iT mUsT hAvE bEEn LuCk

:: 2005 15 April :: 10.04pm

i just love how everyone is talking down on me

:: 2005 15 April :: 9.08pm

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right

:: 2005 15 April :: 5.47pm

i saw him todai

:: 2005 15 April :: 11.34am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Secret by Maroon 5

ahhh.. im home once again my mom wouldnt let me go to school and now she wont let me go to noodlerama and i wuz like "what?! o helllllllll naaw" lol but i dont knoe. my mom called the doctor todai to ask y i need to take 2000 mg twice a day of this one anti biotic called augmentin or sumthin.. n e hoo she thought it was weird for me to be taking so much of it... but yeah her boss had mentioned one of her friends having cellulitis and having to go to the hospital cuz it got rly bad... and then when my mom called the doctors office they said the reason y i was taking so much is because theyre treating my leg for cellulitis. they think thats what i have but theyre not positive. i do have most of the symptoms tho... i looked it up online lol cuz i didnt knoe what the hell it was. n e hoo basically its a bacterial infection in the deeper tissues of the skin. its not contagious but if its not treated right away it can get rly serious and i guess thats y im taking all this cuz they wont want that to happen. but yeah that pretty much ruins my whole entire weekend. all this from laying out for 45 minutes. geez. first sun poisoning and now this. i guess the sun doesnt like me very much lol. but mi mama said i prolly got it from scratching my bite on my leg but shes not sure.
im gonna go im tired. but if my leg doesnt get better by 2moro i have to go back to la doctora.
tootz <3

:: 2005 15 April :: 10.33am
:: Mood: sickly

AnD nEvEr LeT mE gO...

:: 2005 14 April :: 6.36pm

~ i got this from a my space bulletin its pretty sweet~

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of
questions,
She is wondering how long you will be
around.

When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a
few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you sadly,
She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL IM's you first and genuinely
listens to you talk endlessly about anything
and everything, even if it's another girl,
She likes you. (only sumtimez though)

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,
She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says "I love you",
She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live
without you,
She has made up her mind that you are
her future.

When a GIRL says "I miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more
than that

TrUe DaT

:: 2005 14 April :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: longing
:: Music: Aqueous Transmission by Incubus

~LuCkY fOuRtEeN~

interesting day i must say..

i went to school as normal.. took my chemistry test as normal... and failed it. and then i went to dance in 2nd period and i showed kristy my bite that i got yesterday laying out and i thought it was a mesquito at first but it started to hurt rly bad. and like my in my inside area it started hurting and it hurt to walk.. so i wuz puttin on my pointe shoes and i wuz complaining to kristy how bad it hurt and it hurt to move my leg and stuff. she told me to tell ms stampolia but i didnt want to... but ms stampolia kinda freaked out and told me i needed to see a doctor rite away but i didnt think it was that serious. i called my mom and she freaked out and then she came to pick me up and then we got in the car and she started looking for my doctors number. but it went to voicemail and no one answered. so she called my dad and told him she didnt think it was this so-n-so spider cuz its been 3 or 4 hours since the bite. BUT had specifically told her TWICE ii got bit yesterday while i was laying out. and then she started yelling at me blahblahblah and we got into a fight cuz she said i never said that. but i knew what i said. so she said it prolly wasnt a big deal and it was prolly a fire ant. but i was like ah ah i knoe wut a fire ant bite feels like and its not this. we stopped at the library by my house and i drove in the parking lot for a bout a half hour haha it was funnie. and then my mom had to go in the library and get somethin. i called ryan but he didnt answer, but he called me this morning to say he was staying home todai. by then it hurt so bad to move my leg i bout cried... ryan called rite b4 we left the library but i told him i would call him back when i got home so when i got home i ate and then i went to my room and called him. we talked for bout an hour but then he let me go cuz i was fallin asleep and i wuz feelin woozy. he said he wanted to see me and that he was gonna come to my bus stop but since i was at home... so i offered for him to come over cuz he said he didnt go to work till 6 todai. i fell asleep for an hour and he called me at 2:30 when i said i would call him at 2. he wanted to come over so i went up to ask my mom and she looked at my bite and said the swelling had spread down my leg and i that i needed to hurry up and get dressed so we could go to the doctor. so i told ryan and i was disappointed cuz i rly wanted to see him.. but its ok cuz he rly had to be at work at 4 n e way. we'll see eachother later. b4 next week of course lol. but n e hoo my mom took me to this place on cesery and we waited forever i.. like an hour. and then i saw the doctor and he said it looked kinda like a yellow jacket stung me but he wasnt sure. but i was like ah ah i woulda definately felt that. cuz i didnt feel n e thing bite me. but he didnt know what it was. but it hurt so bad and it hurts to touch it n e where around it.. he wanted to be agressive with it lol and treat me with steriods but my mom was like ah ah just give sum anti biotics and sum anti hystamines. the doctor offered to take a blood test to see what was goin on and my mom was like ok cuz shes been rly tired lately abnormally tired. it was pretty sweet to see my blood in a tube lol cuz ive never had blood drawn from me b4. so he tested for diabetes, mono and anemia. but i had none of that but i did have a high count of white blood cells and i had some sort of bacterial infection and he wasnt sure if it was an upper respatory infection or if it was related to the bite. but he gave me an prescription and told me to come back on saturday if it didnt get n e better... but it hurts so bad i wanna cry... im gonna try to lay down but it turns to lay down ahh i ono. and i walk funnie with this weird limp haha.
ok tootz
<3

**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"Forgive my indecision"
-- Incubus

:: 2005 13 April :: 10.35pm

I never knew I could...

:: 2005 13 April :: 9.15pm
:: Mood: contenta
:: Music: Echo by Incubus

todai was alrite... well except for that whole bus mess. its so lame. what ever happened to the good ole 324 days...

i talked to ryan for bout 2 1/2 hourse on the phone it was pretty sweet but he had to go when his mom got home at like 8. i rly miss him...

ryann floyd just left she came over at like 8:30 for me to help her out with chemistry and now i need to tend to my own chemistry needs. i have a real big test tomorrow and i need to start understanding what we're doing i have no clue.

toots. <3

:: 2005 12 April :: 8.22pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Warning by Incubus

wow i just woke up to eat some pizza. yumm. i pretty much slept for the past 3 hours. i rly needed it. but now i have a bunch of hw that i need to tend to and im not rly feeling that rite now.. mimi was freaking out cuz she called me like 5 times while i was asleep and of course everyone in my house is so fucking retarded they cant even answer a damn phone. im the only one hoo ever does. so she thought sumthing happened to me and started freaking out and called ryan but hes at work so he didnt pick up.. and i rly wanna talk to him but his mom took his cell away cuz she caught him taking the car while she was in church and i ono when he'll get it back.. and hes at work todai bcuz he skipped yesterday so i ono if i'll be able to talk to him. maybe he'll call when he gets home..
todai was a weird day. ive been so tired lately and last nite i was talkin to aj online and i didnt finish my chemistry till like 12 or sumthin i dont remember... chemistry is so damn hard it makes me tense lol and im rly stresseed...

yesterday was ok... i spent all sunday night coughing so i barely got like 2 hours of sleep... i felt fine during 1st & 2nd period but i started to feel rly sick during 3rd &4th... o yeah and aj got me one of the incubus cds. morning view cuz it has wish you were here which is like one of my fav songs of all time and yeah it was rly sweet of him. he gave it to me b4 school started and he goes "happy late birthday" i wuz like aw that is so sweet it rly was. and ive been listening to it ever since the minute i got home yesterday its such a good cd. ya... but then.. i saw my boo. he skipped school yesterday... badbadbad. and him and his friend jon boi hung out and then took him over to DA and he rode the bus home with me and we hung out at my house until my mom made him go home at 6 lol. and i had to listen to the incubus cd rite when we got home lol. but we had fun... it was rly nice to see him since that whole thing on sunday where i didnt get to. and mmm his *kisses* lol. i rly miss him. he didnt go to work yesterday so he could see me.. and he never called in sick or n e thing so i ono if maybe he got in trouble or if his mom had n e thing to say about it when she got home at like 8:30 last nite cuz thats when he got off the phone with me... i ono but i think hes working now..

im rly tired and i need to go hw but i dont feel like it.. ahh.
OoO i just found out mario was the one hoo got taken away n the ambulance he had a seizure. he just got back from the hos-pee-tal thats sum serious shit. scary. but hes ok now so its all good.

<3

**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"When I close my eyes... I remember how to smile"
--Incubus

:: 2005 11 April :: 6.56pm

yeah that pretty much hurt like a bitch...

:: 2005 11 April :: 6.21pm
:: Mood: contento
:: Music: Echo by Incubus

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen
Something infinitely interesting
There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing
Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen
Something infinitely interesting

:: 2005 11 April :: 6.09pm

his love is like WhOa

:: 2005 10 April :: 6.47pm
:: Music: Frontin by Pharrel ft Jay-Z

you know i want you bad....

:: 2005 10 April :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: angry

i am so pissed rite now its not even funnie

:: 2005 10 April :: 11.33am

all i ever think about is this

:: 2005 9 April :: 1.05pm

...i LoVe HiM sO mUcH...

:: 2005 8 April :: 9.44pm

---MY ANGEL MY FRIEND---
by: RGB

I never thought that I would find
a friend so great and a friend so kind
I look up to you in every way
'cause I learn something from you every day.

Without you I don't know where I'd be
but you're still here, friends with me
you deserve so much more than I can give
but without you I wouldn't live.

You've given me more than money can buy
and for you I'd give my all and I would die
This feeling I feel gets stronger every day
hoping not to screw it up, I constantly pray.

I know we have our problems every now and then
but once it's fixed our friendship is better times ten
and I want you to know that I truly do care
even in fights when I say things that aren't fair.

You're an angel from God up above
and I'm thankful for your understanding love
because when you're around everything seems right
and for you, until the end, I will fight.

It doesn't matter what you do or say
because you'll be my friend anyway

I know the real you that's down deep inside
and in you, I'll always confide.

Thanks for being the friend you are
you're my best friend, an angel by far
everything in you is an inspiration to do great
and you'll be loved by all cause that's your fate!

So never stop being the real and wonderful you
cause God shines through in all that you do
and whenever it seems like I'm never there
remember this: I love you and I'll always care!

:: 2005 8 April :: 5.08pm
:: Mood: sickly
:: Music: Be Yourself by Audioslave

todai wasnt a very good day

in 1st period, in chemistry i didnt know what the hell was going on im so lost. and like b4 everything was so easy.. but not no more.

and then like in 2nd, 3rd and 4th period i was like feeling really delirious...

and like i ono todai was just like a weird day and me and ryann are in a fight because shes always going around telling me and a bunch of other im such a horrible person or wutever.. and its pissing me off. i could handle the first 3 times but its like every freaking day .. and it was rly starting to get to me so in the dressing room todai she did it again and i snapped and i yelled at her. and then after school she asked me if i wanted to hang out with her like nothing was wrong but im still kinda mad at her.. cuz i love her and everything but she doesnt need to go around saying that like im not supposed to upset to get about it. and she told me to get over it.. but im not. soo yeah im dont like it we're fighting but yeah

then after that i saw aj and we talked.. im glad we're talking now at least. hes still mad at me, but its ok i completely understand.

jared raped me on the bus lol haha jk ive always wanted to be a teenage mom. haha no but yeah the bus drived switched around our route so now the whole thing is backwards. and usually mines the 2nd to last stop so it would have been the 2nd stop.. but we have this new bus driver or what and she said john reynolds wasnt a stop. and i was like what? o hell naw that has been my stop for the past 2 friggin years. so i had to get off at riverton and i had to walk to 15 minutes to get home. and before it took like 5. 15 min mite not seem long but it is when ur rly tired. and i was like ah ah that is too long for me. so i ono what im gonna do...

im just rly not in a good mood and my back hurts.. i wanna talk to ryan

<3

**QuOtE oF ThE dAy**

"go for it, follow your heart... do what it takes to make you happy"
--

:: 2005 7 April :: 7.29pm

gracias.. pero no puedo

:: 2005 7 April :: 6.03pm
:: Music: Easier to Run by LP

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

:: 2005 7 April :: 5.44pm

i just broke down

:: 2005 7 April :: 4.35pm
:: Mood: contento
:: Music: running away by hoobastank

ahh.. i went to school for nothing lol. buts its cool cuz i got to talk to my homeboys during 4th period. we had a interesting convo.

n e hoo... ryan never went to that gurl kims house... maybe he was never planning to... i ono he texted me during 4th period
Ryan: I love you and I miss you and thats why i wanted to see you'
Me: I did too but I didnt want you to come over that time because my mom wasnt supposed to gone long. and then my mom left for 2 hours and i was all alone, and i texted you and you were mad at me..
Ryan: no i was so tired and i went all the way over there for a cookie. An my leg is feeling bad again so once i got home i went right to bed. I'm still tired my legs hurt from my dang push cart.
Me: aw im sorry
Ryan: I even had publix write on a cup cake "i love you" and i stuck a candle in it and i left it where i asked you out for the first time like three houses away from yours. probably not there now cuz its rainin but yeah.
Me: aw im sorry its my fault...
Ryan: no its not yours. I just took it apon myself to come over. But i should have listened when you said you didnt want to see me.
Me: I never said I didnt want to see you I just didnt want my mom come back and have you there. I'll make it up to you..

and yeah thats pretty much it i felt rly bad cuz thats all he did todai and yeah... but after school kristie and i ran all the way to behind the portables in the parking lot to her car and we got soaked. me and her went to keikos alterations on merrill to look at her prom dress after she got everything done to it. its different but its rly cute. then we went to mcdonalds.. cuz i was craving an oreo mcflurry. we went throo the drive thru and i saw ryan gave us our food at the 2nd window cuz he works the drive most days. haha shouldve seen his face when he saw me.. funnie stuff. he didnt rly say n e thing to me tho o well. n e hoo kristie got 2 apple pies and she didnt want the 2nd one but she looks at the box and it 2 holes on the side and she goes "what are the holes for? so you can smell it?" omg it was so funnie. and then she took me home and we went to see if the cupcake was still there but it wasnt.

i saw aj after school when i was at kierras locker talkin to alton and he just came up to me and asked me if i wuz riding the bus. i asked him if he wanted me to walk him out there but she said no and just walked off...

toots <3

:: 2005 7 April :: 10.35am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: 40 Kinds of Sadness by Ryan Cabrera

im at hoommeee...

ah yes it felt nice to sleep in this morning. ive slept a lot lately all i did yesterday was sleep and talk to ryan on the phone...

he texted me this morning at like 8 and woke me up and were texting for like an hour and a half or sumthin and it sounded like he was joking or whatever cuz he wuz saying stuff like he doesnt want me to be home alone or whatever and that sum1 better be home with me.. cuz he didnt want sum rapist to lay a hand on me.. and no one should be layin a hang on me except for him.. lol...and i said my mom was gonna take my dad to work at like 10 and he wuz like o ok well ill be over then to protect you and i thought he was school. but then my mom left a little b4 9.. and he was like o ill be rite over by the speed of light... and i was like nah thats ok.. cuz with my luck my mom would hurry up and get home fast.. and i wuz lookin pretty gross.. and then he was like wut the hell am i supposed to do now then im almost there.. and then he said o well i guess ill just go into publix and eat a cookie. but yeah and then he said he never went to school today he wuz just hangin out at fort caroline... but he didnt say n e thing for awhile and then he texted "that was loud" and i wuz like "wut was loud?" and he never answered me so i asked again he wuz like "it was to someone else dont worry about it" and then i said "i wanna know" and he said "my friend kim, im goin to her house to hang and watch a movie." and i was like "oh.. ok well ill let you go have fun" and then he goes all off on me and says "let me go? no fuck that im gonna go. you dont let me do anything. i do what i want" and i wuz like wut the hell y did he go off on me like that... i asked him what that was all about and he never answered me he just said "your mom saw me and i waved" and i asked him y he went off on me like that and he never answered me so that was weird. o well whatever.
i dont get it tho we were doing fine... grr
o well whatever im gonna go do sum geometry and then im gonna take a shower and go to school at like 1.

<3

**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"WiLL yOu StAy ToNiGhT aNd MaKe EvErYtHiNg aLrIgHt"
-- matchbook romance

:: 2005 6 April :: 8.16pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: lovers and liars by matchbook romance

todai was weird...
very tiring and i me and ryann went to rainbow after school.

i told ryan bout aj... hmm yeah.

im super tired now i think im gonna get off the phone with mimi and go back to sleep soon

<3

**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to"
--LP

:: 2005 5 April :: 11.15pm
:: Music: My December by Linkin Park

im so sorry... please dont hate me...

:: 2005 5 April :: 5.14pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: Easier to Run by Linkin Park lol

ive been trying to listen to the linkin park cd aj made cuz i used to have this whole thing against linkin park lol. some of their songs annoy me, but for the most part theyre pretty sweet.

todai was so so. 1st period was boring, mr chic listened to our light cue sheet we had to do for hw like a million years ago but we havent seen him for awhile cuz of fcat and childrens. i just did it last nite tho lol. he said mine was good. of course haha. poor kristy went home she rly wasnt feelin well. i just sat around and ryan and me talked.. well not rly we were texting but yeah lol.

in 2nd period we actually had a real dance class lol. i havent rly had a real modern class for the past 3 weeks cuz of the concert... i sweated! but my knee still hurts rly bad from yesterday in dance when i fell on it.

in 3rd period in american musical theatre we worked on our dance to this song from les miserables. and me and ryann are doing the ketchup bottle for our scene for our final. its gonna be off the chizzain. but ms sides let us out when the bell rang and i hate it when she does that shit i cuz i had to get changed and yeah.

in 4th period.. boring yawn, english sux.

kristy was gonna pick me up at the first stop at walgreens and then we were gonna go to the alterations place and look at her prom dress, but her mom wanted to see it instead... so my mom picked me up instead and i gave ryan a wave when i saw him when he wuz at mac donalds.

and its killing me and it sux but im gonna go im talkin to mimi on the phone.

<3

**QuOtE oF tHe DaY**

"If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would"
-- LP

:: 2005 4 April :: 10.09pm
:: Music: Easier to Run by Linkin Park

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY ARTHUR J!!!!

woopwoop

:: 2005 4 April :: 9.09pm

and i knew.. that you meant it

:: 2005 3 April :: 10.38pm

i just cant look... its killing me.. and taking control