(X) I have been drunk
(x) I have kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) I have kissed a member of the same sex
( ) I crashed a friend's car
(x) I have been to Japan
(x) I rode in a taxi
( ) I have been in love
( ) I've had sex
( ) I've had sexual relations in public
(X) I've shoplifted
( ) I have been fired
( ) I have cut myself on purpose\
( ) I have smoked pot
( ) I still smoke pot :(
( ) I've had a 3-some
(X) I've snuck out of my parent's house
( ) I have been tied up. (yes...in THAT way)
(x) I pissed on myself
( ) I have been arrested
( ) I've made out with a stranger
( ) I've stolen something from my job
( ) I've celebrated New Year's in Time Square
(x) I've gone on a blind date
(X) I've lied to a friend
( ) I've had a crush on a teacher
( ) I've celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans
(x) I have been to Europe
(X) I've skipped school
( ) I have thrown up in a bar
( ) I have purposely set myself on fire
( ) I have eaten sushi
( ) I have been snowboarding
(x) I have been happy with myself
( ) I have met a movie star
( ) I had sex in a pool
( ) I went to a dance with someone of the same sex
( ) I've bungee jumped
(X) I have been to a pop concert
( ) I have dated someone for over a year
( ) I sold naked pictures of myself
(X) I have been in a car accident
( ) I have slept in the nude
(X) I've eaten cheesecake
( ) I've had jury duty
(X) I've hated someone without knowing them
( ) I have given oral sex
( ) I have recieved oral sex
( ) I've shot a real gun
( ) I've ran around with my trousers around my ankles
( ) I've had sex with someone within a week of meeting them
( ) I've done ecstasy
( ) I've gotten my ass kicked
( ) I've been caught smoking
(x) I've worn boxers
( ) I've milked a cow
( ) I've got in a verbal fight with a teacher
( ) I've cheated on someone
( ) had sex with a best friend
( ) Lied one time in this survey
( ) Lied more then once in this survey.
( ) Lied to a friend you see everyday
( ) Kissed a person that has a g/f or b/f
( ) Used ice cubes as a foreplay accessory
(X) Wasted time filling this out instead of doing something productive
( ) Have nude pics of yourself on your computer
( ) Walked across 8 lanes of interstate highway
(X) Have been to camp
(X) Have read books more than one time
( ) Have eaten cat food
(X) Have been pulled over by a cop (
( ) Own porn
( ) Am a Republican
(x) Likes classic movies
(x) Own a kitty
( ) Carried a lunchbox in high school
( ) Buy gumballs to watch them swirl in the machine
( ) Likes to be dominated
(X) Likes to drive with the windows down and the music turned up
( ) Eats PB &J for breakfast because there's nothing else

I wish I could cry
I feel terrible. I feel depressed. I feel sad for all my friends that are sad. I wish I could make them not feel sad, but unfortuneately, I do not think I can. I try to get them to open up and say what's wrong. Sometime's they do, sometimes they don't. Sometimes talking helps, but sometimes people don't want to talk. Why can't everyone be happy? Then again, what would life be without pain? A good thing about today is that I told Megan about the drinking thing and she was cool about it. I know what it's like to have people do stuff and not tell you, so I don't want to put her in that position. She said that she thought I might've been drunk but wasn't sure because I smelled like alcohol but was only a little more goofy than I usually am. We had a nice conversation about drinking. Megan's a good person. I respect her for her decisions and for the fact that she's cool with things. I don't know what it is but I feel like a shell at times. Now is one of those times. It's like I'm waiting for something that isn't coming. I really want to meet that one girl that just blows me away and will actually like me in return. I'm definitely blowing things out of proportion, but there is this one girl in two of my classes who I'm slowly (very slowly) getting to know better - and hopefully there's some sort of chance there. We'll see.

bottom of the bottle
Where to begin about this crazy weekend. Well, for starters, I got drunk friday night. Hahaha. First time. I feel bad because it was actually a lot of fun. I woke up with a slight hangover, but I remember everything. Some details were a little sketchy the next morning. Thersa, Sara, Sara D., Jessica, Keith and I all went to TKE. We had to pay $5 for cups but we could have as much beer as we wanted. It tasted gross, but I tried to down as many as I could. After last weekend, I wanted to get drunk - to see what it was like. I wasn't really keeping track of how much I had, but I think I had 7 or 8 cups in a matter of two and a half hours. It was strange because I didn't even think that I was drunk, but theresa and everyone was saying that I was, and now I definitely know that I was. I was singing and dancing and swearing and just being silly. I saw Laura, Ashley, and Nelly at the party. I think I surprised them by not only being there but by being drunk! But they said I was fun and told me I should come partying with them sometime. Oh man. I'm supposed to go to DePaul tonight, and I'm kinda hoping that there will be alcohol there - is that bad or what? Kendall and I had a nice long talk last night. A lot of the conversation was about none other than alcohol. She gave me some good advice: as long as I don't have to be drunk to have fun, I should be good. Well, so far I don't have to be - but it's turning into something that I want to do EVERY weekend! Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. She also said that a lot of it right now is the novelty of it, and that it will wear off after a while. It was ironic because when Jessica and Sara took me and keith to the rambler room to get water, we bumped into none other than Megan, and I had to check in her friend Josh that night (he was staying in my room). I think I pulled it together, but she has to know that I had been drinking. Supposedly I almost tripped when I went to go to the bathroom? Hmm..don't remember that. But Keith was so much more gone than I was, that maybe she didn't notice me as much? I dunno. I'm going to talk to her about it sometime after her friend leaves. Matt had his friend Amanda spend the weekend too, so we had a total of four people sleeping in our room. It felt like one great big massive orgy, lol. Friday night was fun too, except everyone did their own thing. I woke up after only 3 hours of sleep and worked the open house. I only gave one tour, but I spent a good amount of time talking with Laura, so it was fun. Plus, my tour group was great even though it was EXTREMELY WINDY! Immediately after, Sara D. and I went to Graceland Cemetary with the D'Arcy Art Club. It was a fun halloween activity but kind of boring because the guy giving the tour was just a bad tour guide. We got to see a few famous graves, though, and walk inside the Piper Family Mosoleum. Later in the evening, after dinner, some people went to do homework, others went to watch Donnie Darko in mertz, but Sara D. and I went to a haunted cemetary. It was great. The place was called Haunted Sanitarium and it was at the Theater on the Lake. The line to get in was like an hour long, but it was worth it. They had a lot of things jump out at you. The best was the guy with the chainsaw and the guy chained up to the wall who broke free as we passed by. Sara as screaming so loud it was funny. I just kept laughing the entire time. Find the place was an adventure in itself. Originally, the bus we needed completed passed us by! Then when we finally got on the right bus, our driver stopped to go the bathroom, we got "pulled over" by a cop because some lost person needed a ride, we got blessed by the pope, who had a gay lover, and we walked all around looking for the place after we got off the bus. On the way back we saw a fox or something in the middle of this park. Good times. When we got back Sara and I were starving so we went to Togos for some food. We tried waiting for keith but he was on the phone for a long time so we just went. Rohin went with us, and Megan and Josh met up with us there. Well, I better get some work done so I can go to this party tonight...

I don't know why I'm so exhausted. I went to bed at 4:30 and woke up at 12:30. Then after lunch I went to bed from 3:00 to 6:00. I don't even know where my day went. I got my math done, but barely. I'm still really far behind in my honors reading. Right now I'm taking a break. Thankfully, I didn't have a hangover this morning. I guess different people react differently to different amounts of alcohol. According to some people, I should've been drunk...according to others, it takes more. Hmmm...I still gotta talk to theresa about it. It's bad. I already want to go out drinking again, but I'm going to try and practice some self-control. Everything in moderation. Wow. I just remembered some of my dream(s) I had this morning. In one of them, Jessica Marsh came up to me (on a plane? or somewhere) and gave me a hug. She was really tall and really pregnant. In another one, my suitemate invited me into his room to play nitendo, but I kinda blew him off to use the bathroom? And I think my roomie might've been in one, but I don't remember. He just got back today from hanging out with his parents. Before I go, I forgot to post about the hispanic person at the 'el' last night. We were waiting for the blue line, and he was playing guitar and violin, tap dancing, AND whistling! It was amazing.

Tonight was the big performance. Speak Truth to Power. It went alright. I'll admit, however...we've had better practice run-throughs. One point during my long-ass monologue, I made a few "alterations." I said "The leeches dropped from the ground and sucked our trees..." and then I tried to cover up by saying "sucked our blood." Not too many people caught on, but it was funny. I wanted to laugh. I felt bad for Charlie because he had a long monologue and he completely lost his spot. It must've taking him a minute to find it. Imagine being on a stage for a full minute, silent, with everyone watching you! Ahh. Theresa brought the President's Ball to my attention. I guess in november my high school is having a dance - oops, did I say high school? I meant college! lol. It's supposed to be fun though. I don't know who I'll ask. Maybe I'll be a pimp for the night, as theresa suggested. On my way back from the library tonight I was thinking about "who I like," when it occurred to me, that I don't think I really like anyone right now. Is that a problem? There is one girl who I think is amazing, but I wouldn't want to push a friendship into something it's not...that already happened to me once and didn't turn out good at all.