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2003 13 August :: 3.47 am
:: Mood: cheerful
Most of everything I've said in the last twenty-four hours should be ignored due to the fact that I am bi-polar. Okay, not sure about that, but sometimes it seems that way...I've realized that I actually have some really great friends. I just get pissed when they don't tell me things. But they're still good people who go out of their way to be my friend.
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 13 August :: 1.40 am
:: Mood: pissed off
Yep, they're shitty alirght! Just when I was beginning to question otherwise, too! It makes me feel betrayed almost when they just sit their, let me make an ass of myself, and don't bother to tell me what's really going on!
1 burn |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 11 August :: 4.39 am
Justin is the #56 most common male name. 0.311% of men in the US are named Justin. Around 380975 US men are named Justin! source namestatistics.com
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 11 August :: 3.32 am
Today our cat(s) attacked two helpless bunny rabbits. One of them died, but the other is still living. My dad suggested that we crush it's skull or kill it with amonia, but my mom's trying to nurse it back to health. Right now I'm researching all about bunnies...
1 burn |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 11 August :: 12.31 am
:: Mood: content (maybe)
:: Music: black eyed peas "where is the love"
I'm doing better today, although still a little shakey (not literally). I guess this was a good day. Besides the incredibly boring mass that I had to endure today, we finally got a computer desk...so starting tomorrow I'll actually have room to put my legs somewhere. My dad and I assembled it tonight (wow, we actually did something together!) and that took a few hours.
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 10 August :: 12.18 am
:: Music: lucky boys confusion "fred astaire"
It most be something in the..air. Tonight I saw at least 6 different cop cars! One went flying right by me with its lights on (I was scared). Well...it appears that two people had a great date, and I'm happy for them. Meanwhile, I went to hobby lobby and bought art paper and charcoal pencils. I'm going to be an artist, or at least I'm going to try (summer reading). Fun saturday, huh?
1 burn |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 9 August :: 4.42 am
:: Mood: crappy
It's almost five o'clock in the morning, and I can't sleep. I never can, even if I'm tired. Right now I'm half-watching the worst police show reenactment ever. It's low-budget facade is actually amusing. Or maybe it's just the white-trash murder story that makes it so humorous. Well, I finished the first segment of The Poisonwood Bible tonight (it's for summer reading). The Price family is on a "mission" in Africa. I hate most of the characters, except Adah. Even though she has some physical/mental handicap, she is actually highly intelligent and is the only independent thinker in the family. Her twin sister, Leah, tries to suck up to her dad too much. Not to mention, how much he has brainwashed them (he is a preacher)! Leah is concerned that there won't be enough room for her in heaven! And the fact that the youngest sister, Ruth May, is becoming like Leah, makes it even more sickening. Or what about the fact that their dad thinks they will be "condemened to hell" for saying the word "damn"!!! I'm pissed off at these closed-minded, brainwashing preachers and their goody-two-shoes "oh poor me, there might not be enough room in heaven when I die because I'm just a humble dumb fuck" daughters. At least Adah relieves any doubt that the author is like that. Now how do I artistically represent all of that for my summer reading project? lol!
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 9 August :: 12.54 am
"You're 33 minutes late," says my mother when I walk in the door. I tried explaining to her that we got lost, I had to stop for gas, and I almost died tonight (okay, I didn't see the bright light, but I had to SLAM on the break a few times before I could stop!) Still, it was fun bowling and singing kereokee in white cloud. I hope debbie doesn't get in too much trouble for being home late.
2 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 6 August :: 2.47 pm
:: Mood: grumpy
This is pathetic! I took the "CareerScope" Assessment test today at MCC. The test actually made me more confused, if not utterly clueless as to what I want to do wtih my life. According to this, I'm terrible at math!?! Yet, I have high verbal scores!?! Basically, I can become any kind of "clerk" imaginable, a braille typist, a peddler, cosmetoligist, taxi driver, or bellhop! Well then, I must go fulfill my dream of being the one and only taxi-driving-peddling bell hop who gives make-overs on the weekends and types braille as a volunteer hobby!
2 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 6 August :: 1.12 am
I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel kind of..unhappy, I guess. Not suicidal or anything like that, but just like things could be better, you know? I guess I have things that I could be down about, but none of those are affecting me. Part of it might be that I don't feel like I fit into my surroundings very well. Or that I mentally and physically feel like crap right now. I've been getting headache's every day and I don't like it.
1 burn |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 5 August :: 5.47 am
:: Mood: tired but nostalgic
Whenever my mind is let to wander, it returns to a place, an image forever burned into my mind, of a darkened, deserted "Activity Center" belonging to the Drakes Ponds Apartments. For a while, that was my second home. I hung out with my friends and met new ones there. Together, we could watch tv, play nitendo, or face-off in air-hockey. My ten year old self is permenantly frozen there in time, which leads me to wander through the abandonned catacombs of my mind that reveal what my old town, Kalamazoo, was like to me. I can still remember the curving road out of Drakes Pond that became a pathway to the movie theater, the store, or the mall. I remember being able to walk up to the theater, which was really the only living thing in an dead, vaccant mall. I remember walking to the strip mall where I would buy my x-men cards or rent a video game from blockbuster. I remember going bike riding with friends to the real mall, which had a k-mart, sbarro's, t.e. merche's, montgomery wards, jacobsons, an arcade, a music store, a bike shope, and an exterior ice cream restuarant. I remember going grocery shopping with my mom at either the out-dated Spartan store or the updated Jewel/Osco (which was something of a mix between a Plumbs and a Meijer's). There are two buildings at the intersection of main street and drakes road, but I cannot place them. I think one might've been a bank, but I'm not sure. And the other, I have no clue. But anyways, this was my town. Permenantly deserted in my mind, unmoving to change, only to become blurred or forgotten. I've only been back to kalamazoo about three times since I've left, and I know it's grown with time, forgetting the shadow of what it used to be, that which is now my memory. I can still recall the itchiness of wanting to grow up, but I cannot stop my mind from wandering back to a place where I spent so much of my youth.
2 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 4 August :: 11.46 pm
:: Mood: happy
Tonight was a lot of fun spent in fremont. Jami and I picked up Jill and went to the fair, where we met up with "Jamanda." I saw a derby for the first time. It's exciting to see the cars go around in a figure 8, racing each other, hitting other cars, wheels flying off, dirt being flung at you!! After I dropped jami off, I drove past the previous site of the construction cones...and they were all gone! I guess I'll have to look elsewhere if I'm going to "obtain" one for Jill : )
1 burn |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 4 August :: 12.02 am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: "will the violins be playing"
I'm sick. I have a brain hemorage or tumor. I'm going to die.
2 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 2 August :: 7.26 pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: thursday "understanding in a car crash"
I had a dream last night. It's hard to recall the specifics because I kept on waking up and falling back asleep. But I dreamt there was another terrorist attack, only bigger, more complex. I was in new york city at the time, not sure if I was living there or just visiting. Somehow, I got the year 2008 in my head but it felt like it could have been today because I was still the same person. I don't remember where I was at, but I think it might've been a hotel or something. There were a lot of people. I overheard people talking and I saw it on the TVs on the walls. A lot of leaders all over the world had been assinated in some major attack. And Ireland/England were also attacked somehow.
3 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2003 2 August :: 7.26 pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: thursday "understanding in a car crash"
I had a dream last night. It's hard to recall the specifics because I kept on waking up and falling back asleep. But I dreamt there was another terrorist attack, only bigger, more complex. I was in new york city at the time, not sure if I was living there or just visiting. Somehow, I got the year 2008 in my head but it felt like it could have been today because I was still the same person. I don't remember where I was at, but I think it might've been a hotel or something. There were a lot of people. I overheard people talking and I saw it on the TVs on the walls. A lot of leaders all over the world had been assinated in some major attack. And Ireland/England were also attacked somehow.
Do you want to play with fire? |
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