:: 2004 4 March :: 10.42 pm

I got a headache. I need to shower. Play wasn't thrilling tonight. I was depressed pretty much all day, but now I'm not. At least I don't think I am. I'm too stressed to think. I might've failed my calc quiz today. later.

3 burns | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 3 March :: 10.30 pm
:: Mood: stressed

Why did we have to run the show in costume? Why am I a bad actor? Why did tonight suck? I forgot nearly all of my props, nearly missed an entrance, broke a button off my costume...learned that I've been singing the wrong harmony in "Friendship." Man. Monday night was much better, and now it's just getting old. Not to mention other people who treat my like I'm retarded. Maybe, they don't, and maybe that's just how I perceive it. Maybe they're just trying to make the show better, but you don't have to explain something to me fifty times. Now that I think of it, I think I am partially retarded. My motor skills are ill. Tonight, dinner consisted of orange juice, cheese crackers, and a rice krispie treat. My mom's been getting on my nerves all day. How many days until I graduate?

1 burn | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 2 March :: 6.48 pm

I went to the doctors today, and now I'm a guinea pig. It was kind of funny because walking out the Hackely Professional Buildng who do I see? Mrs. Macvoy, the play's coreorapher. She asked if I was getting sick and said that I was just getting a check up. I had to miss calculus to keep my appointment...speaking of which, I have two nights of hw to do.

Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 1 March :: 10.53 pm

Just Another Manic Monday
I don't really like mondays. Last night I got five hours of sleep, but I was falling asleep throughout the day. After school I had to go pick up our repaired car, so I only got to rest for a bit. Play practice started at 4:30, and we got to review saturday's tape. Tonight we did a full run-through in dress, and it actually looks kinda good. Things are finally starting to fit together. Well, I got to study for world studies and tomorrow I got an appointment. Later.

1 burn | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 29 February :: 9.41 pm

Well, the dress rehersal wasn't exactly a dress rehersal. All we really did was put on our costumes and mics and sing through the show's musical numbers with the pit. Random note: shocking people is fun (hehehe).

2 burns | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 29 February :: 12.23 am
:: Mood: drained

tech day in review
Play takes so much out of me. After the run-through tonight, I was so drained that I couldn't do anyhing the rest of the night. That, and I had the never-ending headache. Overall, the show needs improvement. A lot of lines and blocking were skipped/forgotten. During my brig scene with th cards, I completely blanked out. I was like a deer in headlights. I still gotta incorporate more upper body movment. Before the practice, Dr. Reilly showed made a presention of the pictures he's taken since we started. He's really good with that. Plus, its awesome to see how far we've come. I guess our car needs some serious repair, so we're only down to one car. It happened while I was at play, so my dad came and took the car I drove in (the good car) and I had to walk home. Not exactly enjoyable when you're about to fall over. And what does my dad say when I walk in the door? "What'd they serve for dinner?" Uhm..nice one, dad. Then I asked him how The Passion was and he said "it was okaaay." To make it even better, he hogged the tv from the time I came home, took a nap, and long after I got up, watching some stupid star trek movie and "Antique Roadshow" on PBS! I was a little frustrated with stuff tonight. I saw "Peg" at the gas station, which was kind of weird/funny. Well, I'm zoning, so I'm out.

Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 28 February :: 1.24 am

Tonight was nice. I actually got to hang out with Katie and Christina outside of school/play. We used to hang out in the past, but then all our friends went off and did their own thing I guess. Anyways, they taught me how to play poker tonight: both draw and stud. So maybe I'll have an idea about what I'm saying on stage. We also went to the Catholic v. Reeths Puffer hockey game. Josie and I took turns taking pictures, and during the halftime we met the infamous "Paul." The only bad part of the night was seeing a friend sad and not being able to really help her or comfort her. I know she'll be alright though.

On a completely cynical/satirical/morbid note, I thought about something when I was driving home...No one's life is perfect, right? And in the scope of things, one human life doesn't seem that significant. If life is so meaningless, why don't we all committ suicide all at once? Hey, we'd be dead and there'd be no more problems ; )

1 burn | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 27 February :: 12.34 am

Play is starting to get stressful. We open in two weeks, and that is pretty scary. Dress Rehersal is Sunday, and I'm going to crap my pants. Tonight we had some issues arrise as to a lead potentially dropping out. I hope they don't because not only would they screw the show over, but they would end up regretting it down the road. Right now is the most difficult part of play, but come opening night, closing night, and all the performances inbetween, it will be completely worth it. I can't even describe the estatic feeling of self-accomplishment/worth that you get after a performance. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. Anyways, today I practically emptied my checking account out to buy a ticket for.......BLINK 182 + NO DOUBT LIVE, TWEETER CENTER, CHICAGO, JUNE 13TH, 6:30 PM! I think I'm going to ride down with Brandi...that show is going to be awesome.

1 burn | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 25 February :: 11.15 pm
:: Music: lustra "scotty doesn't know"

Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 25 February :: 2.17 am
:: Music: OAR "black rock"

Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 24 February :: 8.19 pm
:: Mood: physically/mentally drained

Today is just one of those days where I want to go sleep on the train tracks. It seems like nothing's going right, and I have a high temper (true, all the sugar I had is probably having an affect on me). I'm physically and mentally exhausted (again, it's probably the sugar). I have terrets. To sum things up: my dad is stupid, college stuff is overwhelming, I have to memorize act II in one night, I need to recooperate.

Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 24 February :: 12.09 am
:: Mood: pissed off

Fuckkk. Fuck you. and you. and you. and you...but not you. You know what? I am judgemental. Generally, I am open to ideas, and don't care how other people choose to live their lives. But when people you know change and become fucking hypocrites, I become a bit offensive. I know that right now I'm just as immature as they are, but we all make mistakes. I wish people could see the mistakes they make. You know, I think all of this high school bullshit is just going to make me more closed off to the world. Oh well. I can't wait to get out of here. Tonight I got the reassurance i needed. Dr. Reilly told me that I'll love loyola. He's going to give me a list of people that he said changed his life there, and maybe they'll do the same for me. A lot more people recognized my hair than I thought...not that it matters. It's change, and I like change. I don't care what anyone else thinks.

2 burns | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 22 February :: 11.26 pm
:: Music: gc "hold on"

Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 22 February :: 11.26 pm
:: Music: gc "hold on"

Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2004 20 February :: 9.54 pm

Sleep sounds good right now, but I probably won't get there until after midnight. We'll see. Today we had our senior seminar meeting. We talked about our three job shadows and what we were hoping to get out of them. I'm going to do my shadowing in marketing, theater management, and optomatry. If all goes well and I like my job shadow experiences, I'll spend the first few years after college working in international marketing and then when I save up enough dough, I'll own and manage a small theater in chicago.

4 burns | Do you want to play with fire?