wow.... i have a lot to say... by im not... cuz im just not...
but i cried myself to sleep last nite... after i got off the phone with ryan i just stared into space... i wuz trying to watch one tree hill but i couldnt rly get into it... it wuz kinda a boring episode.. when i mom came in she knew i was upset about sumthing but i just went into my room and cried in a corner and then i read sum things and it made it worse not better... i went to bed at 10:20 but didnt fall asleep until like 11;30...

today wuz dull... and so wuz yesterday and monday also.... the F-ing CAT iz over... thank the lord... it wuz so easy this year... no writing just bubbles and gridded response... we dont even take science this year... but friday we have the NRT to take
blah. this week has had such pretty days... this is my favorite kind of weather! today wuz all sunny and stuff and i wuz like YES!! cuz i wuz gonna lay out... u knoe get rid of my paleness... but right when i got home it got cloudy... badbadbad.

when we got to 3rd period ms hughes let us out to lunch early and it wuz weird cuz all of the lunches overlapped and stuff... i mostly ate with mimi and will *Cough* and jesse... i think mimi needs to put will in check... yeah and everybody has been coming up to me asking me about jesse... hez a junior.. and ive only started talking to him a couple weeks ago... but yeah word iz he likes me and he wants sarah linear to hook us up... er... i wuz so tired.. FCAT got me exhausted.. but OO OO!! there wuz a problem in the math one with my name! iznt that just so kool? i never see my name in n e thing... it wuz called Alyssa's banking acount or sumthing.. it wuz rly easy but there were a lot that i couldnt get... like this florida square mile one with the water and non water and stuff... in 3rd period we just watched this rly said movie about an english boi living in south africa... in english we read a story and answered questions more boring...aaron kept telling me ive been looking weird lately.. like rly depressed or sumthing... i wonder y. but hehe me and jamie had quite a conversation about flexing certain parts... ahahaha

the bus ride home wuz perty boring... just stared out the window this morning and walked rly rly slow walking home.. it took me like 25 minutes and it usually takes me less than 10... i would take itty bitty steps and then stop in the middle of rode and stare at the sky or soak up the sun.. lol.. yeah and all this senior citizens were looking at me with the strangest faces....

but yeah boring... today wuz just rly slow... rico still wont talk to me. i dont he ever will this time. all the other people he stopped talking to he'z friends with again. except for me... and itz funnie sumtimes... cuz i'll totally forget hez not talking to me n e more and that we're not friends so when i see him in the hall i'll accidently walk up to him and say something... but then i walk away bcuz i remember... yeah he hates me...
sumbody told me jeff likes me... thatz impossible..
o gosh this morning on the way to skool out of no where my dad asks me about me about rick...
he says "so wutz up with u and rick these days alyssa?"
i said "um nothing.."
"r u too going out?"
"no.."
"well y not?"
"because"
"because"
"because"

yeah... im talking to ryan and he sayz im acting weird... but how else am i supposed to act when itz like this? i k noe he can not say that he haznt been acting weird ... bcuz he doez all the time and it hurts me but i try not to say n e thing

maybe im acting weird cuz of that dog treat i ate earlier.. yes i ate a dog treat for the first time in my life... u usually hear people saying that when theyre like 5... but i wuz talking to rick and i wuz hungry eating sum cheezy poofz and then i said "hey im gonna see if this dog treat rly doez take like peanut butter" cuz well in da box it had assorted flavors and the newest one said it wuz peanut butter. and well i ate it and it rly tasted nothing like peanut butter... at first it tasted like paper... and then after awhile it had like tha worst after taste ever... i wanted to try the bacon flavor maybe that one would be better i dont knoe... maybe
well everyone thought i wuz crazy
im gonne go now i dont rly feel like typing
itz just a sad sad life..

o yeah jared said the poem i wrote wuz rly sad... and it gave him chills when he read it.. i wonder if ryan read it....

Here'z a poem i wrote during F-ing CAT... boring az hell i'll write more when im done with all this homework...
im not sure wut i should title it az...

***
Me, I thought you were perfect
Even though I knew
you were not the epitome of perfection
I still thought you were perfect

And when I was with you
It felt perfect
No matter what anybody else said
It felt so perfect
just to be right next to you

And I’ll never be able to forget
What it felt like to be with you
To hold your hand and walk in the sun
To stand next to you or be in your arms
To hug and kiss you
Or our endless conversations
And our inside jokes

Now I guess I’ll just put away these memories
and lock them in my heart forever
and play them back in my head
like a movie
Just for me to see


Other times I’ll wonder
Why I always have to watch the rain fall
and listen to the saddest songs
about how much I miss you
Wondering if you feel the same way too

Now when I look back
To how it used to be
Something comes over me
And everything becomes so blurry...


I thought what we had was perfect
Even though I knew
It was not the epitome of perfection
I still thought it was perfect

Despite what everyone said,
about how we shouldn’t be together
I never listened

Because if you just put me and you together
and forget all the mistakes and details
It didn’t just feel perfect
It was perfect.
***

well today i wuz rly sleepy... like rly rly sleepy i just wanted to go in my bed wrap me around my covers and not wake up again... but i woke up at like 8:30 and then went back to sleep and didnt wake up until 11:52 am lol when rick called... and then at 1:30 he came over cuz my mom said that she didnt want to take me n e where cuz i wanted to hang with muh gurl ryann... rick just left tho. we just hung out... started to watch monsters inc. but my mom shooed us outta the house and we walked around and talked for awhile. saw liar kamar at hiz house workin in the yard.. with a FORK LIFT! o buddy... they were doing sumthin with cuttin down them trees.. i suppose. then we came back in and stayed in my room... he read muh online journal and i wrote him a note.. then we did stuff on the computer... and thatz bout it. i wuz rly tired and feelin rly out of it... and my mom kept talkin to rick i ono wut wuz said cuz she would always call him into the other room so ya... and i rly wanna talk to emily rite now but she wont pick up n e of her phones and i have this booty paper to do and i rly dont wanna...
i just called ryan but it rang twice and went straight to the voicemail. im about to call again...o wait i think we're bout to eat... i'll call him afterwards cuz i rlyrly wanna talk to him...
tahtah

well so much to write... and well im not gonna write every last details to the past couple sayz... but itz been so hectic

*thursday*
well the very first preformance... in the morning aahh it wuz so hectic... but i alwayz knoe the first one izthe best for me... i dont knoe y but i did rlyrly good... and so we missed 1st and 2nd period wuz the preformance and we were number 5 so we got done well b4 the end of 2nd period... but we werent about to go to 3rd so me and ryann told marina to tell hughes that we had to stay after and clean... but then well mrs hughes let the class out 15 minutes early for lunch so we were like "well they would get let out early when we skip.." lol and then katie says we told hughes we were prolly skipping.. o that made me so mad... so we went back after b lunch...
during the nite preformance it went perty good too. my parents came but not very many people showed up...a lot of my friends hoo said they would come didnt... and well i hoped they would come on friday... but i had a lot of fun. i love all my friends... o i saw robbie again for the first time since the last day of skool last year. hiz voice got so deep! and he got taller too. aw i missed him so much... O GOSH and james williams came he looked so different with out hiz glasses! and hiz braces were off... aaww he stilled chewed his gum the same exact way.. aww i missed him too. it wuz good to see em again. o yeah and brittney klutz too AAAWWW

*friday*
well again another morning concert. i didn knoe until thursday nite but.. yeah... it didnt go as well as the day b4 actually i messed eup rlyrly badly but i guess itz still gravy. we missed 1st and 2nd again of course for the concert but this time there wuz a tornado drill at 9 so that threw us off and we had to rush everything... including warm up which by the way i wuz feeling very painful soreness.. lol.. but we were number 4 this time and so we went to go watch the show and then after a lil dr penney made all the dancers leave cuz the bell for 3rd period would ring soon.. so we hung around the dressing room... and we got all the dancers in my biology class to not go and just skip... and then if we did go back go after d lunch.. so we did that and most dancers went back to class cuz others did and then would look bad so we had a, b and c lunch and it wuz perty awesome... cuz i wuz sooo tired... so me, amy, katie a, sydney, erin and nicola skipped... funfunfun! lol i dont skip either so yeah... and then in c lunch i walked around with jesse and we were just talkin and stuff and hez like "aw alyssa u skipped... thatz bad.. badbadbad.. cuz once u start itz hard to.. and if ur gonna do it at least do it at the end of the year when u dont do n e thing n e way..." but he shouldnt be talkin he skips like everyday.. lol but all of us went back after c lunch.. and everyone kinda knew we skipped.. well not every one.. but when i told ms bhomik we had childrens concert.. but she didnt rly believe me.. she wuz like "noo... i knoe u were supposed to be back by 11:30" and i wuz like "um r u sure? i dont think so cuz we had to clean up and stuff.." but we didnt written up or n e thing so... and all they did the whole class wuz take notes and we knew thatz all they were gonna do.. and so when we got back we didnt do n e thing cept talk so it wuz kool.. and 4th period wuz HILARIOUS i laugh a lot in that class now... it wuz soooooo boring tho... and i wuz rly tired.. i havent been sleeping at all lately... and the concerts made me exhausted...
but that nite at the concert i wuz SO HYPER.. gosh it wuz rly funnie if u saw half the crap i wuzx doing... everybody around me wuz laughin and giving me strange looks... ahaha but last nite wuz rly emotional last nite too.. like ALOT of peez were crying and every wuz stressed out and we were all exhausted... so we all snapped.. and i wuz getting rly aggravated cuz my make up would not go one rite and i washed it off and re did it like 3 times... and finally i got it to look ok. stage make up iz so hard... grr.. well the dancing wuznt as bad as this moring but it still lwuznt as good as thursday well for me at least. aaron said a bunch of techies were making fun off me cuz in the dance im pochahontas with this little dress and in one part im bent over for ahwile and he said they were all pretending to smaack my ass and grap and stuff... er yeah... well nobody came for me *tear* at least not the one i wanted to.. but o gosh i saw LYNA! she looked so beautiful! i missed everyone so much from last year... *tear*

*today* well last nite i went to bed rly late.. like 1 and i wuz so exhausted i passsed out the minute i hit the bed. so this morning when i woke up it took me forever to get out of bed... i woke up at like 9 or 8 sumthin and didnt get out of bed till 10. but i had to wake up early to clean up cuz my aunt and uncle we coming here. and i just found out the day b4 which so pissed me off.. cuz i wuz gonna make plans u knoe.? cuz when i stay home i get all depressed and eat a whole bunch and i get all sad about ryan and stuff so i just mope around and watch tv.. and well fcat iz tis coming wekand thats always stressful.. cuz if we dont pass this year they take away one of our fun arts area classes and make us take a fcat class so we do "good" the next rtime. cuz if we dont pass 10 grade we dont graduate and i dont knoe if we take 11 or 12th. but if we dont then we gotta keep taking it till we pass. and that sux.. n e hoo ok so ive been so streessed out and ive been freaking about it.. and i wuz just rly mad this morning and going crazy and telling everybody i wuz gonna kill myself cuz my parents would let me do n e thing.. but then rick called.. and well i talked to him online last nite for the first time in forever.. and he wanted to do sumthing with me and emily.. cuz well hez been neglecting us lol i hadnt seen him since august.. so i thought he forgot about hiz dear ole friends alyssa and emily aka starfish and dory. lol. but he wanted to do sumthin like bowling but emilyz mom wuz being mean and so she wouldnt let emily go since she slept over rachels friday nite... had fun with hurley jared. cough. lol... so i wanted to see rick and i didnt want to just be with da family so he came over at like 3:30 and we hung out for a lil bit andhe met every body and my dad showed him hiz GEEEEETAR collection lol... aammaazzzinnggg... well soon after that we left to go to pizza palace but we walked around san marco for a lil while but then we headed to pizza palace and it wuz so funnie i could not stop laughing.. and my aunt and uncle thought he wuz rly funnie they rly liked him... lotz of inside jokes were made.. "tear streaming down my face" ahahahaha.... and my brother lmao wuz staring at this lady with this big ole thong hangin out the whole time ahahaha... after that we all headed out and my brother wuz caught un screwing the lids to the saltand peppa shakers and my mom got soo mad ahahha... we went home and then me rick looked in da paper to see wut movie we could go and dirty dancing havana nights wuz playiun at 7:35 and i wanted to see that so we went and i said goodbye to my aunt and uncle and my dad took me and rick to regency.. the movie wuz ok... not as good as the first one... i kept like falling asleep i wuz tired and rick prolly thought it wuz boring.. but i wuz soo hyper.. when i get tired sumtimes i get like overly hyper it wuz sooo funnie... lmao ELEPHANT! squirting the blues rasberry icee. and rick with his beautiful man bag. hehe. i had a rly good time. rick iz so kool ive missed him... AND HE EVEN SPOKE JIBBERISH WITH ME! hahaha.
after we dropped him off at 10.. my mom spoke jibberish back to me! it wuz soo kool! lol but she kept askin bout rick and when we got home i sang twinkle twinkle little star! but my mom and dad kept pestering me and asking if me and rick were an "item" and i wuz like "no.." but my mom went on about how much everyone liked rick and she said "well alyssa itz either rick or no one at all and im serious" er yeah.. im surprised she haznt alrdy made an arranged marriage. haha. well im gonna go im exhuasted.
tootlez

i just wanna cry...
gosh i hate my life... i wish it wuznt so yucky... this has been like the worst week... monday i called ryan finally i wuz so excited and i wuz bouncin off the walls i wuz so hyper... and well then of course we got into this fight thingy and he made me rly mad... he wouldnt say a word to me and im there askin him all this stuff and it annoys me soo much and i hung up and then called back later to make sure he wuz doing it on purpose... and he wuz and he wuz getting me so upset bcuz everything iz so screwed up and i started to cry and well i wuz crying perty hard and he didnt even notice... i guess i wuz silent but he wuz just sittin there laughing at the tv... tellin me im "emotional" well damn straight i am and itz not like itz a bad thing... i dont cry over little things...and emily and alex were talking to me and alex kept telling me not cry... cuz im too beautiful to cry (yeah wutever) and alex wuz saying how i need him to treat me like that and hez asswhole and i rly need to move on and emily told me i dont deserve wut hez doing and that im always tearing myself over him cuz we're not together n e more and she said i should try getting over him and then i started crying rly hard and it would just be too hard... but i rly love him and becuz i love ryan so much i forgive him for everything no matter how bad he screwed up and maybe i weak i ono... but even tho peez say i shouldnt take that and i shouldnt forgive him.. wut can i say i still do..

yesterday wuznt all that great either... the whole ryan thing brought my mood down.. perty boring day actually.. but then me and emily walston walked to the dollar store and publix after we got dropped off by da bus... so that wuz perty kool. i spent like 15 dolla at the dolla store ahaha where not everything iz a dollar...

and today.. well today wuz yucky...

*gym* we finished watching rudy and we were talking about the self esteem thing and emily and candy kept being stupid and i wuz laughing and coach rivera getz all mad at us and tells us to leave and said he wouldnt care.. but we didnt leave and then i wuz quiet but they were being rly loud so he tells all 3 of us to leave.. and well he wuz gonna quiz us on wut he wuz saying and put all the stuff on the quiz that we couldnt hear on it.. so i wuz like "thanx emily u just brought down my 4.0" lol but it wuz all good we apologized and he let us back in.. o but gosh thatz when stuff go rly emotional.. well he wuz talkin about how hiz mom kept telling him he would never make it to the U.S. cuz they were too poor and all this stuff and so he had to go to college in Puerto Rico.. but he made it and he went to college in alabamba after a few years and he had all this work and he didnt knoe n e english and he had to work play baseball and go to skool.. and he got rly emotional about it when he wuz talking about it and he started crying and o gosh like the whole class wuz about to cry... i wuz O GOSH mr rivera dont make me cry! and he told us to never give up on our dreams and dont let n e body tell us we cant do it and dont let lem bring u down or get ur way cuz if u work hard enuf u can do it... AAWWW

*dance* boring we ran our peice.

*biology* well we had the test and i failed cuz i talked to alex for like 3 and a half hours last nite until 10 and my mom got rly mad... and she yelled at me all last nite and then she yelled at my dad about me about how im so irresponsible blahblah im good for nothing and she will not believe a word out of my mouth... so i study for like 40 minutes and feel asleep on my book and then woke up at 12:30 and went back to sleep and then woke up 40 minutes late this morning... but n e hoo me and emily got in trouble and she got moved and no i sit to the big girl irma or maria but she scareres me she like towers over me ahhh itz scary..

*algebra* wuz perty funnie but nick wuz makin fun of me and my people *tear* and so it wuz this big ole thing wher ewe were rankin on eachother and i wuz talkin bout them ugly puerto ricans aahahhaha it wuz funnie i wuz jokin tokin around lol not all puerto ricans r ugly hehehe... but n e hoo it wuz rly funnie i couldnt stop laughing but mr allen gave us a new seating chart and so now im away from jonet and aaron r. *tear*

I stayed after skool again today cuz we had dress rehearsal..aww and all the lavillian dancers in preformance came cuz they're in it and er they tryin to act all better then me.. oo no hunnie. lol... my peice wuz over by 4 and i didnt want to go so i stayed and walked around and talked to muh homiez that stay after... and so did rico and he got me mcdonalds at like 4:30.. but um yeah he wuz a lil up in the air if u knoe wut i mean.. cuz well he wuz smokin sum stuff... not good not good... and well he wuz acting rly funnie and i couldnt help but laugh at him lol...but um yeah we had to have a serious "talk" and so he wuz telling me how much hez liked me (like 4 and half months thats a long time) and how hes tired of waiting and he wants to knoe if hez waiting for nothing cuz he doeznt wantwut happend last time to happened again cuz that made him rly mad and how he wanted to be with me... and then he starts telling me hez always doing stuff for me when im with him and he acts like im hiz gurl and even tho he shouldnt or doeznt have to or wutever.. and so he kept askin me and askin me if n e thing wuz gonna happen between us and i didnt want to say no but i wuznt bout say yes... so after saying i dont knoe for awhile he rly had to go cuz katie said tyler left without him and so he asked me one last time... and i said "no cuz i dont knoe wut i want ne more" and i told him i wuz sorry and i wuz bout to give him a hug and he goes and pushes me away and bust open the door and then ok this wuz a lil eh.. he knocks over the trash can and all the trash fell out and then he starts yelling fuck and hez punchin the lockers and kickin em and stuff... and he ran off... and well i guess thatz it folks.. i dont think he'll talk to me n e more.. cuz he wasted all of his time.. and i feel rly bad but wut can ya do ya knoe? o yeah and this little old man janitor had to clean up the spilled trash and i felt soo bad... and then i had to wait out side for my dad in the damn cold it wuz 52 degrees and it wuz raining and all i had on wuz my leotard and tights and sum capris and a tshirt... o yeah and this lil sweater thingy.. i wuz SO COLD i didnt get home till like 6... but yeah im gonna go now.. im rly rly rly tired and i have to do all my home work cuz i have no time thursday and friday with childrens and all... grr i totally forgot we had a in skool preformance... ahh im gonna die... we have an in skool preformance thursday morning for da lil kids and then one at 7;30 and another one fri at 7;30.. and im so tired... dance is so hard sumtimes...*sigh*
tahtah

*YAWN*
well alex texted me this morning at 7:30 to wake me up early today but i didnt get out of bed till 9:30... i did my biology worksheet but other then that i havent made much progress... i still have the venn diagram to do along with the comparison/contrast paper and itz soo grrr.. i hate this...
well i found out that i have rehearsal for tomorrow... yes thatz rite... hard to believe it but CHILDRENS CONCERT iz THIS WEEK! o gosh... im so screwed... ryann told me that tomorrow iz dress rehearsal... and well i dont have my costume... im pocahontas now and katie walters has one and i dont even knoe if it will fit... so i am like so screwed... our first performance is thursday mornin and i wuz supposed to almost have my costume febuary 1st... and well itz way past that time and i have no idea wut i am gonna do. AAHHH i hate this. hmm i just noticed im peforming the 26 & 27 (7:30 at DA theatre be there or be bare lol) and well the 27 (friday) will be a month from the day... gosh thats so long... i thought it would be over by now and i would be living happily ever after.
o well i gotta go do my homework.
tahtah

CABARET- dinner-show-dance
hmm well... where should i start.. .cabaret wuz soo well dramatic... well first we picked up emily and then we got there and it wuz a lil after 6 but it wuz ok... i looked like crap lol... and then ryann showed up and we got into line for our wristband things... the food wuz AWESOME! off the chizain lol er... it wuz catered by carrabas which wuz perty cool.. and the caterers were SO FUNNIE.. debating on hooz chicken wuz better... ahahaha... yeah well the dinner wuz all gravy it wuz perty kool and then me and ryann got all hyper on the lime sherbert lol... o yeah chance wuz there.. and so wuz adam wackro or however u spell that one and josie foster showed up too... chance looked sooo erm um yeah well letz not go there. *cough* gurlly *cough* lol... then we got into the theatre and ryann and rico got into this whole fight about sumthing rly stupid and he wuz getting all dramatic and he left and sat up with sarah linear.. and so for the rest of the show they were mad at eachother and emily thought he wuz a fuhreak.... the show wuz rly rly rly good tho.. and FUNNIE! haha i laughed so hard... and most people sang rly good too... so it wuz koo. well except for the spice gurl one. that sucked and this white gurl wuz scary spice and she did the sunless tanning thing to get her to look dark and she looked SO BAD lmao she looked like an oompa loompa it wuz so funnie... a lot of the songs made me sad tho.. and then at the end these gurls did HEY YA and it wuz perty funnie... andrea 3000.... well after that rico wuz nad at ryann cuz he bought my ticket and all and then he couldnt sit next to me.. but they r my friends too and i wuznt about to abandon them for him soo.. yeah. and then they got mad at me for staying around rico and when we got to the dance they wouldnt talk to me... and well i wuznt in the dancing mood cuz i wuz still feeling a lil sick and my 2 rly good friends were mad at me and it wuz RETARDED... but er i did dance with er rico and then i needed a drink cuz i felt like i wuz gonna throw up and then i wuz talkin to aaron about this whole thing... and then i sat out for awhile and then i went back for the electric slide and the played a slow song.. gosh... i rly didnt feel like dancing it wuznt quite my nite... but while i wuz sitting with nicole this strange senior guy wuz hitting on us and hez like wut skool do u go to?" and we told em we went to DA and he wuz like "damn r u serious? damn i never even seen u b4" and he threw hiz hat down and wuz stomping on it.. it wuz rly funnie... he didnt believe we were freshman and then he kept petting our heads now that wuz strange... but everynow and then i would dance and then i sat with ryann and danny for awhile and then "perfect" came on and rico dance with me and sang to me and that made me feel rly weird.. not like a good weird i dont knoe it wuz strange.. but he told everybody hez giving up cuz all my friends hate him and stuff soo ya. and then we danced to the last song again which wuz "good riddance" by greenday... and ya... it wuz kinda boring i ono it would have been better if i wuznt feeling sick and i wuz in a better mood... o yeah and tony man from the big ape wuz the dj and that wuz kool.
i went home with ryan and slept over and we had mint chocolate chip icecream and she fell asleep and i talked to alex and then we hung up and then rico called and it wuz like 12 sumthin and then we hung up but i couldnt fall asleep until 2. in the mornin like 3 people kept calling it wuz annoying... grr..
but today wuz koo we went to ryanns preforming group thing with a pagent and there were all these stuck up blondes... and then we went to sonic. YUMMY. lmao i jumped on the cord hahaha.. a walla later we left her house and saw confessions of a teenage drama queen. it wuz better then i thought it would be... but the gurls beside us were so ANNOYING and i wanted to cuss them out so bad but i didnt u knoe.
after that we went to ruby tuesdays at the avenues MORE YUMMY and i saw these bois that i always see at outer limitz.. but at the regency mall and they looked at me funnie.. when we were done eatin we went shopping and there wuz so much cute stuff but we didnt get n e thing... gosh shopping makes me feel so fat.. grr n e hoo they took me home *tear* i luv u ryann baby gurl! shez soo much fun lol
when i got home i called alex and we talked till 11:30 and then i had to go.. but we 3 wayed emily and it wuz sooo funnie i wuz laughing so hard. lol good times good times.
well i didnt rly write or say everything i wanted to but im tired and i have loads of home work to do.
i miss ryan so much i hate this...
tahtah

hey im at ryann's and we're bout to go to da movies... caberet wuz eventful.. oo well we're leavin buh byez

i didnt go to skool today... i woke up like a hour ago and i havent rly done n e thing cept talk to muh babiez jonet and alex on line... *yawn* im still not sure wut to wear tonite... and how am i gonna do my hair??? im sleeping over at ryann's house with sarah linear and we mite go to the mall 2moro.. o crap i forgot to ask my mom for money o well... i slept perty good i had the weirdest dream with jeff and i wuz related to the ozzbournes and they let me stay in this rly big mansion nicer then the one on tv... it wuz perty kool dream we rode in this plane thing and we were flying upside down that wuz skary.. cuz the roof wuz clear and yeah.. lol and then there wuz a robot i put back together and jeff wuz in the house too it wuz weird...
well im just waitin for the day to go by i have a bunch of homework i dont wanna do.. grrr... at like 3:30 ill start gettin rdy so i can take my time... i hope i have fun... itz at 6pm itz dinner.. then at 7:30 there iz the show and then at 9pm there iz the dance.. i ono when it ends maybe 11?
o well hoo cares im gonna go watch sum tv and think about muh tiger cub ryan ahaha
tootlez

What it is isnt what it was
How it seems isnt what it is
There's been a change,
when it comes to me
And there's been a change
when it comes to you

There is just so much that I want you to know
And I'm sorry you had to find out this way
But before this goes to far
I gotta let you know

I think I know whats best right now
Because I've been here before
And gave into some one for all the wrong reasons
I've been here before
Distance might make the heart grow fonder
But rejectection makes the heart grow colder
And I just don't want to loose you
But I gotta let you know

There's been a change
when it comes to you and me
It just got more complicated
I wish it was as easy as everybody is saying
There is just so much that i want you to know
So when I tell you
Promise you wont go
Just like one did

What it is isnt what it was
How it seems isnt what it is
But listen up cause here is how it goes...

DANNY CARY IZ SOOO FUNNIE!!! ahahaha i love him... im feeling this in my british accent... itching my left nostril ahaha. danny cary iz my new best friend.. im thinking about starting a notebook with him.. i havent had one with n e body since jared and that wuz a walla go.. it wuz rly good until i lost it grr. i talked about ryan all the time and i wish i could read wut i used to say...hmm

well i didnt go to first or second period today.. i just didnt feel like going... and well my mom iz convvinced that bcuz im so stressed im getting incredibly ill...

o yeah.. shez so random shez talkin bout how im getting a lil fat and then she told me she had a dream that i got pregnant... and rick got me pregnant.. er yeah but hez moving to baker county... grr and i never talk to him n e more... ne hoo she wuz going on about how nice rick wuz and how nice hiz parents were and she goes tellin me "y cant u go out with guys like rick alyssa?" i can not stand her..

*biology* wuz soooooooooooo boring... but i wuz rly loud.. and i yelled at alton across the room to wake up.. hmm yeah i wrote a note to ryan and emily gosh SHE IZ SOOO FUNNIE. i laughed so hard cuz shez tender like the baby back ribs at applebees... lmao u just had to be there... we did a review and we have a worksheet due...

*lunch* well lunch wuz ok i wuz feelin kinda sick... emily hung out with aj and i ate lunch with ryann, sarah, carlos, rico and jesse... hmm rico iz takin to me to caberet and we had to "talk" cuz well people have loud mouths and keep telling him i have been saying nothing will happen between us and i didnt want him to find out that way...

*algebra* wuz boring and we reviewed the rest of the fcat practice.. and i wuz the only one to get number 10 rite and so i demonstrated lol... i felt stupid tho... hmmm yeah but mr allen iz so weird.. like one minute hez koo and funnie like he said to aaron "yeah u need to give me that paper and the cap u were throwing around..." i dont knoe how he saw... but then he said "iz there n e thing else i need to take from u aaron?" and i said "yeah hiz pants" lol.... haha and then mr allen goes " well u mite want off alyssa but i certainly dont!" and everyone iz goin "OOOOO" lol but then he gets all bitchy... weird. he left us out late after the bell rang too..

after skool i saw rico and i got my ticket from him and he gave me a rly rly long note and now i have to talk to him and he said that if im lying to him to not hurt hiz feelings i shouldnt.. so ya

i went to dance.. cuz i missed monday and im not going 2moro cuz of caberet soo... it wuz ok.. well at first it wuz but i didnt do so good cuz i wuz startin to feel worse and my hips hurt so bad i need to go see the doctor but i dont have time to go down to ocala... ms jenkins left at like 6:10 and we were gonna teach ourselves until the end of class at 6;30 but then mr jenkins tought us.. and he iz so funnie but he scares the shit outta me... he gave us this weird combination and then he had to do it like 6 times accross the floor and he kept calling me glue cuz my pirrouettes at the end suck and he said i looked like i had glue on my feet... er yeah but then the sub came in late and it wuz alrdy time to go but he held us late for 10 minutes ... we did this rly long grande allegro combo it wuz so long and there were like 15 soteshas... and he wuz yelling at us for not traveling and i wuz bout to pass out and i wuz bout to get into a sotesha and hez like come on now hit me and i did and he wuz surprised ahaha hez like "o well ok GOOD" lol... then he made us do 16 echappe jump combo thing and hez telling me to jump higher and i wuz but it wuz hard when ur bout to throw up... lol er finally it ended and i wuz dripping with sweat it wuz so nasty that never happens... but i felt like my lungs were gonna collapse i couldnt breathe it wuz scaray... in the car i almost threw up and then we got home and i sat in the car and cried and i came into my room and went to sleep... i had a dream ryan wuz online and then i wake up and itz 8:30 and i didnt eat and i have a paper due 2moro and a bunch of homework so i wuz like o shit... then my mom iz telling me im staying home and i rly didnt want to but she sounded so serious so i wuz like ok wut the hell.. i called emily and i just go off the phone with her..damn itz 10:40 lol my mom wuz yelling at me and then she slapped me and i bit down on my tongue and itz bleeding... shez such a bitch shez telling me i should go to skool now... but im not i didnt do my paper and i ate gonna be up till 12 doing it soo... yeah i guess im just staying home 2moro im sure everyone will miss me. not. jonet iz thinkin bout staying home too and my new friend alex iz takin the day off soo... but at first i wuz afraid that if i didnt go to skool they wont let me to caberet but then again how will they knoe... i guess itz just that if u dont go to skool taht day u cant to rehearsal or u cant preform... and if u dont go to rehearsal u cant perform either... which sux but n e wayz... i wuz supposed to get my pocahontas costume from katie walters but i havent seen her and i wuz supposed to get it alrdyy... we have dress rehearsal monday and then tech rehearsal or maybe iitz the other way around but i need to get it soon... cuz concert starts on this thursday with a inskool performance for da kiddies and then we have 2 nite performances thurday and friday...
well im hungray and im tired i guess ill go now...

hmm well today wuz ok.. except i thought my toes were gonna fall off this morning cuz it wuz so damn cold...

*ethnic* WE PRESENTD OUR DANCE! the three pink flamingos ahaha and we had lil costumes and programs and everything ahaha. it wuz our final grade for the 3rd nien weeks... we got a A- it wuz koo

*dance* b4 we started class nicola wuz showing everybody the note micheal gave her throo sum other gurl and he gave her a CD and he folded up a pesos bill into 2 hearts and it wuz so sweet but it made me rly sad... i tried not to think about it.. we were good this glass we hardly talked but i hurt my hip rly bad and fell to the floor and scared everybody... but it scared me too.

*lunch* we were on a funky sched today and A&B were combined for 1st lunch (my lunch) and C&D for 2nd lunch... it wuz 15 minutes long too.. but it wuz perty boring... rico stoppd by even tho it wuznt hiz lunch and well he told phillip that ryann thought he wuz hot and she got so mad o gosh...

*world history* me and ryan were late to class and the whole class stared at us and ms hughes wuz kinda mad but she didnt give us a tardy she iz so strange... but shez rly kool... we watched a movie called the gods have gone crazy or sumthin i ono but it wuz perty funnie. i wuz kinda falling asleep tho.

*english* well it wuz a rly long class and at 1:35 they called us to the gym bcuz we had to get our courses for next year...i wuz like wow this year went by SO FAST the 3rd 9 weeks in over in less then a month... and fcat iz like in 2 weeks aahhh... SCREW FCAT itz so retarded. well here are the courses im taking next year... i got out of individual dual sports and psychology cuz im in dance so i get an extra dance class o joy...
-DANCE 3A (for both days)
-Dance Production Tech
-American Musical Theatre
= Chemistry 1 Honors
= Geometry Honors
= English 2 Honors
= Spanish 1

o JOY! lol i think next year will be hard... this year wuz kinda easy... well er kinda i ono veryone says chemistry honors iz rly hard and u have to study ur but off and im bad at that o well
after that we turned em in to da bookroom and da lady wuz a biatch but it wuz all good me and emily just hung around and talked to everybody nobody wanted to go back to class... jeff said i wuz a mexican er... yeah and we walked by ricos class and da boi wuz sleepin tisktisktisk... welps i had fun we didnt go back to class till 3 and almost everybody else wuz back but hoo cares... we did sum story thing and then the bell rang.. i have a lotta homework in this class grr.

the bus wuz boring but when me and emily walston got off we walked with cliff to darlow and then by the firehydrant on the sidewalk iz the ryan hearts alyssa thang and i showed emily lol and then were talkin bout sum stuff and makin fun of the fort caroline kids that we always see walkin home... therez thiz one gurl hoo iz kinda chubby..well rly chubby and she haz poofy white blonde hair and she wuz sooo weird she looked down and walked by rly rly fast like she didnt want to be noticed or sumthin... emily said she auditioned for lavilla and i said she would fit rite in lol thatz mean... but i said hey to kamar and he wouldnt rly talk to me and he just walked back rly fast and when i asked him wut wuz wrong he just kept goin and said nothing and he looked sooo sad i felt rly bad and i wanted to knoe wut wuz wrong but ggrr... i asked that gurl michelle if she knew but she said no... o well

OMG! ok well yesterday i wuz craving hot chocolate and the first time i burnt the milk and it overflowed and then the second time it overflowed and i wuz talkin to emily m... and then today i wuz talkin to her again and made me sum soup and then I BURNT THAT TOO and then i made sum hot chocolate and i wuz like "ok i wont mess it up this time" but of course i did and it got all over the place and almost made the smoke detector go off but grr i gotta go homework iz calling ahhh.

whoa
wellllll...... i didnt home till 10:30pm last nite cuz i went to kristens house with jonet to work on out flamenco piece... I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!! lol... kristen is a very funny gurl i laughed so hard... and aw the necklace sean gave jonet and soooo pertay. jealous. lol. kristen drove us to starbucks and every time i saw a white suv looking vehicle i wuz oohh god ITZ MY DAD! lol but i didnt get caught.. yeah my parents r a lil u knoe.. bout me riding in my friends DRIVING VEHICLES.

well lets see...

*health* today emily didnt come to skool she wuz sick but after i get online i have to call her and tell her about my walking home experience hehehe... well we had a test and i totallt forgot it must be a first and i failed cuz i didnt knoe n e of it but hoo cares...

*dance* we had modern with ms giles and i sat out for half the class cuz my ankle haz been hurting so bad lately...

*biology* well.. i wuz horrible without muh babygurl emily! and she missed ms bhomik trying to explain sumthing to me... well iwuz being rly rly loud today and she asked wut r the siimilarities in amphibians and i yelled "THEYRE GREEN!!" and well yeah ms bhomik is so funnie when she wuz trying to explain to me that all amphibians arent green... i tried not to laugh rly hard... but oo i got to tape aaron crosby's mouth shut!

*lunch* well...... rico wuz um yeah being rly affectionate today i dont knoe y!! GRRRR that boi iz driving me crazy! i wuz bout to say "um no hands off son" aahahahaha!! but i just kinda kept pushing him away... o yeah it wuz perty boring except when carlos wuz spitting his drink at everybody.. INCLUDING ME! but o gosh this wuz hilarious... carlos wuz wearing those pants that snap together at the side and ryann ripped one side well...all the snaps came off on one side and his pants were almost all the way down it wuz soooo funnie and all of his smiley face boxers to showing ahaha and everytime he tried to get his pants back togeth it wouldnt work and they kepy fallin down farther... but finall after 10 minutes he got him self together. and rachel wont rly tell wut happend with her and taylan... hmm rayray and taytay sitting on a rooftop.... k-i-s-s-i-n-g!!!

*algebra* hmm well we jus did this thing with fcat and my brain wuz slow... well it wuz perty boring... mr. allen kept getting annoyed with my lil group u knoe and them omg ALI! aaron R. gave her the blue heart candy that said kiss me.. only rachel got it out of her desk and then it wuz on the floor and it wuz filthy and then aaron threw it to ali and SHE ATE IT!! i laughed so hard

*bus 324*
it wuz rly boring... my contacts kept coming off and so then my eyes got rly irritated and all my make up came off and i wuz like "well fuck it itz not like im seeing n e body important(ryan) or sumbody i would want to look good for(ryan) so i put my purple contacts on... and well i got them last year just to try and then i switched to clear thank god cuz i look so BAD with them.. i like my eye color .. it had taken alwhile but i like the color.. now if only i could like the way the look... well n e way and well most people didnt notice.. and sum were like wow u look different.. n e hoo i wrote "ryan" on everysingle window on my bus and it took me forever cuz i did it backwards and all and then patrick goes and ERASES them! i wuz like o no boi... hmm blake wuz trying to get me to smile..but i wuz like "no blake" and he asked me y and i said "cuz i dont think im gonna be able to see ryan again..." when i got off the bus i walked to the yellow firehydrant where ryan wrote "ryan loves alyssa" in the cement since i got let off on time and i didnt rly want to go home... i smiled...it just looked to so perfect..but then i started walk back and i couldnt get "you and i both" out of my head and i wuz thinkin bout ryan... and then all of a sudden this DRIVING VEHICLE honked their horn and scared the shit out of me i jumped and then i landed on my bad ankle and fell in this funnie kinda way... and of the course my shoes were not helping cuz i thought i wuz staying after skool with jonet and kristen...BUT ANYWAY i got to my street and i saw that weird girl michelle (at least emily walston stays shes rly strange) but she had a couple more people then usual and kamar wuz hangin back... well i wuz like "hmm maybe ryan iz walking with the pack this time" i thought i saw him but i wuznt sure cuz my purple contacts make it fuzzy and they were dry and all so i just kept walkin.. and then i heard my name called and i thought i wuz hallucinating but then it happened again and i turned around and ryan wuz up the street... and OMG i wuz sooo HAPPY!!!!!! ah now i didnt want to look like a freak so i didnt jump up and down and scream lmao no i dont think i would have done that... actually... lol maybe. WELL he looked AS CUTE AS EVER! he iz just sooo sexay hehehe.. BUT GRRR he kept making fun of my contacts and i knoe i looked bad.. i dont need to lie to muhself but of course it just my luck when i see him i am.. well out of sorts i suppose u could say... we talked and stuff and i gave him 2 hugs and i wuz bout to cry cuz i missed him so much but i wuz so happy that he wuz rite there in front of me... and well i didnt jump on top on him and kiss him all over like i wanted ahaha u knoe put them restraints on muh self... but n e hoo i didnt rly didnt want to get in trouble.. bcuz i dont want things worse then they are so i headed home and he went back to FC cuz he the manager to the gurls soccer team and they got practice... i told kelly on the bus to tell ryan sumthin and then kelly said "well i'll er.. try" so i started heading home and he just had to see me walk off.. grr i hate it when he doez that but o well i couldnt stop looking at hiz adorable face. when i got closer to my house i called jonet and told her all about it wuz so excited cuz i never thought i would see him.. especially not today since i wuz sad that i missed him so much today.. BUT i did and i havent stopped smiling since and when i got home i sang You and Me Both on the top of my lungs and well ok now i need to calm down. simmer down now. k welll
adios amigos

"first..
i would have ur room filled with roses with out u knowing to show how much i love u.
then i'll take u out to dinner to show u how much im sorry
then i would give u ur favorite candy to show u how sweet i am"

im tired
lol i woke up rlyrly late today.... at like 12:40. i got my phone back...i took a shower and got dressed and stuff and i wuz like "im going for a walk" and my parents get all up on me askin me hoo im meeting and stuff... and they were yelling and i walked off.. and my dad said i had to do the dishes... but n e way i wuznt plannin on meeting n e body... i knoe my mom thought i wuz meeting ryan... i gotta still write that letter..my brother wuz at dane's house with aj boorde and i decided to head over that way with muh dog.. and i walk up to danes house and all of a sudden he comes out with all this popcorn and my brother and aj chase him.. retarded but the popcorn wuz good.lol. they went into the empty lot by the river and i kept walkin and then kamar wuz comin on hiz mongoose bike.. lol.. we started talkin and we started walking together and i had a lotta fun! we walked alll over the place for like 2 hours... we passed a bunch of guys on their skate boards and they looked soo funnie.. kamar kept makin fun of them..it wuz hilarious... hez a funnie piece of work. well we talked for a long time and then on this one street there wuz this cute little dog and i wuz like "aw how cute" and then it comes and attacks my dog! it wuz so funnie cuz the dog wuz like 4 times smaller then bailey... but then bailey started hyper venialating or sumthing it wuz strange.. after awhile he walked me home and then he rode his bike to the store cuz he wuz hungray. well rico just called me and im tired... i gotta call kristen cuz we need to work on our dance. i wanna go sumwhere tonite hmmm
well tahtah

*yawn* im sslleeeeeeeppyy...
well i talked to ryan on the phone tonite and it made me sooo happy! well the first time he wuz acting kinda weird.. and well u knoe and then he kept doing that ok thing where hez ok to everysingle think i ask or say and that got on my nerves... but when i called him back it wuz all good and i love him sOoOoOoOoOo MUCH.... more than n e body will ever knoe... oo i talked to his mom.. she said that she wanted me to be honest with my parents (and i have thatz y ive been gettin in so much trouble) and she said she wuz sorry that everything had to turn out the way it did and she wuz rly sorry.. she also said she missed me! i thought that wuz cute... but gosh i wuz sooo happy i got to talk to ryan today... on valentines day!
oo yeah we were talkin rite and well we have this twing where he haz to sing me twinkle twinkle little star and well he haznt yet he keeps making all these excuses or over a month... but n e hoo he said a few days ago he wuz outside lookin at the stars and he thought about it and he sang twinkle twinkle little star... i thought that wuz sooo CUHUTE! just like him lol he haz the cutest voice...
lol well n e way i think we talked for like 3 and a half hours the whole day... amazing.. but i can call him when i can.. and ryans mom doeznt want him to give me hiz new cell number cuz im "forbidden" to talk to ryan for now... im plannin on writing this rlyrlyrly long letter to my parents... and for the past 2 weeks ive been trying to write one in my head but ive had so many damn things to say i cant word it rite... but it has to be RLY GOOD and rly rly convincing for it to work so it mite take awhile. im also gonna need sum help with it u knoe...
but i gotta finish cleaning... the minute my mom came home she started yelling at and took both my phones bcuz she said i wuz good for nothing cuz i didnt clean while she wuz gone... wut a bitch. ill get my phone back 2moro tho.
well tahtah
I LOVE RYAN!

UNHAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
i mean er happy valentines day..

i talked to ryan online a walla go which made me happy.. he liked my gift.. i wuz hoping he would.. but he had to go and said for me to call him if i can.. i guess i can? lol i prolly will later.. but im afraid to call his house i ono his mom imtimidates me sumtimes...

earlier my uncle harry called from washington dc (LMAO i just yyped winn dixie when i meany washington dc im so strange).. he wuz talking to me about abuela... shez been having all these anxiety attacks and stuff and her blood pressure is rly bad... so he wuz talking about her coming to live down here since she cant live alone n e more and he said hez all for it... abuela cant live with aunt carol cuz she lives out in the middle of no where in this brand new house in pennsylvania... and abuela iz always blaming stuff on aunt carol... and my aunt cesi doeznt want to deal with her along with fact that she has a crazy baby. uncle harry and aunt maggie r too busy and theyre trying to have a baby... i dont think uncle joe or uncle ceasar r quite cut out for that... so uncle harry thinks that she could come down here and help out and stuff but i dont knoe... i love abuela and everything but shez crazy sumtimes.. and my mom cant stand here sumtimes either cuz whenever she used to come stay down here for the whole summer or sumthing my mom would get very aggitated. but now my mom works so it might be different. i hope so.. but i dont knoe abuela might not even want to come down here.. shez loves the snow and she loves new york.. so i ono. and my aunts and uncle might disagree too cuz they might want her so far away. i ono

but rite now im bored of my mind... im talkin to danny and jeff.. hoo thinks no one likes him which is stupid and not tru.. my mom just left and she wont be home till rly late and same with my adad... earlier this week i thought maybe i could do sumthing today with one of my friends like ryann but now i cant... wow this is gonna be a long day...
well i better go get started on my romance movie marathon.. lol
tahtah

He walks through the empty halls
Slowly he takes each lonely step
The security guard asks him where he's going
He says to himself " I dont know"
But really he says "To the bathroom"
and the security guard just walks away

He reaches the bathroom and creeps in
making sure no one is there
And when he knew he was all alone
He reached for the knife he snuck into school
Slowly he let the knife kiss his bare skin
And the blood trickled down his hand

He pushed him self up against the wall
Hit his head slammed against the plaster
Squeezing his eyes shut
Because he didn't feel any pain
He was to used to it now
It was only an itch
But it was relief

He wished he could have felt pain
Other then the internal torement he had felt for so long
Everyday it struck his heart like the knife like the one which struck his wrist

But now he had to go back to class
The teacher would have thought he was smoking
He wiped the dark red blood with a paper towel
And covered it with his sleeve

No, this boy isn't crazy
No, this boy doesn't need therapy
No, this boy isn't going to kill himself

He, just like everybody else is trying to find a way to deal with life
Some people do it by screaming
Sometimes crying
Others write in a journal
Some write a story
Some even do it by drawing, running, talking, singing, dancing...creating

Today this boy lies all alone
Today this boy got dumped
Today this boy's heart died

What is today?

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th!!!
friday the 13ths arnt usually bad for me.. they r either rly good or sumthing weird/interesting happens... well yesterday sarah told rico i missed him and stuff and he called me on the bus to tell me we had to talk... and i wuz like damn rite we do..lol..WELL this mornin i got to skool like a couple minutes b4 the first bell which iz later then usuall and danny carey gave me a rose!!! AW HOW SWEET! no one ever gets me roses... lol well yeah but then i got stuff from ryann and amy and jonet... i gave her candy and ryans gift so she could give it to him today... i hope he doeznt hate it lol but n e way... rico came up to me b4 i went to ethnic and he had a bag and he said "this is for u" and he said he wuz sorry and stuff and that we had to talk... he gave me a big ole teddy bear holdin a heart and then chocolate hearts... he wrote me a card too that explained sum stuff i guess.. but he had a lotta explainin to do! he walked me to class and i gave him a hug and i rly missed him... we were good friends... so we're startin over and i remember the first time he talked to me.. it wuz b4 i went out with aaron a think... a walla go but he yelled i think ur cute... yeah it wuz retarded.. today we were on a short bell sced. cuz we had an in skool black history preformance in the theatere... during lunch colleed wuz flirtin with emily and and aj came to sit by us... i hope him and emily get togetha...but aaron bought half of my data match... we took this survey and they spelled my name alyssa passane lol...pasta! well here r the results

::9th graders::
guys
DANNY CAREY
NICK HAWKINS
JOHN STRICKLAND
ZACHARY MCCAULEY
PATRICK BASS
KIRBY KRILL
PETER KIM
BRAD COATES
TONY ELIAN
CJ KOVARIK
PHILIP LOGAN
DEVIN PASCHALL
MAX WILLIAM
JONATHAN MITRICK

girls
MARRIELLE MAYSHACK
CAITLIN MORAN
ASHLY POTTER
EMILY MATCHETT
KATHARINE BEVILL
RACHEL CHALMERS
EMILILY WAY
KADISHA ROBINSON
SANIECE ANDERSON
MONEQ SCOTT
TRACY DAVIS
SARAH CONKLIN
JESSICA WATKINS
LAURA FULLER
CHRISTEN CROLEY

::older peoples::
guys
MARC GIBSON -10
MICHAEL EMMERT -10
LOUIS MCGEE -10
JOHN NEAL -10
ANDREW BENRENS -10
JAMES MCCART -10
HECTOR GONZALEZ -12
ERIC BELL -10
TRAMAYNE LOWERY -10
JAMIE RISERMANN -10
NICK PALMER -11
AJ ROGERS (emilys aj lol) -10
MATHER SCHEMER -12
TERENCE MCGRIFF -12
CHRIST NANNEY- 10

i dont feel like listin the girls too... since i dont knoe n e of them lol but yeah the gurls r ur most compatible friends and the guys r possible boyfriends but i dont think thats gonna happen cuz i love ryan. n e hoo we were rly late to 3rd and so ms hughes put us as liars on the board but even tho we were 15 minutes late after lunch she didnt make us get tardies.
in english we went to the black history thingy in the theatre... it wuz ok.. most of the dances were good and carlos's wuz OFF THE CHAIN! lol the then there wuz this visiting artist called peru expressions... and emily iz like " um...this is ur culture?" ahahaha yeah but sum of the pieces were good and sum were boring and t he lady hoo wuz singing while the dancers were dancing sang in spanish and the only thing i could translate wuz peru expressions, look here, yes mister, lets go, move it faster and thank u very much buh bye... lol but marcel and andre r almost fluent and they couldnt understand a thing.. but yeah and i thought it wuz kool i guess.. but it had nothing to do with black history... and dr penney tried to say it wuz afro- peruvian or sumthin? i dunno... when we got back we did sum stuff and then we had a half hour of freeness. um yeah jamison iz a nasty freak... he lifted my skirt up 3 DAMN TIMES all the way!!! like all the way omg i got so mad and hes just laughi talkin bout my underwear and then we were in a circle with our desks and i had to climb over and jump off to get out and i did like 3 times and i flashed him twice on accident grr... well emily took sum pics ill see if i can get her to burn me a cd so i can put in on my site
but then rico walked me to my bus and we were talkin and we're kool now he said he didnt wanna screw up or sumthin cuz alot of stuff haz been happenin and his parents found out bout hiz uh biznazz...
on the bus i read ryans notes like 20 times and our bus wuz late...i got rly sad tho. we didnt get dropped off at my stop till 4:40 (which iz rly late) and ryan called me and it rang twice and then he hung up i dont knoe wut that wuz about.. but all this valentines day stuff iz making me rly sad cuz i dunno i wuz hoping that this valentines day would be perfect since like december or maybe even b4 that.. and i wuz think wut all we could do cuz it would be me and ryans 4 month too... and i thought that wuz so kooley.. but yeah 2moro im gonna be home all alone cuz my mom iz gonna be at work till 9:30 and my dad iz going to tampa. *tear* thatz depressing. that means all ill do 2moro iz watch sappy love stories and go online being bored out of my mind... grrr
well today in dance i wuz rly flexible i wuz amazing... i got my splits ON BOTH SIDES and my soteshas were amazing they were perfect splits and it wuz kool but my ankle rly hurts.... erin has ms tammy (my old bus driver) and i have her old one an she iz such a bitch.. she iz always yelling at her bratty little kids and shes rly mean... i miss ms tammy! so would always go "aw look there iz ryan" when ryan would be at my stop and i talked to her and she wuz put the radio on and stuff.. and erin said that today she brought balloons for everybody! i wuz like OMG I WANT SUM! she switched for a longer route tho... sux booty
well im gonna go..
o yeah colleed asked out emily but she said no. hez a junior from afghanistan hez nice and all but he can be annoying...
ok well tootlez

well today wuz gloomy.. i mean it wuz rainy, gray, cold and just nasty... all nite i couldnt stop thinkin bout ryan cuz he sounded rly rly sad..on the phone yesterday.. and then i woke up a half hour late this morning... i think im getting rly sick it sux. i always get sick when i never get enuf sleep... today wuz perty boring... dance sucked... we worked on our childrens concert peice but my ankle iz screwed... in world history we took notes, watched a movie ( i wrote ryan a note and then went to sleep). lunch wuz ok... sean called jonet and it vibrated and i felt it on my leg it scared the crap outta me lol... i worked with sarah and talked to aj cough lol... and in enlgish we did sum crap i dont rly knoe i just talked to taylan the whole time... still no word from rico.. i hate this! i cant believe i miss him this much... but i do... weird huh?
on the way walkin home it wuz boring.. the whole day i stepped in like 20 puddles my jeans were soaked and i wear flip flops everyday now.. so it wuz weird... it wuz rly cold walkin home tho but i like my feet cold and here i am rambling about my feet... i kiccked a starburst wrapper all the way home and then threw it away lol. it wuz like SOCCER! ahahaha but yeah emily cant stop talkin bout aj and sumbodiez told meh they saw ryan at the convience store by walgreens with these slutty gurls ahahaha.. hmm yeah... ive just been talkin to peepz online... me and jeff and an interesting convo, jay haz a conflict lol and kira wuz just boring ok well ima go now
tootlez

:: and all this valentines stuff is makin me sad but i try not to let it get to me::

my tongue got burnt...
i just got back from the iCe CaPaDeS... or wutever.. and im exhausted... i only got 4 hours of sleep last nite trying to study but i said fuck it... and then i talked to ryan till after 11 online... it wuz weird tho... i ono everything is just so WeIrD... i didnt go to sleep till after midnite which is rly late for me on a weekday and then i woke up at 5...

today wuz kinda a bad day... we had to go to our arts area first and it was dance and all freshman had an africa class with ms schmid which wuz well entertaining and very stupid... we didnt have time to dress in back to clothes to go to first period so i just put on my skirt and left my leotard and tights and went to dance... mimi stole my shoes so i went barefoot lol and then i had to walk all the way back after tellin coach rivera wut happened... when we came back to dance level 2A (or 3A im not sure wut they call us) and 4 had a guest artist but the class wuz so short cuz of the arts thing... in biology we had that damn quized and i knoe i failed no joke....o well... i knew i should have just skipped... in lunch it wuz rly funnie we took a bunch of pictures... and im trying to get carlos to talk to rico for me but rico had a rlyrlylry bad day ttoday and everytime i try to talk to him i freeze up and just say hey but he never says n e thing back and that pisses me off... ali said that he wouldnt stop telling her how much he hated me... grr..
in algebra it wuz boring but it had sum fun moments... we never went over our very hard hw tho... mr allen gave us a letter telling us which class we should take next year cuz next wenesday during A4 all freshman go to this assembly about all the courses we should take... mr allen said i should take geometry honors next year... but there is no honors class but they r thinking of making one cuz freshamn, sophomore and juniors and sum seniors will be taking it next year and they need more teachers... but this means i cant take algebra 2 next year like i wanted... o well hoo cares.

The IcE cApAdEs wuz pertay fun... it wuz me, rachel, emily and nikki and we got there like a hour and half b4 the show started... cuz they lady that took us worked there.. it wuz at the arena.. i laughed so hard but then i cried during the preformance lol.. im soooo random.. it wuz they song so... Come Away With ME by Norah JOnes and i used to love that song and it wuz so sad i cried.. no one knew tho.. then i cried when they skated to Hero by Enrique... u all knoe that one.the ixe skating wuz soo pretty i love ice skating.. ever since i wuz 5 i wanted to be a figure skater but ive only been ice skating like 3 times and i suck rly bad.. i wish i could go again.... we saw emily's daddy and i talked to ryan.. well sorta i called him and we talked for like 5 minutes and i burnt my tongue on a hot dog. OUCHIES! i gave the phone to rachel and then emily cuz they wanted to talk and then while emily wuz talkin to ryan rachel goes and spits all of this sprite all on my face and it wuz sooo nasty.. it wuz a lot too..grr it got in my contacts and in my hair but it wuz rly funnie... i guess lol it just came outta no where... i went to the bathroom to clean off but when i came back emily said that she had to hang up cuz they couldnt hear eachother but she told ryan that i would call him back... i did and he didnt pick up... i wuz dissapointed cuz i wanted to talk to him so bad and tell him everything i wuz feeling but i didnt rly get the chance... and sumtimes i think i never will bcuz my mom keeps telling me hour im never seeing him ever again and i cry myself to sleep wishing it wuz how it wuz but no matter how hard i wish... it haznt come true... yet.. i hope there is hope lol... but yeah.. ive been sleeping with the stuffed doggy he gave me for christmas for the past 2 and a half weeks and sumtimes it makes me feel better and sumtimes it justs makes me feel worse... *sigh* this sux.. i guess this is always happening to me to teach me sumthing only i wish i knew wut it wuz so i wouldnt have to go throo it ever again cuz itz so depressing... well im out.. im tired

oyeah and i think there iz sumthin rly wrong with me cuz for like the past year and a half i guet this rlyrly rly sharp pains in my chest when i breath and itz so random but it hurts ALOT. i dont wanna tell my mom it will freak her out... it goes away after a couple days most times

i love u ryan
goodnite


"cOmE aWaY wItH mE"

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

:: this song makes me so sad.. i think im gonna go cry now..::

well in 4th period english today we had to write sumthing that started with the sky is gray... emily said mine wuz good so im gonna put it on here since i dont feel like studying for that big ole biology quiz...

"This Is My Journey"

The sky is gray
The rain pours
and floods the ground below it
And I walk
Slowly I stroll through the sheets of rain
On top of the slippery road

Where am I going?
My feet lead me to a path forward
The destination is unclear to my eyes
I don't have a place to go
For what I used to have,
is no longer there
And in what I once found comfort
I now find dispair

So aimlessly I kept going
Until the very moment
In which I slipped and fell
The sharp pain down through my back
was enough for me to snap

And there I layed
In the middle of the slick wet road
And i cried
I had been wanting to cry for so long
The tears streamed down my face almost as hard as the rain did
The rain beat me down on me like little stones,
Resembling everything that has gone wrong
This is my journey.