the best and i wouldnt have been able to survive this year with u!

im not rly looking forward to next year.. cuz my course classes are not exactly the ones i wanted... and not exactly the ones i think i will be able to do well in...

o well.. on the last day of skool i went to ryanns.. had fun sittin in her lap on the way hope... boi that wuz painful lol... itz wuz me, ryann, julianna, kaylin, kayla, katherine, nicole lopez aka N.Lo, nicole alleman and her bf carlos... and we all went over to ryanns and hung out by the pool... ate lots of yummy food and LOADS OF LAUGHS!!! it wuz fun... but at around 5 i had to go to dance... recital time is the worst... blah.

me and ryan r doing pretty good these days.. which is good...

this summer i dont have big "plans" my mom has been talking about sending me away to my grandmothers... shes not sure if she wants me in new york or ocala... ocala is more "convient" for her tho... around the 4th of july im going to my great uncles ranch for a couple days which will be very kool... maybe ill get to ride the horses... we'll be on the boat a lot.. snorkeling with the alligators lol...
im not dancing this summer.. at least not at the intensive cuz my mom says we cant pay the $500 for it. which is ok with me... i plan on other things... me and ryann are planning to go to the beach alot.. i get to learn how to surf.. which will be cool since ive always kinda wanted to learn. and im gonna be working out u knoe gettin F.A.T!

gotta blast tho...
tahtah

me and my mom: well... we havent been goin that great... last nite i w uz online and at 11 i went to go lay down cuz my back hurt but i ended up falling asleep and at like 11:45 she busts in my room and started yelling at me about everything and she wuz screamin about my room beeing a mess... and she shut my computer off and then started yellin about more crap and i wuz trying to get her to calm down but i started bawling and i couldnt stop crying... so then she told me how stupid i was and that i needed to stop acting like a fucking baby and she told me not to get back online... of course i did and then she busts in yelling at me when she found out... and so i went to my bed and turned my stereo almost all the way up and she came in yelled at and unplugged it... so she got me rly upset... and i felt like no body cared about me and i just wanted sum1 to talk to and tell me everything is gonna be ok... cuz my mom hasnt been going to work bcuz of her back (she has 2 herniated discs) and her and my dad have been getting into more and more fights and theyre talkin bout divorce... soo... yeah...

todai i had to wake up early and go to dance rehearsal... i did perty good... until erin kicked me lol.. and then my ribbons came out and my toe turned black.. but other then that it wuz ok! carlos is in our recital too which is kool... but thats the higher class...
my dad picked me up and we went to publix and i got cookie mix and icing... to make cookies... and it took freaking for ever to get icing on all of those cookies... theyre good too.lol... i cleaned up... but i guess not good enuff bcuz guess wut... my mom started yelling at me... again... and i wuz trying to be nice to her todai too... but then she started yelling at me for being good for nothing and not doing wut i said i would or wut im supposed to... and she blamed it on me being on the phone.. but she wouldnt let me talk until finally i wuz yelling at her and told her i couldnt clean up as much bcuz i am in pain.... constantly my hips grind and it hurts so bad.. and my back is starting to hurt a lot like it did last year when i had a slip disc... and now my toe... and so she started telling me i needed to stop dancing out of skool... and i told her i cant go to da and not dance out of skool.. i would never be able to achieve n e thing... so she told me i need to start thinking about going to a different skool... and that i should might even start thinkin about going to terry parker next year.... bcuz she doesnt want me in 11th grade having to not be able to walk real well... and i knoe i hardly ever want to dance like i used to and im tired of dance and stuff... but i cant see myself not doing it... so then i started crying again... and ... yeah...

but then me, emily and ryann went to see new york minute and amc, i saw victoria while we were getting tickets and she wuz with this kid hoo rides my bus and i think they were going out... and then they were with most of rachel's and jarrods neighbors... i hadnt seen vic since 8th grade cuz she goes to lavilla and b4 taht i hadnt seen her since 5! shes a year younger but she looks so different! ne wayz... even tho the movie wuz a typical stupid... u knoe wut the ending is gonna be oleson twins movie... it wuz surprisingly rlyrly funnie! hehe yeah i always have fun with ryann and emily... while emily went into troy for a couple minutes me and ryann waited by the door and she wuz just staring out the window and this group of people thought she wuz staring at them... so they all started turning around and talkin about it and i told ryan and so we started laughing and then all of the people started laughing and looking and pointing at us... it wuz perty funnie. after ryann left, me and emily hung around inside and i saw kayla and melanie ( who is so gorgeous). and after awhile i didnt wanna be inside n e more so we headed out and emily told this man he had a big mustache and it wus soooo funnie! ahaha so we walked out laughing and i turned around and i saw aj. which wuz rly weird cuz the other day he wuz telling me he never goes to the movies so... but it wuz kool and then his friend and his brother came over and we started talking and emily wuz alrdy rly hyper.. but um she got worse and she wuz acting rly dumb... and i love her and all and i felt bad bcuz his brother and his friend were making fun of her so bad rite in front of her face and she didnt even realize it... but then my mom came and i pretended not too see her and she called my cell and started yelling at me... again... asking where i wuz and stuff and told her i wuz rite there but she kept saying no i wuznt cuz she didnt see me... so she started cussing at me saying "where the fuck are u, im never fucking doing this again.." blah blah blah i wuz trying not to listen so i wouldnt get upset and then she told me i could never go out again... and yeah... so then i told aj that i had to go cuz i wuz in trouble and we said bye to everybody and he gave me and emilay hugs and then we left... my mom didnt say n e thing other then complain about the curfrew security and we took emily home... on the way back she cooled down and started talking about sumthing.. actually she talked... but i wuznt rly listenin... i wuz thinkin bout sumthin else...er...
when i got home i got online and i talked to jonet about stuff and she tole me that ryan wrote me sum rly sweet notes and stuff... and then awhile later he signed on... and i said hey... but me and him rnt getting along very well... hes hurting me.. a lot... and everynite b4 i go to bed i read all the notes hes ever given me... and sumtimes they make me feel better and other times i end up crying my self to sleep... and i dont knoe but he isnt treating me very well and it tears me up bcuz sumtimes he is so sweet and nice and other times hes kinda.. well... mean and it gets me rly upset.. and thatz how he wuz acting lately and i wuz trying to get sum advice from jonet and she told him off.. and i felt bad she did, even tho she cares about me and wanted to stick up for cuz she says i dont need to be treated like that... but i told him i sorry and that i wuz gonna let him have his space.. which means i wont be talkin to him for awhile cuz he needs to figure things out... which is gonna be rly hard for me.. cuz not talking to him for a couple days is hard... and then jonet wuz saying all this stuff to me and i wuz crying rly hard... and im trying rly hard not to cry rite now bcuz i dont knoe wut to do...
but im not gonna type up everything i feel.. especially about .. er.. sum1.. cuz im so tired and sumtimes i wish everything would go back to the way it wuz... when we were back together but i knoe everything happens for a reason... but this better be a damn good one cuz im tired of this...
im out
my toe hurts
goodnite