~*Janice's Life*~

:: 2005 10 August :: 7.36pm

I need some space, To bury my love around you.

5 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

wierdo

:: 2005 6 August :: 9.46am
:: Mood: tired and bored
:: Music: Def Lepard

Well, its been quite the time since i've been in here. Going on like 7 months now or something like that.

Well, i guess i'll start with the bad/depressing news. Emily broke up with me July 20th. We were together almost 9 months. It was bad........i mean really bad. I just can't stop thinking about her. I swear...for a while ....thinking about her was the only reason that i didn't kill myself. I don't want to kill myself and i'm not going to, but i did. Last week was the first time i saw her in 2 weeks. I saw her at the gas station. Then later on that night at a friends house. We didn't really talk at all and it was quite awkward. But then we talked on the phone the next day for like an hour. Nothing happened. We just kinda concluded that we would just try to be best friends. She still loves me and wants to be friends, is what she said. So yeah, once again i was heart broken. But you know what, thats life. Shit happens, and most of the time there's not a damn thing anybody can do about it, so why try.

Well, i guess the good news is my summer is going pretty good. Except for the whole paragraph up above. I'm hangin out with alot of my old friends that i haven't been around in a long time. Its alot of fun. My sister had her baby towards the end of may or beginning of June, one of the two. But she had a girl. Her name is Kelsie Rose. Kamie and Todd just got their appartment too. So i'm really happy for my sister right now. She has a baby, a job, support for the baby, and her own place with the baby's father. Its good to know that she's in good hands right now.

So yeah...i haven't wrote in here in a long time. I'm sure i missed a few people's birthday's.

Umm...Happy 18th B-day to Amy! But i already saw you after your birthday.

Erika....happy 17th birthday to you.

Um......and yeah i can't really think of anybody elses. So if i missed you, then i'm sorry and happy birthday. I've gotta get going now. Everybody in here should leave me a message or comment. It will make me feel good cause then i'll know that people read what i write and yeah.

Kevin L. Meek

:: 2005 3 August :: 8.28pm
:: Music: The sTART - Hang On Me

Aimee Echo is great.
It's amazing how much I love The sTART.

I still don�t have their SHAKEDOWN! cd.
And believe me its next on my list, but it will probably have to be a special order because they are not that big of a band.
They just have a real good new wave/80's/dark sound.
Not to mention Aimee Echo has a cool voice.
Wahoo for women singers!

I can't believe I saw them live in 99' and was not even really interested. What I wouldn�t give to go back and really appreciate it!!

:: 2005 3 August :: 7.39pm
:: Music: Interpol - NARC

My favorite Interpol member....

I�m quickly becoming obsessive about him.

Ohhh that Sam Fogarino!!!!!!!

WOOT WOOT!

9 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 2 August :: 7.09am
:: Music: Bob Dylan - Blowin' in the Wind

You've heard it all before.
This feels so weird.

I'm starting to look into college things. I'm finding the classes I want and looking into essays I can do for money and shit like that. I signed up on some website to help me search for scholarships/grants I can get.
It just feels so strange to me. I have one more year of Highschool.
I'm a senior. Saying it doesn't feel right.

I can't fucking wait to start my life.
I'm excited for college.
I just want to see what I can make of myself.
If what I picture will ever really happen or not.
At least I can say that I tried. Even if I fail.

I just can't wait..

:: 2005 1 August :: 7.55pm

People keep reminding me.
Every day I still deal with someone asking me what happened that night.
It seems I'll have to deal with this for months. I've cut it down to one line when people ask now.

I'm not mad that people ask.
But, the fact that there's a story to be told stings my eyes with regret.
I want to forget. You have no idea how badly. I'm sick of writing about it. Talking, thinking about it.
Every way I try to escape it, it just follows me.

*sigh*
Why do things like this "just happen" ?

:: 2005 1 August :: 12.29pm
:: Music: Fleetwood Mac - Tusk

"You want to be a whore without claiming the title."

That line is so true to society.
I honestly don't think that could have been said any better.

3 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 28 July :: 4.50pm

Liz had her baby when i was at work! im going to go see it!

HOORAY FOR BABIES!

:: 2005 26 July :: 8.25pm
:: Mood: shocked
:: Music: Interpol - Evil

It's too soon

I just think I'm in shock. It does not seem real. I would react more but for some reason, it's almost like everything is going to be fine.

The doctors opened up my Aunt Marry to take out some of her cancerous lung, then they shut her back up.

The cancer is all over; too much to even try and take it out now.

I know my grandpa is having a really hard time with it.

Maybe you don't pray, but I'm asking you all too please pray for her.

:: 2005 25 July :: 8.26pm
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: Interpol - Slow Hands

Wow....

I love Interpol.

Anyone know them?

But yeah, i think this weekend is going to be great!
I'm so glad Chris is such an awesome boyfriend.
I know I'm lucky.

AHHHDISEGFIBASEROGF!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait to go to Mt.Pleasant!!!! I'm so excited to get back there.
It's funny how everthing has worked out. I know its something big though. Something life-long. And if nothing more in my life works out, i know this friendship will.

It's weird.
But it works.

:: 2005 25 July :: 8.04pm

What if there was no light
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

What if I got it wrong
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in you life

Oooooooh that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Oooooooh that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try
Oooooooh that's right

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side

:: 2005 25 July :: 3.49pm
:: Music: Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice, It's All Right

I'm just trying to forget and move on.
It hurts, but I have to get past that.

I've never felt so much regret for one night.
dsbhfbsdhfbdshfhdsafadb;fjdasf

:: 2005 23 July :: 7.05am

Tainted.
Nothing will ever be the same.

I can't feel like I used to. All I want to do is go back a week and change everything.

I want to feel wanted. Like I'm the only one. Like I'm not only good enough, but I'm so much more. Not settled for.
I want to feel the security I felt a few days ago.
So cherished and loved.
But, everything's gone.
And I feel empty and sad.

His company doesn't even soothe me anymore because I feel worthless.
I hate myself.
Attachment is the worst disease. It makes you do stupid shit.

I feel stupid, like a pushover. People can just hurt me and get away with it because I feel so fucking strong and I care so fucking much.

I'm ruined. I feel like that spark of happiness and optimism is gone. My mind is poisoned with that image that won't go away.
Him and her..

I'm pathetic. I'm weak. I am what I never wanted to be.

Things will never be the same.
I don't feel pretty anymore. I'm not confident with my body anymore.
When we kiss I don't feel special. That feeling of complete happiness is lost and replaced with him and her together. I'm not special or the only anymore. I'm just another.
And all of this makes me sick to my stomach.

I want true love and perfection. What I thought I had.
My future looks like a series of huge mistakes.

I have never cared so much about someone that has hurt me so much. I can't help it. I know what I should do, but I can't do it. I've fallen in love with someone who doesn't feel how they used to. Something left them.. and here I am..being more in love than ever.

"Go with your heart."
Nothing has ever been so wrong.
Don't.

Be careful.
Think.

Be willing to get hurt, 'cause you will.

Everyone is a liar.

:: 2005 22 July :: 7.22pm
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: Madona - Amazing

I do believe you shart yourself...

J Joyous
A Accurate
C Clever
K Keen
I Influential
E Enjoyable

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

But then I like this one too�.

J	Juicy
A	Arty
C	Charismatic
Q	Quality
U	Unforgettable
L	Loving
Y	Yummy
N	Noisy

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Juicy AND yummy!!!