sugarjackj
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2005 8 October :: 10.21pm
:: Mood: crushed
"great hate forms mortal pain" - Medea
The problem is i am dramatic.
and a hopless romantic.
maybe thats to much to ask for, some romance.
but what do i know? I'm just a silly girl.
~*I'm thinking about u*~
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sugarjackj
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2005 8 October :: 12.19pm
| The Keys to Your Heart | 
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
Ironic huh?
Im soooo tired.
but i have to take a shower, then go to western.
Then im downtown tonight.
It's going to be a long day.
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cowsgomoo!!!
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2005 7 October :: 11.40pm
Okay, for those of you who actually read this:
I am not dead... actually very far from dead... i am feeling great. I have a girlfriend, who is fantastic, classes are going good, and I don't have to put up with shit from soccer. Life is going good
-me
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sugarjackj
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2005 7 October :: 6.51pm
I know, god was sending me a message with her phone call.
Now i just can't do it.
I can't go out and get piss drunk with him and drown my sorrows, i just cant.
Not after that
so last munite change in plans.
Im still going out, but to do something productive. I am happy for that, but i'm still sad
because i love you.
~*I'm thinking about u*~
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sugarjackj
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2005 7 October :: 4.55pm
I'm tired of guys stabing me in the heart.
i wish i could make you feel how i do.
so im going out tonight, im gonna have me some fun.
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anachronism
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2005 7 October :: 6.35am
:: Music: BOB DYLAN
Well, the 40 days of purpose res life group meetings started last night. As you can tell, I have no idea what to call it. Anyway..it went very well. There are 7 groups of couples, Brad and I are the youngest. Not by much though, all of them are in their early 20's. It was nice because I was expecting it to be really dull and everyone to be uber churchy, but they weren't like that at all. We all just talked and laughed the entire time. I guess it's every Monday for the next six weeks. It was supposed to be Thursday, but people had problems with that I guess. So, sorry Erika and especially Keegan. ;) Laguna night must be rescheduled!
Today is black day and I'm having fun with it. Even though my stinky boyfriend is being a shmuck. =) Hehehe..
I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be!
You'd be non-conforming too if you look just like me!
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anachronism
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2005 5 October :: 6.34am
:: Music: BOB DYLAN
Things are good in the hood.
Who's all going to Homecoming? I'm just wondering..
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anachronism
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2005 1 October :: 9.26am
I am in the play. I get to be a Citizen of Oz. I know, I know.. it's a very minor part and I probably have no lines that I say individually, but I'm just excited to be a part of the play. I didn't try hard at auditions and my heart was never really into this play, but I'll put my all into it now.
Red flannel day is today. How exciting. I get to do fucking everything because everyone in yearbook is a lazy ass. No one can just offer to do anything if they don't benefit from it. It drives me crazy how everyone can take that class and yet not want to do anything for it. Whatever.
Hopefully today goes well. I need to shower, later.
Edit>>
I got my Homecoming dress, it's brown. And brown is the best, so I am happy. Erika and Keegan your couple is back!
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anachronism
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2005 30 September :: 6.22am
He made me smile.
I need to just stop caring, worrying, getting so worked up, etc.
Last night was perfect. We argued a little, but it didn't end in us yelling, storming off, or me crying. It ended in him saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." And that was that.
Then we talked about a lot of things for an hour or so.
And I just want this all to last, because if I had this huge part of my life good and fixed again I don't know what could bring me down.
I love you. And always remember every word you said last night.
You can go.
I trust you.
And you know me saying that is a huge step.
Just don't make me regret these words.
Tony's a good friend.
Continue in the good direction you are going in now.
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anachronism
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2005 29 September :: 4.20pm
I am so pissed right now.
Here I am, sitting alone.. once again.
Every day I either sleep or watch tv. What a fucking life.
Auditions went terrible. If I do get a part I don't even deserve it, even though I know for sure it'll be a small role with no lines, if I get one at all. I'm just not a good actress. Bah.
Anyway, you'd think after we don't talk for a day, and fight the ones before he'd want to spend time with me, but nooo. I'm not someone to miss. I'm just a bitch who's always pissed off. Someone he can't have fun with or be himself around. I just have to accept that I can't make him happy and let him be happy somewhere else.
I don't have a car, all my friends have jobs and lifes!
But do I? Of course not.
My whole family is STUPID. Seriously.. what I am dealing with at home right now is bullshit. Complete bullshit.
I know I've said this a million times and over and over, but..
I. Just. Want. To. Be. Happy.
Is that ever going to happen?
I doubt it.
Not here, not now.
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anachronism
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2005 29 September :: 6.21am
:: Music: Death Cab for Cutie
Perfect fit.
Holding on to your grudge.
Oh, it's so hard to have someone to love,
and keeping quiet is hard
'cause you can't keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now we're throwing the fights.
I just want to believe...I just want to believe..I just want to believe..in us.
You're holding on to your grudge,
Oh, it hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love.
Brand New - Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't
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anachronism
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2005 28 September :: 6.42am
Give me one good day before I disappear.
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anachronism
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2005 27 September :: 3.55pm
Why do I even fucking bother?
It's always about you.
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anachronism
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2005 26 September :: 6.18am
:: Music: Death Cab for Cutie
I have the most insane boyfriend in the world..
but, I love him.
I know he's made a lot of mistakes and I hope I can say there will be no more (big ones at least) and actually be right this time.
He has a huge heart and I need it to be mine.
We got our rings. They are nice and simple.
They simply signify we won't do anything to hurt one another in a big way.
Sorry, I'm just rambling about things none of you care to hear.
I hate school.
But, I love hot chocolate. Mmmm.
>>Edit
Oh, and if you're a BOB DYLAN fan like I and have been waiting pathetically the 'No Direction Home' movie is on tonight at 9pm on PBS.
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