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2002 26 December :: 7.14 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: "cadilac pimpin'" by Young Bloodz
day after christmas
Goodmorning Sunshine! I actually went to bed last night, and this morning I woke up at 6:30. Well anyways, Yesterday...I think Emily felt bad for me, that my christmas was so shitty, and that's why she was trying to cheer me up. We went to see the Hot Chick. That movie is hilarious as hell! Afterwards, we just hung around her house, played monopoly, and I left. Somehow, now that Christmas has passed, things seem better. Hopefully the new year won't be so depressing!
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 25 December :: 7.54 am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: "Mahadeva" by Astral Projection?
In my angry rampages last night I wrote,
"My Christmas is ho-ho-horrible! Thanks for nothing dad...oh wait, thanks for the toothbrush! A whole $4.50! I don't know, I wasn't expecting much this Christmas, and I didn't have any money to get presents for anyone else, but a toothbrush? C'mon! Why get me anything at all, right? I realize that my Europe Trip is going to cost a lot, but why not tell me it's one of my x-mas presents at the least? (and who out there considers going to their school Christmas dance a christmas gift from their parents?) Sometimes I feel like nothing more than a painful expense. You're not a father, so stop pretending to be!"
I know, I know...I'm just an ungrateful, greedy bastard, but wouldn't you be if all you got for Christmas was a toothbrush? Santa didn't even come this year, not even for my sister.
4 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 24 December :: 12.10 am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: "happy hardcore" by Bad Boy Bill
Resolved?
Okay, so all day I felt liked I wanted to escape, but that I really didn't have anywhere to go. Finally, I went to Gina's and we watched Cruel Intentions. I like that movie. When I came home, my mom was much saner. She admitted to over-reacting, but never really apologized for the things she said, she just blamed it on other things.
Unfortuneatly, I have to get up tomorrow before noon, so I have to try to go to sleep. Everyone have a merry Christmas : )
2 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 23 December :: 5.05 pm
And another thing, my mom took the christmas checks that my grandpa sent my sister and I. She's threatening not giving them to us. I wish I could do stuff, but I don't have any money.
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 23 December :: 4.47 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
Why does my mom have to make my life a living HELL? Right afer I wake up today I hear her start calling me a "fucking shithead, ugly asshole bastard." And I didn't even do anything! She got mad because my aunt sent a package and it had a knife in it...presumably for me. Way to overreact or what? I was on the computer, at which point she pulled the plug and told me to go upstairs. That's when I yelled, "mom, you're CRAZY! You need to be in a mental instituion." I picked up a chair and aimed the legs at her - just for effect...to scare her. You know, sometimes I want so badly to just hit her, knock her down, cause her physical pain, but I see that as a weakness. Violence is the easy way out, right? Besides, the next day when she's sane, I know that I'd regret it. My life fucking sucks!
1 burn |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 23 December :: 2.36 pm
:: Mood: angry
OKay...
So I'm sitting here listening to my mom calling me a "fucking shit head, bastard, big ugly asshole." And all of this is right after I wake up.
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 23 December :: 1.29 am
:: Mood: bored
Today SUCKED, and I'm burning up in here! (Isn't it ironic, considering my new pic?) I better not be sick, or I'm going to be angry! I got up around 1:00pm, and from there, I just sat around until 4:00, when I went to communal confession. This is my second time going to one. I like it a lot better than private confessions because you just write your sins down on a piece of paper, and put them in a basket at the front of the church. Well, after church, I called Emily and she already had plans with Amanda. I was kind of mad, but it's okay. I knew that Regina had family over today, so I didn't think I could go over there. At 7:00 my family left to go see a movie I had already seen, Sweet Home Alabama. I didn't particularly like it, so I stayed home. After a hot conversation with Kenesha, I drove to Blockbuster and rented Star Wars II and a video game. I watched Star Wars, and played a little of the video game, so here I am now. Did my day suck or what? See, I told you so! It's pathetic. Next thing I know, I'll be going back to school, and I won't have anything good to remember from this break. Okay, I am seriously burning up, so I'm outta here...
1 burn |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 22 December :: 12.36 am
:: Mood: jubilant
A little about my day today...
Bowling was at 9:30 am. Now i hear it's going to start at 8:30! What crap is that? Oh well, I want to drop it anyways. I'm not really getting any better, my average sucks, and I could use the money for the Europe trip instead.
Surprisingly, after church this afternoon, my dad gave me some money so that I could buy a christmas present. I went to the mall and bought someone's gift. Emily came over and helped me wrap it (so whoever gets this gift, don't think I'm gay, lol). Emily is so much fun though. We were making Christmas cards, and we made a prank one to put in someone's mailbox. I drove her over to this person's mailbox and she put the card inside. Emily wanted to put a card in Nick's mailbox, but I figured that his mom would see it and get mad. But it is a funny card.
Oh yeah, what do you all think about my picture? Is it better than the last one? I usually don't like my picture, but I think this one is pretty cool (I'm not concieded or anything!)
Well I'm off to la la land...zzzzz.....
2 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 21 December :: 12.01 am
:: Mood: okay
another friday night
Tonight was fun. Nick and Andre came over and we went to Melissa's. We almost died twice (slippery roads), and surprisingly, I didn't see my life flash before my eyes. Maybe it's because i have a bad memory. Anyways, at Melissa's Regina "straddled" me. Oh, that was fun! ; ) I'm glad b/c I think I'm becomming more comfortable around Regina, especially after tonight. It was weird, though, when I walked her out to her car and everyone was starring at us!
Well, I'm going to go off to bed now and read my book. It's definitely unique. Except for the whole sex, drinking, and working in a gay porn theater, I can almost relate to the main character.
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 20 December :: 10.17 am
You are EMO! You like sad music that makes you think. Sounds good to me. Just make sure that if you cry while you write in your notebook, use a pen with waterproof ink, it sucks to write something then have it smudged everytime you read it.
are you a REAL emo kid?
brought to you by Quizilla
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 19 December :: 11.02 pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: noise emitting from the tv
a little bit about today
Thursday!!! Tomorrow is the last day before Christmas break! It\'s going to be wonderful...up unti l Jan. 6th when I start stressing over school again. I want to sleep in every day, and not have any responsibilities. I just want to go out and do stuff whenever i feel like having fun - and I want to have FUN!
Today in French we were watching a video from this past summer\'s Europe trip. It got me thinking. I\'m so glad that I get to go to Europe. Only, I wish that I could not only go around and look at stuff, but actually experience life there. It\'s going to be awesome in Paris because Katie and I are planning on going to a dance club and having some FUN! I think we can pass for 18 ; )
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 18 December :: 9.48 pm
Not much happened today, and I don't even know why I'm posting. But I'll tell you about my day. I brought my chop sticks in and Yoku tried to teach me how to use them (unsuccessfully), but at least I know what it's SUPPOSED to look like! Tonight I went to Barnes and Noble to wrap gifts for the Europe Trip fundraiser. Afterwards, I looked around and got some stuff. I bought these "maps" of Italy and France w/ usefull expressions. I also bought a book called "The Fucked Up." It sounds interesting, and is supposed to be humorous. It's about a guy in NYC who is...Fucked up!?! Oh yeah, I'm no longer as upset with my PSAT score b/c I found out that people scored in the 56th percentile. So, for the meantime, I'll be uneasily content with my score. (is that better Jill? lol)
1 burn |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 17 December :: 12.01 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
reflect on memories
Wow,
Today Nick read some of my online journal and supposedly told everyone about it - including Regina. (guess I have to "edit" some entries! lol, but I won't do that.) I wasn't really mad that Nick read them, just that he told people about it. Really, I don't care if Regina reads my journal, I sent her the link to my page and it's on that, but I never expected her to. Now that Nick told her about the IM convo, who knows? (Hi, Regina?) Since this small issue came up, I went back and read all my previous entries. It's interesting to see how many times I've been depressed and how I've progressed through the year. As Jessica says, a lot of us have little problems that we make big deals out of. Like Jessica, I blame it on adolesence! In short, life is sweet and sorrowful : \
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 16 December :: 12.04 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
AHHH! I ranked in the 82 percentile! Not like me! I knew that I didn't do so well, but usually I manage to surprise myself and get in the top 5%. Stupid vocabulary!
2 burns |
Do you want to play with fire? |
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2002 15 December :: 10.00 pm
Hmmm...check out my last post. It appears that two people started to fight, unless it is someone just joking around, creating the dialoge for a fight.
I think I've noticed that I usually feel my worst right after I feel my best. For example, I had a good time at the Christmas dance, but I was really depressed when I came home.
Do you want to play with fire? |
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